Very Immature 6 Year old son | ADHD Information

I am so happy I found this forum. I am wondering if there are others that
are in the same boat as we are.

We have a 6 year old boy who I believe has ADHD... Starting in Pre-
School, he had 2 teachers that recc. we get him evaluted. We went to a
psychologist, who reccommened we come back when he was 6 years old.
We have an appointment set up in Oct. with a psychiatrist.

He shows all the classic signs of having ADHD. He is very restless, moving
his arms and legs all the time. Has lot's of trouble sitting still. He gets
excited very easily and shows it. :) He has a tough time following
directions, and playing quietly. He always seems to be yelling about
something. He blurts out during quiet time at school, never wanted to
take naps during preschool....All of that seem to tell me something is
going on.

Here is the hard part for us.... He is very very immature. Whenever I see
him playing with kids his age, it kills me. I can tell a huge difference
between other kids his age and him. I am starting to notice other kids
making fun of him, or picking on him. Bless his golden heart, he still
does not seem to understand that he is being made fun of. Speaking of
golden heart, he has the biggest heart you will ever see. If someone hits
him, there is no way he would ever defend himself. He is almost too nice
to a fault.

I am concerned his immaturity is going to affect him socially starting
pretty soon. I would imagine in a year or so, he is going to be more aware
of what's going on, so we REALLY want to get him some help before it
gets to be a problem for him....

Is the social thing also a part of ADHD? Sorry for the long long message,
and I hope I was clear.

Thanks so much in advance for your help!!! Immaturity is common in kids with ADHD who are generally several years behind their peers. The social aspects are also a part of ADHD, it all goes together.  Having a Psychoatric evaluation done would help you know if he does have ADHD, and how best to treat it.

Oh, wow. I'm new to this too and we haven't had our appointment yet either. Our 7-year old is the sweetest kid but is also SO immature. He also is totally oblivious to how other kids react to this, and it hurts my heart too. I'm dreading the day when it clicks and he comes home brokenhearted. It's a little bit of a relief to know that the immaturity is part of the package with ADHD - at least it helps explain things a little.

Gosh, it would be so much easier if we didn't love them so much, wouldn't it? You never know how much loving someone costs you until you become a parent.  I have to pray every day for the wisdom to know how to help my little boy. I'm still waiting for the answer.

 

I have already been through all that with my son. We began meds because of what was happening more with him socially than with him academically. He truly suffered labeling and teasing, and as the two posts mention, my son didn't get it either

Things are a lot better for him. He is able to "fit in". There still are times that he needs my husband and I to go over and talk with teachers, school, but it is so much better than before meds. He is still immature, especially in the morning before his meds kick in, but that is him!

He did get labeled, but I find the adults are worse than the kids. At least the kids forget, not the adults

I also agree with the comment about loving this child so much that it truly hurts us so much!

Yes, it is a social part of ADHD. I think they are usually up to 30% behind in the social department. But I have seen my son jump on the social highway for short periods of time and make huge gains. He became aware of his social issues around age 7. This actually caused him to move forward socially. You son is not at a standstill.

You can enroll him in a social skills class. Try an ADHD clinic or a speech/language center. Just do cold calls to locate one. The parents will get homework, and a lot of the work is done at home. Also, I used to tell my son to look at faces and figure out what they are thinking. After a not so good social interaction I would tell him how the other person was reacting and what he could have done instead. I would ask him if he noticed that so and so really did not like to be touched, etc.

Yes immaturaty, at least socially is common for ADHD kids. they say there is about a 30% rule. There are many good social skillls classes especially for this. We are waiting until our son starts his meds on a regular basis to enroll him in one. Right now he is having a tough time and spitting them out. Don't give up hope there is so much out there now to help your child. Refer to your local CHADD chapter for info and support.I have a 6 year old daughter that I fought to have her diagnosed early, at age 4.  I finally found a physician that had read all the research on diagnosing kids under 6 or 7.  Because we knew she had something more than just "age appropriate" hyperactivity and inattention issues, we put her in a preschool that was less academic at age 3 just to get her used to a structured classroom type setting.  That helped tremendously!  It allowed her to slowly ease in to having to be in a classroom and listen as well as transition from station to station (which is a HUGE issue with most kids with ADHD).  Then when we finally got her diagnosed at 4, they started low doses of short acting meds, to see how they would work.  We did this in addition to behavioral changes/therapy and it has made transitioning into a more structured preschool, kindergarten and now first grade much less traumatic and shocking to her system.  She knows what is relatively "socially acceptable" in the classroom and can transition better.  There are still some maturity issues we are dealing with, but even her teacher says they are relatively "age appropriate".  I don't want anyone to think that medication is the key here, my opinion is to diagnose them as early as possible so those transitions are much easier to make at an earlier age.  If you get the right doc who has read the research on early diagnosis, then you have a better chance of fewer misdiagnoses and you can start early on behaviorally modifying their social adaptations.  This is just one opinion, it may help someone!  Thanks to all of you for the responses.

I have also heard of the 30% rule, and that seem to be the case for my boy.
I'm very happy to hear that we can help him.

Threeboysmom, you are so correct. It would be much easier if there wasnt
soooo much love. Although, I think it maybe effects us more as parents than
it does our child. At least for the time being anyway. I hope he will be well
on his way before he gets to the point of understanding.

Thanks again for all the help... IMHO - Teachers usually only give you the negative of what is going on with your child. I have had to beg and plead to have my son's teacher tell me if he is improving or not. Also, I ask her to compare his behavior and/or improvements to the other boys in his class -7 year olds. She finally did when I told her we were trying new things at home with him and wanted to see if there was any change in him  at school - especially the good change.

For the first time this week I got "there is improvement" "Not perfect, but no one is" I JUMPED FOR JOY when I read that in his agenda.

It is difficult to hear only the negative but ask for comparisons and improvements.
Also, I agree with behavior modification - it took a while for both kids to get it but it eventually kicked in - now they fight over doing chores to get more daily points. They are both working together right now to get a Wii - it is the funniest thing to see them compare their daily/weekly points. In the beginning, it was less strict with weekly rewards - once they mastered something we got tougher with them
and now they have to working together (combined points) towards something big.

Example: Used to be make bed - 1 point, brush teeth, 1 point, get dressed without arguing, 1 point....now it is the morning routine to earn 1 point...that took about 3 months. Total points they could get for a week is 36 but they averaged about 25. Now they have to earn 600 (combined) to get the Wii- this is taking months to earn.

You will see improvement - it is slow but it does work. Stick with it!

newmom39353.4918171296Absolutely! We're trying to do this with our son. The problem I'm running into is the teacher seems to be using the behav mod system to give us constant negative comments about our son. She hasn't said one positive thing yet. We have to be very specific about exactly what we want her to do. She's been a teacher for over 20 years so I feel like she should know better how to do this in a positive way.a behavior modification plan is the right first step for ANY child. Children without ADHD respond even better. I 100% feel this is the first step in helping a child learn apporpriate behavior. It's the children are not able to respond to behavior plans on their own, that may need medication support to help them to learn appopriate behavior.