I so agree with twodoodles. Only concern yourself with YOUR immediate family, and since you have a child, that no longer includes your mother. You have created a new family. These people who do not get it are so so draining, especially the ones who are adamantly anti-medication just because they think meds are bad. They just add to the stress of it all, and when school pressures comes into play you just don't need it. I have found the most supportive people to be the parents of other ADHD children --people that you meet after this becomes a part of your life.
Twodoodles comment that you respond to these people with the ya-ya's is on target. That really is all they are commited to hear. Lean on the shoulders of those who walk in your shoes, and stop trying to convert the rest.
Even the people who BELIEVE in ADHD have a hard time dealing with the
May I suggtest the National Resource Center on AD/HD for good mainstream science based information. In this case look especially at http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/causes. The information is accurate and is conservative in that it doesn't go past the data. May be of help or not in this case. If one is determined not to see then there is not a lot you can do. What counts is your opinion and feelings. You are the one responsible for this child and it is your decision.
Good luck.
Diz
I agree. She may be in a little bit of denial. Let's face it, no parent or grandparent wants to admit there child or grandchild has a problem.
Also, there has been so much negative press about ADD and ADHD.
I agree with tryin to educating her. Give her books to read. Send her to websites. Try to show her evidence of your DD's behaviour that is consistent with the report.
Do what you have to do as far as treatment. It is hard since you live there but if she sees treatment plans working and your Daughter getting better, maybe she will come around.
If you are seeing a therapist, maybe you could have your mom talk to the Dr.
Also, you are still her child and she maybe having a hard time looking at you as a parent and not just her daughter.
Good luck.
"Sorry but I hagve to agree. I don't think that your mother wants to admit that your father "gave" it to your children or the children he had with anothe woman.
This is making your mom really realize that those "other kids" by her husband are actually his biologically. It is genetic and this proves it!
It is more about the "other children" situation I think than ADHD. And it has been carried to "her" grandchild.
Just my opinion!
Beth
I have distanced myself from some of my family because of this, but since you live with your mother that's not such a viable option.
I think Bethann's post was very insightful- there is more than one difficult component for her to deal with here. As she sees improvement in your daughter she may become more accepting of the dx, but she may never become someone you can talk openly about adhd with. My in-laws were doubtful at first ("but he pays attention just fine when he's watching tv") but they've seen the difference both in his behavior and his grades at school and now are more accepting of it.
Wow, who knew so many "strangers" could have so much in common. Yeah, my father has said things to my son like, "what's wrong with you?" or "that's was just plain dumb!" Yeah, he was an engineer for 30 years, but doesn't have the sense to know you don't talk that way to ANY five year old. My sister stills sends me articles about the "evils" of medication. I made the mistake of letting my mom read the psych eval and she was quick to go to the library and find ANYTHING that would refute the findings. I really gave educating the ones I love about my son (oh yeah and throw SPD in the mix and my step mom - elem teacher for 30 years - "just looks at me and says you don't need to make excuses for him") an honest and purposeful effort. After a bad vacation at my father's I finally decided I just can't put the energy into it anymore. Honestly, it was somewhat liberating.
It does hurt when you want that support, understanding and involvement but its just not there. I finally just said to myself, I'm done trying to make this "better" for anyone else besides MY FAMILY. You want to think I'm a bad parent? Go ahead. You want to think he's a bad child? Fine. I am the self appointed gate keeper for my son until he's 18. So if people don't want to really understand him, and get to know what he is really all about then don't ask. I just give them the ya-ya's....."oh ya, he's doing great" "oh ya, school fine" "ya, sure things are good" Honestly that's all they are commited to hear anyway, so why exhaughst yourself trying to teach them about reality? I'm just too dang tired for that.
I guess I'm going to be the wet blanket here. I think it is very unlikely that your mother will support you on this front, and given the amount of time and energy that an ADHD child requires, I'm not sure that you should invest a lot trying to educate her. You could randomly and several times day, gesture in your child's direction and tell you mother "that is hallmark ADHD behavior" whenever he's doing something that you know is due to his neurological condition. You could type up a list of resources. But the fact is that she has read a neurologist report and flipped out. Personally, I would silently go about helping the child without discussing it any further, and stand solid and confident when questioned or cornered.
I had my mother read my son's neuro-psyche report, school psychologist's evaluation, suspension notices, and brought her to an appointment with a psychiatrist while he was evaluating my son. I told her in detail my interactions with the school and what they were saying. I told her about the various supplements I have used, the homeopath, the occupational therapist, the MFCC, and the social skills class. I told her about the education advocate and the IEP. I told her about the 1:1 aide that my son has at school, and his time in the resources room. SHE STILL DOES NOT BELIEVE THAT ADHD IS REAL. My time and energy in her direction was wasted. A couple of months ago I decided that dealing with her denial and her responding to her comments was energy that I was no longer willing to give. Now I do not bring it up, and when she does, I tell her everything is fine and he is doing great.
Hopefully your mother is not the same. But if I could go back in time I never would have mentioned ADHD to my mother or anything that was going on at school, or any treatment that he was being provided.
Heya all.
I'm having a hard time. I got the neurologist report last night. Well my mother read it and flipped out. She does not believe my dd has ADHD. I'm trying to explain to her that dd does and it's more attention. That she is not hyper cause girls generally aren't.
I guess because the neuro report was based on my side of the family. Dd's father and I don't really talk. We are civil, but he doesn't bother with her.
So back to mom. Mom is flipping out because my bio father had another son who is ADHD. She claims that child got it from his mother, as my brother and I weren't. She is so adament that there is no such thing. (she does the same thing for depression too, cause her verdict is, if she survived horribleness in life and moved on, there is no such thing as depression)
I was really truely hoping for once, just once for my mother to support me and understand. What I need from you guys are some good points to hit home to my mother. (She does not think I know anything, I'm 26, a Medical assistant, I research things etc. She just believes what she believes) How can I prove that my dd is ADHD, that she is needing some extra help, that we all need to work together. (I live at home with Mom and other family members. I really need to just say "Look this is how it is.", but that won't happen because I back down once a fight happens.)
Ok I'm rambling. Please please help me with some very good points to argue with my mom that ADHD is real, that my dd has it, that the dr's don't just want to drug out every child in the world....
I am not sure you can MAKE her understand. You can only do what you can do and what you are doing. Try to educate her, and do what needs to be done for your child as you are obviously doing. You cannot make another person support and understand you. If you can get her to read some books and data and let her abosrb what she will at her own pace she may come around. Maybe she could join you at your daughters next doctors appointment. I agree with DianeV. You can get her books and literature, have her talk to the doctors if you want, but if she does not want to believe, she won't. I know that having her and other family members in your corner would make things easier, but sometimes it is just not to be. Just calmly tell her that you have researched this condition and that you trust in the medical professionals caring for your daughter, and that ultimately, you are your daughter's parent and will do what you believe to be best for her.