The day from hell | ADHD Information

Thank you for the sugestion
we do in general let the kids have free range to the fruit bowl, I fill it, and its a huge basket, and they empty it generally in a couple of days,...I don't care how much they eat, as long as they eat all their meals, I have the same rules for all the kids, they all know the score, they have to eat their dinner, or they go hungry, and if they don't even make an effort, so they hardly touch it, then they get it the next day, they all know this, and it usually works, the only one that I don't do this with is the 2 yr old, as she really doesn't understand the concept! 
I also tend to ensure that there are sufficent rewards for eating their dinners, ice poles, fruit, thick shake, not everyday, but quite often, (have to be a bit carefull about having a set routine as I have one with autistic spectrum disorder, and he gets very set in his ways)
All these measures usually work, and the kids usually eat all their dinner, I would have let him off if he'd made a good effort the first time he had it, or even the second time, but his flat refusal to even touch it has just really infuriated me, and yes your probably right, maybe I'm making my life harder by doing this, but its a bit hard to back down once you've started on something, especially with our kids, they then feel like they won, and all they have to do the next time they feel like being difficult is refuse to eat whats put in front of them, and they know they will win again...........we did have a minor break through today, he ate some of his dinner, about 1/2 a teaspoon and squashed the rest up on the plate, thinking I wouldn't notice!!
His dad's home tonight, so maybe that will help, if nothing else I'll be able to discuss with him what to do, he started  as he was there when Josh wouldn't eat, so maybe he should be the one to end it, I don't know....its gone on long enough though, I hate it, especially when I can see the effect it having on him,
To top it off he has been increadably defiant today, refusing to stay in his room, or to go to sleep at bed time, he did however tidy his room of his own back, which I was really pleased about, and I told him that I was really happy that he had done so. 
I think I just need to hybernate for the next 9 years until he leaves home!!!!
I just want the fighting to stop, I feel like my life is starting to spiral out of control, and Josh is so unhappy
well thanks everyone, I'm going to find the chocolate ice cream now

well at least we seem to be on the same wave length

Your son may indeed need a med adjustment but may I suggest you are also fighting an unnecessary battle.  A possible alternative, have good wholesome food(cucumbers, apples, etc-doesn't have to be his favorites) available and when supper is over it is over. If he wants to eat then have him get something out of the healthy food bin. If he is hungry, he will eat, if he is not then he won't but he will get nothing else until the next meal and this will be enforced. There are variations of this but the basic format usually works.

A nine year old especially an ADHD nine year old is living pretty much in the moment. He is likely to not be too concerned about food groups but is focused on the battle in front of him.

He really may not want to eat it.  Remember that the medication may be affecting his appetite and he may not be hungry right them. It doesn't matter that the other kids like the food, he doesn't for whatever reason. So why fight? "Don't eat it but that is what you get". If he doesn't eat then supper is over. You are playing in his ball park...play in yours. If you get upset, you lose; if you don't, you win. It is pretty much that simple.

With all kids but especially ADHD kids..."Pick your battles and make them few"

Raising ADHD kids is a true challenge. Sometimes I feel that despite my best efforts, my son turned out really well. Good luck

Dizfriz

Hi
I've not posted on here for a while as we've been doing ok, but just lately my 9 year old son with ADD & ODD is really starting to get on my nerves!!  Its school holidays, so lots of free time, so I planned ahead, organised lots of fun activites for all the kids, but it seems that that just isn't good enough for him, the last week or so has been a complete battel of wills, he is even being extreemly difficult for his dad, which until recently was unheard of, it is normally me that gets the brunt of his bad temper,  I need a bit of reasurance that I'm doing the right thing with this one particular problem, that is really starting to cause too many other problems.
About 3 days ago, my chef husban cooked cauliflower cheese, not my favourit, but the kids love it......all except Josh that is, who decided that it was desgusting, and wasn't going to eat it, (now I know thats not true as all the others ate theirs in about 5 seconds flat) so for the last 2 days we have given this dinner back to him at every meal tiime, confiscated his DS and band him ti his bedroom, until such time as he eats his dinner, don't worry its being kept in the fridge, and it isn't moldy yet!!  But obviously as he has not eaten properly for a few days he is particularly grumpy, and argumentative, also not feeling all that well, so I guess my question is how long do I do this, should I back down? or do I keep going, I'm getting so tired of it,  I've also found out that I'm pregnant, so I'm really tired all the time, all I want to do is sleep, I don't really need this!!  To top it all off his doctor had to cancel our appointement as his really unwell, so I seem to have no help at the mo......
His slow release tablets that have been fine until the last few weeks seem to have no effect on him at all any more,    
Thanks for reading

A battle over food issues is a losing battle.  I would just have given him the food.  If he didn't eat it, let him know that you aren't running a restaurant , and that there would be nothing else to eat until the next meal.  That would be a 'natural' consequence and he would be the one to determine whether or not he wanted to go hungry until the next meal.  Another way to deal with it would be to have him plan the next meal and teach him that he has to have a balanced menu that all would eat.  He could even help prepare it.

  Serving the 'debated' meal over and over again just becomes a battle of wills.  It doesn't really accomplish anything. He knows that if he waits it out, you will give in.  And ,it sets up a precident to have it happen again.

Well i have the same battle with my son about eating anything that isnt chicken or corn..or covered in chocolate LOL :-) recently with our blended family decided to make Cody follow the same eating rules as the others, he has to try it, he has to eat 2 bites and then if he doesnt care for it he doesnt have to eat it...but if it is something that I and Kylee with eat (we are picky) then he has to eat 4 bites and if he doesnt he loses out on snack...that is what we do. With my sosn ODD if he has it in his head he isnt going to eat he wont, he will starve before eating it. i am not sure on the slow release meds but if he isnt eating good they could be releasing sooner and not lasting as long in his body becasue there isnt much or any food in his belly.Thank you for your quick replies, your right, it is a battle of wills, and I hate it,  but it    is happening so often at the mo with his flat refusal to eat the meals that his dad or I make him, that refusing the Cauli was the last straw, I'm fed up with making him food that he wont eat, and he knows all about balanced diets and stuff (they did at school, took over a week to convince him that the occasional bar of cholate, or bag of crips, wasn't bad for you!!) and he's really good at cooking, his dad teaches him,
I'm just so fed up with it all, as for his tablets it could be like you said the food thing, so their wearing off quiker, except that he has been horrible on them before this, and to his dad, so I know something is wrong.  I've started giving him a higer dose of the  instant release tablets instead, they are working a little better, I think we need to change tablets, my be to an anti D or something, I don't know, that what I needed to see his doctor about.

that is what i was goign to say next, maybe a med increase and a call to the doctor. :-)

It could be that the meds are changing his tastes, as he has always eaten anything put in front of him for years.  I also don't mind if he really doesn't like something, I wont make him eat it, but when its something I know he likes and he doesn't even make an effort with it, I get annoyed, I hate to see good food wasted.  I also know what it is like to be forced to eat something that you really don't like, my mother would forse me to eat mashed potatoe, which to this day will make me physically sick if I eat it.  Not something I would ever like to do to my child.  As ever though it is more complicated than it would initally seem, my 4yr old has food phobia's due to chronic chocking episodes when he little, so I can't let him see one of the others, especially Josh, who he really looks up to, be seen to leave vegetables, especially when he is eating them for once. (veges are his biggest fear)
As for the baby, it was discussed quite casually with all the kids on varing levels due to their ages, about wether they would like another brother or sister, and we asked what they would like, not that they or we get a choice, but in an ideal world if they could choose, they all aggreed that they would like another one, and the general concensus was for a girl, so heres hoping!!!
Josh is the oldest of my children and he really seems to love babies, he is as a rule very helpful, I have asked him if he would like to be there this time, as I hope to have a home birth again.  His answer was that he didn't as he wouldn't like to see me in pain, and he doesn't like blood, fair enough, I'd probably sit it out myself given the choice.
Tonights dinner all went, so back to normal tomorrow (I hope)  and as he was so good we sat up after the others had gone to bed and made a card together, its my wedding anniversary tomorrow and he wanted to make a card...see he can be sweet....must remind myself of that when he's being a pain.
Well got to go and get my hubby now, he should have finish work by now
Bye and THANK YOU everyone for your support, this place gives me a space to escape to when things are going badly, and the opportunity to pass on my experiences good or bad to help someone else, it a great place, long may it contiune to exist

This sounds like perhaps the meds are changing what he likes and doen't like.  My daughter(10 years old) has been on meds for 2 1/2 months.  Before she was the biggest fan of ANY kind of candy, junk food, anything but good eating choices.  Now she craves fruit - no candy(even chocolate).  She also loved to chew mint flavored gum and now she says that it hurts her tummy.  At dinner sometimes she says she's not hungry.  I dish up her plate with a small amount that a two year old would eat.  When she says she doesn't like it or isn't hungry( which I think she's figured out is the polite way to decline meals) I still make her eat all of the main course (meat) and then half of the veggies since she grazes all day out of the fruit bowl and the vegie crisper all day.

Also I don't know where your son falls in order to this baby that is on the way ( whethter oldest or youngest), but could the pressure of having another sibling be effecting his emotions??

 

Congrats on the new arrival and best wishes on the food fight at the table.

 

Hey Gwen!

 

I know your pain.  Dylan is nine and has been diagnosed adhd/odd.  He has been on a few med, but thye have not really done that much.  At first they seemed to, butthen not really.  Now he is on day 4 of VYVANSE 50 mg.  it is like a miracle drug so far accpet he cannot get to sleep, buthtat i can handle, once school starts he pill time will be earlier.  it last anywhere from 12-13 hours and he is agreeable  and started to do chores.  ask your doctor about it they give it tp you free for 30 days.  he does not swear and he eats what i tell him.everything used to be a fight.  it relly mellows him out.  pleaase so not feel you cannot handle this we are here for you.  you can also do therapy for yourself for no other reason it gives you alone time.  it is a long road we are on but it gets better.  please pm me if you need to.

 

Pam

mom to Dylan 9 adhd/odd

cassie 7

Hi
Thank you so much for your posts, yes I was having a really bad day yesterday, and by the end of it I was exhausted, but unable to sleep!
Today thankfully has been better, not brilliant, but better, we decided to give up with the dinner, but as a consequence he couldn't go to club, which he loves, or have any extras, treats etc for today, and since then he has  been manageble,  and he has just aggreed to do the dishwasher!!!! whether he actually manages it or not is another story but at least he aggreed to do it, so thats progress.

We have still had tantrums, and spitfull behaviour towards his siblings, but it hasn't been so constant.
Maybe we will get to enjoy our holiday next week after all!!
All I can do is hope (and pray) that  he finds a way of controlling his temper, as that is his main problem.

well got to go, sounds like the two year old has locked herself in the bathroom!!

its all go here

You are havig a very rough time. It goes this way with ADHD kids. I have seem marriages broken up by this and have even seen the parental bond broken. It can be quite rough.

Again, do check with your doc, a med increase may be justified.

Something that make life a little easier.

This is something I use to put things in some sort of prospective. "The goal is to have a happy, healthy productive 30 adult." (not the only goal but a good one).

Evaluate, is what I do helping work towards this? Of prime importance, going to school, getting love and acceptance from the family, having good structure in  the home, having the parents as advocates for the child with the school. Thes things will be very crucial for hy in seeing what kind of adult he will be.  Other issues that do not necessarily lead toward this need to be handled but on a lower level of priority. For example, he is ready to graduate with a PhD..."No you cannot graduate, you sucked your thumb when you were five. Getting married-"You can't get married, you did not clean up your room when you were 10, even worse you made a D in the fifth grade."  Many things which seem so important now will not matter 20 years from now. This does not mean that they do not be attended to but probably not worth a major power struggle.

On these, one can find alternative ways of handling them or let them slide a bit while you focus on more important things. I had some major battles with my son on cleaning up his room and finally decided it was not worth it. I told him that as long as I could shut his door, I was not going to worry about it. No food, I don't want meningitis in the house. You did not walk into this room, you had to climb in.

Now as a adult in his 30's he keeps a very neat precise home and fusses at me if I do not put something in the trash when I finish with it. It was a battle well worth letting go. It did continue to irritate me but I had other battles to fight.

It helps if you can find alternate ways of dealing with this problem. Remember, these kids are just as smart as you and much more aware of you than you are of them. If you find yourself losing, pull back, regroup, and come from a different angle of attack.  Your sanity is at stake.<grin> "Pick your battles and make them few."

That they can turn out as such wonderful adults makes it worth the effort.

Good luck.

Dizfriz

s