Less than 2 X's a week would THRILL me. She averages at least 1 a day, usually 2. She only got 1 today, so that's good.
Thanks for the suggestions. I'm trying to figure out what works best for us - it's so hard!
I don't post here much, but I read every day. This place is so wonderful because I don't feel so alone.
My stepdaughter, age 9 (almost 10), lives with us fulltime. She's in 4th grade and takes Concerta 54mg.
These past few days have been particularly trying in dealing with her. She gets a daily behavior summary sent home, and she's had more X's than we consider acceptable. She gets an X after she's had 2 warnings. Yesterday she got kicked out of science class for disrupting.
The kicker came this morning when I figured out why she was burning through so much lunch money - she's been eating breakfast at school, which she's not supposed to do. I HATE the way that our school system handles lunch money - each student has a PIN number, and whenever they go through the lunch line, money is deducted based on what the student has selected. There is no real supervision or control over what the kids get. We had a big problem with her buying lots of "extras" a while back (buying donuts then throwing most of them away, etc) and spending WAY too much $$, so we forbade her from buying extras. It never occurred to me that she'd be sneaking breakfast because she eats a good breakfast at home before she gets on the bus.
Needless to say, I'm pretty mad this morning. And I'm going to the store today to stock up on lunchbox stuff since she's now forbidden to buy ANYTHING EVER in the cafeteria, that is if she has any money left. We sent last week, and I'm pretty sure she's burned through most of it.
I decided yesterday to log the number of X's that she gets every day. I'm going to make her start doing writing exercises for the X's she gets, as well. She needs the practice anyway because her handwriting is atrocious. I've also told her that if she has all smiley faces on her sheet, she'll get paid to do chores. If she has X's, she won't get paid. And there are LOTS of chores to do (and potential $ for her) because we're having the big parent/inlaw visit next month.
I'm just at a complete loss with this child sometimes. I try to focus on the positive, but she gets in trouble so much! She can be so sweet and affectionate, but she can also be sneaky, manipulative, and downright mean. I don't know if it's time for a higher dosage or what - that's why I'm starting to log her behavior sheet. I love her, but it's so hard. Guilt abounds because I'm not her natural mother, even though I know that she wouldn't stand a chance if she lived with her real mom.
Thanks for indulging my rant. Getting it typed out has calmed me down. Thanks everyone for being here.
I do believe that these kids are one step ahead of us - just when you think you have a problem sorted, up pops another. I too am feeling totally at a loss with how to treat my 14 year old son and all his issues. School and his teachers annoy me so much and there seems no answers at times. Ranting does help me so I am happy to listen to yours!!!
I would suggest rather than just punishment for the Xs, try rewards for getting no Xs. There are many ways to do this, and they do best with immediate rewards, like if she does not get an X, let her have a small reward. If she gets less than 2 Xs in a week, she gets a bonus on the weekend. Find something she really likes (extra video time, extra time to stay up, a game with you, etc). This fits with positive reinforcement behaviour modification. My youngest had something like this in the 4th grade to get her on track with school work. The combo of meds and behavior modification worked wonders.