Some questions! | ADHD Information

Hi. adhd  kids are usually about 30%  behind in their maturity for their age.  This might expain for you why he does what you ask him not to.  I can't tell you how many toys mine has destroyed, books ripped apart etc....  He does not do this anymore but at 3 and 4 it was constant.  I think it was mostly frustration and his immaturity to understand not to do this.  I would write down all your questions, all the behavior you see your son doing and take it to the doctor appt with you.  Like Diane V says alot of this is just what normal 4 year olds do.  I found all the stages my son goes through are longer, and more extreme being adhd.  You just get past one stage correct one behavior and another pops up.  All kids are like this though.  Try the marble system, it may take awhile for it to click in for your son but don't give up.  If I remember from your other post, your is also 4? 4 is the worst! Sorry, but it is such a difficult age. Kids are trying so hard to push their parents just to see how far they can push. A lot of kids are looking just for the reaction and for the conflict. Don't give it to him. This applies whether he has ADHD, or something else, or nothing. Don't ignore it, but do not engage him. Set the ground rules and just abide by them. Magic 1,2,3 is a great tool. I dont use this method to the key, but use this concept. Example, "when I tell you to stop doing something I expect you to stop doing it." "I will give you one chance to stop, if you dont you will go to your room." Of course at first EVERY time she didnt stop. So I say ok now you have to go to your room, she flips out. I take her by the hand and direct here there (sometimes I dragged her there!). Put her in there and shut the door. No talking until she is calm. I tell her this once. If I had to I'd stand outside her door and point if she walked out. If she ran past me I would get her bring her back and not talk until she was calm. Then when calm, we'd talk about why it was not ok and that every time this would be what would happen. It takes some time, but if they dont get the fight, they give up quicker than you can believe. If it is ADHD and you choose medication, some of this behavior should get better. Diane V39264.6733564815

Impulsivity can play a big part of ADHD. You might want to do some reading:

http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/wwk

http://www.schwablearning.org/

There is a lot to read but it is very helpful to know what is there as you need it.

First I want to thank everyone for the warm welcomes on my earlier post, and the great suggestions.  Not having explored ADHD with any professionals yet and not even having a diagnosis, I have so many questions and things I don't understand.  This is under the assumption that my son has some form of ADHD, why does he do things when you tell him not to?  You will look him right in the eye, tell him not to dump the glass of water, and he looks right back at you and does it...
Why is he destructive?  It seems everything he gets his hands on, he has to break it, throw it, rip it, bend it...whatever the case may be.  Why will he do something that he sees upsets us, come back 5 minutes later to apologize and go right back doing the same thing?  I don't understand it and it's very frustrating.  Its sad too...I'm sad for my son, I'm sad for my family.  It's just not a good day.  I hope I can come in here some day soon, filled with joy and good news.  That would be great!!!!

Thanks again for listening....
Diane V spoke of the Magic 1 2 3. The book you can read is called "1, 2, 3,
Magic and it is the best parenting book I have ever read. It is SO EASY to
apply the methods in this book and THEY WORK. Yes, even with a chlld with
ADHD.
My son has been diagnosed with ADHD for two years, but until just recently I
didn't realize that the maturity level is a few years behind their age.

Do they ever catch up???

My daughter is going to be 13 next month and so far she is still 2-3 years behind maturity level so if they do it's seems not for a long time. It's difficult seeing her so immature compared to her peers, but from what I hear some middle schoolers are doing these days I am not pushing her . I wish she'd have more friends and be more social,  but at this age I also dont want her in situations she is no where ready to handle.

Try ro deal with them on the emotional level they are at and not what their age says, this also helps somewhat. Like if a "timeout" for a 5 year old is 5 minutes for and ADHD kid at age 5 you better only make it 2 or 3 minutes...........

Also socially the may play better with friends who are younger.

Diane V39265.0932523148