step son has adhd and out of control | ADHD Information

Hi
just a side thought, is it possible that his dad, your husband also has ADHD? it sounds as though he isn't very good at thinking things through and coming up with a rational answer, or argument, and the losing his temper bit is a little worrying, if he is getting aggressive towards you, then, you may need to have a serious think about the sort of life and example you want to set for your children.
Group appointements are always a good idea, as long as you can get everyone to aggree that is!!!
Good luck, hope it all works out for you, it would be a shame for your marridge to fall appart over this.
Well unfortunately you cant MAKE your husband agree. It sounds like the medication thing is gettig in the way of any of you moving forward. Not that I dont think he needs medication, most kids with ADHD do, but maybe you should drop it for a while. He needs treatment. Sounds like you all need counseling together. Can you make an appointment with a psychiatrist and the three of you can go. This way none of this is coming from YOU. If the psychiatrist is recommending therapy and/or medication it wont be becasue he doesnt like the boy. A 16 year old boy with behavior issues it is not going to be as simple as giving hiom Concerta and everyone being happy. You need to work together as a family. Also at 16 he needs to have some one helping just him. A therapist who can help him sort all his feelings out. How do you think he feels with all this debate on how he should be handled? I really feel you all need to take a step back and approach this slower. If it were me I'd just make the psych appointment. I'd tell me husband I understand his hesitation about medication, but feel the boy needs some help and guidance to improve his grades and alleviate some of his anger and let it go from there.

I totally agree with Diane, you cannot force him or his father into meds. It IS very possible that COncerta is not the right med, or the right dose. Taking it consitently would be the only way to know. It is also very possible that he does not have ADHD at all, if he was not diagnosed by a psychiatrist. I think you ALL need to see a psych, and he needs therapy, to sort it all out.

My secound husband has an child who lives with us who has adhd.  He was diagnosed by the school and mental health doctors saying that he has a severe form of adhd and behavorial disorder.  My problem is I have been married for seven years now and for seven years my step son has caused shame and embarrsement on us and himself.  My husband refusses to put him on medication.  I guess he thinks that he will grow out of it.  He makes D and Fs in school.  He gets in trouble constantly and always like to act stupid to bring attention to himself.  Now he is 16 and enough is enough.  I talked to my husband again about James behavior and all he does is get very angry at me. Tells me I just do not like the kid.  That is not true.  I have two kids of my own who are smart and healthy.  I just want James to act 16 and I believe on his medication he would.  But why does his dad get so mad everytime I ask him to help his son.  His son has been gone for an month now.  and it has been great.  But he is about to come home.  So I asked him if he is going to put James on his medication and he got so mad at me and said I was looking for problems before they began.  That is not true I know what is going to happen.  James just did not change in just one month.  He still has Adhd.  Why does he get so mad and angry when it comes to his son and getting him help.  I am afraid matters with him will get worse and if so we will be getting an divorce ove this.  Help!!

Ok, first of all, in the US a child cannot ( by federal law) be "diagnosed" by a teacher. Teachers cannot even mention ADHD( IDEA). There are 3 types of ADHD, ADHD/impulsive/hyperactive, innattentive and Combined type.

What type of DR diagnosed? A pediatrician or a Psychiatrist? Is he taking meds? If so what are they, dosage?

It sounds like he needs help desperately, but if it is not the right diagnosis, or meds he isn't going to get it.

He has been diagonosed by an doctor.  he has combined adhd.  He has only taken the medicine once for about 3 months in our seven years of being togeather.  His father refuses to put him on any medication. He gets very angry at me for even mentioning this.  Why does he get angry? can anyone answer that question.  All I want to do is get the kid help so he can be an better person.  I do not see myself as the bad person.  But his dad has an bad temper and starts throwing things around like tonight just because I mention I want James back on his medication.    And his real mom has abondoned him a long time ago.  I believe he needs help desperately now.  I always try to get him help but his father just gets very angry with me.  Telling me I am just trying to start problems.  I told his father tonight to get him on his medication or we will have to split up because I can not handle it anymore.  I will no longer put my kids and myself through all of this mess anymore.   All because His dad refuses to get his own child help.
help am I wrong.
And he is suppose to take concerta a very high dosage.  I only seen it once in my seven years with my husband so I do not recall the milligrams.  

I feel bad for your step son. he has had no chance at life when the ADHD gets in it's way. My son also has sever adhd. he is 10.

I know that every morning until his concerta takes effect is a challenge. I cannot begin to explain just how successful he is because of his concerta. he would never have the grades that he gets in school or accomplish the things that he does in life.

The best way to say is medication has saved my son's life. Maybe if you put it that way to your husband he would "get it"

I also agree with gwen, maybe your husband has it as well. I know my husband does. He would have been so much more successful in life he got medicated. he is so smart but had no idea what to do with it, until he met me!

He wasted so many years just lost

You obviously don't want that for your step son, otherwise you never would have posted!

Please help him get help. Is he considered old enough to maybe make the decision himself?! he is going to have to take the meds!

If you do get him on the right med, you might just find out how smart he really is!!

Hang in there. See if you can all go to counseling to see how best to help
your stepson. Make a plan for him that you can all agree to. Maybe if your
husband is educated more about ADHD and treatment options, he will meet
you halfway. You have to make a plan for your stepson. It doesn't seem like
the situation is getting any better. You should find some treatment options
for him or he is going to get into worse trouble as he becomes an adult and
can't get a handle on this. I am sure underneath it all he is a smart kid and
has alot to offer. He just needs a chance to shine and he needs some help.