Controlling my momma-lion.... | ADHD Information
Anyone else out there wrestling with you ADHD kid (mine is 5) being constantly rejected? Not only is it painful for him, because he is seeing more that he is different and not welcomed, but I want whollup some of these snotty little punks. DS has come so far and worked so hard this year on his social skills, and he is so sad about how kids treat him. I try not to be over protective, but good grief kids can be so mean. Not only does he deal with this in school and at playgrounds, but at home too. We own a 2 family home so we are in a multi-family neighborhood. We happen to have the only yard in the neighborhood, and my tenant has 2 boys 6 (also adhd) and 11. Their friends come over, and are have been okay with DS. For some reason he seems to be getting rebuffed more, but these little jerks don't mind playing with DS's toys! I have told him that if people are mean to him, that they can't use his things, but sadly these kids are his most consistant social group. He wants them to like him so badly. My husband thinks I should let him start defending himself more, and while I don't entirely disagree DS is socially immature and gullable. DH says boys are different etc etc etc....what to do.....
abbymaker has a great idea in "semi structuring" the playgroups when your son is out there. My daughter is never an initiator and I will have to think things up for them to do. Group stuff is a good idea. LOVE the water balloon idea.Just a thought, are you out there when the boys are playing?? Why don't you try to get a game going and ask the boys if they want to join in with your son. A game of catch with water balloons, a frisbee game... something that they have to play and have your son in the game. Or even start the game without the other kids and I bet the other kids might want to join in as well.
You can keep and eye out on your son and if it pops up... remind the other boys that your son wants to play as well if they start excluding him.
If they still excluding him... bring in his toys.. don't leave them out.. so the other boys know that the toys are only out when your son is.
I know its hard... my daughter lost some of her good friends, she is in the 2nd grade going on 3rd... she is immature for her age and her friends were just not into the things that she is still into. She still like these girls.. its their tastes for things have change... I still have them over and have stuctured play dates for short periods of time, this works most of the time.
Good luck with you and your son.
That is my son that I just read.. He is 4 1/2 and that is one of the major reasons (next to EXTREME hyperness and excessive talking) that I brought him into an ADHD specialist. I feel terrible and no matter how much he annoys me and I can not wait for him to be at school the minute he gets there he runs up to the kids and wants to play and no one ever wants to play with him or they will for 5 minutes then he is just too much for them and they get very very mean to him. He is the same way very gullable and a follower so he will do whatever he can to be friends with kids the difference is they are not laughing with him but at him. Every time this happens I want to cry I feel so bad for him and he is the sweetest kid, but he does not know boundaries. Fortunatly/ and unfortunatly he is only friends with my cousin and her daughter and my old neighbors kids (which are 1900 miles away) Its a very hard place to be put in and I completly understand what you are going through and I agree with Abby that you should do structured play with him and the kids, but I get so mad and just tell my son that kids are mean and Mommy will play with him..I usually say that in front of the kids to so they can hear me, but I am pretty sure that is not the right thing to do?? :)
Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm glad I'm not the only parents dealing with this ;). I love, love, love the water balloon idea! (why didn't I think of that?!) I do go outside and play with DS and the other kids, but having a three year old that can't participate in alot of what they do makes it hard.
The other day a boy across the street (9) and his little brother (5) were playing with my tenants 6 year old. DS is not allowed to cross the street, but the other boys went across and the 6 year old want taunting my son, saying,"we're not your friends, we never will be..." you get the idea. The 5 year old joined in, but the older brother (who has ADHD and SPD) didn't say anything. Well, the brothers came over today and started playing bsktbll while waiting for the tenants boys. DS's basketball, and they didn't even acknowledge him. So, I took a deep breathe and addressed the older boy. I said I heard the teasing the other day (he was quick to point out he didn't participate) and I was disappointed in the younger kids, but him to for not sticking up for DS (who he's known since DS was 2.5) I said, you guys come here all the time to play, with his things, the least you owe him is courtesy. I pointed out that they do not HAVE to play with him, but it takes little effort to be nice. I said you know how it feels to be teased, so DS needs someone on his side. I also said if this behavior became a problem then they couldn't use DS's things anymore.
Was that too much do you think? I dunno.....this mom gig is way more work than I expected!
Definately NOT too far. You said just the right thing. All it takes is one person to point out what is going wrong and the trend can change. If kids decide another kids deserves such-and-such treatment, and no one steps in, that treatment gets set in stone. I'm glad you stepped in.
Definetely not too much! Would the parents be upset if you told them about this behavior? Any idea what happened for them to start acting this way?
I would have done exactly what you did Good for you!
Keep an eye on those kids, they sound like trouble to me, except the older kid who should know better, but seems to be maybe immature socially?!
The younger ones sound like plain old brats! You don't want your son playing with them anyway, but being left out stinks!
I would also let the parents know if it continues into the summer!
YOURE NOT ALONE
CHANGE THE TOYS KEEP THE YARD
There was this parent in my sons 1st grade class that didn't want her daughter seated anywhere near my son 
Two years later, I was glad when my son was awarded with a prize in her presence...especially in a contest her daughter lost out to my son.
[QUOTE=sirrap1]
There was this parent in my sons 1st grade class that didn't want her daughter seated anywhere near my son
Two years later, I was glad when my son was awarded with a prize in her presence...especially in a contest her daughter lost out to my son.
[/QUOTE]
Karma is great, isn't it?!
[QUOTE=sirrap1]There was this parent in my sons 1st grade class that didn't want her daughter seated anywhere near my son
Two years later, I was glad when my son was awarded with a prize in her presence...especially in a contest her daughter lost out to my son.
[/QUOTE]
Life is good! You couldn't have planned it any better!!!
Congratulations to your son
I have hopes of some day having the same satisfaction!! 