Well maybe his bio mom taking him is the best thing for HIM. She should want to be involved with what is best for her son. And she can help him obviously get the right help he needs.
Your comment about him feeling like he has been rejected is his depression that he has been lashing out over. I am glad his bio mom is getting involved. It is time for her to!
I feel bad for your husband. He is feeling real bad right now I bet. And you have sound like you are an awesome s-mom for this boy.
Things will work out, I know you and your husband will be keeping an eye out for him!
Please keep us posted as to how he is doing. My son may only be 10, but the teen years are just around the corner, so to speak!
Well, this morning after my last post I got a phone call from his birth mother and she has agreed to take him. There are some problems with that, including him feeling like we have rejected him, but at this point it is "tough love" because the defiance is out of hand and there is no consequence here that seems to have any impact. This will be a major one in many ways. But on the good note, she has already talked to a neighbor who is a psych nurse and is making him an appointment for asap down there at her doctor's office, and he is a teen-ADHD specialist and a psychiatrist, so maybe some help is in the works. It will cost us because it will be out of network, but at least he'll get help. And this one she can pay for, since the last -6000 has come out of our pockets without reimbursement from her! But anyway. I do appreciate everyone's advise. I am relieved he is leaving and feeling extremely guilty that I feel relieved. This is a terrible stress. I feel I have failed, even though logically I know it isn't true. It's that maternal thing. I also really feel for my husband and what he is going through. But things should get better. If things are worse down there with him, I know that it is just accelerated from the time it would have taken to happen here. This is all just so unfair for everyone, him included. Not to mention our two other kids.Is there a pschiatric hospital near by that you could have him admitted for a 30 day observance by doctors, as well as an evaluation?
Has he been diagnosed with anything? If so, is he on meds?
Do you think he is depressed, using any illegal drugs?
It sounds like he is suffering inside and taking it out on the ones who love him, unless he has "something" that he has absolutely not control over.
There has to be a state mental hospital that could admit him to keep him from hurting himself and others so that they can figure out what is going on!
This is going to sound cruel, but isn't meant as such. The next time your child strikes anyone, call the police. They can take him to a crisis intervention center[and get the ball moving more quickly] Aside from that, you child needs to learn that what he is doing is abuse and is illegal. NO ONE has the right to strike another individual. Your son needs to learn that there are rules we all have to follow, whether he likes them or not. Another option is called PINS. People in need of supervision. He would have to answeer to family court if he misses school, hits someone, etc. It's called tough love. Often tougher on the parents than the kids.We made an appointment with the psychiatrist--we thought. We already have insurance approval to see him. It's the office that's putting up roadblocks. I have been thoroughly demanding and insistent that they give us a REAL evaluation before something happens, but they say it is the NC mental health rules that govern him seeing who when, not whether or not we have insurance approval. The hints I got were that the psych only sees pts who need meds and someone else has to start that or something. I don't know, but it is frustating the -- out of me. We already have the sheriff's department aware of the situation and he knows that if he swings again they'll be here. We should have called them 10 times ago, but like parents, we try to "give him another chance" because after his outbursts he is usually pretty passive for at least a few days. My husband called juvenile services yesterday, but they couldn't make an appointment to see him until Monday morning--from Thursday morning. They will "set up a record" and then at some point we can have him forceably removed from the home if necessary. We also have intentions of Baker Act-ing him if he shows imminent signs of hurting himself or others. It's what he does when we don't see it in the works that scares us. My husband called the psych office again yesterday and told them what was going on, but the most he got was another referral to a "more local" group for help--and another waiting period. There are no psychiatrists/psychologists in our county (believe it or not) and so we have to go 45 minutes away for this appt. They have "community service" where they see the kids and interact with them in their environment, but after promising to come out last week, they now say that it is out of their jurisdiction and we have to refer to this county for that part, though we can still see the doctor if we ever get approved by their "steps" at the office to get into him. We know that sending him "away" to his mother is not the answer, but he has disrupted our house and we are truly afraid he will hurt one of us. We are hoping maybe he will be less aggressive towards her (she is 6'2" and big, so he can't get in her face successfully); he is usually good when at other people's homes. Maybe as his "savior" who takes him away from these wicked parents of his he'll like her and behave at her house for a while. She'll let him do whatever he wants to and that will make him happy. He'll still end up in jail, I suspect. She may refuse him, too. She is the one that left when he was five--dropped him on the doorstep and said "I can't handle him--you take him"--and hasn't been around much since. She also has three small children from a second marriage. Sorry this is so long. I feel like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown.
mommaduck39346.2251736111It sounds like you need to figure out how your insurance company works. Do you have an HMO? If so, go to the pediatrician and ask for a referral to a child psychiatrist. Do you have a PPO? If so, go to the insurance website, find an In Network child psychiatrist and schedule an appointment.
I'm not sure what you mean by "no psychiatrist in spite of insurance approval" but if I had written authorization from an insurance company, I'd bypass whatever clerical red tape is standing in the way and get the ball rolling. If one provider doesn't give you what you need, move on to the next one.
I would also go and look on your payors website and get a list of providers. Start calling. Explain your situation and make multiple appointments. This way if the first provider doesnt work out you'll already have another appointment set up. Try using your schools guidance office for help also.
I just read some posts from you wonderful parents out there and I don't feel so alone at the moment. It is nice to know others have the same experiences. I so often feel that it is my bad parenting that makes my ADHD child so hateful. I truly believe that he has another disorder--he fits the picture of antisocial and borderline personality disorders to a T--but we are having a terrible time getting a psych evaluation. He has been in therapy 4 times over the last several years, but despite our requests, they have never evaluated him for another disorder. They just told us to restrain him physically when he got aggressive to keep him from hurting himself or others. I asked what would happen when he was 15, but they said he'd outgrow it. Now he's 14, 6' tall at 155 pounds and I can't restrain him. He has hit his big brother, me, his father, his grandparents. I finally got into another therapists office by explaining I thought he could possibly either "pull a Columbine" or stab us all to death one night. They did an "intake" and a brief therapist eval, but next appt is another month away and still no psychiatrist in spite of insurance approval. Today he refused to be taken to school and walked off down the road. He later showed up at school and turns out he basically hitched a ride. We finally called his birth mother tonight and said he needs to come live with her because he is so out of control here (he is my stepson). He is better other places sometimes. She said maybe, she'll call back Saturday. He may be in jail by then. Why is it so hard to get help?