I’m going to explode... | ADHD Information

I have a 9 yr. old foster girl and her 11 yr. old sister. I've had these 2 girls for 3 1/2 yrs. I also had their 1/2 bro. for 2 1/2yrs. till a few mo. ago.

Because of many error's in paper work from the psy. to the court, the children have been removed from this Dr.s care and have been both court ordered for further testing.

The 9 yr. old has ADHD and Bipolar. The 11 yr. old has ADD and Bipolar. The 9 yr. old is so hyperactive it is wearing me out. She is irritable, demanding of my time, clumsy, hyperactive, has attention difficulties, manipulative behavior, can't follow directions, a very bad memory, extremely loud, compulsively lies, and is extremely defiant. She can't stay on task and she talks endlessly.

They are going back to school this Monday, and they have been off their med's for 1 mo. We have had 2 meetings with this new Psy. and we have one more to meet in a couple of weeks.

I had wanted to adopt these 2 girls, but the stress they have given me over the years is endless. When they started the typical med. for ADHD, it actually made them more agressive and their behavior got worse.

After Concerta, Statera, Adderall, etc., they started Stratera. This had worked wonders for them. They were calmer, more relaxed, and in better overall moods.

I fought tooth and nail in the beginning to keep them off meds, but it got to be to much for any one person to handle.

They had been on for almost a year now, but since they were court ordered to wean off, I have been in Hell.

I have gained over 50 lbs. in the past 3 1/2 years, and I'm so afraid to give them up because I do love them. The 9 yr. old is will not stop jumping around and talking. She will not follow directions, it takes her over an hour to eat a simple meal, she can't do any of her chores, and she picks trouble with everyone.

I am pushing her away every moment. When we go to the store, she runs everywhere. I have to put her on a leash. She angers her sister and my other 8 yr. old foster girl and gets them both in a bad mood.

The Court will not seperate these 2 girls, even though the 1/2 bro. and her 1/2 sister cannot stand her. I can't take her anywhere because she just causes trouble and talks so loud she gives me a headache and tries to run around and touch everything.

If they weren't starting school, I would have asked for temporary respite care for her. I'm so stressed out, I feel sick. When I see her come near me, I push her away.

I've told the Theropist and the Child care agency what is happening. They said they have to wait for the testing to be finished and presented to the court.

I can't wait till she goes to school and the prof. staff gets a load of her. They will help, I'm sure.

Last year in her IEP meeting, both her teacher and her special aid teacher said that the 9 yr. old should be in a full day special ed. class. The CASA worker dissagreed and said we would talk about it this year. Once they see how she acts, I hope she will be able to go in a class that can help her better.

I'm so frustrated, I don't know what to do. I can't take it much longer. I hate to give her back, but I'm at my wits end. I've been having chest pains and I'm becoming afraid for my health.

Any suggestions????

Hi Ambermay,

Your health is far more important.  If it means giving the girls up and that maybe the only alternative.  Why have the courts ordered meds to stop?  I am in Australia and don't know the system you are dealing with, but would having a doctor say that it is vital be enough?  Being tired up in red tape is just so frustrating and I can understand why you are so upset.  Hang in there. 

Hi Ambermay-

I feel for you. Although I have only had to get through my step d's dad to get help and not the system. He was antimeds for her as well until we could not take anymore and broke down.These children make it so tough to be a mom to them and takes all the fun out of being a mom at times...(most times)! My dd is bipolar/adhd/odd and she likes to bully, steal, lie, sneak. So, while we think things are on track we simply look around or recieve a phone call to find out dd is still up to no good. Last winter I had gained 20 lbs and slipped into depression as well. So I completely understand how these illnesses can completely suck happiness out. You sound like a great mom even tho it is so rough for you. I hope that you can get people on the same page as you to help encourage your rights and decisions as their mom soon.

I know how it is to push away... the hurt is so strong! It is hard to bare and daily with out relief can just make it hard to say good morning.

My dd11 has been caught this weekend lying, stealing, and sneaking yet again and it is all I have to be night and day watchman of her since she is nearly the oldest ( second to oldest)..I heard myself say this a.m. "oh yeah, the game must go on." I know it is an illness. But, sometimes I wish one day we could have a dull day...no excitement no drama..

Honestly if courts were involved that would add so much more stress. Everyone wants to parent,judge,point fingers and some know some don't know but think they know...tough tough tough stuff!!

We can't send dd11 anywhere for help. The family won't touch her (for respite) because they know what is entailed. Her real mom cannot be found literally. Oh how we have searched. So I also know those feelings of wanting to find someone to take over the daily grind of care.

My Dh has basically put her care and needs in my lap and ignores the behaviors for his own sanity.I get angry with him over that at times, when I just can't handle any more snide remarks from her or finding the last straw stuck in her room....

I probably didn't help you at all and I am sorry I can only say I am in this boat with ya to a certain degree and I feel ya..  All I can say is what the therapist told me "you have chosen this- above all it is the highest and hardest thing you can do in this life to love this child(ren). A place in heaven is reserved.

Take care of you....supduck