Hopefully something will open his eyes to really understand what's going on.
I can hoenstly same that my husband, my son's stepdad, was EXACTLY the same way. He insisted on stronger punishments and nothing ever worked (behavior modification, restricting, sugar, rewarding, talking, etc). I think what finally happened was when he came to the parent teacher conference in 5th grade with me. The teacher was GREAT. She said she had a feeling something other then "normal" boy behavior was going on. For some reason, my husband listened to her. We had him tested (after years of suspecting) and sure enough, he had ADHD. We tried counseling for a few months (which did nothing for my son). When the teacher called and said that some parents requested my son be moved away from their kids b/c he was distracting, I broke down and cried and cried. I think that was the breaking point. DH agreed to try meds. There was NO turning back. He absolutely sees that DS needs help.
Maybe if someone else (like the teacher or doctor) talks to dh about it, he might listen better. Men never want to listen to their wives about this stuff.
Good luck.
I might suggest the book Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents (Revised Edition) by Barkley. It is .57 at Amazon. It is the best book (in my opinion) for parents of an ADHD child.
Also there is http://www.schwablearning.org/articles.aspx?r=54. It is a transcript of a Barkley workshop It is dated 2000 but is still fairly up to date.
Either or both might be worth a try. It is hard to get stubborn parents who already "know" the answers to listen to the questions. Good luck...never found a good way but do not give up. Your kid is worth the effort.
One of the issues that can cause a lot of problems is that many people think that stronger discipline equals harsher punishments. For ADHD kids this is very much not the case. They do need tighter discipline but that means more consequences but lighter ones. One can change more behaviors with 30 one minute time outs than one 30 minute time out. It is an irony of ADHD that the kids need more consequences not less but do not respond well at all to harsh punishment. Think consequences, not punishment. The key is the speed of the consequence not the severity.
Dizfriz
Dizfriz39353.5890162037
Treatment is not just medication. Treatment includes a good behavior plan, coaching, social skills and educational support. Maybe your husband needs to see his important role in the total treatment of your son:
http://www.help4adhd.org/en/treatment/treatmentoverview
http://www.russellbarkley.org/adhd-research.htm
You might need to consult with a psychologist for parenting adjustments and positive reinforcement behavior modification. Having that "expert" guide your husband may be better than you trying to convince him. Also, working with a psychologist (who cannot prescribe meds) rather than a psychiatrist (who manages meds) will give you the emphasis you are looking for in the professional guidance. If after everything else is done, if you and your husband want to try meds for your son, you can persue that option.
I am frustrated beyond belief!
My first grade son has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. In the last six months to year, I have delved into the subject doing tons of research, changing my parenting tactics, nutrition for my son, and everything else that can be done. My frustration is my husband (who is my son's stepfather.) He is totally unsupportive of the efforts. He does not deny my son has ADHD, but refuses to educate himself on the matter, or make any effort at all to change his parenting tactics. His answer? He needs medication.
I am not totally opposed to medication, but feel my son should be given a very fair chance at making improvements without. I see in the short time I've made an effort that he has. Every way that my husband chooses to parent him is exactly opposite of what an ADHD child needs. I see my sons self-esteem deteriorating before my eyes. My husband feels he just needs stronger discipline. I feel every effort I make is negated by my husband's actions. My husband isn't stupid, and I believe he truly and sincerely loves my son. But I'm not sure what to do.
supermomof239353.4441898148I too have the problem of the unsupportive husband. He knows nothing about ADHD and even made me prove to him after the doc told us that he has anxiety issues as well. I have no magic answers. After my husband attended one of the appts. with me for medication(which is NOT a cure all) he seemed to ease up on his military style parenting and I actually got him to read a book "The Explosive Child" which gave alot of good parenting advise and info on how ADHD'ers think. This has helped a little. I can still not have a conversation with him about it as he knows very little. This frustrates the hell out of me. I feel that I am in this alone.
I reccommended to him that he attend a local meeting of CHADD a support group for parents of ADHD. He is thinking about it. I believe he needs some therapy himself. I know that I had no magic answers for you just know that you are not alone at all!