I completely agree with distractedNJdad. Our son see's a great adolescence psychiatrist now and she has said that 3 months from now our son may be totally different in his behavior and even could pretty much forget how depressed he was. It is really tough because, like you said, they have so much changing in their brains, their social understandings and drama, hormones, identity, etc.
I can only speak from my own experience with my son, but we really couldn't start addressing the ADD stuff until we got the depression and anxiety under some control (he was hurting himself). We did get him an IEP at his highschool and talked with the school counselor and his teachers so that he could get some slack and give them some perspective on what he was going through. They had no idea because he always acted like the class clown and had a 'screw off', not so book-smart reputation. Most of that is due to the ADD. He is actually brilliant when he can manage to focus.
I live in Portland, Oregon and if you are in this area I could recommend resources. Otherwise I can't really say.
We also sent our son to an adolescent therapist (we had to try 2 before we found one that fit and we all liked) and a group therapy that worked with adolescent issues. This gave him someone to talk to confidentially outside of friends and parents who could help teach some of the same things we were saying but I think say them more effectively because of how teenagers tune their parents out. It also showed him that he wasn't the only one with these kinds of issues and in fact, there were others with even more challenging dynamics than his. The therapist also meets with all of us and helps us work through our own real life examples from the previous week to see how we can better resolve our arguments or blowups. There have been many cases where I discovered that my over reaction or things that I didn't even think of were really triggers for my son and made things worse for the whole situation.
Perspective. Be careful to not beat yourself up about his behavior. My wife and I did that a little bit at first thinking our parenting must have been a contributer to some of his anger or depression or behavior. But, we also have a 14yr old daughter and she is almost the polar opposite of our son. She is self-confident, rational, makes good choices, self-disciplined, and a whole host of other things I wish I could take credit for but are still somewhat foreign to me. . We do have to try real hard and balance attention and stay consistent between the two. Just because our son has additional challenges in his life doesn't change the fact that he is an amazingly compassionate, creative, empathetic, very intelligent person with his own set of amazing qualities. We try and emphasize the positive in both of them and help them understand that everyone has areas we struggle with and show them the tools to cope with those struggles and that it is OK to ask for help. Then, the most difficult part for me but probably the most important, we try and model our behavior by practicing what we preach.
Apparently I have much too say on this topic. Sorry for the length. It is still fresh and raw in my head. I am not sure how similar our kids are but if you would like specific details of his difficulties and our reactions, how we went about getting an iep or finding the right therapist, etc then feel free to send me a private note.
Jason
sounds like a good plan BL. I agree as they get older they need to help make the decisions, it is their bodies and how THEY feel.I really use this with my teenage boys and my daughter when she was growing up. My son will drag out of his room so tired because he did not go to bed. If I start in a lecture on getting enough sleep I am shut off by the middle of the first word. The eyes glaze over.... My way is to give him a big hug. "Oh man you look tired!" "Do you have anything you have to do today?" I rub his shoulders "Maybe a shower will wake you up!" Now this is the lesson, here it is... "I am so glad I got a good night's sleep! How would I ever keep up with all of you? " I take a big vigorous breath. "I feel great!"jwilliams: Your encouragement is much appreciated. Your family works well together to get a handle on ADD to help your teenager. It is a trial and error process, isn't it? As you know, adding to the challenge is the fact that these guys are teens and have to deal with hormonal changes, added school pressures, and. inevitably, peer pressure.
The more I visit this board, the more I see that many folks have to be very patient, consistent, dig their heels in, and not give up when they hit a brick wall with treatment approaches. It is encouraging to me to see that success can be achieved; albeit, only after numerous attempts at lifestyle changes and/or medications.
Before I logged on, I searched online at our local university health system for research studies, thinking that looking into this might provide us with another avenue for assessing my son's challenges. I wonder if you or anyone else has tried participating in research studies? I am also continuing to look for a psychiatrist, who specializes in treating adolescents.
I wish your son, you, and your family continued success!
Hangin - I design and conduct psychiatric research trials in children, adolescents, and adults (not ADHD trials however). One thing I can tell you is that the number one issue we see in screening potential candidates for our trials is that children and adolescents are very often hard to diagnose, and many initial diagnoses change to something else over time. Most diagnoses are made by exclusion, meaning that once initial symptoms are identified, a "diagnosis" is given, and treatment for that indication begins. If the treatments don't work, we then go back and take a hard look at the symptoms/signs again and see if there are any other co-morbid conditions, etc. Adults are a little bit easier in the sense that their bodies and brains have matured more and you have a longer history of symptoms. A very detailed evaluation by a well-trained clinician is extremely important in child/adolescent psychiatry. What part of the county are you in? I may be able to PM you some really good adolescent psychiatrists in your area that know how to conduct a detailed evaluation. Good Luck - it is never easy in the beginning, but there is hope.