Anyone else feel like a waste of space? | ADHD Information
Hey rabbit, you and me are exactly alike. I don't have the time to answer you properly. We are about the same age and my philosophy, the last few years, is "Me first and screw everyone else."
It's not you who is screwed up, rabbit, it's the world. When you realize that you are thinking independently and everyone else is thinking what they are told to think it's very enlightening.
You should look up that hunter/farmer concept. Do a google search on these terms.
add, hunter, farmer
shinsetu_hito38308.6368634259In a word "Ditto". I did not find out till age 39. I always felt like you did, that life was so much easier for other people. Things seem to be so easy for classmates in school. It was a constant struggle for me. I am now taking Wellbutrin and Adderall but I wished I had been diagnosed a long time ago. I have to leave work now and go home but I want to welcome you and ask you to keep us posted. There are a lot of wonderful people on this board. I hope to talk with you again. Take heart..you are in a good company of friends.I have always felt different like there was a check mark missing somewhere. Others seemed to glide through life, have good relationships and friends, know what they wanted in life and set up a plan to get there. Me, I fell into everything without any planning, people like me but I don't really have any good friends (they seem like too much work and hassle to let them into my world), ended up in Chicago working as a legal secretary when I grew up in a small town and thought marriage and children were my future. I let life run me instead of me run it. When I was stressed out, my ADD issues seemed to stop me in my tracks and I went on ignore. Of course, until I was 37, I didn't even know I had ADD, I just thought I was crazy and no one else seem to know it yet. At an early age, I learned to swallow all my issues, show nobody what I felt or who I was. They saw a girl who was friendly, fairly intelligent and had a happy life. What I saw in the mirror was someone who felt broken, alone, unloved, unworthy and unsupported. People still see me this way and I still (even with medication) see the "other" me in the mirror. I just can't seem to find the support I need to break that mirror. I want to be someone who loves, is loved, has self-discipline, motivation, goals but because of all the past disappointments, I just don't have the energy to try bettering my life anymore. I am married, come from a large family, have friends (that aren't close) but I still feel so alone and very unloved. Has anyone else felt this way? If so, did you break "your mirror"? How? I've read the books, tried all the techniques but feel "pinned down" by mixed messages given by significant others in my life who don't believe that I had ADD (and see all my ADD issues as excuses for laziness or uncaring). Their not believing makes me feel so broken, unworthy and a waste of space. I know I am broken and need the support of others to repair myself but insteaed I get finger pointing and the chip becomes a crack and the crack becomes a shatter...
RascallyRabbit38308.5862615741
Hello Rabbit,
I think we all feel like that now and then. Its not fun, but try to think of it in the way that you have ADD for a reason or purpose.
Maby you did or will have to do something that your Add will help you. I really feel that I have it cause there are certain times when I need to run 100 miles an hour! I know this may
not be much help. But cheer up you can always talk about it here with people that understand excatly what you mean. 
Yup - I agree, everyone else is crazy . Not really! Everyone has different priorities is more accurate.
Acceptance and Empathy, are two very important factors in becoming mentally well. (or what I believe to be mentally well )
Without Acceptance and Empathy, you become self centred and Me Focussed, and often a blamer.
Take responsibility for where you are at, and focus on changing what you can, and Accepting what you cant, and finding the wisdom to tell the difference between the two.
Cheers
Oh nearly forgot - my best advice I ever give, is Stuff what other think - and learn to tell them to shove their advice and criticism, until you understand where you are at, you dont need it.
It is okay to focus on you, and do for you. I think you should put your needs first for a while and rebalance.
Rae7038308.7027430556Who cares what other people think. I know I don't, maybe because I'm an Egomaniac or maybe because I can see that nobody is perfect.
Has anyone ever asked you this question? If you could trade places with anyone in the world who would you choose? I could never think of another person that I would want to become.
Everyone has problems and deep dark secrets, just because those problems are not visable to the rest of us doesn't mean they aren't there. Yeah it sucks being me a lot of times, but I'd still rather be me then anyone else on this earth.
hi,i told someone recently (before meds) when i wasn a very deep depression, suicidal really that even though i felt this way i did not regret my life. this would be to regret me. i cannot do that because i know that i am a very valuable person. i have gone through thinking i was mad, stupid, lazy and a split personality but i always knew i was also special. very creative and with huge empathy and insight. we are special but often unrecognised - you,ve made it this far - believe in you!
take care,
jhaz
I see something of everyone who posted in me. This time last yr., I felt sooooo lost and alone. Even after I read books and articals. But most of them were focused around children. And I always knew some piece of the puzzle of life was missing, and I'll be damned if I could find it!
Sometimes I truly think we are smart and creative folks, but the so called "normal" one will never know! And as have said before, I wish when my hubby dosen't understand, he could be ADD for one day. Even better, I wish we could give EVERYONE ADD/ADHD for a while, long enough to be hurt real bad and feel like a reject. I don't mean to sound cruel, but maybe they would understand and be grateful for the hand that was delt to them at birth.
Hi, Don't mean to change the subject again. I just wanted to say to mafia kiddo & jhaz, please keep on posting! You seem to
have really wise advice and I think your attitudes are great! I think this message board could possible be a great form of
therapy. Its important to see Drs who handle Adhd but I have never seen so many people like Me!!
I should say thanks to all for being Here I feel normal
Scats
Has anyone ever asked you this question? If you could trade places with anyone in the world who would you choose? I could never think of another person that I would want to become. [/QUOTE]
I'd become a 17 year old Tokyo school-girl. . . hee hee
OMG, did I say that out-loud?
I sometimes feel like a waste of space, but I talked someone through a crisis and made them feel better last night, so maybe I'm not completely useless.If any of my posts have helped anyone, maybe I've done something worthwhile here too?
Latina-ADD,
If I sounded Like I was criticizing, I am so sorry, I just meant that this is a great place to post when your feeling down. Everyone really cares and understands. I am so sorry I it sounding like something different. Again thats another way I get into messes I know what I feel, but I never express it well.
Please forgive me?
If I offended any one I am sorry, everyone has had very helpful thoughts and Ideas. I appreciate everyones posts and thoughts.
Scats
I'm not much of a Bhuddist really, but what's true is true.
You'll notice that so many ADDers come here depressed about the same thing. They've gone through life, they've been told what they are supposed to be and what they are supposed to want, and even if can manage to do these things they still aren't happy. Be what you are. So you feel worthless? Worthless to whom? After a rain the other day, I picked up a worm who was drying out on the sidewalk and tossed him on to the wet grass. I definately wasn't worthless to that worm.
Try to do good, Try not to do harm, and then you have every right to simply be happy. This little tidbit comes from ancient Rome, via Cicero.
I think the reason that most people, critisize people with ADD (or any mental illness) is that they are uneducated about the facts. There were times when I first started my treatment that I myself wondered if I was using my disability for an excuse. As I educated myself more I began to comprehend why I acted the way I did. My advice to you is, when people critisize you don't get angry. Instead, offer them reading material on ADD (Shire makes a good booklet). If that doesn't work, at least you know yourself what the problem really is. That's all that matters anyway.
JonathZf38309.6115856481[QUOTE=floofthegoof]Pride is the root of all suffering. [/QUOTE]
I see we got a Buddhist here. :-)
Hi RR,Sounds like you and I were separated at birth. I didn't get diagnosed until I was 37.
I am taking Zoloft and Adderall now and it seems to be helping.
At least we are lucky enough to have recognized our conditions and there are solutions. My self esteem is building because of those two things. I'm starting to like myself more and I am not so hard on myself because I realize I am dealing with a real bugger of a condition.
So...going forward...I have things I still want to accomplish. Tally Ho. :o)
bb
Pride is the root of all suffering.
I just heard a great song on the radio the other day. Would have never guessed it was Bachman-Turner Overdrive. It's called "Looking Out for Number One."
Every day is an endless train you got to ride it to the end of the line be a troubleshooter blow the bad luck away and you will make it to your station on time and you'll find out every trick in the book and that's there's only one way to get things done you'll find out the only way to the top is looking out for number one i mean you keep looking out for number one Every night is a different game We gotta work for our fortune and fame success is a ladder take a step at a time and the people will remember your name yes i found out all the tricks of the trade and that's there's only one way you're gonna get things done i found out the only way to the top is looking out for number one and that's me i'm looking out for number one Every day is an endless train but i ride it to the end of the line I'm a real troubleshooter and i blow it away No one's gonna get what's mine i found out every trick in the book and that's there's only one way to get things done i found out the only way to the top is looking out for number one i mean you keep looking out for number one that's us keep looking out for number one that's me i'm looking out for number oneSchwep Pride's the cause of all pain?What about stuff like Malaria...hmm, maybe only proud people get malaria. Right Floof?
[QUOTE=Laurala]Pride's the cause of all pain?
What about stuff like Malaria...hmm, maybe only proud people get malaria. Right Floof?
[/QUOTE]
My "hair-splitting" senses are tingling.
Pride's the cause of all pain?What about stuff like Malaria...hmm, maybe only proud people get malaria. Right Floof?
Ok, I'm no buddhist expert, but I'll try to answer. Pride is the root of all suffering, not necessarily the overt cause. If you get Malaria, and you suffer, it's because you wanted something different. Pain is just a sensation. Pain is not something that can make a person unhappy. Have you done your best? Are you a good person? Then you can be happy even if you are dying from Malaria. I'm sure it's pretty difficult to maintain one's composure in such a situation, but it is your desire for what could have been that will cause the suffering.
Without desire, there can be no suffering.
I'm not suggesting that one should simply lower standards for oneself, but you should understand that any suffering resulting from failure is based upon a foolish and dispensable notion.
Yeah i agree with this forum totally.... everyone else are just working well maintaining relationships etc.....they call me the freak...they don't understand that I feel so bad about myself because i'm so different to them that I wanna commit suicide....I don't really think if they knew that they would treat me so badly or would they?? God life is so sh*t it muct be an exam..lol"
by the way RascallyRabbit you are not a waste of space.....look at your good qualities and you do have some.. if you came on to this board and asked us them you do have good qualities don't ask me why but the reason i started using this board was because i knew i was worth something
wildlad08838320.2629861111Rae70,Despensing with *all* of your pride is impossible. But the more you manage to get rid of, the happier you will be.
It's like drawing a line. No matter how steady your hand or how fine your pen, you can't draw a perfect line, but you can make a pretty good one with some effort.
Never confuse pain with unhappiness, and never confuse pleasure with happiness. They are separate concepts. Very often the pleasurable road leads to unhappiness, and the painful road very often leads to happiness.
it's great to have a healthy balance of pride...it's makes the world go round...lol
I can really relate to what you are saying. And just maybe I can be of some help. One thing I found out throughout life was that I ALWAYS have been really bugged by people who were either concieted, or had a really high self esteem. I would think that if one has ADD or ADHD; life would eventually convince you that you are somehow worth less than others who seem to have life wired. Back in High School; the popular people were my enemy because they're "confidence" made me reflect on how little confidence I had in myself. Low self esteem kept me from success in life; and made me dependant on others who loved me. It seemed that even the mood of these "loved ones" would dictate whether or not I was having a good or bad day. If my wife was stressed; I would be stressed (for instance). Then last year; my wife was being honored where she worked for a promotion in upper management. (She's the confident one that loves me enough to encourage me in life) Anyway; this exectutive "dinner" we were supposed to attend was made known a month in advance. Me, being a struggling artist who can't hardly get by was going to have to rub elbows with these "execs". I was absolutuely terrified about attending this dinner. My wife encouraged me to see a counselor. After the second visit; the counselor asked me about my fears; and said something very groundbreaking to me. He had asked what I saw in the mirror. I told him "a failure" ( being convinced from my past life results and behaviors) Then he said: "Do you see or imagine what will happen when you attend this dinner?" I told him that the contrast between these "successes" and my failure as a business person would make me stand out. Then he said: "NOBODY IS LOOKING AT YOU" I was shocked! At first I felt insulted. I was so insignificant that nobody would care to look at me? Then he told me. "Most people who are a success are too busy looking at themselves in a positive light to notice what anyone else is doing" He asked me to trust his advice and just go. To not try to stand out and be the life of the party, but just take it slow. Just be there for my wife. I asked him: "What if they ask me what I do?" He said to be truthful; but don't give out more information than was neccesary. They didn't really want to know anyway. For me to just say "I am an artist" Not a "struggling" artist. Just an artist. Then to eventually bring the conversation back to the topic of themselves. The night of the dinner; I was so nervous that I thought I was going to throw up. It started off at the President of the company's home; and progressed to a restaurant. In the old days; I would have gotton a drink to relax me a bit. (but I don't drink any more) So; I did what the counselor told me. Now one of the biggest learning experiences for me happened right in front of my eyes. Not only did people ask about my "art career"; but asked to see some of my work sometime. They DIDN'T ask if I was rich and famous! Why would I think they would ask that? It didn't take long until I started feeling like they saw me as a success; doing what I was made to do. Then I saw something else. Another lady who was being honored that night. (There were about 10 in all) Her husband was obviously terribly nervous. He started drinking the minute they came in, and had downed probably three drinks in 30 minutes or so. Just before we left to go to the restaurant; he told her he wanted to go home. I felt so bad for the poor guy; and even worse for his wife. But I could tell (just like with my wife); that she understood him and his fear of public settings. I didn't mean to evesdrop; but they were standing pretty close to me. I tried to go over and start a conversation with him to try to comfort him, but he said they were leaving. It was a tragedy. I saw myself in him. I saw my own thoughts, fears, and behaviors in him. And I felt compassion for him and his wife. My wife looked at my eyes and could see that I understood him, and she gave me a hug. My couselor was right. Nobody is looking. (I only did because I could relate) You bring the attention to yourself (as I had all my life). If you just blend in and "aim for the middle" (my doctors phrase); everything would go smooth. In other words; don't be the best, and don't be the worst. Don't be the life of the party, and don't be the wallflower. Nobody is there to ridicule you. This has enabled me to grow, and gain some confidence over the last few months. Try not to feel like you have something to prove to others, because they are not really looking. Life is complicated enough for people to need to pay attention to themselves; so don't become obsessed with what you might think others are seeing in you. THEY'RE NOT LOOKING AT YOU. Avoid having an inacurate self image. I hope this is of some help. It really worked for me.
I empathise.
Don't be so hard on youself.
I decided to work with people who are worse off that myself. It put things into perspective, and taught me to be less self-absorbed. By doing so, you can find a new freedom and understanding of yourself, which will lift you out of your depression.
It will take an effort, but the rewards are plentiful. Become a whole being, accepted for who you are; and fufilled in the knowledge that what you are doing is really worthwhile.
ps ultimately who gives a toss what other people think. Only you has to live with you.
You're really fine, just a little self doubting.
Live the journey, love the journey, use your gifts (cos AD is a gift!!) as a gift to others. The rewards are unsurpassable.
This fantastic news board will help you keep a sense of perspective....thanks everyone.
Have any of you guys that are talking about pain, every suffered a serious illness or nearly died, or experienced physical loss in any way.
Trust me, There is always a period of Grief, whether you are prideful person or not. It is natural and okay to feel like crap occassionaly and sometimes for an extended period if something serious caused it.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - ever heard of that - it is not an imaginary thing.
And Spaced - that was really trippy what you wrote - I have no idea what you are trying to say. Whats all this separation of the physical and ephemeral.
When a person is in chronic pain - there is rarely an ephemeral thought that crosses their mind.
Blah! - maybe I just aint smart enough to get all this talk ! But I am completely confused.
Hi Scatts, I wish I had responded sooner, but I diden't get back to this thread until today. When I first read it, I had replied, but than deleated it when (in my dyslexic brain) I though you said "Don't be mean" And went on to say I wasn't. Dyslexia s**cks!
Anyway Scatts, I forgive you, but you don't have to appoligize. I understood that maybe your mind was in a different place from mine at the time
. I'm sure I've said things that might have even really hurt someone, but just like you and ALL the rest of us, we tend to do that at times. I guess thats just the nature of the add/adhd "BEASTIE"
Hi Latina-ADD
My mind is usually in different places. I sometimes there was a switch for a frequency that could make the workd come out they way they should! Thanks for being understanding.
I was interested when you said dyslexia, I often read things incorrectly or switch number from what I read to what I write. Does any one one if that is part of ADD? That would also explain alot. I have always been told I things way too fast and I am not careful (even if I thought I was)
Scats
Hi Scats, I'm glad you read that. It seems like alot of times add and dyslexia come as a "package deal". Probably thats why lots of us suck at math I love to read, but sometimes I have to read a paragraph over again, b/c it just didn't make sence.
You said your told you do things to fast and are not being careful, even though you thought you were careful. A good test would be to try to slow down and do something that involves numbers & reading. If you have dyslexia, no matter how slow and careful you are, your brain will some how manage to screw them up
. But maybe not as often. Talking dyslexic can be really funny. I was asked at work what kind of car I have. I said "I have a 59 Grand Am"!!! Oh no, not funny, embarrassing now that I think about it!
Good luck, Scats! Let me know how you make out.
Latina-Add
I am starting to wonder if I have about a million twins out there!
What you described about talking dyslexic and reading sounds identical! I am always glad to learn more that proves that I am like alot of people (good people!!!!!)
Thanks again
Scats
Thanks all for posting replies. I appreciate them all. I wanted to clarify that I am not a "waste of space" because of ADD. I am a productive, smart and worthy person. My post was to ask for some guidance from those other ADDers who feel that "other people make them feel like a waste of space" because they don't understand ADD or because they don't believe that we have ADD. My biggest issue is that I have "issues" that are real and effect me personally and greatly but those closest to me who should hold me up and keep me safe deny that I am any differently then them, have any issues, nor need any help or support from them. Who am I suppose to turn to for help (not physical... I need to feel that someone cares enough to really know me)? My husband denies the ADD. My therapist confuses me because one day he says that he thinks my ADD is really just anxiety or poor nutrition problem and then the next day he says "we ADDer's all have that problem". I know that I have ADD... I want to make my ADD work with and for me but when others give me the "there's nothing wrong with you and you don't have ADD" talk, I feel like I am being under valued. Does that make sense? Anyone else feel this way? I know I shouldn't care what they think but I do and it hurts... greatly. [QUOTE=Laurala]Pride's the cause of all pain?What about stuff like Malaria...hmm, maybe only proud people get malaria. Right Floof?
[/QUOTE]
You've got to realize that the body, and really the physical world as we experience it, is ephemeral. It doesn't last and it won't be around forever. Malaria, as far as it affects the body, is also ephemeral. Only if it causes damage to your ability to be you (i.e. leaves you incapacitated or dead) does it really become significant in terms of the impression you'll leave behind in this world. Think about it: the change you make on this world doesn't happen because you have any particular body, appearance, or physical quality; rather, the changes which stick around happen because you understood something intellectually, and effected a change for everyone else intellectually. This isn't to say that the physical domain isn't at all involved with our lives and the course of our history (war happens, after all), but the real meaning, as far as our decisions and expectations go, is in the way we percieve ourselves and our world, and not so much in the physical details.
So perahps only proud people do "get" malaria, because perhaps only overly-proud people let it affect them?