PE help!!! | ADHD Information

That another child felt compelled to stand up for my son was very alarming to me, too.  Why would his friend have done that if the coach wasn't behaving badly?

He goes to middle school next year - part of the reason I'm so adamant about getting a 504.  I want to make sure that all of his teachers are legally required to make accommodations for him.

I should ask my son about the treatment of other kids in the class.  Thank you for that idea.

Going up the chain of command (and skipping links where necessary) is a process with which I have become (sadly) familiar over the years.  I wish people would just do the right thing so I wouldn't have to follow that chain.

Be careful that they don't "pick on him" more at gym now.

There was an obvious problem in class for the other kids to stick up for your son! These adults are not telling the truth.

The "coach" is a bully and sounds like the rest of the "group" is trying to bully you.

Get the note removing him from PE while he is at this school if you feel that is the only choice you have. Does he go to middle school after this year? Or is it after next year?

Can you go to the superintendant? Has this "coach" and assistant "coach" done this to other kids that your son knows about??

I can't belive your son is the only one he does this to now or in the past.

Don't let them bully you or make you feel that your positive experience won't be the same after this. Something is wrong in that PE department of the school, very wrong. And remember, they did touch your son, pushing him down the hall, that isn't allowed.

Go to the higher ups!

The meeting did not go well...coach denied, minimized, and/or couldn't remember when I asked about specific things he said/did to my son.  The principal was completely on his side and didn't even address his inappropriate behavior, only my son's lack of participation in PE.

We did come up with a plan for my son to bring in his own list of PE activities, but the assistant coach decided that my son's chosen exercise wasn't good enough, and she punished him by making him miss recess and walk laps around the track.  She also yelled at him, which is so bad for his anxiety.

My son went in for a chat with the school counselor.  I thought he was going to be allowed to talk about his feelings after what the coach said/did, but the counselor only placed the blame back on my son's shoulders.

I've sent a couple more email messages - one to the principal and one to the school counselor.  I said that either I needed a guarantee of glad cooperation from the coaches or I would get a doctor's note, excusing my son from the structured portion of PE but asserting that the recess portion of PE was necessary as therapy for my son's Social Phobia.  I also reminded them of the district's specifications for bullying behavior and of how a 10-year-old boy is not responsible for the poor choices of a grown man.

It's hard to know how to proceed.  This school has been, by and large, a happy place of employment for me.  My work in Special Education is very fulfilling, and many of the people I work with are not only good educators but also sensitive, interesting, and intelligent.  Now, I'm worried that, while advocating for my son's rights, I will lose the rapport I've built with some of my colleagues.  I suppose, though, that if they are the right kind of people, they will respect my position as a parent and understand that I'm doing what's best for my child. 

Yes.  I need to keep that in mind.  Anyone at the school who is genuinely sensitive and intelligent will not turn against me.
Greetings!

I haven't posted much here, but I'm feeling completely frustrated today, and I could really use some words of wisdom from those of you who have experience.

My son is having a much better school year than last year.  He's using the patch, and it really helps him control his noise-making and helps him focus on his classwork.

In addition to ADHD, he has Social Anxiety/Phobia, and he's always had problems transitioning into "specials" (e.g., PE, Art, Music, etc).  PE has been problematic since the first day of this school year, with the coach complaining that my son doesn't participate, especially in activities that involve physical contact with others (has always been the case - sensory issues).  The coach seemed to be open to trying to work with us, but he has physically grabbed my son more than once, raises his voice at him (which completely sets him off and/or shuts him down), and today, he was mocking him and publicly ridiculing him in front of the entire class.

We're in the process of developing a 504, but, until that's done, what can I do to get this man to understand that my son's behavior is not a personal attack?  I've told him as much, but he doesn't seem to want to believe that.

I've asked him to just send my son to the office or counselor if his behavior is too frustrating, but he still tries to manage the situation on his own, with devastating results.  Today, after he mocked my son (bowed to him and called him the "master"), he asked my son a very loaded question.

"Do you hate me?"

My son answered honestly that "yes," he does hate him, because of the way he's treating my son.  Of course, the coach got totally angry about that answer.

Other students tried to protect my son, asking the coach why he was being so mean, and they got in trouble, too.

Argh!

What can I do until that 504 is in place?
you absolutely do not to wait for the 504 to deal with this. The coach is out of line. I would call the principal tomorrow and set up a meeting.

When I read your post, I was outraged. I am a teacher, I know what appropriate teacher-student behavior is.  The PE teacher is more than out-of-line.  Did another adult witness this episode?  You HAVE TO report what happened to the principal.  Insist on speaking to her/him asap.  Your child does not desrved to be bullied.  Good luck and keep us posted!

MeganP

This coach needs to have some professional help in the area of how to deal with kids.  I agree with the other posters that you need to ask for a conference with the principle and maybe even the coach himself.  He needs to hear your concern.  He needs to know there are other ways to deal with children that have special needs. 

If you have witnesses to some of these situations I would have them ready in the event the coach denies these incidences. 

I think though if you go in with your ducks in a row and as patiently as possible in a non-combative way you will get better results.  Go in and state your concerns but also let them know you are willing to work with them.  You just need to be assured that the coach and others in the building will handle themself in a professional manner for the benefit of your son and the other children.  You can bet if he acts like this with your child he does the same with others. 

 

 

Thank you.

I have already requested a conference with the coach, the principal, and the school counselor in attendance.  Since I work at the school, I think that this situation will be addressed very quickly.  I've already made my notes for the meeting, and I will speak personally to my principal first thing tomorrow morning when I get to work to make sure that we get this taken care of sooner rather than later.

There was another PE teacher present.  I will request that she attend the meeting, too, both as a witness to the coach's behavior and so that she can be "in the loop" about how to behave with my son.  After I posted this message, I learned that she was the one who took my son to the office, and she was pushing him when he did not walk quickly enough for her.  I've already said that they are to remain "hands off" after the last time the coach pushed my son.  Perhaps she did not get that message.  Even if I hadn't said it, everyone in our school system is required to have CPI (Crisis Prevention Intervention) training.  One of the central messages of CPI is "put your hands on a student only as a last resort" (paraphrasing, of course).

Thank you, again, for your replies.  I feel very much reassured that I'm doing the right thing.

Jade23, please let us know how the meeting goes.

The "coach" is definitely a bully. If he is into PE, he probably has ADHD too! Do you know that the high majority of professional athletes are ADHD, it has to do with the dopamine(sp??) that they get into the movement of playing sports. That is what makes me think this "COACH" has it as well, and needs meds.

He needs to go - he is a true bully who should not be working with children.

If he doesn't get fired or transfered, he needs to be reprimanded, and kept away from your child. He just doesn't sound stable. I hope he doesn't try anything later. Keep an eye out for your son!

I am so impressed with the other children sticking up for your son. They need to be commended!!

Please keep us posted!!

A bit of good news - the coach let my son do his fitness testing with only one of my son's friends present.  While the coach was still negative (called my son's lack of push-ups "shameful"), I was still very proud that my son tried to do ALL of the exercises and ignored the coach's bad attitude.

How did I talk him into doing it?  I didn't.  I told him that he could choose to do it or not, depending on how anxious he felt.  No pressure is always the best way with him.  I also talked with my son about how he could not change how others behave and that he was not responsible for any one else's bad choices, and I said that he might feel better about himself if he acted like a "better man" than the coach.

Today, I am in awe of my amazing child.

He still has his 504 to fall back on, on his more anxious days when the whole class is present, but today, he was astoundingly brave and mature.
Well, we had the 504 meeting today, and the academic discussion went well.  His grades are good and have always been good, as long as he doesn't miss a part of the instructions or forget to ask his teacher for help when he "can't find" answers that are supposed to be in his texts.  He's allowed to draw while the teacher lectures (within reason), and he sits at the front of the class.  She keeps a note on his desk and places pluses on it after he's gone a certain amount of time without making noises and minuses when he does make noises.  She's worked out a private signal with him to let him know when he's disrupting things, and she gets his attention with a light touch on the shoulder when she notices that he's daydreaming.  She's an absolute gem, and I'm so glad to be working with her.

PE is a very different story.  The coach said that the problem is with ME.  He believes that my son's severe anxiety will go away if I firmly tell the boy that he HAS TO participate in the activities.  He also thinks that the way he treated my son is acceptable and that my son should just get over it.  Accommodations right now consist of the coach just leaving my son alone.  He is to ignore my son unless my son approaches him, and when he speaks to him, he is to keep his volume low at all times.  Last week, he did this, and my son participated for FIVE MINUTES during the second day of PE.  I was thrilled.  I saw this an an improvement from no participation at all.  The coach refused to see anything positive in those five minutes.

After having him tell me twice how I should be talking to my son, I politely told him (twice) that we would have to disagree on that point and that I didn't want to discuss it any more.

At least we have in writing that my son is to be left alone during that time so that he can watch his friends have fun and perhaps be enticed to join them.  If he did it for five minutes after only a week of not having to deal with unnecessary negativity and criticism, I'm pretty sure that he'll feel comfortable enough to participate more frequently and in longer duration as he is given more room to breathe and to cultivate calm feelings during PE.

Please, send us your positive thoughts.  This is not the first time we've encountered ignorance and hostility.  We'll get through it, and my son and I will be better people when it's over, but while it's happening, we do get frustrated and tired and sad.

Thank you for listening and for sharing your thoughts.

Being able to "talk" about these things with people who know what we're going through is such a blessing for me!

Jade23, thanks for the update post. I am going to say it again, this guy is a bully. Is there any other gym teachers for your son? I pray this guy has no children of his own. he sounds so abusive!

I am glad that the school has complied with letting your son join in if he wants and when he is ready. It will help lesson any anxiety with this PE teacher.

Did anything come up about the way the asst. coach? Didn't she push him down the hall when noone is allowed to touch your son? What two losers if you think about it! Two punks!

Sounds like this dept at this school has some serious problems. Most kids love PE. I would fear it at this school!!

Any feedback from the others in the class yet??