not paying attention- advice please | ADHD Information

Newmom:  When babies are born into bad situations they many times do not learn the calming skills that most of us learn in our mother's arms.  Even a child born into a stressed environment where the mother/caregiver is distracted or distant can have problems. Stress during pregnancy or drug or alcohol can play a part.  Then here you come with a great home and lots of love.  But... the early programing can be very hard to overcome.  There is a website called BGCenter, I think, Dr Boris Gindsler, (I am sure I spelled that wrong) works with internationaly adopted kids and many of the issues are the same.  I would take a look, lots of great articles etc.
Kudos to you!  Take time for you every day!  You have a long road ahead with many blessings and many challenges. 
http://www.adoptionarticlesdirectory.com/
Here is the website happy reading.

Oh another thing is that 7 seems to be the magic age when learning moves to a different part of the brain and many kids do not show ADD tendancys till then.  I know my son was very busy but did just fine until 7.
What Diane said....

One of the characteristics that one sees with ADHD at times is that they cannot change focus easily (inhibition issue). This can be part of the disorder.The most productive thing you can do is to reinforce him breaking his attention and focus on you..."You answered me the first time I called you....good.   You may have to touch him on the shoulder to get his attention. Yes, sometimes kids tune you out but it is best to assume this is not the case with adhd kids.This does not mean you don't handle it, it just means you do not get upset.  One idea that can be quite helpful is to have the child repeat what you tell him. This helps him focus and remember...."Billy, look me in the eyes.  Tell me what I just told you". If they can't (and often this is the case) then simply tell them again until they can. 

It takes a lot of patience to raise an ADHD child. Good Luck

Diz

 

 

DizFriz:

He has no problem focusing when it comes to school, reading, games, etc...he is in fact just  a 7 1/2 year old boy so I think a lot of his behavior is normal. However, he also has been recently adopted (with his sister) by us out of the foster care system where he was in for over 18 months and in some bad homes (original and foster).  I really don't think this is an ADHD issue but a behavior issue. He has never had consistent upbring until recently, combined with mild ADHD, so his behavior was pretty bad when he first moved in with us 6 months ago. However, he has improved tremendously.  Actually,  he has no problem repeating what we tell him. He is happy for the first time in his life. The doctors even said some of his behavior that some would consider bad is actually good news b/c it shows he is comfortable, stable and happy. Now that he is stable I would like to correct some of the behavior with positive action not medication.

In fact, I just came up with something today about how when someone calls his name and he should answer on the first time and he gets a reward of some sort. If I call his name a second time- the reward is less, third even less, 4th no reward. It appears to be working but I will tell the camp staff about it so we can see if this works when he is in larger groups (more stimuli).

Thanks for the advice but I moved this question to alternative solutions posts. I am really just looking for behavior mod. advice.

No problem. Be aware the inattention can be caused by a number of things such as anxiety, depression, ptsd etc.  These may not be a factor but considering the history they could be possible so it is important to be aware and monitor.  BTW the doctor was right; a child from a abusive background often is afraid to test.  Normal behavioral testing can be a positive sign of feelings of security.  Pat youself on the back for bringing him out this much. You seem to be of the right path. Keep on pluging.

Diz

 

My 7 year old has ADHD but very mild. Tenex appears to work for him very well. Along with omega 3 and amino acids. I need help trying to change one behavior issue - his attention span. He is at camp now and the counsulers every day tell me he wanders off, they repeated have to call his name or remind of things over and over.  They say it isn't bad but his dad and I talk to him about how he can start  paying attention better, listen for his name and stop what he is doing to see what they want. He promises he will but each day I get a so-so report.

He has improved so much over the last few months with the meds and supplements I just need to see if there is any advice on some behavior modification.

We gave him the warning that if he didn't pay attention well today on his field trip he wouldn't go to camp tomorrow and he will stay in his room all day and read or do school work - no tv, no video games and no pool. He took the idea well but I am not sure if it will sink in.

I don't want to have to increase meds and I really think it is a behavior issue. YES, I know he is an active 7 year BOY but I would like to help him learn to listen better.

Suggestions greatly appreciated.
I dont' think it's a behavior issue. Well it is, but it is due to ADHD. Tenex doesn't do a lot for focus. It helps greatly with impulsivity and hyperactive behavior. He cannot help it. There are some that feel cognitive behavior therapy can help with focus. There is some data also on biofeedback (neurofeedback). All of these things take a long time and are not proven, but a lot of people have found great success. There are also quite a few excercise therpaies like DORE.  Stimulant medication is the best proven treatment for focus. If you do not want to go this route, as many don't look on the alternatives board and internet search biofeedback and/or cognitive behavior therapies. Diane V39261.6016203704For behavior modification, try positive reinforcement rather than taking things away (see ogram's marble system thread-top thread for examples). Get the counselors to note how many times he responded on the second time his name was called and reward him for greater than (pick a target he can achieve most of the time). If he gets better, increase the bar by requiring a response the first time his name is called. With consistant positive reinforcement, if he still cannot change the behavior, it is due to his ADHD and he cannot help it. You would then need to look for other methods to help him with this ADHD symptom.

This statement really jumped out at me: "We gave him the warning that if he didn't pay attention well today on his field trip he wouldn't go to camp tomorrow and he will stay in his room all day and read or do school work - no tv, no video games and no pool."

An entire day of paying attention.......how about one segment of the day instead, or one thing? I get totally inconsistent reports day to day from my son's summer camp instructors. I am focusing on one thing at summer camp---keeping his personal possessions organized and together. He is paying attention to this one thing and doing great with it, and I don't need to talk to the instructors to see if he is succeeding at it.

Sometimes the neurons are firing and sometimes they are not. Attention problems that come with ADHD are neurologically based. It's not behavioral. I think that perhaps you are asking him to do something that he is not capable of doing on demand, with a consequence for not doing it. Inconsistency is the name of this game. And sometimes they are ARE trying hard, but they just cannot do it.

[QUOTE=newmom]DizFriz:

I am answering in pieces here so please scroll down...

He has no problem focusing when it comes to school, reading, games, etc...he is in fact just  a 7 1/2 year old boy so I think a lot of his behavior is normal. However, he also has been recently adopted (with his sister) by us out of the foster care system where he was in for over 18 months and in some bad homes (original and foster).

There is always "adoption trauma" but it is also true that the percentage of adoptees with attention deficit problems is larger than in the general populace. Since adopted parents do not have full access to the medical records of birth parents it may also be that learning disorders are more prevalent in the birth parents. Or that the birth separation itself may cause cognitive disturbance.

As an adoptee I can tell you, that BOTH my birth parents had learning disorders [I met one, researched the other] as did 3 of us raised in different homes by different parents. Half of my step-siblings raised in the birth home exhibit them as well.

Don't discount genetics here.

I really don't think this is an ADHD issue but a behavior issue. He has never had consistent upbring until recently, combined with mild ADHD, so his behavior was pretty bad when he first moved in with us 6 months ago. However, he has improved tremendously.  Actually,  he has no problem repeating what we tell him. He is happy for the first time in his life. The doctors even said some of his behavior that some would consider bad is actually good news b/c it shows he is comfortable, stable and happy. Now that he is stable I would like to correct some of the behavior with positive action not medication.

Hopefully you can do that. However, keep an open mind. As I said, three of us in three different environments, all had ADHD. Please don't let him suffer if there's a way to stop it by assuming that it's something to do with how well he's parented. That's part of the solution but remember that it may not be all of it.

In fact, I just came up with something today about how when someone calls his name and he should answer on the first time and he gets a reward of some sort. If I call his name a second time- the reward is less, third even less, 4th no reward. It appears to be working but I will tell the camp staff about it so we can see if this works when he is in larger groups (more stimuli).

Good idea but ADHD is much more complex than that, as I'm sure you know...

Thanks for the advice but I moved this question to alternative solutions posts. I am really just looking for behavior mod. advice.

I know you're really trying but I hope you understand that all the good parenting in the world [i was a foster mom before as well as an adoptee] will not overcome some traumas and the loss of one's birth parents. Ever.

What it CAN do is mitigate some of the damage and build resilience in the child. Adopted children come with a an entire set of emotional gucci luggage and sometimes with genetic mental or learning disorders as well.

It's also not healthy for adoptive parents assume that they can fix everything because some struggles the child may have are not about the environment--it's about history, fit and genetics.

[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=newmom]

We gave him the warning that if he didn't pay attention well today on his field trip he wouldn't go to camp tomorrow and he will stay in his room all day and read or do school work - no tv, no video games and no pool. He took the idea well but I am not sure if it will sink in.

No 7-year old can relate a full day's punishment to the event. The average "time out" or discipline methodology for attention [never mind attention disorders] is one/two minutes for every year of the child's life.

In other words, for an average 7-year old, 10-15 minutes of 'chair sitting' or confinement is as long as their attention can stay focussed on WHY they are being restricted/consequenced.

What did you offer him if he did WELL on his field trip? If he had a good report?

Consistency with children is less about punishment than it is about reward and what can be called 'passive discipline'.

A simple "thank you" for a well-done, thoughtful task are often the most important words you will ever say.

According to child psych research punishment is only effective for short term behavioral change and often not at all. However, knowing how to use [rotationally inconsistent] reward systems [praise, reward, thank you, cookie, toy, thank you, reward, 2xrepeat then cookie]  is the most effective way of affecting behavioral modification in both humans and animals.

[/QUOTE] i have alot of issues with my children over the same and i only want to say that i have found that saying something and sticking to it is best. but can you imagine being a child w/ adhd and being forced to just sit all day? not happening

I have a 7 year old son who was on tenex. It did help with hyperactivity and impulse control but it didn't help with focus at all. He has been on straterra for the 2 months and he can finally pay attention. He still shows signs of adhd but it is much easier for him lately. My son cannot pay attention to anything unless he is medicated. It is very frustrating but it's just the way it is. We have also started the marble system and it has helped out a lot with his self-esteem. Good luck to you.

T

Thanks for your advice guys! I am starting to believe that my son has very mild ADHD. As I mentioned before he is adopted (7 months now) and we are figuring out if his behaviors are ADHD related, Adoption issues or normal 7 year old boy behavior.

Next summer I am going to have him evaluated for ADHD b/c he really never went through all the extensive testing in the foster care system but he was put on tenex there.

Also, as my name says I am a new mom and figuring these things out can be frustrating at its best. This forum has helped a lot in realizing we aren't alone and how to help him. Thanks again



Thanks for all the advice everyone. I think we had a break through with our son. We took him and his sister to my parents for a summer vacation for 2 weeks and there were a few moments on some issues but we spoke to him and his behavior is much better. It may be that he has been with a signifcant amount of time or that we took him somewhere and he came back to our home.

His focusing is much better these days, he remembers the rules we discussed and he is happy.

Yes, there are still things that pop up every once and awhile - we don't expect his behavior to be perfect - what child's is. However, his improvement has been so huge since he first moved in December that I am pleased as pink.

BTW: the consequence of being in the room, with no tv, no video, etc... was a good thing for him. He was bored! He read and then started figuring out how to play without electronics. Too many kids today rely on other things to entertain them. Kids don't seem to know how to use their imagination. It worked for him.

Also, one other thing we did just recently was to scale down the toys. We gathered everything up and had the kids pick 10 things they wanted to keep and we either gave, threw away or stored the rest. We will rotate but no more than 10 things. They share art stuff and legos.
Does anyone remember how many toys they had when we were kids? Not many right, so we had to use our brains to entertain ourselves - we also had 3 channels with cartoons on only Saturdays. I am beginning to think all this stimuli kids have today isn't good for them ADHD or not -Anyone share this theory?

newmom39279.1982175926Newmom I think you may be onto something there. When I was young, my siblings and I were always out playing with our friends. I remember playing games like "Red Rover, " and skipping rope. The neibourhood was full of kids playing. There were no video games back then. Computers were very new. I doremember watching Bugs Bunny sometimes. What a difference today! I do live in a totally different city same province. Anyhow there are rarely any children out playing! Well there are some children who are maybe 3 or 4 out playing with their parent in the sand near us. I used to take ds to that park frequently when he was younger. It had several slides back then. I guess the older children are inside playing on their computers, Xboxes, Playstations etc. They really don't have to use their imagination. I try to take ds out a lot so he isn't using the computer too much.  He doesn't have any siblings to play with and has difficulty with reading comprehension. He's 12. I know my friends' children spend a lot of time on their computers. Most of them are 14 and older. Actually my friend's 8 year old autistic son watches a lot of movies and plays his nintendo a lot too. Our children are probably overstimulated and don't use their imaginations too often. Today's world is very fast paced compared to 30 years ago!