fear of being alone | ADHD Information

I was like this as a child. I slept with my mother off and on until I was in my teens. The only way I ever slept in my own bed was falling asleep before she went to bed. I wish my mother would have taken me to see a doctor, but back then I think people had this no nonsense approach to raising children. It wasn't until I was 15 and raising hell that she decided to seek treatment for me. I was diagnosed with ADHD, depression and social anxiety.

To this day I have to sleep with the television on for comfort. Medication has helped the anxiety through the years but as soon as I am off meds it starts right back up. My mother always tried to reason with me, but just because you know your reaction is irrational doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

I should add that I have not been medicated for ADHD since I was 19. I have however been medicated for the depression and anxiety off and on for 15 years. CBT is the ONLY thing that has helped me long term. One of the reasons why I quit taking medication was that very reason. I feel like I have used medication as a crutch for so many years without even being aware of that fact. However, I understand that the ADHD is not going to get better without medication - it never has, but I function well enough that I choose to remain unmedicated for the ADHD.

LonerGirl39319.9838657407Wow, that is interesting. I had him try relaxing his body from head to toe, little but little as they do in yoga classes. I've also had him pretend to be lying on a dock on the lake relaxing. These are things that work for me but he doesn't seem to be latching on. Also, I've tried walking him thru the rational approach - has this ever happened, what is the likelihood etc. Also not working but maybe we just need to repeat more. It has been going on for a while -- maybe a year and a half. I will try to find a CD. Sometimes I wonder, is this just how he is and what he needs to do? Eventually, he does go to sleep even if it is after he has bugged us like crazy. It's a pain but I guess it won't last forever. Maybe I'm the one who needs to relax? Hmmmm....When you find out the solution to this, please let me know. Our son is going through this too.

My child is working with a therapist on his anxiety.  She's a cognitive behavioral therapist.  Basically, he's supposed to ask himself what he's worried will happen, what's happened in the past in this situation (if he's ever gotten hurt or something bad has happened), and how likely is it that something bad is going to happen (she had him research things like how often people have gotten hurt by thunder or lightning by polling others).  After he does all of these things, he's supposed to repeat a calming thought, like "It's really unlikely I'm going to get hurt by the lightning."  Then, he's supposed to do some relaxing breathing to help relax his body.  You also can do visualizations of a relaxing place, guided imagery to help relax all of the muscles in the body, and some other things.  Since your son is older, these could work for him.  You can buy a CD that guides you through the relaxation and the imagery.  That's the approach my child's therapist has taught him, so maybe that'd work for your son. 

Is this a new fear, or has he had it all along?  If new, has anything happened recently to trigger overnight separation anxiety (like, maybe anxiety about the beginning of school)?

My 12 year old adhd son has a terrible fear of being alone at night. (He's fine during the day, even likes to be left home alone.) He comes in our room 3-4-5 times for reassurance. He says he is afraid we will go to sleep and he will be alone and something bad will happen. I tell him every night he says this and every night nothing happens so he just needs to relax. Uselesss of course, there is no convincing him. He won't do sleepovers at other kids' because of this. Any suggestions?My son, now 16, had night terrors from a young age, and didn't learn to put himself to sleep until he was about 14 years old. I gave up trying everything to get him to sleep by himself for years. Getting angry and frustrated never worked. I ended up sleeping on the floor on a mattress in his room, till he was about 13. Amazingly I still have the same husband. He still sleeps with a light on in the hall, and needs his big bears on both sides of his bed, and rolled up blanket at the end of his bed: I assume to keep the monsters under his bed. I think it was anxiety as well, but they have to be willing to try and help themselves for counselling or anything else to work. Good luck all I never found the answer, and what I thought would work never did, because he was terrified.

We are currently dealing with a similar issue with my 10.5 year old daughter who is ADHD.  It took me a long time to figure out the terrible behavior we were having at bed time was tied to her anxiety around sleeping by herself.  

Last week, we were in to see the nurse practitioner that manages her ADHD med's.   We discussed how it is hard to sometimes separate what is "normal" developmentally behavior for kids from ADHD/Anxiety issues.   It's not uncommon for kids this age to have these issues.   My oldest daughter is almost 13 and it's really only been the last year or so that she has been sleeping in her own room.  She spent many nights on the floor of my room in a sleeping bag.   Many of my friends kids also went through periods of their kids being in their rooms as well. 

I think what makes it different/worse with my youngest daughter is the ADHD behaviors that can sometime go along with the night time issues. Things can get a little wild and crazy!  To try to improve things we are trying the following:  melatonin at bed time,  staying in the room again for a little while and coming back every 10 minutes or so to check in on her and reassuring her everything will be ok.  She gets lots of praise for sleeping in her own room. 

These things are kind of helping, but she is still taking a really long time to fall asleep.  It's also very tiring, so times when it is really late (it's not uncommon for her to still be up at midnight or 1 am), I give up and just let her sleep with us.  I figure I'd rather sleep than fight.  I figure eventually she will end up in her own room...

I'm sorry I can't help more, as I too would love a magic solution to this problem.   Good luck and remember your not alone. 

Thanks everyone for the support on this one. I was thinking that with school approaching, perhaps he is regressing a bit as this issue has been magnified recently. I remember doing the check on him every 15minutes thing a few years ago. Trouble is, now he is up way too late for me and I can't pry myself out of bed!My son is 6 and not only does he h ave this at night.  He has it during the day.  If I have to leave the room to go to the bathroom I have to let him know where I am going and where he can find me.  He has to have visual contact with someone at all times.  This is starting to wear on my nerves!!!!  It makes doing simple chores a task.  If I am putting away laundry and I take a pile and walk into another room and I forget to tell him  boy ohh boy watch out!!!!  The psychologist we are seeing is trying to work on that with him, but we re not making much progress.