Dad doesn’t believe son needs treatment | ADHD Information

I'm sure some of you must be dealing with this - an ex-spouse who is less than helpful and/or who refuses to believe that your child has a real medical condition.

Initially (beginning when our son was 4), I tried to treat my son's ADHD and social anxiety only with different types of therapy, structuring my son's home time and finding activities/books for him to use to help develop coping strategies.  We did check out possible food allergies and all that.  I was so opposed to using medication.  However, after spending two years of school watching my son's self-esteem deteriorate and hearing him cry and beg to stay home from school, I decided to do more for him.  He started taking Strattera.  Since then, he's been on several other meds, changing because they either lost effectiveness or because the side effects were too severe.  This summer, he has started taking a med for his social anxiety, too.

My son's father has been fairly uninvolved in the whole process.  For many years, he seemed fine with the fact that our son was diagnosed with these conditions, even though he didn't really participate in any of the treatments (e.g., therapy and structure at home).  It's been very difficult getting him to do even simple things, like touching our son on the shoulder to get his attention instead of shouting at him.

His resistance or lack of concern was enough to deal with, but now, he's decided that there's nothing wrong with our son that can't be cured by a little bit of tough love.  He's become adamantly opposed to our son taking medication and reacts toward our son as if the boy CHOSE to have ADHD and Anxiety.  He frequently forces our son into awkward social situations and demands that he interact with groups of total strangers.  He barks at him and tells him to control his "stupid ADHD" when our son gets hyper.  He's trying to "boot camp" him into being socially well-adjusted and calm, and I know that his methods are causing regression, anger, and more self-esteem problems for my son.

My son calls me and asks me to come and get him every weekend that he visits his father.  Most of the time, he doesn't want to go at all, and he'll have bad dreams and stomach aches for a night or two before he's supposed to go.  I haven't allowed him to skip a visit yet because his therapists believe that it would be bad for him to stop visiting at such a young age, but I'm beginning to wonder if the visits do more harm than good.

I don't know.  I'm just so frustrated, and I'm afraid that it's only going to get worse as time passes.
I hear you loud and clear
I have similar problems with my ex husband, reguarding my 7 yr old who has a genetic disorder.....he's tiny and he is physically and mentally more like a 4 1/2 yr old, not something you would think he could deny too easily, but he does, even when my son wasn't talking, or when he was, bearly understandable, when he was unable to count to 10 by age 5, it was all my fault, I was obviously not doing enought with him! sound familiar?   my son still see's his father, once a month, for one weekend, any more than that, my son would flip out,  if you think your son is not coping, or is at risk, physically or mentally, you are quite within your rights to stop contact, or slow it down, which ever you feel is best, sometimes the only way that an ex-partner will listen is if you take away their privalidges, it may also be worth taking him along to some family therapy sessions, or to your next Dr appointement, and letting the Dr explain the situation, as sometimes this is the only way to get through, this stratergy worked with my ex, it was only when he was faced with a load of specialists agreeing with me that there was a genetic cause for my sons problems that he started to listen, and see me as someone who knew what they were talking about, rather than, the wicked witch of the west!!!
Good luck with what ever you choose to do, I'm sure you will do the best by your son, and what ever you do you will find support here.

Gwen
i agree with gwen  sometimes  parental conflict  clouds good judgment.

a family visit is a great idea

I agree with the others. Every weekend with this "father" is abusive for your son. It is doing your son more harm than good. For him to go through stomach aches and bad dreams nights before the visit is enough to stop them.

change the visitation.

Also, does your ex have ADHD??

i just want to jump up and down like a gorilla      when i hear things like this.

many people find out that they themselves are adhd at the family visit  .

if i had money i would bet the dad is too and is why he doesnt want to admit thier alike in that way  .   ummm does that make sense?