ADHD and adopted children | ADHD Information

And add to that the atteunemetn of the adoptive parents - getting a child - such as my dd- who seems stuck in fight or flight mode- soemtimes I feel so exhausted by the end of a bad day for her that I know I don't feel so in tune to her needs! then, I stress out becuase I worry I am not giving her what she needs to deal with this better. I have to remind myself it is better than what she had....

The parents who place children in foster care are not a representative sample of the population. ADHD parents have a much higher rate of teen pregnancies and placement of their children in the hands of others. Thus you will see a much higher incidence rate of heritable disorders in this setting. Not that this should be a barrier to adopting some very wonderful children but it is something to keep in mind. Keep focused, keep you support network and most importantly take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Raising special needs children can be a challenge but can come with some substantial rewards especially when you see them become responsible, productive and happy adults. It is worth the struggle.

Good luck

Diz

I have two children who are adopted from Georgia (former soviet republic) - One at at 13 months and one at age 5 yrs. The oldest has been diagnosed with ADHD- she is on medication and has reponded very well with the meds, but we are still dealing with some issues. I recently started taking her to a therapist - really lucked out and the first therapist I took her to used to work with  a psychologist by the name of Federicic (sp?) who adopted two chidlren from Romania, and has done extensive research into older children adopted from orphanges.  

Anyway - I could go on and on about all I have learned from reading his articles as well as those of Boris Gindis who has done similar research. Yes, there is prorbably some genetic predisposition to ADHD in these children, but also environment is a HUGE factor as well. One study showed that only 20% of children who lived in an orphanage for more than a year came out without issues. 20% were traumatized from the environment that they were almost autistic. The other 60% had a very of issues including ADHD, LD, etc.etc.

The therpaist is exploring whether or not my dd is experiencing PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder)as a result of neglect and abuse from orphanage life.

Your experience is similar to mine and I too have read Dr Frederici and I have taken some of Dr Gindler's on line courses.  My boys are from an orphanage in Siberia.  I adopted both of them 4 years apart at age 3.  I am proud of their progress. 
Dr Gindler's information is so calm and common sense. 
I read a book by  Dr. Gabor Mate called Scattered.  His theory has more to do with early childhood experiences than genetics.  He explains it can be hard to seperate the two as an ADHD mom might not provide an atmosphere where she is attuned to her child.  He calls it a lack of attunenent which is part of attachment (a subject very near and dear to my heart). 
In a world where many moms must work and our schedules are so fast paced many children are lovingly cared for, but that one magic person is not as fully attuned as the child needs. 
Now you bring in abandonment, a mom who does not want the child, stressed overworked orphanage caregivers... even abuse and neglect.  It is easy to see why the ones placed for adoption have issues that may not have been there under better circumstances. 
He talkes alot about working on attachment/attunement and bringing the child even closer.  I felt it was a very hopeful book. 



I have been on this board for some time now and some of the members are also dealing with adopted children.  I have read in a number of places that the incidence of ADHD in adopted children is much higher than children aquired in the usual way.  I know I have resources that are helpful to me and I am sure others have ideas as well.
My two younger boys (5 children total) were adopted at age 3 from an orphanage in Russia.  The adoption adds all sorts of other dimension to their Adhd and kind loving ways to work with them. 
I would like to open a discussion.  Any one else?

I have noticed that also, and was wondering if I just picked up on that, or ?

my guess is the biological parents were one or both add, high impulse, risk takers, they made an error in judgement ( poor impulse control) and gave away or had taken away the children/ baby/ I know about a dozen or so women that would fit into the scenario

 

Hi
I do not post much here but read every day.  I have 3 children, my middle child is adopted.  My oldest has adhd, he is 6.  My adopted daughter is only 3, but she does have a diagnosis of FAS, which comes with many secondary disorders, usually.  This is very interesting thread.  My daughter does not seem to have the H in ADHD but time will tell about the rest.  And then my youngest, he is 2 but VERY H like his biological brother.....  I guess you just never know, but then again, hubby, their daddy is very ADHD, just never officially diagnosed.
I have an adopted son who is now 14. He has severe ADHD. And I
believe the high incidence of ADHD in adopted children is no coincidence.
Many of the young mothers who have to put their babies up for adoption
have ADD/ADHD. If untreated, these girls often self-medicate with
alcohol, tobacco or street drugs prior to and during pregnancy. We
learned that my son's mother has a history of bipolar disorder and
smoked during her pregnancy, which is all she would cop to, but we
suspect she did more than smoke cigarettes.

Raising our son is a real challenge at best. He has been labeled twice
exceptional (highly gifted and ADHD). Finding an appropriate school and
managing to keep him in one is a full time job. It has been helpful to
share with other mothers in the same boat. I am fortunate to have two
women friends with adopted sons a few years older than my son and they
have been very supportive. This board is also a great resource and
support network.

Hi newmom,

Thank God for people like you!

Along the lines of dealing with difficult behaviors - one book that I have read is entitled "Holding Time." Basically it says when in conflict with your child, to hold them on lap facing you, have them look you in the eye, and discuss in a calm manner about why the behavior needs to stop, and be open and honest about your feelings when the child acts in a way contrary to what you expect. The child usually struggles with the contact and or their are tears, but eventually the child gives in and there is a period of calm while still continuing to hold the child.

In a nutshell, this not only helps improve the behavior, but also practices the infant "I am stressed and need my basic needs met - mom meets needs, and now I calm down because my needs are met" cycle that is so important for children to get as infants to learn to develop trust. Supposedly a similar neuro-chemical response takes place during "Holding Time" as well.

 As we all know, many of these adopted children never had their basic needs met, which contributes to the 'scattered" brain syndrome we sometimes see. I have found the therapy to work pretty well - I just have to discipline myslef to remember to do it !

 

Thanks Bethann.

I thank you all for the valuable information you are giving to us new parents. This forum has been extremely helpful in helping me raise my son appropriately. I know my situation is a little different - having to decide if some of the issues are adoption related, ADHD related or just normal 7 year old boy issues. Weeding through that is the toughest job. Thanks again for helping.


NOTE: Sorry - I just reread this and I sound preachy or upset. Also, there was no one I was directing my post to - I just want people to know that just because a child is adopted especially an older child - doesn't mean all their issues are related to ADHD. And if anyone is interested in adopting especially from foster care please contact your local agency and research this. Even though we have had our ups and downs this is the best thing I have ever done in my life. Seeing my kids grow, learn, laugh, sleep through the night, figure things out on their own and just be normal kids is the greatest feeling in the world. SO WORTH IT!!!!!!!!



I am beginning to believe if I think "oh he is ADHD he can't help it!" then I will be allowing my son to not reach his full potential. I am also tired of hearing "they can't help it" or "they can't control their behavior". BS. My son's behavior was horrible when he first got here and he was on meds.  With behavior modification, patience and love his behavior has improved 180 degrees.

Here is a story that some should know about adoption, ADHD and meds. Son was on 1/2 mg a day of Tenex in am and and anti-depressent Remeron in pm when he first moved in with us. After 4 weeks the Dr. (child psy.) took him off Remeron but kept him on Tenex. Next month he wanted to increase his meds to 1 1/2 pills a day b/c the teacher said he couldn't focus well. He also wanted to add concerta. I said no to both did some research and started the reward system,  did the Feingold diet - discovered no allergies and I then added O3 and Amino acid and within 3 weeks his teacher couldn't get over the difference in him and his behavior at school.

 (I also remembered in our adoption classes that the child's behavior will be bad for the first few months but patience was needed - our doctor thought meds should be the answer)

Next dr. visit I told him I didn't increase meds or give him the new one and he was shocked at 3:45 pm my son was sitting patiently reading a magazine in his office. I told the doctor about what I had done and he was visibly upset he didn't know about the diet. He said all the literature he gets is to medicate ADHD. Interesting, huh? So I think I can do more for my child than just conceeding they have a problem and medicate it. I don't want my children to think they are victims in anyway b/c they are adopted or they have some behavior issues. We are parents - this is the hardest job we will ever have but the good results are so worth it, right?

Now please don't misunderstand me - I do think ds needs the tenex right now - the doctor told us to take him off to bad results but he is back on and doing very well. I am just saying that sometime more meds isn't the answer. Also, our therapist told me she has parents that what to put the kids on meds b/c of their child's behavior but they aren't ADHD or any other diagnosis. She tells them about behavior modification.  There are no quick fixes in this world.

Whether your child is adopted or not - patience, research (about behavior) and love is all children need to help them improve their behavior. Now I think I am lucky b/c my son doesn't appear to bad with ADHD or I just am refusing to admit all his behavior is all related to a diagnosis. Let's try and think environmental issues are contributors as well. Some parents might not even know that they way the react to their kids may be another contribution to bad behavior. Anyone watch supernanny or nanny 911? That is all behavior modification and how many of those parents were contributing to the bad behavior? ALL OF THEM!

Now I admit I am no saint and don't follow the rules all the time - I am am human, I make mistakes (trust me) but I am now conscience of what I do or say to the kids directly affects them.

Good book I read that helped me was called something like "Transforming the difficult child"....can't find the book now to verify title but it was tremendous help in giving me tips on why kids act they way they do and your response is what they desire - whether it is a good or negative response. It is up to you to respond appropriately so our kids learn how to respond to life appropriately. Make sense, huh?
newmom39281.2566203704Kudos to you.  There is a book by Dr Stein.  Skip the first half of the book. The second give a very different way of dealing with ADHD symptoms.  I am using a modified version.  My two sons keep hitting and taunting each other.  It has become their way of dealing with each other but makes me insane!!  It quickly escalates to blows!!!  My new way is to give both a time out.  They each have a chair close by.  It starts as one minute but any hesitation or back talk and it increases... one minute, two minutes and keeps going untill they are in the spot.  After they need to tell me what they did, to get to leave.  I am surprised that they are able to control this.  It is actually working.  Mostly read the parts about making a connection with your kids.  The closer you can get, the more attached and attuned, the better mine behave. My oldest is adopted and both of her parents exhibit strong symptoms of inattentive ADHD. Our situation is a little different, as my oldest would have been our niece if we had not adopted her. Her birth parents were not able to care for another child when they found they were expecting. The birth mother came to us with a plan. The birth parents are not together anymore but we have a good relationship with each of them and we see them regularly. It's all family.Finally a thread I can relate to. As some of you may know we adopted 2 siblings this past December from the foster system - boy 7, girl 5. Initial months were very difficult for me. A lot of transition issues if you know the adoption system. DS is on Tenex and is doing very well.I also put him on O3 and Amino Acid. They helped a lot especially at school. DS is mild ADHD- DD is not known at this time but appears no for the moment. The sibilings came from parents who were drug users. Mother swore she didn't take drugs during pregnancy but the last child (#5) was born with drugs in her system and that is what finally took the child away from them. I don't want to my kids labeled so I am working with behavior modification to help them learn, grow and reach their full potentional.

We are entering the 7th month with them and the improvement is huge. They are very loving, well mannered children who get hyper from time to time. Day to day they have issues but they are small as to compare with what we went through when they first arrive. DS was very angry and would withdrawl into a shell - now he smiles all the time and is content. DD was a huge screaming cryer in the beginning but now she,too, is happy and content. Now if I can get her to stop writing on things all would be perfect..hahahha..

I hear the first 6 months to a year is the hardest but worth it. I wouldn't discourage anyone from adopting from the foster care. Too many children need homes, security and love. I am glad we did it!


A lady on another thread just posted this website that leads to a neurotransmitter testing site.  In addition there is lots of information here about attachment and sensory issues.
http://www.child.tcu.edu/index.htm

Very helpful Newmom this is right up your alley.

Hi BL Moretti, Boy you are one awesome lady! Those children are lucky to have you in their life!

The school needs to cool it. My son wasn't allowed to go to gym in preschool, his teacher stuck him on a rug to read books. Of all places for an ADHHHHHHHHHHHD'er to be. He need gym more than the others!

We are lucky that our gym teacher has a son with "things" of his own going on. Does your son have an IEP yet? Is he on medication?

The only teacher that ever approached me was our son's gym teacher when we started meds. She knew immediately. But because she has a "personality", she could deal with him in gym!

I feel bad for your little guy, they need to help him to help himself. He may even qualify for an OT - does he have sensory issues, self regulation, easily overstimulated?

All our kids are labeled and blamed for everything, it makes it easy for the teachers I think! It also keeps adhd being thought of as an excuse! Not all want to help our kids!

Oh man!!! I have had the worst three days... My younger son, adopted age 3 1/3 from Russia just started Kindergarten at what I believed to be a very kind gentle school.  He went to a different school last year and had a very good positive experience with part time pre-K.  Then we had such a great summer.  No hitting for months and lot of starting and stopping work.  I was just so sure he would do well.. I am fine with him being a little behind and going forward with where he is.  But day two he was climbing the walls.  Then today he did great in class but got in all kinds of trouble in gym. 
The gym teacher wrote me a scathing e-mail and gave him credit for way more conniving intelligence than he can possibly have.  I know how any new thing sets him of on a flight or fight frenzy.  If he would just run away at least I could explain that to people who have not lived the adoption experience.
Like tonight... everything was calm one was watching TV and the other was playing with trucks quietly on the floor.  Amazing after the day her had!  The guy comes to deliver groceries.  By the time he was done with his 5 minute trip, both boys were in time out!  One ran back and forth under his dolly and the other climbed on the counter knocked off a couple of bags.  All while I carried a case of water to the other room!!! Total chaos!!
So How do I explain all that to a woman who has three kids of her own and works all day with kids?  How can she possible relate?  I know I would not have understood!  I tried to lighten things up with his classroom teacher and asked her to give me a fidget factor report.  You know #1 he is dead and #8 I am checking his shoes and pants for springs.  Just a confused look!!! and now the gym teacher has no sense of humor either! 
Grrr... I will call Child Find, maybe I am wrong that regular school is OK for him.

BL Moretti - Sointeresting that my dd adopted age 4 from Georgia has similar issues - She has been a dream all summer - and I am already starting to dread school. Last couple of nights she wet the bed which she has not done in a long time, so I think she is also feeling anxious. Last year had a great teacher at school, but the room was constant chaos so got in trouble a few times - even in gymn a couple of times!!

We have started counseling. The therapist is wonderful - used to work for Dr. Federici!!! She is still evaluating our dd but has mentioned issues such as PTSD as a result of possible abuse in the orphanage. Said that sometimes a kid is the scapegoat in the orphanage and so targetted for abuse. I can see that with my dd and may expalin why she has so much trouble when she gets in a group of children. Maybe something is trigerring a bad memory. I could see a chaotic class room or gym as being triggers! That on top of never been taught self-regulating behaviors. ...

I am proud of her though, she came home from her first day of day camp the other day. Started crying and when asked was actaully able to tell me she was out of sorts because she felt as if she did not know any of the rules and had to wait to take a water break, etc, etc. Bascially, fisrt day jitters. before - she would have just flipped out all night long until she got into trouble and was sent to her room. then after being in there a couple of hours would have finally mentioned she had had a difficult day, but not be able to give speicifcs.

All this to say - there is so much that can be going on for these children, I sometimes do not kow where to start. I did get a letter to the school at end of last year stating my dd needed a CALM atmosphere that allowed for playing outside on a daily basis (last year - teacher rarely let them out for recess). I also have a request in for an IEP. SHe meets her teacher today - let's hope and pray for the best!

They do sound alike.  I think not just chaos but any unknown will set off the flight or fight response and once it is in full swing they are hard to reach.  I have been reading The Connected Child and I think I just may buy lots of copies and distribute them with a nice note to all concerned.  The book has a great way of describing what is happening in their little brains!
My next decision is whether or not to take him out of private school and put him in public with all those services...

Connected child - sounds like a good book. I may have to read it myself. yes, I too get frustrated with the attitude of poeple who work with my children. It seems to be one that these children should be so greatful to us for what we did that they should be forever in our debt as well as that a little love is all they need to get caught up - hah!

Ooh that flight or fight reponse - how well we know it! You talked about the arrival of the grocery delivery person being enough to set off your children -how true! My dh and I have noticed that as well. It is getting better, but still I am amazed. Going through the check out line is often a trigger for my two.

Also, I have noticed my oldest still has issues with expressing emotion. Most emotions - happy, confused, sad, hurt, get expressed as anger. the therapist said that the physiological reposnse associated with anger is also common to the other emotions, she has just not learned to differentiate these emotions. That, too is getting better. We went to an amusement park the other day, and for once, she was and acted excited, albeit TOO excited, but hey - at least she was happy! The last time we did something like that, she acted pissed off the entire time.

How long have you had your children? I once heard that in terms of 'recovery" time, I could anticipate it taking 1 year for every year spent in the orphanage. I do not know how true it is, but am hopeful because that means we only have two years to go for our oldest.

My youngest we got at 13 months. She does very well. Was a little behind in speech, but now is better with speech than most of her peers. Still a little behind with gross motor delays and at 4 still likes to put things in her mouth.

 

Well we added 18 mg of concerta and he has had two very good days.  I sent a long heartfelt note to the PE teacher, who had so many problems, and did not get a reply.  I sort of feel she should have sent one if just to say today was better!  Maybe she is really just a hot head! 
The bad news is that now we will deal with rebound.  Ah well  .
The best news is the aid in his room has really taken to him and he told me she can teach him everything!  When I dropped him off today she touched his face and told me he was her buddy.  Oh man I got shivers.  He really needs some one he likes to be a docking port so to speak.
I took "We made it through the first week chocolates" for both the teacher and the aid.  I don't know it just seems like the teacher has no sense of humor.  Hopefuly it has just been a stressful week for her too and she will loosen up as time goes on.

BL Moretti, I can't belive that a kindergartner has gotten the best of the PE teacher?! Maybe SHE has something going on and it is not just your son./

Nice touch with the chocolates, I hope his teacher losen up. She sounds like she is wound too tight, like the PE teacher!

Both these teachers may be like this to other children as well. It may not be just your child.

Good job for the extra touch, it sure can't hurt!!

Keep us posted!!

BETHANN39319.1316435185Well I bought 3 copies of The Connected Child and I will give everyone a copy with a nice note explaining that I do not expect them to read the whole thing but if they could skim chapter 4 they may come away with a little understanding as to why the usual discipline will just not be helpful. (if you go to the TCU institute of child development you too can down load and read chapter 4 of the book)
I have to say that although they have that stupid system where they move their pins down the chart when they misbehave, they also have a reward system where they get stars for good behavior.  And yet another chart for special kind behavior!!!  That is what I was hoping for with a Christian school.
My attitude is much better and I am soooo happy I did not show that other side when it was bad.
I am dissapointed about the concerta....
Ok this is really long.... just skip it if you want but i copied and pasted an excerpt of chapter four The Connected Child  This was so helpful to me!!!
Chapter Four

Disarming The Fear Response With Felt Safety
Six-year-old Janey didn’t have much of an appetite during the day at school, but
later, when her ADHD stimulant drugs wore off, she would become ravenous. One
evening she asked, “Mommy, I’m hungry, can I have a Power Bar?”
Busy in the kitchen preparing a large meal for the family, her mother replied. “No,
sweetheart, in ten minutes we’re going to eat the chicken and vegetables I’m fixing for
supper.”
Janey exploded into tears and began shrieking, “I hate you! I hate you! You are
so mean. You are a mean mother! You never let me have anything!” The little girl ran
into her bedroom, slammed the door, and began to sob loudly.
Horrified, Janey’s bewildered and disappointed mom couldn’t imagine what had
triggered the outburst.
Disturbing behaviors – like tantrums, hiding, hyperactivity, or aggressiveness – are often
triggered by a child’s deep, primal fear. Youngsters like Janey can be physically safe in
their new adoptive home, but past traumas encoded within their brains are easily
reactivated. Hunger, abuse, or abandonment that occurred months or years ago can still
trigger terror, which in turn leads to out-of-control behavior. Chronic fear is like a
schoolyard bully that scares children into behaving poorly. Parents might easily confuse
fear-based outbursts with willful disobedience, but they are not the same thing at all.
Deep fear caused Janey to explode into tears when she was denied the snack
bar. To the little girl who spent a painfully hungry year in an orphanage, the promise of
dinner in ten minutes was no real comfort. She remembered going to bed hungry every
night after orphanage workers ignored her pleas for food. Even though Janey’s mom
understood that good food was coming shortly and her daughter was in no danger of
starving, the traumatized, primitive part of Janey’s brain just couldn’t grasp that.
Starvation is encoded her deepest memory. When refused a Power Bar, Janey
panicked, fearing she would die of starvation.
Helping A Child Feel Safe Builds Trust
You can take an important step toward eliminating tantrums and misbehaviors – and
enabling learning and positive family relationships – by providing an atmosphere where
your children feel and experience safety for themselves. This strategy is called providing
“felt safety.” This means that you arrange the environment and adjust your behavior so
your children can feel in a profound and basic way that they are truly safe in their home
and with you. Until your child experiences safety for his or herself, trust can’t develop,
and healing and learning won’t progress.
How might Janey’s mother have responded in a way that provided “felt safety,”
without spoiling her daughter’s appetite for a home-cooked meal? Here’s how:
“Mommy, I’m hungry, can I have a Power Bar?”
“Yes dear, you may have a Power Bar, and you may eat it right after supper.”
(Mother puts the bar into her daughter’s hands.) “Do you want to put it beside your plate
on the dinner table, or to keep it in your pocket until dinner is over?”
This simple act would reassure Janey in a visceral way that she won’t go hungry.
She still isn’t permitted to eat until dinner time, but now she can touch the food and know
it is hers to eat. Deciding whether to put the bar on the table or keep it with her helps
Janey feel more in control of the situation and lets her practice self-control. Small
choices like this are comforting to a traumatized child, and build trust.
Just to underscore the penetrating depth of food-related fears, consider that even
as an adult, one highly acclaimed Academy-award winning actor always carried a candy
bar in the pocket of his suit, no matter where he went or what he did. He once fished it
out and showed it to an interviewer during a TV show. His exceptionally impoverished
childhood left him with such a fear of hunger that fame and fortune could not erase it,
even decades later.
When Fear Is In Control
A fearful child focuses strictly on survival issues like…
Safety
Hunger and thirst
Fatigue
Escaping scary situations
Making hurts stop and go away
Staying in control
A scared child cannot grasp…
Discussions, sermons, or lectures
Complex reasoning, logic, or stories
Philosophical discussions or abstract concepts
Solving puzzles or mathematics
The primitive brain’s “fight, flight, or freeze” fear response can make a child…
Run away and hide
Lash out physically or verbally
Get angry or cry
Stonewall and become unresponsive
Try to control the situation
*Remember*
Fear will bully your child into poor behavior
Disarming The Primitive Brain’s Fear Response
If a child feels threatened, hungry, or tired, her primitive brain jumps in and takes over.
Physically located in areas of the brain such as the amygdala, this primitive brain
constantly monitors basic survival needs and behaves like a guard on patrol. When the
primitive brain is on duty, more advanced areas of the brain – particularly those which
handle higher learning, reasoning, and logic – get shut down. Helping a child feel safe
relaxes and disarms the primitive part of a child’s brain. We purposefully soothe and
disengage the primitive brain so it won’t bully the child into poor behavior.
When a child feels genuinely safe, the primitive brain lets down its guard and
allows trust to blossom and bonding to begin. Parts of the brain which control higher
learning can operate. Children who feel safe are free to heal and become secure,
trusting children.
Providing an atmosphere of “felt safety” disarms the primitive brain and reduces
fear. It is a critical first step toward helping your child heal and grow.
Chronic Fear Causes Hypervigilance
Reducing fear can even minimize behaviors like agitation and constant movement,
similar to those seen in attention deficit disorders. We have encountered many harmed
children who are not truly hyperactive, but instead are hypervigilant. This occurs when
children were so traumatized by abusive and unpredictable caretakers or situations
during their earlier lives that their primitive brain remains locked in a state of high alert,
keeping them perpetually on guard. The “fight or flight” stress hormones continue to rage
through their bodies and set these youngsters in motion, making them fidget endlessly,
unable to sit still and focus on any single activity, because they’re constantly scanning
their surroundings for danger.
With careful observation, you can detect physical symptoms of hypervigilance, a
state of chronic anxiety. For example, the dark centers of the eyes, the pupils, are often
enlarged in hypervigilant children, even during minor stressors or when a child seems
calm. For other youngsters, the effect is reversed, making their pupils look unnaturally
tiny. Either extreme indicates an imbalance in the stress response system.
Another sign of hypervigilance is rapid heart rate and racing pulse. If you put a
gentle hand over the heart of your child when you speak to them, you can detect this.
Some children’s hearts beat wildly, even while they appear to sit calmly in your lap.
Building Trust
Underneath everything you do with your children, you need to reduce their fears and
convey the fundamental message that that they are safe. Here are some tips:
Offer consistent care so that your child gets the message that:
“A safe adult will take care of me and protect me. My needs matter to this adult.”
Offer warm interaction so that your child gets the message that:
“I do not need to be afraid of this adult. I am a person of value to this person.”
Be responsive so that your child gets the message that:
“This adult understands what I feel. I am safe here.”
Earn a child’s trust by:
• Consistently showing emotional warmth and affection.
• Offering positive emotional responses and praise often.
• Responding attentively and kindly to your child’s words and actions.
• Interacting playfully with your child.
• Physically matching, or mirroring, your child’s voice and behavior.
• Being sensitive to your child’s tolerance for sounds, touch, and personal distance.
• Respecting your child’s need for personal space.
• Using simple words or language they understand.
• Giving your child advance notice of upcoming change.
I did the round of psychologists, neurologists, all the early childhood intervention
disciplines and everybody’s got a theory. Everybody has an answer or solution for a
child that’s hyper, and it might be medication or changing their diet or a program with
occupational therapy. You go down all these paths that exhaust you financially and
emotionally, and she’s still the same way.
I’m so astonished that I got to where I was, letting an at-risk, impaired 3 year-old
run my life and my other child’s life. I got in a pattern of making life easier for Cindy. I
was thinking ‘I don’t want to demand too much of a challenged child,’ so I kept lowering
my expectations and widening the margin for her to fail. That loosened the reins on her,
and she got more and more anxious and unable to focus.
I’m very, very lucky that Drs. Purvis and Cross came in and said ‘She can do
better than that,’ and not with medication. She is capable of a lot more than I expected.
Now I’m in control and she trusts that I’m in control, so she has deferred to me.
We sit and do things. We can play a game; we actually played a matching game. I was
astonished; she matched up all the animals and patterned them, and put them two by
two into the ark. I’ve never known her to sit down that long. I am not joking. I didn’t even
know she knew her animals… What I’ve learned was that her endless energy was
actually endless anxiety.
-- Mother of 3-year old Cindy and 6-year old David, both adopted domestically at birth
Reducing Stress Improves Behavior
Cortisol is a hormone which is activated by and responds to stress. Cortisol levels
normally rise and fall at varying times of the day, but when children have too little or too
much cortisol in their body over an extended period, it can cause serious problems.
By helping your child feel safe, making their world more predictable, and teaching
them better coping skills you can actually optimize cortisol levels and allow your child’s
brain to work better. We documented this effect in over 50 at-risk youngsters at our day
camp. Before attending camp, these children’s morning salivary tests revealed twice the
normal levels of cortisol, corresponding to their chronic experience of stress.
During the first week of camp, their morning cortisol levels remained high. By the
second week, however, cortisol had fallen by half, dropping to levels considered normal
for children of this age. Cortisol remained at this lower, healthier level until the end of
camp, due to the reduction of stress.
These children received no medical intervention; they were just actively engaged
in a safe, playful, and multi-sensory camp environment that addressed their emotional
and physical needs. Cortisol reduction was excellent news, because chronically high
levels of cortisol are actually toxic to the cells in the brain.
An analysis of our research data showed that those campers whose stress
dropped most significantly (as shown by significantly decreasing cortisol levels), also
had the biggest gains in language use. The Comprehensive Receptive and Expressive
Vocabulary Test results illustrated that these children didn’t suddenly understand more
words – but now they could communicate more. Certain children made stunning
progress, gaining years worth of verbal self-expression in one month of camp.
We suspect that reduced cortisol is behind a great number of positive changes
we have witnessed in campers, including spontaneous language development, regular
smiling and joyfulness, better behavior, improved social skills, physical growth, and new
attachment behaviors.
Strategies That Reduce Chronic Fear
Use the following strategies throughout each day to help your child feel and experience
safety on a deep level:
Alert Children To Upcoming Activities
Children with special needs feel safer when they know what will happen next. So
make their world predictable by announcing or describing a task ahead of time.
Prepare your child for what’s coming up by saying things like:
“In fifteen minutes, we will put away the toys and get your bath.”
“In ten minutes, we’re leaving to go shopping.”
“In five minutes, we’ll get ready for bed.”
Before visiting a new place, like a mall, tell your child about it. When you
arrive, explain that there are many stores here, and that you will be visiting one
with shoes in it. By announcing your plans and explaining the child’s
environment, you help make her world less frightening.
Important: Before you leave your child to go to work, on an errand, or for
some other absence, remember to explain where you are going and when you
will return. Details about your planned absence will reassure your child and
reduce the possibility of an uncontrolled fear response. Don’t try to slip away
hoping to avoid a scene, because that strategy is sure to backfire and undermine
your other efforts to increase trust. Your child simply won’t feel safe once he
discovers that at any time you might leave him without warning. Well after a couple of weeks I took my son out of the Christian school and put him at Merryhill which is Nobel schools. 
It got so he was so stressed he was screaming at me over homework.  The second week of school those poor kindergarteners had an 11 word spelling test.  Many of them passed it but the teacher was not happy when we stood in line to pick up our kids.  They took away show and tell and not one child got a good behavior treat.  That was when I knew I had to make a change. 
I went to the other school I had been looking at, it was the same location where he went to pre-K.  The director tested him and although he was a little behind she was not shocked. He started in the new school and it is going really well. He leaves happy and comes home happy and the home work is reasonable.
The school knows his history and they are not telling me we cannot accomodate anything other than just normal. THANK YOU!!!!!!

I read it all and I copied some of it - especially the part about the stress of and in school that leads to hyperactivity and not be able to focus due to their history. I know his teacher and therapist want to put him on more meds but I am refusing. I am working with him to change his behavior on his own because I KNOW HE CAN. b/c he already has but it will just take time. I am hoping at some point to remove him from Tenex but will wait until next summer.
This gives me hope that maybe he isn't ADHD...he was starved a lot as a young child, he saw something horrible with bio family and had to call 911 when he was 5 years old, he was in 5 different foster homes in 18 months...I am sick of people telling me he needs more meds...WANT HE REALLY NEEDS is more time to heal. He needs to learn boundries, he needs to learn coping skills, he needs to mature to his rightful age.......he also just needs love, understanding and patience!

YOU JUST MADE MY DAY!!!!!!!! I am getting that book this afternoon.
New mom: I am so glad you are not buying into the whole "the only option is meds" scenario.  I think there are so many layers to the problem. 
ADHD is just a list of symptoms and the causes of the symptoms are numerous.  If you can find the causes it just may be that the therapy will be helpful.  I believe that for my sons.  I think they did not get the calming skills they needed as babies.  I also think much of the recent ADHD we see is because so many children are raised, during their first years, in chaos.  Divorces, dual working parents, too many hours strapped into a baby seat so that reflexes are not matured.  Then we flood their systems with artificial dye and preservatives.  How can we expect anything else? 
Now add in several disruptions of care givers.  A few care givers who were not very loving.  Possibly some who were downright cruel.  Toss in some negect... You get the picture. 
The big choice comes when the child has to function in school and cannot sit still.  He starts to dislike himself because his teacher is on his back and the other kids start blaming him too.  What do you you do?  Self esteem is essential. 
My feeling is medicate if absolutely essential for self esteem and work like mad on other therapies.  Diet...behavior modification...work hard on bonding... exercise and explore.  Look on the BGCenter website for answers.  Take adoption parenting classes.  Go out and find answers.  Read read read...
We take a med break in the summer and try other things.  Tenex is really helping with out the rebound of the meds.  This just may be enough with the diet and therapy.  Each year gets better.  Over coming the issues of adoption is a lifelong journey.  We all have issues it just happens that our kids issue is adoption.  My dad was a preacher!!!  That is the way I present it to my kids.  Everybody has stuff...  How long will you let it control your life? 
Where do you want to go and what kind of life do you want?  What do you need to make your wishes come true? 
Your son is yours now and it will take time for him to be convinced that you are in it for the long haul.  He may be in the honeymoon phase right now. There may come a time when he trys to push you away to save hurt feelings later on.  You must stand fast.  "I am your mother and you cannot just push me away because I will not give up on you.  Even if you give up on your self!!!!"
Every developmental milestone brings the questions up again.  You will get good at the answers...
Thanks blmoretti. I agree with everything you say. I am looking into occupational therapy now. I have scheduled him with his behavior therapist again and after the next school year I will have him evaluated for ADHD since he was never really tested in foster care. I wanted to wait until he was with us a least a full year and more settled.

My son is very loving but he does have some anger issues. With time some things have gotten better but now other issues with that are surfacing. We were trained very well with our foster care/adoption classes and expect the ups and downs.

I would say his improvement is some what miraculous if nothing else and with time I know he will reach his full potential. However,  it is up to us to help him figure out how to do that since he was never given those lessons early on like most other children. We have some work ahead of us.