getting my son to sleep in his own bed | ADHD Information

I am in the same boat as most of you.  My son is 6 and sleep has been an issue since the day he was born.  We now take Trazadone at  night for sleep.  He is great at getting him to fall asleep.  About 20 minutes after taking it, it is lights out for him.  This now means he falls asleep in his own bed.  The problem is he is very afraid to be alone (day or night he must be able to see one of us)  So he wakes up in the middle of the night and comes looking for me. Then he crawls in with me and he must touch me to be comforted.  I have tried walking him back to his room, rewards, etc., etc. etc.  It is now to the point that dh and I have sepearte rooms (partially because of his snoring)  This way my room is closer to my son's room and he only wakes me when he gets up and not both mom and dad.  Needless to say I don't get very much sleep with him always getting up and then having to touch me in order to fall asleep.  My worry is that he is 6 and it seems like there is no end in sight.  I am going to have a 13 year old sleeping in my bed?  Like Mom to Bean I am just resigned to the fact that he is  insecure and needs his mom.

Jigsaw, your life could be mine! Except for the work hours ;-). DS (9) wakes up at night and comes to our room. We have tried every method in the book over the past 7 or so years! Seriously. About 6 months ago he started with pretty severe anxiety about other issues, so at that point we resorted to lying down with him until he fell asleep and going back in when needed during the night. It's okay, but both DH & I are not getting decent sleep and his bed is terribly uncomfortable. I'm half-serious about moving our (full-sized) guest bed into his room.

I have no answers. Just empathy. I'm more or less resigned to it. I just keep hoping if we make him feel as secure as possible, he will eventually outgrow it.

For the most part I slept off and on with my mother until I was a teen. When I stayed at my Grandparents I slept in their bedroom on the floor in a sleeping bag. If I did not sleep with someone else I had a lot of anxiety and could not fall asleep.

I remember my mother used to watch a television series. I believe it was called Hitchiker. Anyway, the theme music to that show would keep me awake all night. I hated it. I still cringe thinking about it!

My son sleeps with me quite a bit. And as much as it drives me nuts I try to tolerate it because I know where he is coming from.

when my oldest son got use to sleeping in my bed (he had one ear infection after another from birht and had to be propped up on a pillow so we kept him in our bed) we tried to break him of it it took about 2 weeks but did it. I started putting him in his bed, with me in it until he fell asleep, then a few days later I sat at the foot of the bed until he fell asleep, then took a chair and sat in the chair beside his bed and gradually moved it to the door then out the door...ect ect.

My youngest son has bad dreams but when we tuck him in at night we say our prayers and then read a story...and tell a funny story and I tell him if the bad dreams come remember the funny story it seems to work...a few times he has come to our bed and i bring him back in and make him laugh a little then he goes back to bed. We have set rules no one is allowed in someone elses bed and if they have a bad bad dream and scared to go back to sleep they can come in my room and wake me up....

I would tell him that he can control his nightmares if he practices. When having a nightmare, he can change it by making the scary parts funny. When awakened by a nightmare, he should imagine an alternate ending and go back to sleep thinking about that story.

Since he is into immediate rewards, can you give him something small (but valuble to him) in his room. If he comes out of his room, he has to give it back, but he gets to keep it as long as he stays in his room. Make sure there are quiet things for him to do in his room (read, tell stories to a stuffed friend, etc). Also, something like melatonin might make him sleepy and help with this process.

You have to just keep walking him back into bed. Use the ideas above about the nightmares, but any time he comes into your room you tell him, no everyone sleeps is thier own bed and walk him back. If he puts up a fuss and comes back, just start getting up and putting him back, no talking after your initial rule. Just keep doing it.

dcarsen, GREAT method with the laying with him, then sitting on the edge, then the chair.......LOVE it!

hi my 9 yr old boy has sleep issues as well he used 2go 2 sleep with dad on the lounge 4  avery long time but for bout last one ans a half years or so he has been going 2 sleep in his own bed but likes 2 know we r close by.it was very hard for him 2 adjust he kicked the wall he sreamed he came out but we had 2 go on with it he got over it and eventually stayed in bed.he still comes 2 our room from time 2 time cause he hears noises or has bad dreams.it does get better got be really strong. My son is having sleep issues and has never liked goign to sleep in his opwn bed .  I am at la loss  my huisband has to carry him in every night but then he wakes up with a nightmare  and he is back there.  Now  I know it is a prenting issue .  wht to do.  By the way he just started VYVANSE and is is working miracles!  Reward sysytems do not work with him he wants the reward now.  no pateince at all.  HELP!Diane.....we got that from some book 9 years ago and for the life of me i cant remember the books name but it had a bunch of different ways of winning battles...you might lose sleep for a week but he will come around and make it worth the sleepless nightsI also have had this problem with my youngest son who has adhd. He just turned 9 this summer. I told him once he turned 9 he could no longer come into my room and sleep if he had a nightmare or heard sounds etc.

Since he was a baby he has never wanted to sleep alone in his bed. He has an older brother that he shares a room with, so it is not like he is totally alone all night in his room. I tried the bedtime routine of stories and prayers and tuck in etc. Didn't work. I would lie in his bed with him till he fell asleep. He would wake up and come to my room. I would take him back to his bed and wait till he fell asleep again. This would go on all night. I wound up with very little sleep. I worked at night and didn't get home until about 3 am. My husband tried to lie in his bed with him but would usually fall asleep himself and found it uncomfortable. Since I was not home he let my son fall asleep in our bed. When I would get home I would carry my son to his bed. He would wake up about 5am and come back to my bed. Since my husband is awake by then getting ready for work. I usually let him stay. About a year ago I tried again to get him to sleep in his bed. I would put him to bed wait till he went to sleep to leave his room. I told him if he woke up he was not allowed to come to my bed. When he did I would walk him back to his bed. This went on for several weeks. I started locking my bedroom door so he could not come in. When he would wake up and knock on my door I would ask him what was wrong and tell him to get back to bed. He wouldn't do it and would pound on my door and scream. He put a hole in my hollow core door and also woke up his brother and sister with all the racket. No one was getting any sleep.

I didn't ask the doctor for anything to help him sleep because he wasn't having trouble falling asleep. He was having trouble staying asleep in his own bed. He sleeps fine all night in my bed. I also didn't want to add any more medication.

Anyway when he turned 9 I started putting him to bed in his room again. He seems to understand better now about staying in his room. He has recently started seeing an OT who diagnosed him with sensory integration disorder. I found out that deep pressure massages and squeezes can help calm him down. So, I give him a back rub with deep pressure. He doesn't like when I rub lightly. I also squeeze his muscles and joints. It seems to help him relax and fall asleep better.
I allow him to come into my room and get a bear hug when he wakes in the middle of the night. He then goes back to his bed. It not perfect but much better than before.

I don't work right now so I hope will be able to stay on top of this sleep issue better.
As Diane said, you just need to keep taking him back to his own bed, no matter how many times each night it will take. But, it can be done.
Make sure he knows each night at bedtime what will happen if he gets out of bed. That way you might have less fighting as you lead him back to his own bedroom.
It may take a lot of time and effort, but be patient and evenually he'll give up on trying to sneak into bed with you.
Make sure everyone in the house knows that you will be making changes and it could be hard.
We went through this with Jacob and had many fights. Tried to keep the bedroom door shut, tried to keep him i nbed, etc. We went through hell trying to get him to stay in his own bed, but evenually he gave up and realized that resistance was futile. Now we're just trying to get back on a school schedule.

I started off carrying my son back to his bed after he fell asleep after reading in my bed.  He then graduated to his bed and we read in his room now.  I made it a big deal.  He got to pick out his own sheets, nightlight, and so forth.  He really thought that was cool.  He still needs me to stay with him until he falls asleep(which doesn't bother me...if it helps him ...I leave his room as soon as I realize he is fully asleep. Overall he is sleeping through the night and I'm able to get a good nights rest .

I also find if I make a great big deal about his sleeping in his own bed that this motivates him and encourages him to do so. 

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