need help fast | ADHD Information

My daughter is 13 and the last year has been very hard for me.  She is so rude and disrespectful.  It has occured over the last year.  I took her to her ped and he said it was normal.  Now school has started and she has HORRIBLE grades, she was on the honor role before her downward spiral.  I have seen her interacting with her friends as well and she is so mean and her outbursts against everyone is tough.    She has started being really mean to her younger sister and baby brother too.  It is like she can't control herself.  I have to really stay on her to get her to do her homework, she is so rude all the time.  I am at my wits end and I need to know if I should take her to a Psychiatrist or a Counselor.  It is so hard to get in without a Dr's request.  I feel in my heart of hearts that she needs medicine or some form of coping mechanism to help her with her outbursts.  I have questioned her and we talked to a counselor too, they just tell me that she is a normal girl, going through hormonal changes.  Am I wrong for feeling this way?  I have ADD, I was diagnosed a few years ago.  I really don't know where to start.  Please help me on where to turn.  It is impossible over here, I feel like she is slipping away and it is breaking my heart.  She can't concentrate at all, she is histerical all of the time.  Can ADHD start at puberty?  She is out of control, she is taller and in much better shape than me.  She is a cheerleader, made it before the downward spiral.   The other day I disciplined her by telling her to go to her room and taking her cell phone, and she hit me HARD in the face.  I can't take her, she walks right on over me.   My husband works all day and she has started getting mouthy with him as well.  She doesn't talk to him like she does me though.   He has to be the bad guy all of the time, because I can't get her to mind on my own and it is not fair to him or myself.  I can't go billy joe bad butt on her, I don't want to go to jail, she threatens to call DHS!  Please help, We love her, but she is running this home and I need a change.  I know she can turn this around, we will do anything to make it better.

Absolutely get therapy!  She sounds just like me at that age.  If you want a full evaluation for adhd then make sure you see a psychiatrist.  If you need a referal from the ped it shouldn't be problem- it sounds like you've already filled him or her in on the issues she's having.  All you need to do is call him and tell him that your daughter's behavior is escalating and she's become physically violent and you need a referal.

It's possible that she has adhd but has been able to compensate until now.  I know my own symptoms get worse with stress.  It's also possible that she's just having a really horrible time with all the changes and hormones.  Girls this age can also get incredibly mean to each other, cliques at school don't help, and it's also an age where they feel very insecure about themselves. 

There's also a great website for teen girls called gurl.com.  A lot of info and support- the women who started the site also wrote a book called "Deal With It". 

I agree that she should see some one. Sometimes girls this age just "need a friend", not Mom or school friends, some one impartial they can bounce stuff off. I would get the referral and go from there. It may all just be "normal" and hormonal stuff, but you guys need some one to intervene before this escalates further. Good luck.