I’m just on a mission... | ADHD Information
[QUOTE=Diane V]I seriously doubt you can videotape other people's children without permission. [/QUOTE]it's not the videotaping--it's the public showing. For that you need a release form.
The newspapers and camera crews do it all the time.
[QUOTE=ilovemyboys]
Right. And maybe that's the way I'll have to do it. I don't want to change her, but I am saying that with her personality and my son's I can see where it is all coming in to play. Teaching is a hard job and underappreciated, so I don't want to sound like I'm trying to cut her down. I'm really not.
Sometimes two personalities just don't "gel" either. She might prefer a different sort of kid. Not that she means too--just human nature. If he's sensitive he could be picking up on that.
Is d/s complaining?
The reason I'm going in is because she says he's acting up and he's not being able to pay attention and 'keep up' with her during class. This is a side we never really see, we are at the mercy of the teachers to describe our children to us. I don't like that, especially when there seems to be an issue or two (or three ). I can't make an informed decision without seeing it with my own eyes. I feel like I'm the blind leading the blind (to his dr) when it comes to this. School is really a new issue as far as 'real' school (he's in first grade)- where there are grades and real social skills and behavior skills NEEDED for him to flourish. So, I may have to find another method of doing that, but I thought I'd search out some ideas here first. Thanks!
[/QUOTE]Nothing wrong with visiting school and observing your child and his class. So, go and watch.
Most schools have a school psychologist on staff. In addition to your own visit, you might contact him/her and ask him to also observe your child in the classroom. A second and hopefully unbiased opinion never hurts.
[QUOTE=MetisRebel] [QUOTE=ilovemyboys]Right. And maybe that's the way I'll have to do it. I don't want to change her, but I am saying that with her personality and my son's I can see where it is all coming in to play. Teaching is a hard job and underappreciated, so I don't want to sound like I'm trying to cut her down. I'm really not.
Sometimes two personalities just don't "gel" either. She might prefer a different sort of kid. Not that she means too--just human nature. If he's sensitive he could be picking up on that.
Is d/s complaining?
She, his teacher, did mention that my son's best friend is 'a dream'. He is super sensitive to things that are said and he has mentioned before "I can't do anything!" and lately he's getting really bad about "I'm an idiot" or "Sorry I was such a JERK" and it breaks my heart. But some times he is frustrating and he does ACT LIKE a 'jerk'
and I just make sure he knows he may make some bad choices but that doesn't make him BAD. It's a fight all the time to keep me contained and him sustained!
I guess that's why I want in there, just to see how it all plays out and his role within it. I'm thinking of just sitting down with his teacher and seeing if she has any suggestions. I'm hoping she is willing to work with me. I'm new at this just all as a whole.
In my experience, kids are used to having a variety of people in their classrooms for various reasons and it doesn't disrupt their usual activities.
MetisRebel, I love your "nastys" and "no-nos" and the Buddhist philosophy. Thanks
[QUOTE=ilovemyboys][QUOTE=MetisRebel] [QUOTE=ilovemyboys]
Right. And maybe that's the way I'll have to do it. I don't want to change her, but I am saying that with her personality and my son's I can see where it is all coming in to play. Teaching is a hard job and underappreciated, so I don't want to sound like I'm trying to cut her down. I'm really not.
Sometimes two personalities just don't "gel" either. She might prefer a different sort of kid. Not that she means too--just human nature. If he's sensitive he could be picking up on that.
Is d/s complaining?
She, his teacher, did mention that my son's best friend is 'a dream'. He is super sensitive to things that are said and he has mentioned before "I can't do anything!" and lately he's getting really bad about "I'm an idiot" or "Sorry I was such a JERK" and it breaks my heart. But some times he is frustrating and he does ACT LIKE a 'jerk' and I just make sure he knows he may make some bad choices but that doesn't make him BAD. It's a fight all the time to keep me contained and him sustained! I guess that's why I want in there, just to see how it all plays out and his role within it. I'm thinking of just sitting down with his teacher and seeing if she has any suggestions. I'm hoping she is willing to work with me. I'm new at this just all as a whole.
Sometimes I wonder why teachers either don't learn, or don't remember psych 101. If you want leverage with someone, particularly children, you live by the rule of 10. For every 10 things you say, 9 positive for every negative.
Obviously your son has a huge amount of guilt. Maybe you can talk to him about about NN's.
Nasty things are nasty, bad ca-ca, Blech. These are things like hurting other people, hitting--you know criminal. These things must be made up for with kind acts and apologies.
Then there are No-No's. These are just impacts on your social relationships and will pass. Things like not waiting your turn, talking at the wrong time, trailing toilet paper on your shoe. The best thing to do is laugh, say "Silly me" or "I'm having a moment" and apologize. It will be over quickly and tomorrow no one will remember.
The sad part is that kids and adults too don't seem to differentiate between no-no's and nasties. It's like have cops waste time chasing down a hungry man stealing bread instead of tracking Ted Bundy.
I like this Buddhist philosophy for kids. You have two jars. One is good acts and one is bad acts [nasty type, no-nos don't count] acts. Now, for every deed you do, a drop of water goes into a jar. Good or bad? And you must keep filling the jar before the water evaporates. If you work on your good jar as best you can then eventually the bad jar mostly evaporates and everyone mostly forgets the bad things you did while the good jar keeps filling up.
The little fella sounds pretty capable of having his "good jar" overflow if someone just tells him what to put in it
I always love to read your posts, they truly are wonderful in their advice and in their 'enlightenment'.
I know I fail him some times but I do always try to recognize his wonderful and sweet and good attributes. Yesterday we started the marble system...he was outside helping his dad and then I saw him run over to his little brother and help him get on his tricycle. 
Yay! 3 marbles in the good jar!!
I hope to have some real success coming for him, we're trying to make some positive reinforcements and changes. I hope to eventually have your attitude and intelligence on this.
I always love to read your posts, they truly are wonderful in their advice and in their 'enlightenment'.
I know I fail him some times but I do always try to recognize his wonderful and sweet and good attributes. Yesterday we started the marble system...he was outside helping his dad and then I saw him run over to his little brother and help him get on his tricycle. Yay! 3 marbles in the good jar!!
I hope to have some real success coming for him, we're trying to make some positive reinforcements and changes. I hope to eventually have your attitude and intelligence on this.
Yay for you all
It's easy to give advice--harder to live it.
I made plenty of mistakes with my foster kids and a few doozy's with clients and even when I was dog training.
It sounds like the little fella really has a good heart.
If you can build on that [the marbles sound like they might be a good start] you all love him and he'll turn out just fine--it just might be a bit of a haul to get there.
It's always nice to talk to parents here that although stressed, honestly try to see the kid's point, their good attributes and find ways to support them.
Be kind to yourself too. Your son can learn a lot from watching you mess up and apologize and modelling how to make mistakes and learn from them
Well, how would you go about being in the classroom? I feel like if I have someone else doing it, I'm still going on someone else's word, and he's my son and I want to see it for myself.
I do understand that the teacher may act differently, I know my son would act differently (he'd be making googley eyes at me ), so I see what I'm up against. But I find his teacher less than stimulating just sitting in on a meeting with her.
I truly feel like she is a major part of his 'restlessness'. Other parts of her 'complaints', to me, seem to be just that he's a six year old boy.
I went and got my 'marbles' and containers, we're ready to go! At least on that part.
Right. And maybe that's the way I'll have to do it. I don't want to change her, but I am saying that with her personality and my son's I can see where it is all coming in to play. Teaching is a hard job and underappreciated, so I don't want to sound like I'm trying to cut her down. I'm really not.
The reason I'm going in is because she says he's acting up and he's not being able to pay attention and 'keep up' with her during class. This is a side we never really see, we are at the mercy of the teachers to describe our children to us. I don't like that, especially when there seems to be an issue or two (or three ). I can't make an informed decision without seeing it with my own eyes. I feel like I'm the blind leading the blind (to his dr) when it comes to this. School is really a new issue as far as 'real' school (he's in first grade)- where there are grades and real social skills and behavior skills NEEDED for him to flourish. So, I may have to find another method of doing that, but I thought I'd search out some ideas here first. Thanks!
So in my post 50 First Dates I just let you guys know how our Parent/Teacher conference went...and to sum it up, there was some left to be desired.
SO, here is my next question. Am I allowed to go and sit in his classroom and observe him? I would probably need to do so unseen, not quite sure how that would work. But I, and I stress I , need to be the one to see him for myself. The things she described and what I feel isn't matching up. Too many times, when it has come to him, I have slunched (I think I made that word up) and given in. And every time I've done that, it has come back to haunt me!
So, I'm wanting in THERE!!
Maybe I should allow her to use MY video camera and tape him in class a few days for me? I don't know. Advice??
ilovemyboys39384.5032638889yes, it is totally in your right to observe methodology by yourself or your expert.I'd go with the camera. And I wouldn't let the teacher, my child or other children know it's there if I could avoid it.This may show up a number of possibilities:
That your son is acting strangely [to you] in classThat your son may be responding to a noisy, stimulating or inconsistent environmentThat the teacher's assessment is inaccurate or
That the teacher's response to your son or other classmates is increasing some less desirable behavioursIf anyone knows about your observation, just like a science experiment--the results will be seriously skewed.
HAD TO SHARE THIS!!
Here we got that bad report and bla bla bla,...
well OUR BOY got the IMPROVEMENT AWARD at his award ceremony for 1st-8th grades! Hello! I knew he was doing well and felt so proud for him that he finally got some acknowledgement for all of his hard work! It's been a while.
Dad was so happy...it's been a while for that, too. He even called me today to tell me to stop by the store and buy a frame and we're going to hang it on ds's wall in his room!!! Very happy!
well OUR BOY got the IMPROVEMENT AWARD at his award ceremony for 1st-8th grades! Hello! I knew he was doing well and felt so proud for him that he finally got some acknowledgement for all of his hard work! It's been a while.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pass the tissues, I remember when my oldest got his first good report it was indescribable. I am so happy for your family. I'm sure it is the first of many!
The classroom environment is totally different from home so you probably are not going to see him not paying attention in a group learning environment and not being able to keep up with the group. Did the preschool and kindergarten teachers make similar statements? How does he act in other group learning situations like sports?
In public school you can not video tape or take pictures without written consent of parents. Now if all the kids in the classroom have permission for this to occur then the school has the legal right to make the decision for what is in the best interest of the children.
Most schools would prefer you send a specialist of your choice in to make the observations only because in most cases children will act differnently when their parents are in the room.
I had a specialist observe my son and he didn't even know it. I was able to get some concrete examples and use it to help me in deciding where to go next in finding the right help for my son . In my opinion, both as a parent and educator, it is often best for your child to not know they are being observed. You want to have good hard facts/non-bias opinions to help you make informed decisions.