Days are so long and hard | ADHD Information
You have to find your mom time in small doses if there isn't a way to get all the way out of the house. I get up early (like now) on the weekends to have some quiet time. I get up a little earlier on the weekdays too before work for it and also to get myself ready before kids wake up. A bath is my time, watching tv in my room is my time mostly. My ex used to take my boys every other weekend but he moved 31/2 hours away so it is more spread out now. Having them do something they like and enjoy that will take all their concentration is relaxing for me. No yelling or fighting (from the boys) when this happens. My youngest has discovered taking things apart. So with permission he is taking certain old toys apart. He says he is going to build a robot. It doesn't hurt anyone, he's happy, and most of all quiet. Aaron'smom39347.3675231481Adding to the long list of people who understand. It is such an isolating position. I wish I had this outlet 10 years ago and I would have found others who understood. The biggest problem for me was feeling like it was all my fault and that I was the only person in the world who had this problem. You have made a few positive steps - a doctor who understands and also connecting with this board. My son is now 14 and many days still happen where I cry - frustration, exhaustion and resentment. I have changed so much as a person. You are in it for the long haul and you need to focus on finding answers - keep trying, searching and listening to others. What works for others may not work for you. Take care - time for you could be getting a DVD for your child and shutting the door, playing a CD and reading a novel. Star Wars was great for my son and as we had little money, he couldn't go to daycare and had no extended family, I had little choice. Exercise is good for both - have him walk, ride a bike or fly a kite. Get him out side doing something physical. Take an MP3 player and walk with him. You know all these things!!!! Just take one day at a time and keep searching and believing that things will get better.
Oh, the days when he was five, four, three .
I think my best advise is seek out those spots that are enclosed where he can run and run and wear himself out. Parks with fences. Maybe an indoor pool since it's cold now. Free play at a gymnastics place. Jumpy places. Think exercise. Get a small indoor trampoline. Invest in some non-violent movies that he would find engrossing. Don't frustrate yourself with structured group activity attempts or bringing him on certain types of outings where you might find yourself chasing him and trying desperately to get him to calm down or quiet down.
You aren't kidding about forgetting group activities. I kept trying this because my son was my first child and I thought I *had* to do this stuff. I was almost always horribly embarrassed by his behavior unless it was one of those running around and jumping activities. I'm not sure why daycare worked when these group activities didn't. The daycare was kind of an organized free-for-all, and luckily the people who worked there "got" my son. They didn't care whether he sat for craft time for more than 10 seconds or not, but there was a built-in structure that helped.I also felt like a horrible parent for so many years. Now I am better able to handle all types of kids than most people, so there is an upside to the madness.
Don't feel guilty about using TV or whatever engages him. You are not being a bad mom for doing this, and he will not turn into a zombie or couch potato. If there is one thing our kids aren't, it's couch potatoes!! I always joke that the one thing I don't worry about is childhood obesity. I would have been the total granola, no TV, no video game, only-positive-activities mom until reality hit me upside the head. Now I need that TV break as much as he does sometimes. Do what YOU need to keep sane. As long as he is in a safe environment, he will be OK.
We DID spend hours at the park, and I hope this is an option for you. I just know exactly how you are feeling. I would hate to go through that again.
Oh, do I remember those days. I wish I had found this forum back then. I remember when my son was even younger and I didn't know what was wrong with him and why he wouldn't play like a normal kid and what was I doing wrong and why do I absolutely dread each day and why can't he follow directions and why did he have such massive meltdowns, etc., etc. I'm usually a happy person, but that was the worst time in my life and I'm sure I was depressed. As soon as he was diagnosed and on Ritalin -- aaahhhh. It was like my brain had been released from prison.
Before my son entered school, I was working from home and had my son in daycare 2-3 days a week. I wish, looking back, that I had worked more and felt less guilty about it. I think that he benefited from the daycare environment because he could watch what the other kids were doing. His language skills weren't great, and I think that watching and following along improved his behavior. They also have an intense structure at daycare that most people don't have at home. Plus, I could go to a store without him being in a completely overstimulating, tantrum-inducing environment. Can you look into a daycare or preschool program to give you a break? I found that working was enough "me" time to get through the next day and it made me feel like a respectable human being again.
Some school districts have preschool for special needs kids, and your son might qualify for that. It does get better when they go to school. Do not hesitate to use all-day kindergarten next year, if that's an option. My son loved it and it burned off some of his energy. Also, once you find the right meds -- relief. You will not believe the difference.
Hope this helps. We've all been there.
Joy2
Start or find a support group....I am positive there are other in your area that are dealing with the same thing. Have nights where your friends from the support group watch your child and vice versa. There are ways - think outside the box.
I know this sounds funny, but just when is there enough time or money for me time? I am not sure if anyone else feels this way, but there is no time for myself. My mom is an incomplete quadrapligic. My dad is about 330 miles away. My childrens fathers offer no support or help. I have no way to take time. I can't afford a babysitter. There is no money to spare for such a luxury. I don't mean to sound negative but there just is no feasible way for me to make time for myself. Good luck to those that can.
I too know the feeling... you feel like you can't stand another minute of being a mom sometimes. I am lucky though in some ways. My husband and i aren't together anymore so every other weekend i get 2 days off and boy do i look forward to those 2 days!...but, then i miss them when they are gone. I also am sick with diabetes and it takes all my strength just to deal with that, let alone Matthew. Like the others said...take time for yourself...somehow...even if it's just a quiet bath or walking the dog...or something...or just sit down...drink a tea and cry a little...lol...
Matt'smom
In some states the required age to start school is by 6 years old. My daughter did start at age 5 but I fought all year long to get help with her. They refused a 504 plan for kindergarten. Just now are we in the middle of having one established. If the schools can avoid doing, alot of times they will. I am very thankful my child does have a good teacher this year. Last year was horrible. As far as dealing with the long days, i am not sure what advice to give. It is still hard, even with my children in school. I am a single mom, work 40 plus a week, manage football practice and games, all while trying to ease the frustration of a very defiant, very ADHD child. When I finally do get a chance to sit down, my body completely shuts down. I can't watch TV anymore in the evening because I wake up at 2:00am on the couch, TV blaring, contacts stuck to my eyes. AGHHHH I hope you are able to find some way of coping. I am trying to find it myself. FYI - the babysitter rate where I live an hour - lucky if you can find someone for but that is rare.
Ok - Look on the alternative meds forum. So many of us have our kids on something other than or with meds and they seem to help. Mine is on Omega 3's, Amino Acid, a formula for kids I found at the health food store and magnesium which helps calm your child. Read up on all those. There are some lengthy threads but you will get the picture.
Take time for yourself. Also, start behavior modification! It is hard in the beginning but they will eventually catch on that the behavior is unacceptable and reward for good behavior so they no the difference. Remain calm!
Your child should be with other kids in a controlled environment - they do learn from others how to behave better - not always but all social skills need to be learned at some point.
Good luck!
newmom39346.3400115741
Hi everyone...just wondering how to get through the day. My son is 5 and very ADHD. He can't go to school yet cause of his behavior. My days seems so long, I just want to cry.
His meds are not really working, the doctor is working on the dosage. Not sure how to get through the days. He is so ADHD. I feel burned out. I am sure everyone knows what that is like. Thanks for reading. Just wanted to say Hi.
Hi and welcome.
I cant even count how many days I've looked at my husband and said "is it bedtime yet?". And it's 11:00 a.m.. It's become our little ongoing joke.
Boy, I tell you, certainly dont want to wish my life away, but some days I can't wait until they end! We all feel that way. It's exhausting. That said, it gets better.
If your sons meds are not workign, keep on them to get him on something that does work. Dont settle. Learn some discipline techniques.
Also try to get your own time away,,,,,I know, I know.....easier said than done. Just TRY. If you cant get out, see if you can find a "mothers helper" to come and play with him for an hour or so a couple of days a week, just to give you a break. Pre-teen girls love this. Girls about 10-12 who are not quite old enough to babysit. They will come over and play with him and keep him out of your hair, but your'e there. You can plan activities and she can take him outside or play games or do whatever so you can get a break. They dont have a lot of "rules" for your son so he will love having someone devoting all their attention to him. They cost less than a sitter too. My daughter used to get .00 an hour for coming over and watching a neighbors daughter while she napped (worked nights). She's now 13 and babysits for them and gets the going .00. It's been a big help to them and a wonderful experience for my daughter. (my daughter has ADHD and this has been very rewarding for her).
Wow--the going rate for babysitters is /hour? with the parent there--that's more than minimum wage, isn't it? Unbelievable. My daughter still gets about -2 per hour for babysitting two kids here in our area. I'm glad I'm not paying babysitters anymore, although my 14 year old ADHD boy still can't be left alone for fear he'll do something he shouldn't. My parents have always helped us out with childcare when we work. We are very blessed.
As for the long days, I do know that feeling. The good news is that as they age, it helps. At least, it did for mine. There are more things they can occupy themselves with requiring less supervision. I homeschooled for 7 years, so I really do understand! Kris loved to go play ball outside or just run in circles or ride his bike. We live "out in the woods", so this was great and I didn't have to worry about traffic or "bad guys". When we were in Orlando living on a busy street, it was much more difficult and he had to stay inside for safety's sake. The good news is that even kids with ADHD can focus on a task for long periods if they enjoy it. Kris never sat in front of a TV or read at that age, but he would draw for hours or put together the matchbox car racetrack until it was to his satisfaction. When he was about 10 we found a type of book he likes (books with sports stories), so he'll actually read for long periods now. He's probably borderline obsessive-compulsive, so having him rearrange the kitchen cupboards (organize the tupperware or something) for a few bucks kept him busy for a long time and then he could buy something at the store he wanted. Maybe something here will help. Good luck.
I am curious why he has not started school? The School District is required to set up a behavior plan to meet his needs. If he is legally old enough to go then I would have him in school, you might be surprised that his behavior actually changes when he is around his "peers".