Losing Our Minds | ADHD Information
Our five year old son was adopted from Russia three days before his third birthday and diagnosed with ADHD before his fourth. We have tried more meds than I can count and are having him seen by a Child Psychatrist and therapist.
We - my husband and I - are at wits end trying to deal with him. He has been kicked out of three daycares in under two years. We feel out numbered by him even though there are three of us (mom, dad and 13 year old sister).
He is scheduled to start Kindergarten in the fall and we are dreading it.
I can't find a support group in our area so I would love to have other parents to talk to.
You picked the right place! Welcome. There are great people here. You can get lots of advice or just blow of steam, and/or both.
You say having him seen by a psychiatrst, so he hasnt seen one yet? Which meds have you tried? Why arent they working, not helping or you are having side effects?
He is currently seeing a Child Psychatrist and a therapist.
The meds he has tried either don't work at all or are not consistent. One day they will work great and the next it is like we gave him water. No effect at all!
We have worked our way throught the entire Ritalin family and are now trying Adderall xr.
Actually he was diagnosed at U of M's ADHD Clinic so he has seen the best.
Oh boy! How frustrating. well I can relate to you. We've not had a lot of luck with most of the stimulants either. Keep trying! It's amazing for most that they just hit on that right medication or combination of medications.
How is he on the Aderrall?
[QUOTE=TLDBinHowell]He is currently seeing a Child Psychatrist and a therapist.
The meds he has tried either don't work at all or are not consistent. One day they will work great and the next it is like we gave him water. No effect at all!
We have worked our way throught the entire Ritalin family and are now trying Adderall xr.
Actually he was diagnosed at U of M's ADHD Clinic so he has seen the best.
[/QUOTE]
Hello and Welcome
I recently attended a meeting about the different meds to treat ADHD/ADD/OCD, etc. From what I learned between Ritilan and Addreall, if one med doesn't work, the other definitely will since both are the highest to treat this condition. I'm hopeful that the Adderall will be successful for your son.
Welcome,
Do you have a children's hospital or university in the area that has a child development team. Usually, there are more specialists, parent classes, and extra services that may be of help.
[QUOTE=TLDBinHowell]Our five year old son was adopted from Russia three days before his third birthday and diagnosed with ADHD before his fourth. We have tried more meds than I can count and are having him seen by a Child Psychatrist and therapist.
We - my husband and I - are at wits end trying to deal with him. He has been kicked out of three daycares in under two years. We feel out numbered by him even though there are three of us (mom, dad and 13 year old sister).
He is scheduled to start Kindergarten in the fall and we are dreading it.
I can't find a support group in our area so I would love to have other parents to talk to.
[/QUOTE]I guess I'd want a little more info.
Firstly--is there any record of the little fella's experiences before he came to you? If his history is orphanages, abuse etc. remember that you can't change that. You can only begin to build resilience so he can work it out for himself. At three--he wasn't a "blank slate". [children Never are!]
Secondly--what did he get kicked out of daycare FOR? Bullying? Violence? I mean, we're talking about a toddler here...
I want to be honest with you but I don't want to hurt your feelings either.
Adoptive parents tend to feel a lot of guilt when a child is difficult to manage. Adopted children come with serious luggage generally speaking, unless it is an open adoption where the birth and adoptive parents have agreements. [just so you know--I was adopted, I've been a foster mom and worked in social services]
You've said that all of you are stressed out managing this little dynamo. I suggest you find a good sitter and get out of the house as often as you can because he sounds like a real handful and if you don't get some distance it will be that much harder to manage him if you are all on top of each other all the time.
Make this easy on yourselves. As a family agree which behaviour must be dealt with FIRST. Then work your way down the list. If violence is top of the list, start there and let the rest go by the boards for now.
The most important thing you will ever do is create "leverage". To do this you MUST find some praiseworthy actions that the child does that you can get him to repeat them. Even helping to put raisins on cookies counts--ANYTHING.
Because your disapproval won't mean anything unless your approval means something.
Assume he WANTS your attention and that's why you're all so bagged out. So give it to him where it does YOU the most good.
Does he do something positive that you can work with?
This part about approval vs disapproval is such good advice. My daughter (non diagnosed daughter) was quite a handful at three and four, we still have our moments, but once we really put a lot of focus on good praise for specific things (no over praising), and consequence (no yelling), for whatever behaviors we did not want it was like it all clicked. Believe me she is still 5 and a spitfire!, but she gets it now. She really does know. Sometimes at the end of the day she will look at me and say I had such a good day today didnt I? Or was I good today? And I say of course you were good today, she might say, well I a "moment" when you made me put my toys away
. I literally explained the difference between being cooperative and nice to everyone, and having unacceptable days like all out tantrums or hitting, to just what I call regular days where we dont live in utopia, but, I'm also not ready to "ship them to the moon" 
. As I said this took a lot of work and time and we're not there yet, but am confident with maturity and consistency we will be. It is so important for them to see how happy you are with them when they do something good. Like sit for dinner without disruption. You may have to start wiht sitting through snack time cooperatively, but if they are rewarded it will click. I mean rewarded by looking directly in the eye and saying how proud you are they were SO well behaved and quietly sitting for that snack time. It works wonders.To answer everyone.
He was kicked out of the three daycares for different reasons. 1) He was defiant 2) He kicked, spit, hit and 3) He needed one on one attention that they couldn't give (this one was on the meds).
The Adderall is spotty. Otherwise you will have a day when it works great and then a day when it is useless. That is what is confounding the Child Psychiatrist. Usually a pill works or it doesn't.
We really have no information about the first three years of his life other then that he lived in the same orphanage in Siberia the entire time. The orphanage gave us information - a little - but we don't know how accurate it is.
As for a positive - he is a very loving boy.
I just wanted to thank all of you for getting back with me so quickly. I appreciate knowing that we aren't alone.
It is difficult to show approval when you are so stressed out 
- as I am sure you know. It just seems that nothing sticks. We have the same conversation day after day after (you get the idea).
Thanks again for the input
As I was reading through this I remembered an old co- worker who adopted a preschooler from an eastern European orphanage (can't recall what country). They went through a few child psychiatrists before she was dx'ed with an attachment disorder. It just wasn't obvious because she was very affectionate- apparently too much so. She would hug people she hardly knew and appeared to attach too quickly to people that weren't particularly close.
Anyway, has he been screened for this or other possible co-morbids?
I can relate to your problems. I am the single parent of a 7 year old, adopted from Kazakhstan at 9 months. She has ADHD and is on Daytrana which seems to help. However she won't eat when she has the patch so I only use it at school.
I have been very lucky with the folks at her school. She is given a fulll time aide for the entire day to help her focus. She also went to a pre-school (funded by the state) for other children with similar issues.
Have you tried you school district to see if they offer similar accomodations?
Hello,
I'm writing about the problem you have in the morning,waking up "the ADHD Child". My Doctor made a suggestion to me and it works! I get up every morning and I give my kids their medicine at least one hour before they realy have to get up, I give it them and tell them to go back to sleep for an hour. When they get up everything goes nice and smooth. It's amazing !
Hi there, I just wanted to say hello!
I read your post and want to offer any support that I can. My son was sent to an integrated preschool who could NOT kick him out. That must be so terrible for this little guy who has already been through so much.
My son is on an IEP since entering kindergarten. He had trouble with adderal xr making him angry. We have had more luck with concerta. My son also takes guanfacine to control his impulsive "ways".
I find a lot of comfort, as well as support, here. I am glad you found it!
Beth
Please read the post on adoption and ADHD - there is probably a lot more going on here! My dd adopted from a Georgian (ex USSR not US of A) orphanage at age almost 5 was diagnosed with ADHD - responded VERY well to meds - but still gets in "fight or flight" mode with groups, loud noises, unexpected touch, changes in environment and/or schedule. I admit, we have some days we thing she didn't get her pills in the morning!
To make a long story short, we lucked upon a therapist who has worked with children from orphanages and she thinks my dd may be exhibiting signs of post-traumatic stress as a result of the years of neglect/abuse experienced in the orphanage.
As someone mentioned earlier, RAD may be a consideration if your child is not receptive to love and affection from you. PTSD is also a consideration. See the following websites for some VERY helpful information. Also, I can't say enough about the benefit of a psychologist/therapist who has EXPERIENCE in working with older children adopted internationally from orphanages.