I am new. I have been reading your postings for the last few hours.... I am so glad to find others that have the best children in the world, but everyone has yet to find out...
My concern is school. This will sound completely silly, but, here it goes...
I've been teaching in the public school system for more than 15 years. The past 10 have been with special education students and the last five with early childhood special education. For the first five, I was your child's worst nightmare. I have beat myself up over and over how these children were treated.... and I didn't know better...Honest. I'm a good person, I expected a lot out of kids, and when they didn't perform, it was them and not me. That attitude has long past and I am now the parent of a 10 year old child with ADHD, sensory issues and a huge heart. But... I still don't "get" it. You'd think after years of higher education and a few thousand dollars I could explain my son to his teachers, his extended family, and society in general. From preschool to first grade I was told he was, "just a boy"... after he was diagnosed in second grade...the teacher felt sorry for him would excuse the "FREAK SHOW" he put on every day. Of course, I work in the same darn building, but didn't know it was happening, because if the teacher doesn't tell you, who does? The same thing happened in third grade. We've been holding off on a 504 plan because... ah, shucks, I don't know why....I realize now we have been "passing" it over as was his former teachers... I'm working on one as we speak.
Now my school question. As a parent, I want to know what to say to these people we encounter. I want to find examples I can show them...actual articles and personal accounts... How can I explain that my son is a bright, wonderful, interesting child...that he's a circle trying to fit into this square and IT ISN'T WORKING... I get more comments about him just "being a boy", to which I explain that just because you're a boy, doesn't mean you have permession to act like a freak show... I get comments like, "well, he will need to adapt to society sometime because society isn't going to adapt to him." True... but... Where can I go, who can I ask? You may ask about my teaching style...and how that fits? Well, I learned long ago that every kid likes something...even the severe, severe, hospitalized, brutilized children I've worked with... But, if they want to write their paper with a "wiggle" pen, sit under a desk and do math, whatever... I just let them do it and it gets done with a smile! SOMETIMES...Don't get me wrong, it isn't all roses in our lives. Many, many times we've wanted to give up, bang our heads on the walls, wish we could leave, wish we could leave him, wish we could pound sense into him, love him into being still and good.. but how can I get him to fit in that square of school and society? How can he keep going like he is, knowing he's different, trying his darnedest, not having friends, not being invited out, and watching adult people become so frustrated and he can't understand why. We never let him use the phrase, "Oh, it's because of my ADHD." He tried that and lost that battle. But, when you talk to him, he honest to goodness thinks he's acting just fine and his day went well...and two hours later I get a phone call from the teacher... HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You could try directing them here. I have done that a couple of times with friends and family. Learning about the condition made the difference with you, right? If you educate them they might find it in themselves to stop blaming the parent and the child.
I often take heart from a story I once read about Albert Einstein's mother, who, when told by a teacher that her son would never amount to anything, said something along the lines of "he's cleverer than you are, that's why he doesn't fit in" (or something), and she homeschooled him. That is not an option for me unfortunately. But by so doing she gave him opportunity to think freely, and he didn't have to fit into a box. Einstein, who was dyslexic I believe, LOVED this, and this I believe is what gave the world the genius. I think she must have been nigh on a genius herself.
I just read about a great question she used to ask him after his school day (before homeschooling I guess) to bring him out of himself - "what's the best question you asked today?"
I think my point by all this is that the focus should be more on the child than on what the teacher thinks. After all it's our job to bring them up to be useful members of society. The teacher just has to deal with them for a year.
We've been lucky with school so far. Jacob had the same teacher for kindergarten and 1st grade. She understood Jacob's issues, and cared for him dearly, as she did and does with every child entrusted to her care. Jacob is now in 2nd grade with another teacher who is very good with him. (His former teacher made sure he was passed on to the the "right" teacher.) I don't know why we've been lucky so far. Maybe it's because we live in a medium size city that has good resources? Maybe we just have some very good teachers at our elementary school? I don't know.There are some good "what we know" information sheets at this site:
And lots of infor on the learning and school side of life:
http://www.schwablearning.org/
Well, I think you need to shift your focus entirely. Do not be concerned about convincing the teachers or the world of anything. This is an exercise in futility. Narrow your scope to your child only. The staff at the school are really only temporary figures in your son's life. In the end, it's you and him. Besides, he'll be moving on to a different school in only two years. Set out to extract from the school the services that your child needs to be successful, and then add on some private services on your own. This means get a private evaluation, then send a written request an evaluation from the school, or perhaps ask for a 504 if that makes you more comfortable. Make sure the report outlines recommendations for services and treatment so both you and school know what he needs. This is how you get your child to partially fit into that square. You get him the help that he needs and he will improve. It is slow, but it does happen.
Perhaps you should subscribe to Additude magazine. Check out their website. Also you might want to change the language that you use to describe your son's behavior. ADHD may not be an excuse, but it does mean that he has lots of challenges, and the adults around him need to give him the tools to meet those challenges. He's not putting on a freak show, he is the victim of his own neurological disorder and I'm sure that he'd like some help figuring out how to get it under control. He needs a behavior plan implemented by adults. Why not start by imlementing some behavior management techniques directly with his teacher.
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