Middle School /  

 

My son is 12 almost 13 and he is add/adhd.  He has been on multiple different medications and the one that seems to work the best is Concerta 54 mg (even though he HATES taking them... and we went through a period where he'd either not take them or spit them in the sink and wash them down with water so the evidence didn't linger).  Every year I dread the school year as I have been called to the school since kindergarten to either pick him up or to let me know he's in trouble, yet again.  Last yr (6th grade) he had detention mutiple times, he was suspended from school once, and suspended from two school field trips.  He doesn't seem to care about his school work and seems to be content with poor grades (that is if I didn't care enough for the both of us).  He is intellegent enough to be on the B honor role if he applied himself.  We argue about homework all the time and his grades and my expectations (every night homework takes 3 to 5 hrs).  By the end of 6th grade he was very defiant, disrespectful to adults, and didn't care about much of anything.  I ended up sending him to an ADHD behavioral camp for 30 days this past summer (2007).  He came back a much happier, respectful, and self confident child, and his evaluation that the camp sent to us was positive.  This wonderful behavior continued until school started up again.  At first all seemed to be going well, but by the second week of school he already was given one detention.  His is currently behind in his assignments and has to schedule retake tests (due to failing them).  I remind him every day (as I drop him off at school), that he needs to reschedule his tests, that he needs to bring his books home, that he has x, y, z homework he needs to turn in.  I have even placed sticky notes in his "trapper keeper", yet he continues to say "I forgot".  I was at witts end when I signed him up for ADHD summer camp for 30 days (that was the most difficult 30 days I have had as there was no contact except for letters allowed, and he only wrote home once).  I'm finding myself at witts end again.  I have looked into ADHD boarding schools, but financially there is just no way.  He has a 504 plan, but that doesn't seem to do any good and I cannot get him into Special Ed where he could get additional help because he is too intelligent.  I don't know what to do or who to turn to, so if anyone has any advice for me, I would be quite grateful.  How do I get my child to stay focused and on task, turn in assignments, respect others, do his homework, etc.  I have gone over the importance of all of this (calmly) with him and have explained why it's so important, not just now... but for his future as well, he seems to understand at the time, but his actions appear that I am not getting through to him.  Anyone else who has the same problems, or has gone through the same issues, please give advice.  Thanks.

Have you discussed this with the doc? It may be that anxiety from school is coming out as defiance. An intelligent child will know they are different from thier peers, and will be very frustrated and put a lot of pressure on themselve to "not have a problem". Anxiety can also cause the brain to function less efficiently and cause the meds to not work as well. The meds can even increase underlying anxiety. My youngest is much this way.

My kids' doc is really good at explaining to my kids how the meds help them make the most of thier natural intelligence and become as successful as posible in school and life. Everyone is different and some kids need glasses, and some kids need meds to help them do thier best. It is not the meds that make the child intelligent, but the meds can help the child use the intelligence to its utmost.

My son is in the 6th grade this year, middle school, he will be 12 in March.  You just described my child to a tee.  We are meeting tomorrow with teachers to set a 504 plan.  I wish I had advise, I am looking for the same answers you are.  My son is only on 5 mg of adderall.  It is the only thing we have tried except for the wellbutrin he takes for depression.  I wonder if it is enough. I don't know that anything will change my sons attitude. I remind my son every day, ask about your missing assignments and please reschedule your tests.  He already has so much to catch-up on, he cannot get further behind.

I am guessing the reason he is so apparrently uncaring about school work is that he is burned out completely on school and homework.  School is a million times more effortful for someone with ADD than the average person.  Intelligence has nothing to do with it.  If anything, it makes the faliure worse.  He has been in a system meant to educate people who think in a radically different way for more than half his life, and it has probably pushed him to the point where he really doesn't care.

motherofadhdson,  I am no expert by no means but was an aide in our school  for 6yrs and am mother to a 23 yr old ADHD/Bipolar daughter. I would probably start with your sons Guidance Counsler for the school work, they might be able to give some help in getting your son the guidance he needs with his school work.  I know I helped  several students by helping them in class and making sure they had their books and lessons wrote down  for the next day to go home. And our school would even set up a tutor to help if they were behind when they first arrived at school or during one of their free periods. the attitude could be the age or the ADHD, but discuss it with the doctor because it sounds like he may need an adjustment with his meds. Just a few suggestions!!!  Best of Luck   Stil FrustratedHello I am new to this chat thing but after reading all of the responses and being the mom of a 12year old son with ADHD who is having the same issues, I feel you pain.  my son is also intelligent and at this point he genuinely wants to do well.  The problem has been that  the homework load is unreasonable for any child never mind one with attention problems. I encourage you to address this at the 504  meeting and also do come research on  what the school policy is for  his grade level. What is the max amount of homework that is supposed to be assigned then also encourage him to begin advocating for himself( if he doesn't already) .  I am going through the same struggle right now with my son and honestly the school  and teachers ( in his case ) are @ fault. That may be the case with your son as well.  I am fortunate to work in the school that my son goes to, actually in the SPED department so I have the ability of keeping a much closer eye on what his happening and I am able to touch base with the teachers as well.  Find out if the teachers would be willing to e-mail you on a regular bases ( maybe weekly) updating you on upcoming assignments and what your son is missing.  Encourage him to keep a planner that holds all of his assignments and to have someone @ the school checking with him daily to be sure all of his assignments are written down , with exact deadlines and to be sure that he has the books and everything with him to accomplish the assignment.  Teachers need to be prompted to be very clear in their instructions.  A child with ADHD has 2 time frames ,now and later...they lack the ability to plan for the later so they classicly will not plan, get down to last minute then get frustrated because they cannot get it done.  This is  a skill that needs to be taught.  If you are not already ( and I am guessing that you are) give him the responsibility of telling others, with your support of what he needs.  Have him identify the problem then encourage him to come up with the solution.  Hope this has been helpful and not preachy.  
 


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