adhd son and we are wits end! | ADHD Information

Hi NameisAbby,

My heart really goes out to you. I understand that feeling of total frustration and helplessness. I agree with the others that your son needs a really good psychiatric exam ASAP. His hoarding of sweets and very extreme behavior sounds like there is more going on and finding the right diagnosis and meds would be a godsend for you.

Good luck ((((Abby)))))

Joy2
This might sound off the wall, but I have been investigating links between ADHD and autism and you might want to google autism. There are a some blood tests that are available to test for imbalances that once detected people are treating with diet modification and supplements. It is not invasive and with what you are dealing with it might be worth investigating. Best of luck and I hope you have a good support system in place to help you get through this!

30% rule

I worked on a response yesterday but ran out of time and will not be able to finish it this week. Instead I will post a pdf of a Russell Barkley workshop which discusses it.

http://www.schwablearning.org/pdfs/2200_7-barktran.pdf

The whole article may be of interest to you. It has a lot of information on ADHD. It was dated 2000 but is still fairly up to date. Hope it is of some help.

The 30% rule is a rule of thumb to help understand what we should expect of of an ADHD child. It has been helpful to many parents. Barkley reports it as the single most helpful concept for parents that he teaches. My opinion also.

Hoped to give you a better response but time is a tough disciplinarian.

Dizfriz

Omg. This is my situation exactly except the difference is that I am a single mother. I am at wits end too and find my self crying almost every night. I used to get calls once a week when he started preschool. I dread parent teacher conferences let me tell you. My son has some speech delay and definitly anger issues. He argues alot. He also has some problems with spatial differences. Runs over things and people. When we go to the mall I constantly have to say "Excuse Me" "Say excuse me" "He didnt mean to run into your stroller" Subsequently I dread any type of outing. I put him on Ritalin 10mg BID and that seemed fine, except that it wears off at 4 and I commute so I have to do homework at 6pm. Sometimes this becomes a 2.5 hr session with 2 worksheets. I recently switched him to Concerta 36mg which cost 0 so that I could also have some medication help with homework. Since putting him on Concerta 7 days ago, he has been In house suspended and I have received 2 calls from principal, 1 from teacher, 3 from babysitter. I cant take it anymore. I am sad all the time. I think I am at my happiest at work and I hate feeling like that. I would rather do 3hr homework than receive calls from anyone. I would say it gets better but it hasnt for me so...I choose instead to share my story and hopefully you wont feel so alone.Been there and done it. Yes its incredibly difficult. I'm wondering if you're paying off his behavior by getting really angry and upset at everything he does. What helped me most was practicing /pretending to him that I coudn't care less about his behavior: but would give him a consequence for those behaviors every time. I made a list of behaviors I wanted to decrease : Screaming, yelling, attitude - 1/2 an hour in room after you're quiet. This was just one behavior. Because I had a plan I was able to stay more calm. Remember no behav. goes away over night. Lock up the food you don't want him to have, so you don't power struggle with him over everything. Get help and support. Believe me I know how difficult it is. These kids are stimulation junkies, and the more reaction you give them the more they do the behavior. Never argue with an angry kid ( or any kid )it escalates the behav. tics you off and then you are in a spiral of negativity. All this takes incredible practice. Raising these kids is so difficult and sometimes you don't see an end, but in the longer term things do improve as long as you practice calmness. good luck we are all with you. momiss239338.3038773148

Dixfriz,

Thank you so much for the site below. I am learning more from this than I have from several books and it explains much that I see in my son, but haven't been able to put into the right words to explain it to someone else!

Val

30% rule

I worked on a response yesterday but ran out of time and will not be able to finish it this week. Instead I will post a pdf of a Russell Barkley workshop which discusses it.

http://www.schwablearning.org/pdfs/2200_7-barktran.pdf

The whole article may be of interest to you. It has a lot of information on ADHD. It was dated 2000 but is still fairly up to date. Hope it is of some help.

Hoped to give you a better response but time is a tough disciplinarian.

Dizfriz

[/QUOTE]

I know what you are going through. I have a 6 year old son that is AD/HD, Bipolar, ODD & IED. So we've been there and sometime still get there as he grows.

My son was diagnosed AD/HD, ODD & IED when he was 4. The week leading up to his diagnoses, he tried to stab me with a knife while I was asleep at 7 in the morning. (the knives were on the very top shelf, I had to stand on a chair to get them!) I took him to the hospital and they wanted to keep him, but the were no bed available. So I took him home, we had 2 fairly good days. But the next day we were sitting in the recliner watching a movie and he got up and just started throwing everything he could get ahold of at me. So I tryed to take him to the hospital in my van, he was trying to jump out of the van. Long story short I had to call the police and he had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance. The was admitted to a psychiatric hospital that night. He was there for 3 days, they put him on Concerta 26mg. and Risperdal 0.25mg. x2. He came home a changed kid. He was able to sit down and put a puzzle together, he was never able to do this before.

But as he grow the meds had to change. About a year later we were in same boat. Once again he was endangering himself and others. They put him back in the hospital and diagnosed him as Bipolar on top of everything else. So meds were changed once again. Brought him home and the meds didn't work and it took about 4 months or so to get them right.

Were going through the med changes again right now.

I would look for a child psychatrist. I would say that there is more than AD/HD going on. And some one said something about theropy great idea, family counseling would help too.

Unfortunately there is no meds for ODD.

Good luck ! Your not alone!

nameisabby

You have some interesting issues going on. It sounds like your son is very unhappy. Remember that adhd children (like all children) want to to be the hero, the one the parents love, the one teachers adore and the one the other kids like and respect. The problem is that they don't know how. To their view they are always in trouble and really do not have a clue why. One of the issues of ADHD is that they have a hard time connecting what they do and the consequences. If you are not familiar with the 30% rule, leave a posting and there will be a number of people willing to help explain it and it's help in understanding an ADHD child.

I might respectfully suggest finding a good therapist and at his age I would suggest a play therapist. The Association for Play Therapy (www.a4pt.org) has a listing for Registered Play Therapists by state and city. I would recommend it as a very good source. Call some of them up and see which ones work heavily with ADHD. Do a little questioning. The top person in the field is Russell Barkley. See how familiar the therapist is with his work. Might be worth will to buy his book for parents "Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents (Revised Edition). Amazon has it for .56-no shipping if you buy over dollars worth of merchandise.

Therapy is good for breaking this kind of behavioral deadlock and play therapy is indicated for a 9 year old.

Don't get too discouraged. Keep in mind that he did not come out with an owner's manual.

Dizfriz

Hi,I'm new here and just about at my wits end with our son.He's 9,and was diagnosed at age 6 with adhd.From that time on he was almost expelled from grade 1 due to his behaviour.He has been on dexadrine since 6 1/2 years old.My hubby and I have taken adhd parenting classes learning how to cope with our son and how to parent him.We also have 2 other kids ages 6 and 2.

The problems we have dealt with in the last 3 years have been very challenging.He was almost expelled from grade 1 due to his behaviour and desctruction.The anger was so out of control I had to find an anger management class for him which took 2 times to complete because he didn't understand and still doesn't know how to control it.He sneaks things out of my purse,bedroom,cupboards,anything he can get his hands on without thinking what the consequences could be.Within the last month I have just about had enough.He has been snaeking food,and not normal stuff but sweets such as cake mix,icing,icing sugar,popsicles,cake mate,and he's hid them in his room under his bed,dresser,wherever he thinks we won't find them.I'm getting mad about it because what we've been doing is basically getting to the point by taking his allowance and making him literally pay for it,but he still does it.It's like "what he wants,he'll do"regardless of who it hurts.I just don't know???He screams and yells.This behaviour I'd expect from a 15 year old.

I keep saying he's 9 going on 15 attitude wise and sneaking around but stuck in a 4 year old mentality.He just doesn't get it.He argues constantly.Yesterday his 2 year old sister was sleeping in the car while we were on a drive and he plugged her nose and said that he wished she would die.Hubby and I were really mad.I keep saying that if this doesn't stop by the time he's 12 that food will turn into cars being stolen and he won't care.I'm serious.I just don't know?He's puuled out his hair and blamed it on shampoo.He's tried to light his dresser on fire with matches not thinking about the consequence.He snuck a fish from the inlaws house in his shoes in a baggy and put it in his dresser.

Can anybody relate to this at all????I feel so alone and lost.He's just not enjoyable to be around.He has no friends and when he does play he argues within 5 minutes of them coming and/or blames them for things.Blames me and hubby for him sneaking the sweets.He says we always say "no".Blames everybody for his stuff except him.Never thinks about what can happen or does happen.What he wants he'll do.I seriously think there is some other mental disorder happening but pediatrician says everythings fine,when this is certainly not fine.It's a constant struggle,battle and not fun being around.Anybody else that can relate with us?At our wits end!Does he have an IEP? If so, what category did he qualify under? ED or OHI? NoTellin39335.8952777778

Hi, I can definantely relate to what you are going through, although in the past.

My son is 8 and has ADHD/TOURETTES.

What you are describing is exactly how he was from the age of 4, he too was very destructive, violent towards myself and his older sister, and had no sense of danger would climb really high on walls the stairs etc and then just jump, would run out in the road, run away when out shopping, never slept, would try and escape out of windows etc, etc.

He was placed on RITALIN when he was 7 (3 years of hell before this) we love our son don't get me wrong but we didn't like him at the time, after all we are only human and can take only so much!

The meds worked for a while but he lost too much weight so he is now on STRATTERA (6 weeks wait for the effects)

I think your son needs a change in his meds, it can take a while and many trials before any are completely right. There is very limited meds in England but from what I have read on these forums there is so much more available in the US, one that I have read about is ADERRRAL?

Have you spoken to anyone about the possibility of your son having ODD (obsentional defiant disorder) from what you are saying he has all the traits of it and maybe there is meds out there to combat this aswell as counselling.

It doesn't sound as if your doctor is being much help either!

I must say that although you are going through a really tough time you are doing everything possible to help your son and you should be really proud of yourselves for that at least, it's not as if you are doing nothing and just letting him get on with it.

Please keep me posted and let me know how you get on, take care

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11 year old ADHD/TOURETTES,8 year old ADHD/TOURETTES,22month (old showing all signs)

Mum and Dad, very tired!!

Does your son see a psychiatrist? Who made the diagnosis? He may have more going on than ADHD. Please ask for a psych referral and have him evaluated. A child psychiatrist will be bettere epxerienced in these behaviors and med management. I agree with sammi about the counseling also, but the SOLID diagnosis is the first step. Diane V39336.096712963What is a "30% rule?"

I have currently got in touch with mental health{we are in canada}and had to fill out a questionnaire.The majority of answers were "often."I'm hoping we can find somebody to find out what's going on.This morning he was up at 4am and woke up his sister to "play."Hubby and I were woken up by it and we are not pleased right now.