Lost!!!! | ADHD Information

Welcome K7Kate,

Aaron'smom has given you some good advice on behavior modificaton. I just wanted to let you know it will get better.

Thank you!  Right now, I don't feel like it will get better.  It's not a good day.  Well, it hasn't been a good weekend.  I don't mean to be so negative but like my entry was titled, "I'm lost" and that is exactly how I feel right now - lost and pretty much hopeless. 

Where exactly is the marbles thread, I've been looking but haven't come across it yet. 

Thank you!

Welcome Kate. Most here know exactly what you are going through. Hang in. Sometimes, just "getting all out" to people who get it can such a load off your shoulders.

I use the same tactics with my undiagnosed daughter. She was a hitter for a time, a kicker, for a time, etc, etc. I do the same thing. She does any of the totally unacceptable behaviors, she goes to her room until she is able to calm down and apologize. It takes a while and lots of pateintce. It will work. The key is not to "get inot a yelling match" You must always stay calm. The first few times you will have to bring him to his room and probably stand there keeping the door shut. (The first day I started this, it took 2 hours of back and forth the first time in order for her to calm enough to talk about it . Thats the second big thing, explain (calmly) what will happen and do it. Then ALWAYS discuss it after he is calm.

Once you meet with the doctor (s) and get towards sorting out whats happening you'll probably have another whole host of issues and decisions to sort through. we are all here to help give you information to make infromed decisions for your son, your self and your family.

http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19898& PN=1&get=last#301264

Hi everyone!  I am new here, haven't had much of a chance to explore the message boards here but can tell already I am glad I found this place.  I am so exhausted and confused about my 4 1/2 year old son!  Thank god I have a doctor's appt. for him on Tuesday 7/3.  It can not come soon enough for me.
My son is a very bright, loving boy but seems to have some major impulsive, social and behavioral issues going on.  They started showing themselves around the time he turned 3.  He has been in daycare since the age of 6 weeks and his caregivers were the first to sense something was going on.  I listened to what they were telling me about his behavior, have gone to several meetings, changed daycares and everything. To say the least, the past 1 1/2 years have been so difficult. My son cannot control his behavior. He doesn't care about consequences, punishment, anything.  I have been reading about ADHD and he fits so many of the "symptoms".  I know I cannot make any determination myself but it's a start.  Something to explore.  He has been receiving some early intervention, which hasn't helped much so this fall he will be enrolling in a behavioral support class.  He thrives on negative attention, he has almost been hit by cars, just by getting away from one of us and running into traffic.  We'll be going down the highway and he'll unbuckle his carseat and run around the van, he hits, spits, kicks, throws things. I'm rambling, I know...I'm just trying to get across some of his behaviors.  It doesn't seem to matter how much we talk to him, or correct him, show him propers ways to interact...nothing changes.  The daycare he is at right now seems to very willing to give us the time to find out what is going on and get all of the outside help we can get.  This all takes so much time.  My son has 3 older brothers, ages 16, 12 and 11...he will kick, pull hair, punch...all kinds of things to them.  I'm sure you can imagine how well that goes over with the older ones. 
I feel as though I have done something wrong, like I'm a horrible parent.  I just need answers and ways to deal with our daily lives.  To say it's chaotic, I think that would be putting it mildly.  I love my son, he is the best but behaviors like this sure do cause a ton of stress on a family.  We need help and hopefully after the doctor appointment, we will be pointed in some good directions.
My son is running around like crazy as I sit here and type this.  He goes from activity to activity.  I'd say his attention span may last for 5 minutes tops, on one thing.  He constantly wants adult interaction, which is not always possible - at home and especially in a daycare setting.  At this point, I don't know what is causing all of this and I need help in the worst way.  I'd just like to get back to some kind of "normalcy"...as any family would want.  We don't go places, he cannot sit still to go out for a meal, going to friends' houses is about impossible.  And nobody seems to understand.  I'm so tired of people telling me, "he needs a good whoppin', that will straighten him out"...no, it doesn't. 
Sorry to be writing a book here...I'm so emotionally drained...feeling very helpless. 
Thanks for listening.  I will go browse the other topics here and if anyone cares to reply to this...I'd love to hear what you have to say!!

Thank you!!

Hello and welcome to the board.  You will find wonderful and great support here.  I have a 7 year old that is like yours.  I was pulling my hair out when he was 3 from all of his behavior.  Negativity will inforce and increase the behavior.  Kids with adhd respond better with positive reinforcements.  Look into the thread about the marble system.  Set it up to what you want to be his incentive for good behavior and his reward for that.  My son has also been "asked to leave" several daycares because they could not handle his behavior.  It sounds like you have one right now that is trying to work with you.  I stumbled across the one I have and he does well there.  In fact, he behaves almost perfect there.  I still do not know why other than he couldn't ever figure out a way to walk all over them and get away with everything.   A small setting with a few kids work better than a big daycare setting in terms of him not getting too over loaded with everything.  I also have a reward system for daycare and school behavior with which he can go to the dollar store on Friday if he at daycare gets no more than five time outs.  I had him in early intervention also.  They were my trip back to sanity in helping me understand and giving me help to deal with him.  I have him now in a behavior learning class in regular school.  Going to doctor will start getting him the help he needs.  Just knowing what is wrong and what you need to do is a great help.  When he is hits me or his older brother he is given a time out in his room or to sit where I can see him during the whole time.  I am basically trying to get him away by himself then to calm down.  I have been doing this for so long he knows he is going in there basically to calm down and won't ask to come out until he calmed down.  He then has to apologize to who he hit.  I have also had him write since he can write now a couple times on a paper I will not hit or whatever he did.   Keeping a calm even tone to your voice will work better than yelling also, hard to do.  I fail that one alot.  But it does make a difference.

Good luck, let us know what the doctor said.  And  you can get great help and a shoulder to lean on here whenever you need it.

I am so sorry you sound like you are having a rough and a bad time right now.  I know exactly how you feel.  I am in your shoes, we all are here.  I give myself timeouts also if you would call it that.  We all need breaks from our kids.  If I can't have one with them gone, I go to my room and don't let the kids bother me for a while.   I remember what it was like when my true adhhher was 3 and 4.  It was a rough time.  Do you have anyone who could watch your youngest for a few hours or so???  You do need a break.  Can your oldest handle him?  It does get better as they get older.  My son still is a handfull but not at all like when he was four.  I have a 13 year old and I try to have him see in how he is reacting and what he is doing with his brother is affecting his brothers behavior.  Once you get diagnosis for your son you will have a path to take to making things better in your home and for all of you.  Ask your early intervention teacher for any info about behavior mod's you can do at home.  Like I said in my last post they were my lifesavors.  They should be able to tell you simple stuff that can help ground his impulsiveness alittle.   The more you communicate with them the better is for you and him.  Do they send home how he is doing?  Mine sent home a pad  and let me know how he is doing each day and I let them know how he was doing at home.  We worked together to help him.  The teachers in this are there working on the behavior specifically and he will learn from them.

It will get better it just takes time and some of that patience you don't think you have any more of but do. 

You're all very kind for being so understanding and supportive.  And the link to the marbles, that was right at the top of the page, wasn't it?  I just saw it...sorry for being a bother with that. 
I read the link and I'm going to give the marbles a try.  I might modify it a bit since my son really doesn't have a concept of money...but I suppose it would also be a great learning tool to teach him how to count money.  Maybe I'll leave it in place..we'll see how it goes. 
Can you tell I'm very confused...ABOUT EVERYTHING?!?
K7Kate39264.427650463Oh no modify it. It is just the concept of earning things (you can use anything) and having them taken away. The "prizes" they cash in for can be anything. Play a game with him, let him watch an extra tv show go to the park. Whatever you want to set up as your "marbles" and your prizes. The point of marbles is they have an actual thing in their hand and they can actually see the jar filling. Consistent reinforcement, they learn to thirve on that. The more interactive the better.