Disappearing kids | ADHD Information

I had a similar incident with my 9 yr. old last week.  I had given him permission to go run up to the other side of our block and ask if his friend could come to our house to play.  He didn't come back for 2 hours- had made up some excuse about the lawn service being there.  

So he was grounded- I felt I was being nice by saying grounded to our property, no friends, no electronics.  Except that when he went outside the next day he went back to this friends house without asking and knowing that he wasn't allowed to.  He spent the rest of the week in his room- he was only allowed out for meals and bathroom. 

It seems to have made an impression as he hasn't even gone out in our yard without telling me.

Ds had to be hunted down last night.  He's almost 9, and thinks he can go wherever he feels like.  He was at the park, which is across the street. I can see him from he window.  Then I couldn't.  We were looking all over for him until 10pm last night!  He went to the small fairgrounds near our house because they were setting up for a livestock show, and he had made a "friend", some excuse!   When he finally showed his little face he had the nerve to yell at me because I ruined the good time he had by scolding him when he arrived home.  I had scoured the fairgrounds yelling his name and asking everyone about a stray kid.  He insists he was not inside an RV with this other kid.  I do not believe him.  Well, anyway, I'm glad he's fine, and grateful that he has not been harmed yet again during one of his disappearing acts.  I insist this will get better, I refuse to keep him jailed.  Thanks for listening. Vent over.
Rebecca
It's not about "jailing" it's about safety.

If you don't have a clue where he is--that's dangerous behaviour on his part and I would be taking it quite seriously.

I had a foster daughter that pulled these stunts and I have to tell you--that was the one behaviour that truly got my goat.

The other possibility is that there are things he is NOT telling you about his adventures.

I understand adventurous, risk-taking kids because I was one. But I lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone and in those days we had no idea what the risks were of leaving kids unattended. Nowadays, we know what they are although kids don't believe us

I have to agree. with metisrebel.  He is only 9 years old. Just saying this'll get better doesnt mean it will. Safety HAS to come first. I would not be able to live with not knowing where my 9 year old was until 10:00 at night.

Please be careful.

I agree.

He is only 9.  You have to know where he is at all times.

Yest. we had a similar incident with my 13 year old and his friends.  Well, they all got together and went riding.  Apparently, one of the kids had a dentist apt. and I got a call from the mother looking for him.  Long story short, I was working and my husband was working but gave my son permission to go out.

Well, my son is supposed to have the cell phone on.  I called my son's phone and it was off.  The mother of the missing boy also called her son's phone and it was off.

I called my son's friends looking for the kids. One of the other mothers was angry too because her son left his phone at  home.

The mother scoured the neighborhood and the kids weren't around.

The kids came home and we came up with neighborhood rules - Cell phone on at all times; we must know where you are at all times; if you change locations you must call; you are not allowed to go into a home when the parents are not home;

If you break the rules - GROUNDED.

For a 9 year old, I wouldn't let him out without a parent until he demonstrated responsibility. And, since he has dissapeared before, you really have to be concerned.  Don't worry about appearing to harsh - it's your job to take care of him, not be his friend.

 

I can see how having young kids that go off on their own can be terribly troublesome. So far, Jacob has not done that...yet. But I can understand why kids do it. From what I've learned about ADHD, our minds just need more and more action to satisfy our need for information, fun... and to make the day really, really great! Unfortunately, that makes life difficult for others around us because we become self-centered, controlling, and disobedient. It's almost as if we MUST avoid bordom, or else!

For example... When my son and I get a project started, it seems as though we MUST finish it, even if it makes others angry. I've inconvenienced others when I work at my business late hours, even up to 2:00 in the morning (the police come by to see what's going on). My wife get upset when I can't get to sleep until I solve a problem in my head. My son get into trouble at school because he just HAS to finish a project and can't put it away. The same goes for playing outside. Once we get going, we can't stop. I can't stop writing this post until I'm sure it's to my satisfation. God forbid I mis-spell a word!!! I'm getting better at accepting the fact that everything doesn't have to be perfect! :o} My mom used to get so angry with me when I would stay out later than the street lights turned on. I got so many spankings after she searched the neighborhood.

But, having a young child refusing to come home when told to is a major problem. I hope you find an answer that both of you can agree to and feel comfortable with.Andyswife thats all you can do. Make sure he knows if he cant be responsible, he's "stuck with you". Let him hate it at least he is safe. They're supposed to hate consequences.  Eventually he'll learn..................at least that's what we all hope!.I have called him in as a runaway before, and he was talked to by the officer, and that was it.  Since he took off that day, I have had him shoved up my butt.  Where I go, he goes.  He's hating it, but he brought it on himself. This is an issue that I have been living with since my DD was 4.  She would climb the 4ft fence to go see the neighbor.  Very scarry!  It was big trouble for her when she goes out of the yard, to this day.  The behavior has tapered off recently, but this spring she decided to walk home to her friends house from school.  My DH was working in her school at the time, I was at another school and on the way to pick her up.  She fought with 2 staff members to go.  They would have had to physically restrain her to keep her at school which they shouldn't have had to do.  Thank goodness the mother was someone I knew and she called me.  The next day her Phsyc had her admitted into childrens mental health for 9 days.  That kind of behavion is seen as "runaway" in the eyes of the law.  It is very dangerous these days, and nothing to fool around with.  Please think about getting some help with this situation, if you haven't already.I would keep a closer watch on him in this day and age. [QUOTE=AndysWife]I have called him in as a runaway before, and he was talked to by the officer, and that was it.  Since he took off that day, I have had him shoved up my butt.  Where I go, he goes.  He's hating it, but he brought it on himself. [/QUOTE]

I think in a bit you will have a chuckle over this [your humour is showing].

My mom, having raised ADHD me told me once, "Why ground the kid? That just punishes the mother"

Having said that--you're off to a good start I hope!