Help I am desperate!!! (Long) | ADHD Information

Helen66 it's great to find some answers. If it is bipolar you will deal with that and that will explain SO much. Quite often ADHD meds make bipolar sympotms worse.

My son is 13 and was just recently diagnosed with ADHD, I have known since he was 4 that he has had this condition and it has taken me nearly 10 years to get someone to listen and help.

About 3 month ago I had to focus my attention on my daughter a bit more than usual as she had her school prom coming up and was doing her GCSE's. He didn't like it one bit. His behaviour became so unbearable that when his dad (who is disabled) went upstairs to see to him as he had me reduced to tears he kicked him so his dad managed to smack him across the leg. He threatened to run away and when he came in from school next day he put his stuff down and disappeared, we had the police looking for him and everything. When he turned up his dad lost his temper and started shouting at him, he was frustrated with the situation himself as he isn't able to discipline with his disabilities very well so the only way he can vent things is to shout. I Just can't cope with my son's behaviour anymore, he is going through puberty I know which can be confusing at the best of times for teenagers, but he lashes out at his dad hitting him in the back which is where my husband is in most pain. He kicks and punches his sister if she so much as looks at him and well with me much the same if not worse. Calling me horrible names too saying I am a wrotten mother etc etc.

The worst part of this is that my son has found an outlet, if he gets anything taken off him at home like his tv, ps2 etc etc, he just has to run round his aunts and cousins and he gets to watch tv, play on computer etc etc. My sister and nephew think our punishments are too harsh and to top everything she has told him he hasn't got ADHD and he is refusing his meds. We have social workers in place and my sister also took him to school and got him to acuse his father of abusing him which is catagorically not true. The abuse is because he smacked his leg after he kicked his father and he shouted at him.

My sister is not fit enough to be looking after a child with his condition and is 47 and sleeping with a boy of 20 that used to go to first school with her son, she has known him since he was 4 years old. I don't condone older men/younger women or vice versa that get into relationships when they meet each other while out but for him to be surrounded by someone like this it isn't healthy, she has known him since he was practically out of Nappy's. Anyway I am having a prohibited steps order put in place to get him out of her house as she is leading him, when he does ring me you can hear her telling him what to say in the background. I am on two lots of Anti-depressants, the social worker has taken all his fathers rights away as far as discipline is concerned and I can't do it on my own. So I am opting to put him in care for a while. Maybe you think this is awful but I just can't cope with it on my own.

Has anyone got any suggestions on how when we finally bring him home how we can discipline him so he doesn't run around to his aunts or cousins when he gets things taken off him. My marriage is suffering big time through all this and I love both my son and my husband and I know half the things my son are saying are lies. Next to moving away from my sister which I really don't want to do as I have just got my house sorted after 4 years. I really don't know what to do to protect him. He expects me to be all pally pally with my sister and his cousin when he comes home, but after what she has done I just can't go back to the way it was before. Any suggestions would be gratefully apprecieated.

Thanks

Helen.

Welcome to the boards.

First, take care of yourself. You need to be at your best and your situation is really difficult. You might consider family counselling. If you cannot get others to go, at least go yourself to gain coping skills. If you have a children's hospital or university nearby that has a child developement team, they may also have parenting classes for challenging kids, social skills classes for kids, etc that may be helpful.

I would also look into the posible co-existing ODD and anxiety that may be adding to your son's behavior.

Good luck on this tough journey.

Welcome to the board. You will find a lot of advice here and more importantly support.

I agree with Vickie. Counseling first. Family counseling will be ideal, but probably both you and your son need individual conseling also. Hopefully if your son has some one "on his side" (I know you are on his side, he just doesnt know that right now), some one to just be his friend, it may help to get him to take repsonsibility, like taking his meds.

I wish you luck, this is a very trying time for you and your family.

I'm so sorry for your pain and your families pain. I heard about some of the effects on older children with ADHD and it's not pretty. It seems that you and your husband has done all you can. You have your daughter to think about as well. I'm sure you don't want his negative behavior to effect her life.

I understand why you're feeling like you're at the end of the rope. You husband is disabled, your son refuses to take his medication and now the problem has turned physical. I heard about these 'boot camps' for teens. Maybe look into something like that. I'm not sure about the cost or anything but I'm sure they have options and advice. If your son takes his medicine on a regular basis, how does he do? It seems that for starters just getting your son to take the medicine is an issue. What about his interest? Maybe getting involved with a group or working on some type of project will get the focus off of him being so upset most of the time.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. FIrst, can you put a restraining order or something like that in place against your sister? To where she is not allowed to be near him ? I dont know if that is possible or not? What about a camp for him ? There are those "boot camps" in Colorado and I know a few other places that actually take the kids into the wilderness to teach them coping skills to deal with life? It might not be a bad thing for him and it will seperate him from the family for a little bit so you 3 can work out a plan for when he gets home..

http://www.bootcampsforteens.com/

Good luck with whatever you choose..

Meaghan

hi meaghan and all of you who have replied to my post up till now,

Unfortunatly I live in the UK and there are no such things as boot camps here unfortunatly and Yes if there were I would have gone down that root believe me!

As for my sister, I am getting what they call a Prohibited Steps Order against her, this will mean that the authorities will have to remove my son from her home and put him into care for a while until I am fit enough to deal with him and his father has his rights back to deal with him also. Social Worker told me last week how desperate he is to come home, he is that desperate I haven't heard from him in 3 days.

You see he is probably behaving himself round there at the minute as he is getting one to one attention all the time which is what he craves for.

I am seriously considering moving as far away from my family as possible as we have had alot of problems with them all in the last 4 yr. I lived quite away from them till 4 yr ago and was bought back near them when my mother rang and told me that she was dying so I rushed back home to be near her. It turned out to be a major lie and I had left my sister in law behind who's husband had prostate cancer and did die 6 month after we moved away from them. My husband Robin goes where I go if need be. Well he has to he is disabled and also needs round the clock care.

I don't want to move to be honest but my family have major problems when it comes to lying and my son has them too and for him to stand half a chance of a decent life maybe it is going to be our best option. I could because I love my little house and have after 4 year of being here I have it the way I want it and it means starting from scratch, new carpets, having adaptions done, decorating etc etc. It is heart breaking! It really is, the amount of ppl that have said to me that I am the only normal one in my family recently is unbelievable. I can't abide lies as I have been told so many. I really do think that a move is going to be the answer. Like I said, Clinton (my son) isn't going to stand a chance around my family and needs major help with his adhd and his lying if he is to survive in the world as it stands today.

Thanks again for your reply.

Love Helen

Hi Helen,

Have you thought once you have your son with you to have him reevaluated and to check out medications, if he isn't already on them?

I know from others that the onset of puberty changes their medication needs. Once puberty begins you must start the medication roller coaster all over again. Wacko

I just wondered if your son was taking anything for ADHD?

My son is quite impulsive without his medication, as well as hyper. I know having family enable your son isn't helping him at all.

Keep posting, we are all here for you!!

This is heart wrenching!

Hi Bethan,

Yes my son is on Ritalin at the minute that is if he is getting it at my sisters, his school is taking control of it soon so I will know he is getting it then.

I have been with my husband to see a councillor today who has actually explained alot about ADHD and Bipolar disorder. I see my sons psychiatrist next week so am going to discuss this in more detail with him then. Fingers crossed!

The councillor seems to think his condition may be more to do with bipolar than adhd so we will see what happens next week.

Yes I agree this is heartwrenching it is breaking both his father's and my heart. But we just can't seem to see a light at the end of the tunnel yet. Hopefully soon!

Thanks

Love Helen

I'm sitting here almost in tears .....If your son is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, at least you will know what else could be wrong and now you and your hubs can get a handle on it. Good idea on getting that court order on your sister! I agree about the issue with puberty. This may be something he'll grow out of. My son's only 8 and I'm hoping and praying that he doesn't make a major 'switch' on us. Time will tell though.

Please...keep us posted. I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

Parris

Sirrap,

Thanks so much for your posting, I can't tell you how good it is to have so much support. I am feeling a bit weepy. As my husband has just said it just proves there are still alot of good ppl out there.

Thank you everyone I really do appreciate all your support.

Love Helen