I’m new and need some advice... | ADHD Information

Ok... Here's my story and any help would be greatly appreciated... I have a 2 y/o and I can't get him to mind for anything. Times don't work, making him go to his room doesn't help- he'll in return take off pull up and pee in his room. After he gets out of his room, he'll go right back to what he got into trouble for. Then when he gets into trouble or told no he throws there huge trantrums, he'll slam his head into the wall, doors, drive way outside, anything that's there at the time. He won't stay sitting down for meals, he's always always on the go. It takes either my hubby or me to deal with him all day.

Everyone is telling me "its just terrible twos".. But I have a 5 y/o son, 5y/o step daughter, my 2 y/o and then a 5 mos old. So I'm not just a first time mommy who just isn't sure of what to do. My 5 y/o's never never were this bad. HELP, anyone please let me know what you think... Thank you so much in advance, you don't know how much this means to me and my family.....

2 1/2 year old sounds young to follow through with ad/hd but ...if I reflect back on my own son he was much the same both at home and daycare at the same age. I did not do anything in regards to a doctor until he was almost 4. He does have ad/hd but thankfully it is under control (with help of med...low dosage/play therapy/and diet) and he is doing very well. He is almost 6.

I know it is really hard especially since it seems you have your hands full with other little ones.

Question 1: Are you staying consistent and keeping a routine as much as possible with your little one? I really think this can help. I don't think I did in the beginning.

Question 2: What types of food does he eat? My son always ate pretty healthy so we thought, until we learned that it was not the same for him as for others. Meaning he loved all kinds of fruits but in reality we were giving him too many thinking we were being good parents and feeding him healthy. You have to find a balance and find the right combinations. My son has reactive hypoglycemia we learned while working with the psychiatrist on the ad/hd issue. Our doctor (thepyschiatrist recommended we have him tested with a 6 hour glucose tolerance test)shared that the symptons, one has with RH can trigger some of the things you described. I don't know if it is too early to check on this but you might ask your peditrician. We found by changing our son's diet to more protein, less carb really helped. When we gave fruit we were instructed by a nutritionist to give him a protein at the same time.

I also started play therapy before we went to the psychiatrist (my son was 3 when we started play therapy)...which I really think helped our son tremendously. We still go monthly and he is 5 ( I'm that big of a believer in play therapy).

Sorry for my long post... I just somehow felt I could relate to you. I remember how tuff 2 1/2-3 was and it wasn't the typical sterotype we hear about.

Best to you and your family... I'm sure someone else will chime in and add some wonderful suggestions.

4mykid39293.8223032407

question 1... I try to stay consistant as much as possible. I mean somedays for a 2 min. time out it takes 20 minutes. only cause he wont stay there, and everyone tells me to keep it up. put him back til he does a straight 2 mins. I think sometimes that's way too much for a 2 y/o.

question 2... I try to give him all the food groups. He loves food. I don't let him have hardly any candy. I think that its pretty healthy, not too much juice, and if he gets juice it's mixed with water too.

thank you so much. I'll have to talk to his pedi. about his eating and glucose and what not. Like you said, I too know what terrible two's are like, and this is soo much beyond that. I just don't want him to be said to be AD/HD if that's not the thing. But I am just lost, I don't know what to do anymore.Just seems like nothing works at getting him to listen or behave. Everyday he's doing things that I know he knows he's not suppose to-he just does it anyway and then when I go to redirect him he knows he's in trouble... But he just doesn't care and he keeps going back...

Has he had his hearing checked? Allergies to food etc? I would get a full check up before jumping to the ADHD conclusion. My nephew had the same issues at 2, turned out he had an ear infection and pinworms![QUOTE=cesca1013]

Sounds like you are pretty much on target with the food. I'd still talk to the doc. You never know.

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Yep, I can totally relate to you. I think you are definitely on the right track. Keep asking questions and you'll get the help you want for your son.

I had another thought... have you tried reading Love and Logic: for Toddlers. It is an awesome book and it might help with the behavior side of what you are seeing. I found it to be very helpful and it is an easy read. As a teacher I had used the Love and Logic for Classroom Teachers. I feel it can be a great tool.

Something else I tried with my son prior to us finding out about ad/hd and while newly diagnosed was a chart. We used happy faces/ sad faces and recorded his day in 30 minute increments. This way he had a visual to see how his day was going and he was involved in the process. He received a small token at the end of the day. We went to the dollar store and bought some junk, but junk he picked out. He made a special box for his goodies. He got to pick his reward if it was decent day. You could try some variation of this with your little one. You have to stay consistent with it but it really can help. We found it to work at daycare and at home. (rewards such as these go against a Love and Logic to some degree... but I"m a believer in trying things)

Hang in there!

[QUOTE=edbson]Has he had his hearing checked? Allergies to food etc? I would get a full check up before jumping to the ADHD conclusion. My nephew had the same issues at 2, turned out he had an ear infection and pinworms![/QUOTE]

Checking his hearing is a great idea. I too think a full check up is the route to go. We were able to rule out a lot before we finally went the route of testing for ad/hd.

I would forget the time out thing. This never, ever worked with my daughter (no ADHD), she would never, ever sit no matter how old. It doesnt not work for every kid. It's the concept that works. Removing them from the situation. I think it's worth reading all the discipline approaches 1-2-3 magic, the marble system here.....etc., etc, and modifying it for a 2 year old.

The thing that worked for us THE BEST was removing the conflict between her and us. So, example, he is throwing a toy, you say (ONCE) stop throwing that toy or we are going to your room (or your designated area, not a chair), he will throw it again, you walk over and say you threw the toy let's go, bring him there. He has to stay there until calm. At 2 he will probably tantrum, bring him to the room, you will probably have to stay with him. NO MORE talking, no lectures, no rules nothing. You stay until he's calm. Even fi it means he is sitting on your lap crying or laying on the floor kicking and screaming, but no talking about what he did. When he calm (this may take 20 minutes) then you say, ok now that you are calm we can go back out and play and explain this will happen EVERY time he does that behavior. Work on one behavior at a time, be patient and be consistent. The key is being concistent. The point of "time out" is not to punish the child, but remove them from the escalating situation. The first time he stops doing the behavior on first warning HUGE praise, hence the marble system concept. He is too young for marbles, but lots and lots of praise for listeing the first time can go a LONG way. He is only 2 and still learning.

I also recommned the book "The Out of Sync Child". It is about kids with sensory integration disorder. I am not implying he has it (although the head banging is sensory seeking behavior), but we used a lot of those excercises with my daughter and they really helped calm her down.

Good luck and welcome..............whether your son has ADHD or not most advice for behavior management you will help!

Let your doctor know your your strategies and he/she can keep it documented for follow up visits.

Because he is so young, I think that some sort of visual motivation may work. My 3 1/2 y/o (no adhd) has been having some toubles at daycare with listening, and no matter how much they "talked to him" it didn't work - we decided that he needed more of a visual reinforcement - so are using marbles in a cup. Kind of similar to the pinned marble thread, but because he is so young, much more simple. He responded very quickly, and was very proud of doing well and getting marbles.

Also try to figure out what causes him the most stress/trauma, and try to head things off before it hits. Our 5 y/o (diagnosed adhd) had trouble with transition at that age - we would warn him in advance "in 5 minutes we are going to _______" so that he had time to get used to the idea. You just didn't spring stuff on him and expect him to comply.

I have not read Love and Logic, but my sister and I talk about it a lot - she is a first grade teacher - and I do like the concept...it makes sense.

dmid is right on track with the transition thing- it can be a huge factor with kids this age. We actually had to take it one step further and give 10, 5 and 2 minute warnings because just one was still not enough.

My other thought was instead of sending him to his room for a time out, send him to the bathroom. If he's going to pee on the floor then at least let it be somewhere it won't do damage. I did this when my son went through a similar stage at 3- it didn't last long. The key was not to show any reaction, just make him stay for two minutes, then without talking about it have him clean up whatever mess he made. I do advise putting any soap or shampoo up out of reach unless you want a horrible mess though.

I was not totally comfortable doing this at frst, but like all the other suggestions that came from our therapist it worked. I was afraid he's hurt himself with all the hard surfaces but the first time he threw himself down on the ground and bumped his head was also the last time (he didn't even bruise it).

The other suggestion that we took reluctantly from our pediatrician (and seconded by our therapist) was to install a lock on the outside of the bedroom door. We told him if you don't stay in then we have to lock it. It worked like a charm. I don't think we had to lock if very often- after the first couple of times he knew we were serious and it only to a warning.

Also, when he comes out of timeout don't give him the opportunity to go back to whatever he got in trouble for. Say he got sent to time out for hitting his sister. When he comes out tell him that he may either play with his legos or his trains. If he refuses to choose you can either let him know that you will choose for him or let him sit and read a book until he makes up his mind. But don't let him go back to playing with his sister for a while.

I think this is way too young to have him evaluated for ADHD. The chances of getting an inaccurate or incomplete dx are too high. Many ADHD behaviors are normal at this age, which is why many pediatricians will not diagnose until 6+. Both of my kids showed some of these behaviors at two -- one is ADHD and one is not.

I would cut out all sugar (including juice), and drop the consequences entirely. I would just try praise, rewards, and distraction. And maybe anticipate and avoid difficult situations. Oh, and steer clear of power struggles. It sounds like he has a strong personality!

NoTellin39306.6900115741

As an early childhood educator, I can say that time out - as in you will sit here and think about what you did - does not work for children this young. They cannot grasp the connection between what they did and the punishment of sitting as well as keep their mind on "thinking about what they did and why not to do it." It is much better to just remove them from the situation and calmly tell them what behavior they should do - "touch your sister softly, hitting hurts her, that is why she is crying." I only advocate for "time out" as a way for a child to get calmed down and often with young children this requires an adult being present to cuddle or talk to. Although depending on why your child is doing negative behavior even your presence could be reinforcing.

Something to consider is why is the child doing the behavior. Children do things to get something or get out of something. Therefore is it possible that the negative behavior is to get your attention. As a working mother of an 8 year old, 20 year old step daughter, 2 year old grandson, two dogs and a husband, (with a second grandchild on the way) I can appreciate how busy Mom's can be! It doesn't matter if we work inside or outside the home - or both! I can tell you that my son's negative behavior can be both because of his ADHD and his need for attention from his Dad and I. We try our best to be there when he needs us, but sometimes he lets us know in his own way he need more time with us, by claiming he can't tie his shoes or brush his teeth or do his spelling homework. It can lead to a melt down if we don't handle it right. Somewhere between the age of 2 and 8 having us present to "help" him calm down went from being needed to being reinforcing of the melt down in the first place.

We tried using reward and sticker systems, contracts where good behavior brought a trip to the dollar store, an extra 15 minutes of PS2 or TV time. Those things worked in the short term, but when the novelty wore off they no longer worked. We have now realized that we need to reinforce his ability to do things independently with the understanding that the quicker he gets things done the more time with us he will have. Sometimes he gets it and gets loads of time and other times 2-3 minutes before we have to move on to the next "must do activity" - like leaving for the school bus is all he gets. I'm working now to increase the range of activities he wants to do with us - from all kid centered activities to family centered (including helping make dinner, household chores, etc.) But you have to be consistent and often it means letting things go - such as another load of laundry, or having a shopping list ready the night before a trip to the store.

My personal feelings is that 2 is very young for an ADHD diagnosis as many ADHD behaviors are typical of kids this age. I would discuss your worries with your child's doctor - it is never too early for that. Keep a detailed journal of what happens, before, during and after your child's negative moments and share that with the doctor. It may trigger them to look into ADHD or other possible causes if they feel that the behavior is extreme for his/her age.