Why do I feel so helpless??? | ADHD Information
Thank you all for your thoughts. It is very much appreciated! No, she does not have an IEP this year. Since we moved into this district, we haven't gotten this far with them yet. That is the next step. Three words..............HIRE AN ADVOCATE. Sorry, but there is no excuse for principals ignoring parents, not for teachers misrepresenting themselves. Or the school misrepresenting them. My daughter last year (who has an IEP and diagnosed ADHD w/co-existing LD) had a special Ed teacher, that knew nothing about dealing with special ed kids. She is no longer employed by our town. Anywa, I feel our district pretty much does want to help and do what they can, but mostly their hands are tied and really school's get away with as little as they can. We hired an advocate this year (grade 7) and it's amazing to me, even juts how quickly they respond to me now that I have some one with as much power as them behind my back. She's expensive, but has been worht every penny. The laws are too confusing and there's too much to know. Paying some one who can be emotioanlly detached, but on your side is a saving grace. If nothing else it has helped with my insomnia .Thank you for your response. I'm at the point of desperation, I feel. Unfortunately, Homeschooling is not in our cards. I wish it were but it would be impossible for us. I think a lot of the educators still have that thought that "ADHD isn't real". I did have a wonderful teacher last year that really broke ground with my daughter. My daughter still misses her as we have moved into a new school district. She will carry out her yearbook and keep it open to that tteacher's page. I completely hear what you are saying.
My principal completely wasted my time. At the beginning, we really reached out to this teacher (as we do every teacher at the beginning of the year) so that we can help her to have a successful year with our daughter. She seemed receptive and just has all this ADHD experience but everything she's having a crisis with our daughter in her class about is the very root of what ADHD is! We were shocked. I mean, I shouldn't have to tell her how to redirect my daughter. She should be knowledgable enough to handle this. Bottom line is, I want her out of that woman's class. This teacher thought it was a great idea that since my daughter complained about people bothering her at lunch because they sit so close that she isolate her to a table all by herself. We put an immediate stop to that. How does that help her coping skills? I don't know what the next step but I'm not going to be ignored. A good teacher or a bad teacher makes the world of difference. Its funny because as lonely as it feels, after reading your response, I can identify with almost every thing you said. Thank you!
Does your daughter have an iep or a 504 plan? You can get an iep for her behavior. My 8 year old son has one for his behavior. He is smart and at all his benchmarks. His behavior was in the way of him learning. If your daughters behavior is impeding her learning she can get one. I currently have him in a special class because he was unable to cope in a normal class. He was kicked out of preschool and daycares. I am lucky I have a good daycare for him that he does great in now. But before putting him this class, he would throw chairs, books, tip his table over, etc.... I am not trusting of any teacher that says they are an expert on adhd kids, been told that by several teachers and then they couldn't cope with him. He currently has a first year teacher and she is doing really good with him. I think it is just a matter of how well the teacher is in their teaching skills and if our kids click with the teacher. Your daughter might need a more stuctured teacher that can be a firm but positive influence for her. [QUOTE=momroundrocktx]
This may sound selfish, but please, for a moment, indulge me....
My daughter is a beautiful person. She exudes light. She constantly amazes me with the concepts she grasps at the age of seven. I've been in love with her since the moment I met her. She is a "twice exceptional" child. She was diagnosed with ADHD in Feb. 2005 along with a mild case of OCD and Anxiety Disorder. She is of a brilliant mind. Musically, artistically, scientifically. Socially, she's a wreck. Since she was in daycare, she's been expelled from preschools, head start and close to being expelled from the current school at 2nd grade.
What behaviours are causing the expulsions?
We've recently moved and changed school districts. Unfortunately, the school district we have moved into has misrepresented themselves and her teacher. She is currently being treated with 36 mg. Concerta. We have had such a positive experience with this medication. My daughter can finally concentrate and focus. I think she may need an increase in dosage at times but she has shown marked improvement.
Currently, we are fighting a war with the school system in Texas. We found ourselves with a 2nd grade teacher that happens to be the "Gifted/Talented teacher" for 2nd grade, who assured me after my annual email to the teacher that she is well versed and has much experience with ADHD students. However, 2 or 3 weeks later, she emailed me and my husband frantically about how much trouble she is having in the classroom with my daughter and what a disruption she is. She went on to tell us how much she interrupts and argues with her and it s difficult w/ "3 other behavior problems" in her classroom. Of course, I took offense to the "behavior problem" context and the fact that she seems to not be able to handle my daughter or re-direct her behavior. It is a HUGE concern of mine. Every day, we begged for communication and she actually emailed my husband and I with the statement "I'm doing the best that I can.... I'm overworked"....After several weeks of other incidents and many other emails concerning my daughter and the escalating crisis, I left work in the middle fo the day and ran up to the school and ambushe d the principal after many email correspondences that never seem to get any better. Of course, I was punished with her politicking me and placating. She claimed the teacher was a "MASTER" TEACHER She was just so put off by the fact she's never had this sort of complaint against this teacher before. She said she would look into it and told me she would meet with my daughter and the teacher. I told her I absolutely wanted her removed from that classroom and into a classroom that better suited her. My husband and I looked her up via the Texas STate Board of Education and she is only a 3rd year Teacher, with no other certification (including G/T training). My husband is also a teacher for the State of Texas. I don't have anything against 3rd year teachers. I DO have a problem against a teacher that represents herself to me as someone who has MUCH experience with ADHD children and the Administration that says she is a "MASTER TEACHER"
Let's clarify. From what I read [did I miss something?] the teacher didn't use the word "master"--the principal did?
but demonstrates and realistically is something else. In Texas, you have to be a classroom teacher for at least 5 years to be considered a "Master", from what I understand. To make matters worse, the principal denied our request on this Friday via an "email" at 4:00 p.m. (how cowardly) and when my husband picked up our girls from the school, she dodged him and refused to speak to him and told him "I sent you an email". How disrespectful I felt. You can't even pick up the telephone to tell us the answer we've been waiting to hear???
This may feel bad but it doesn't look that intentional towards you. It sounds more as if this person is busy.
Schools are places of business, no matter how much that feels bad to people. The employees are there to do whatever job they can and collect a paycheque. Workers cannot always meet parents' timetables. That means CYA occurs, oversights occur etc. You may need to fight it--but it often isn't personal. It's bureaucratic. Before you fight any system you need to understand how to outmaneuver bureaucracies.
The single vulnerability in bureaucracies is that they don't care but they have to publicly LOOK like they care. Keep that in mind. And there are people within those bureaucracies that might care--but don't bet your coffee money on it.
This is a very small school as well....I feel this small. I feel my daughter feels even smaller.
I have not slept this weekend. My daughter is with her father, my ex husband tonight and I cannot stop thinking about this.
What is the ex doing/saying about this? What is his opinion?
I feel like I'm the only person fighting for the sake of my daughter. I feel totally helpless.......Has anyone had any experience with this???? Anyone??? I do believe this is the worst of the worse for us...I'm sorry if I seem like I need assurrance...but I totally feel like I do. I've reached a precipice where I feel like any move I make might possibly be the move that sends her into the wrong path...Does anyone else feel this way?
You have done the best you knew at the time to do. That will not change. You will screw up. The kid will screw up. You will both live through it. Take yourself off the 'I might screw up' road because it won't help. Of course you'll screw up--so will she and so will all of us.
There are only two questions:
What needs to happen to get this child well-educated?How do I make that happen?[/QUOTE]I had to go above the principal's head to get any sort of response last year. The principal herself called me from her home to set up a 504 plan meeting. Here we are the next year and the teacher is better but still not following the plan. She complains that he takes his shoes off in class at his desk. If this is the biggest problem give me a break. We have a meeting next week when his 504 will be addressed and his IEP denied(I was told this by the school psychologist). Hopefully we will get somewhere. I feel your frustration.
This may sound selfish, but please, for a moment, indulge me....
My daughter is a beautiful person. She exudes light. She constantly amazes me with the concepts she grasps at the age of seven. I've been in love with her since the moment I met her. She is a "twice exceptional" child. She was diagnosed with ADHD in Feb. 2005 along with a mild case of OCD and Anxiety Disorder. She is of a brilliant mind. Musically, artistically, scientifically. Socially, she's a wreck. Since she was in daycare, she's been expelled from preschools, head start and close to being expelled from the current school at 2nd grade. We've recently moved and changed school districts. Unfortunately, the school district we have moved into has misrepresented themselves and her teacher. She is currently being treated with 36 mg. Concerta. We have had such a positive experience with this medication. My daughter can finally concentrate and focus. I think she may need an increase in dosage at times but she has shown marked improvement.
Currently, we are fighting a war with the school system in Texas. We found ourselves with a 2nd grade teacher that happens to be the "Gifted/Talented teacher" for 2nd grade, who assured me after my annual email to the teacher that she is well versed and has much experience with ADHD students. However, 2 or 3 weeks later, she emailed me and my husband frantically about how much trouble she is having in the classroom with my daughter and what a disruption she is. She went on to tell us how much she interrupts and argues with her and it s difficult w/ "3 other behavior problems" in her classroom. Of course, I took offense to the "behavior problem" context and the fact that she seems to not be able to handle my daughter or re-direct her behavior. It is a HUGE concern of mine. Every day, we begged for communication and she actually emailed my husband and I with the statement "I'm doing the best that I can.... I'm overworked"....After several weeks of other incidents and many other emails concerning my daughter and the escalating crisis, I left work in the middle fo the day and ran up to the school and ambushe d the principal after many email correspondences that never seem to get any better. Of course, I was punished with her politicking me and placating. She claimed the teacher was a "MASTER" TEACHER She was just so put off by the fact she's never had this sort of complaint against this teacher before. She said she would look into it and told me she would meet with my daughter and the teacher. I told her I absolutely wanted her removed from that classroom and into a classroom that better suited her. My husband and I looked her up via the Texas STate Board of Education and she is only a 3rd year Teacher, with no other certification (including G/T training). My husband is also a teacher for the State of Texas. I don't have anything against 3rd year teachers. I DO have a problem against a teacher that represents herself to me as someone who has MUCH experience with ADHD children and the Administration that says she is a "MASTER TEACHER" but demonstrates and realistically is something else. In Texas, you have to be a classroom teacher for at least 5 years to be considered a "Master", from what I understand. To make matters worse, the principal denied our request on this Friday via an "email" at 4:00 p.m. (how cowardly) and when my husband picked up our girls from the school, she dodged him and refused to speak to him and told him "I sent you an email". How disrespectful I felt. You can't even pick up the telephone to tell us the answer we've been waiting to hear??? This is a very small school as well....I feel this small. I feel my daughter feels even smaller.
I have not slept this weekend. My daughter is with her father, my ex husband tonight and I cannot stop thinking about this. I feel like I'm the only person fighting for the sake of my daughter. I feel totally helpless.......Has anyone had any experience with this???? Anyone??? I do believe this is the worst of the worse for us...I'm sorry if I seem like I need assurrance...but I totally feel like I do. I've reached a precipice where I feel like any move I make might possibly be the move that sends her into the wrong path...Does anyone else feel this way?
momroundrocktx39389.8307638889I can't say my story follows your story step for step but your story is very similiar to mine. I had multiple phone calls with the principal, I called the teacher and never got a response. I would send notes that would be left unanswered. I finally had to quite literally corner the teacher in the school hallway to get her to listen to me. And even then she told me, "You've got a minute of my time." As if I were a student! She half listened to me while thumbing threw a stack of papers for all of 20 seconds and started to walk away from me before I had even finished what I was saying! It was at that point when I realized that she didn't want to help me or my son. If she really cared she would have suggested a conference or asked for my phone number...Really anything at this point would have made me feel better than her completely ignoring me.
There was an incident that occured after this that broke the camel's back. I decided to homeschool my son, I withdrew him about a month and a half ago and have not looked back. I know that homeschooling is not the answer for everyone, however.
I just could not handle him being treated like a discipline problem when clearly that is not the case. My son started having a terrible reaction to his medication shortly before school started and it only escalated as the days went on. I'm not talking focus problems or talking out of turn. My son was having bowel issues, severe anxiety issues, on top of the typical ADHD problems. He has been on a medication roller coaster ever since. And all this school could do for me was throw my child out into the hallway or write him up. I do not believe that detention hall is where a 7 year old child with ADHD should be spending time. He is not a 'bad' child. He should not be treated like the average kid who has a bad day. That is not to say that my son's behavior should be excused, but I do feel that he deserves more consideration than the average child. My son has a bad day every day and should not be punished for it...I simply will not tolerate it! If they are having trouble with him they need to find a way to work with him, not against him. I mean, after all the calls I made to the school - the teacher still files a report on a child with ADHD for being, and I quote, "Too active" AND the principal signs it without blinking an eye needs to have their head or credentials checked! "Too active" is the very definition of an ADHD child! How can you punish a child with ADHD for being too active. Sorry to dwell on it, but each and every time I type it I am aghast at their ignorance and lack of concern. It just blows my mind.
Never in my life have I felt so alone. I feel like a freaking pioneer. As If I am the only parent to ever have a child with ADHD. I mean, my son can't possibly be the ONLY child at that school ever with ADHD. When I spoke to the principal I asked for his guidance and understanding...My pleas went ignored. He completely brushed me off. It is 2007 and people still walk around like ADHD doesn't exist! The school system needs some serious ADHD awareness!
My school touts itself as the public school that is just like Private. Ya right. I know your frustration as we had a horrible teacher last year that made life unbearable for my son and for us. Complaints daily, being sent home. It was madness.
So far this year he is in a highly structured class with a supportive teacher and has managed above average grades all quarter so far. She has been a godsend.
I pray you are able to work this out for your own peace of mind as well as you childs.
Wow! I feel like you are singing my song. I am in Garland Texas and I am fighting with my school for my ADHD son whom is also in the 2nd grade. His teacher is wonderful, however I believe that the principle of the "blue ribbon school" wants to keep her status and won't let the teachers take too much time to help the kids that really need it. Within the first month of school, 4 children left that had a range of dyslexia to ADHD amongst them. So, I am fighting for my son to have special education tests done. It is imperative to get your child placed under the umbrella of special education so that when the time comes for TAKS testing and such, it will give her more time and will allow her to be put in an area that will help her.
Here's what you need to do: 1) go to Wrightslaw.com and read up so you know what your rights are. That school should be modifying your daughters work, giving her more time...etc. You also need to look up IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) just so you can be informed. 2) go to the school counselor and request paperwork to start the process for special education testing. They may tell you something stupid like "we don't have that..blah, blah", but they do and they MUST have that available for you. Once you have filled out the paperwork, they will probably do an SST meeting (Student Support Meeting) to see if her needs can be met with intervention and modifications. If after a few weeks this is not determined (with the doctors signed permission) they will have to move forward with special education testing. This will get her the help she needs and protect her as well. If they try to not allow this, you can get the doctor to write that the testing needs to be done on a prescription. They cannot ignore a prescription because that document states that it is a medical need. Let me know what district you are in and I will see if there is a child advocate or someone whom can help you with all this.
Keep your head up, believe me when I say that I know your frustration. Save every e-mail that comes from the teacher...you will need all of this documentation.
Yes, I was in your shoes. I kept thinking they lived in some little education bubble world, separated from the real world, disconnected from reality, playing by some secret rules. It was like the twilight zone. I hired and education advocate, and was ready to hire an education attorney. That's when all the cr*p that you are describing ended -- when I took out my checkbook and recruited someone on my team who knew how to play the game that they were playing. I still think they are crazy. Things like that just don't happen in the business world.
NoTellin39391.9569328704Thank you for all your help! The principal has been dodging us all week. She will send us an email and tell us she doesn't have time to email and doesn't return calls. My husband, as I said, is a teacher at the middle school directly behind this school (he actually walks over to pick up our daughters every day) and he finally cornered the principal and told him he wanted to meet with her face to face as she only seemed to want to do it by email. Can you believe that?? They have a meeting at 11:30 on Thursday CST. I'm hoping we can resolve some of this then. Well, I'm not having the same problem as you are, but we're having our own school problem here with my son.. with expulsion after expulsion and the only solution they can come up with is EXPULSION. Now, don't get me wrong, I would almost rather a Principal and a Teacher that ignore me as opposed to the principal and teacher that we currently have.. that call to tell me my son is horrible every other day and send him home. They're very communicative... but it doesn't help anything. My concerns are with him getting chucked out of school all the time, and no one's helping with an alternative. There's no one on one, there's no anything. Yesterday he was kicked out again for swearing and being disruptiive.. we had a meeting with the principal and were told that if it happens again, he's gone for the year. But they're not offering any help or alternatives. I'm so mad. There's my rant. Hope everythying works out well for you. Just keep at it and be persistent.
I'm sorry for your difficulties, who knew it would be this hard to get our children the fair shot at an education they so deserve?
My advice to you is to listen to the Senior Members and others here who have been there, done that. I have found that the advice here is best take than elsewhere, we're all advocates for our children on this website. Can you imagine if we all banned together?
And here's something esle. Look at your daughter and KNOW what she does right. We struggle with our first grade adhd son, too. And the last scenario we had, my husband looked at me and basically told me that our boy may struggle through school. We'll deal with it. But we know what works for him and we know his strong points and we'll build on that. YOU teach her and YOU build off of her interests. The learning doesn't start and stop at school. It's just a foundation. In the mean time, work on that, but encourage her at home to learn what she loves. Are our children allowed to have fun, or is it looked at as impulsive, hyper, unruly bla bla bla? Seriously.
IMO, our children get sooo over looked. Their goodness and their wonderful attributes are all too often ignored or minimized due to the 'bad and ugly'. For pete's sake, their fighting us because our children are taking their shoes off. SIGN ME UP, too, I"M with you Metis. So, some times, although hard, step back and make sure you aren't following in their footsteps and making a mountain out of a piece of sand.
Keep us updated, I'll pray for your fight to become a battle won. 
He took his shoes off? Cripes, if that's a crisis--sign me up for one!
[tell 'em to turn down the heat--he's got hot feet
]MetisRebel39391.4003125Honestly, I don't know what any of those things are, or how to find out about them. I'm in Canada (don't know where all of you are from) and personally, I think they only care about the children who have an obvious handicap (not that I'm saying it's wrong) than the children who appear normal and have a bit of a learning disability..Yes.. I see ADHD as a learning disability.
I looked into Alternative Education and Special Education which seems to be the only thing that my public school system here in New Brunswick has, and it's only available if more than 3 people think it's necessary and if the school can afford it. Our Neurologist (that diagnosed), our pediatritian (who is following us) and our psychologist (who is providing my son's counselling) ALL sent letters to the school saying that the beginning of treatment is a process that will take some time to fine tune.. and still nothing.
So, I have a meeting with the Principal, teacher, school psychologist and MY son's psychologist today to figure something out.. I hope it works out okay.
I sooo know how you feel! We moved this year and so my children are in a new school. My ADHD DS has been on medication since Kindergarten and has done very well. Absolutely NO problems at school. We got to this new school last spring and everything was fine but this year has been a nightmare and I believe it is the fact that his teacher is .....I don't even know what to say about her. We talked to the principal and he looked at us like we were crazy (and I am some kind of helicopter parent). My son isn't a behavior problem he has just had a hard time paying attention at times but she has been verbally abusive toward him and the meetings we have had went terrible. Anyway, I know how alone you feel. I feel like I have moved to another planet! I have never been this frustrated! The principal and teacher at the school we are in are just bizzare.
Good luck to you.
Mandia, you should either devote the next month to nothing but educating yourself on the situation or hire an advocate. There is no way back once kicked out of mainstream. You need to force the school to do right by your son. Responding to ADHD with suspensions and complaints is not OK. They know what the problem is, and they know what to do. You need to make them do it. This is a game and you need to start playing instead of standing on the sidelines wondering what is happening. NoTellin39392.9364236111
Mandia, is your son diagnosed and recieving treatment? Does he have a 504? IEP? If so they cannot "chuck him out" with no alternatives.
I agree with NoTellin, either hire an advocate or learn the laws. Wrightslaw.com actually has a series to help parents become a better advocate. IMO, if you can afford it, hire a professional.