I am brand new to this site and found it in a desperate search for help with my step-son. He is 9 years old and I have raised him with his father since he was 1.5 years old as our own (the mother is pretty much totally out of the picture). When he was very young he would have temper tantrums like I had never seen before and was always difficult. He is extremely bright and almost too smart for his own age, he always has been.
I got a call today from his principal that they have been watching the boys washroom for a couple of weeks now in order to make sure, but today it was confirmed that my son has been plugging up toilets, sinks AND he has been peeing on the walls and on the floor AND he has been wiping fecies around the bathroom and calling kids in to see what he has been doing acting like he is just halarious and proud of it. This didn't really come as a shock to me as he has plugged up toilets and messed around with the sinks before but peeing on the walls and wiping poop around?!!! When the teacher caught him he was laughing and lied through his teeth for hours upon hours saying he didn't do it but the teacher caught him 'brown handed'!. I was embarrassed and in shock and LIVID. Then his teacher called me an hour later to say that this week he has been so disruptive and disrespectful in class and that she has had enough of his outbursts and attitude towards her which I can totally see as true because he gives major attitude to me at home too... not to his father. He stands real straight and cries when his dad tells him to stop it but then when my husband walks away it is a big joke to my son still! My son is SUCH an incredible liar I can't even tell when he is telling the truth. He always has been (that's why I mean he has always been too smart for his age). He can have every last detail of his lie figured out and he will stick to his story like you wouldn't believe even if you tell you you flat out saw him do it. I can't trust him alone with my 3 year old son because he is constantly picking on him and has even hurt him when he was a baby. A few times my infant son would start wailing and I would rush over and my older son would have this totally believable story of what happened but I knew something wasn't right. I watched him around the corner a few times and have caught him pinching my son or hitting him with a toy.
WHAT IS GOING ON?! I can understand outburst of talking at school or being fidgity or hyper but this isn't ADHD is it?! Me and my husband are so ... NOT like this. I don't know where he is getting this from and NO MATTER what we do or take away he DOES NOT CARE. On or off medication he still has this attitude and disrespect and CONSTANT lying and sneakiness. The hardest part is that when we have taken him in to get evaluated he is so sweet and charming that no one thinks it is as bad as it is. We had him on concerta and the psychologist has upped his dose 3 times in the past 2 years. I don't know what to do anymore.
I feel like I am constantly diciplining him and I try to find good things to praise him for but this behaviour just doesn't stop and being all "please don't do that please" just makes him laugh but then I feel like I'm being too hard on him when he's grounded (which doesn't work anyways cause he fools around on his bed like he doesn't care).
I am frustrated and pissed off. He is ruining my time with my husband and younger son every chance he gets he spoils a fun night out EVERY time and I can't trust him to be left alone with a babysitter so me and my husband can get out because I'm afraid of what he will do when we are away.
Is this normal what do I do?!!!
It sounds like more than ADHD. I would suggest a neuropsychological evaluation rather than with a psychologist or psychiatrist. A neuropsyche will do testing - something in the area of 10 hrs. Also, you and your husband will complete forms and have a 1-2 hr interview. I'm thinking this would really be the only way to get to the bottom of this. I doubt that he would be able to out-smart the tests or maintain the sweet facade for 10 hours, especially when the testing follows the long parent interview.
Does he have an IEP? Is he in a mainstream school?
I agree with NoTellin. My son has severe ADHD but doesn't have the behavior that you describe. Find a good medical center and get him tested for hours. I really feel for you.It sounds like more than ADHD. I would suggest a neuropsychological evaluation rather than with a psychologist or psychiatrist. A neuropsyche will do testing - something in the area of 10 hrs. Also, you and your husband will complete forms and have a 1-2 hr interview. I'm thinking this would really be the only way to get to the bottom of this. I doubt that he would be able to out-smart the tests or maintain the sweet facade for 10 hours, especially when the testing follows the long parent interview.
Does he have an IEP? Is he in a mainstream school?
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I agree 100%, a Psych eval is the way to go.
My 13 year old daughter has done similar things although not with pee or poo but with make up or shampoo or soap and the disrespect constant lying and sneakiness sounds all too familiar. Maybe he had the urge to make a mess and just had nothing else to make it with. I do sympathise. My daughter has adhd.Tess 1777239360.121875I also agree with the need for a full neuropsych evaluation. What do his doctors say now? even if he is sweet and lies to them, he is 9, why would you make up these stories? Obviously something is not right and it does sound like it's more than ADHD going on.
I like Neuropsych evals but there are some problems that parents need to be aware of. (I can speak only for Texas but other states probably have some of the same issues. )
Medicaid and Chip pay so low and disallow so many cases that it is almost impossible to find a Neuropsych that will accept these. You also have insurances like Tri Care for which it is very difficult to find a neuropsych or any other specialist accepting it. Many insurances are reluctant to approve these kind of evals as they are expensive and there have been some major battles getting insurance companies to approve.
On the other hand a good neuropsych eval can result in so much more data than a regular psych eval that it can be well worth fighting for. Cash is a good option but many cannot afford this as, again, it is rather expensive. Good luck on anyone trying for this as it can be well worth while but the parents need to be aware of some of the possible barriers they may encounter.
Dizfriz
I had a lot of problems with my son being cruel our dog and lying about it, destroying everything you can think of around our home, and lying about it, I could go on and on....we were not able to remedy the situation with outpatient counseling and even short-term inpatient didn't work, because he could be compliant and "fine" for 24-48 hours to fool the doctor, but as soon as we got home and I said, "No," all hell broke loose. He is doing fantastic in a residential program where he is held accountable not only by staff, but also by peers who know exactly what he's doing: It takes one to know one. I thank God everyday that he is getting the help he needs. Obviously, it is not for everyone, but it is working wonders for our family.
http://ellen.parentshelpingteens.com