Rant, my wife just won’t talk to me!

Sounds like counseling is a good idea.

It sounds like it's a communications thing- your wife wasn't in a position to be "receptive" at the moment, so it would be important at times like that to make sure you know why and not just say I don't feel like talking right now.  Something like, I'm so tired that I don't think I can give this the attention it deserves, let's talk about it after I've slept/had some coffee/whatever.

On the other hand, when your wife tells you she doesn't want to talk, instead of pressing the issue, let her know it's important to you and ask when a good time would be.

Now I have no idea how old your baby is, how sleep deprived you wife, or if she was disinclined to talk to you before the baby was born.  But speaking from personal experience, I suffered postpartum depression after the birth off my daughter and my DH would tell you that I was not very interested in him and generally not much fun to be around until I got help.  I have no idea if any of that even applies to your situation, but it was just something that popped into my head after the mention of the baby, so I thought I'd share.   

gbfe

gbfe

Hey OutOfTheLoop, it definately sounds very similar, I've had a very testing few weeks and recently just stopped talking about it at all with my wife because of the reasons fore-mentioned. I think your skeptisism theory is probably right, understanding about something like this from someone not experiencing it or unable to quantify it is hard thing to ask for.

I think in my situation my relationship is damaged to a point where adding ADHD to the table at the time I did, just served to make things worse. We need counciling and although both of us recognize it we both don't seem to be doing anything about it.

I feel like the only way it is going to happen is if I push us into it, and right now with the adjustment to the ADHD meds I'm finding it really hard to do because I just don't know how much more I can add to my plate.

Ultimately it's likely i'm going to end up trying to find us a counciler in the next week or so, I really suspect my wife won't mention anything until I do. In the meantime we really are living seperate lives with the occasional exchange of I love you's. Some of this is because I've been working a lot more since taking the meds, but also I'm driving to try and get higher in my job this year so we can be more financially stable. The times I come home at reasonable times or on a night on weekends, my wife tends to Browse her baby forums and wants that time for herself, so I occupy myself with my own things.

I see your perspective with your last question, and I guess everyone is different... with me typically if she calls me for something or wants to talk to me I'll stop immediately and listen or help (not 100%, but i would say the large majority of the time), I don't feel that happens both ways a lot of the time.

My wife is a really kind person and gets on with everyone she knows, her problem just seems to lie with me, and she has said as much many times. I just hope the counciling for us can help bridge that and maybe repair it.

The only thing I can say for you I think is, you mentioned about fighting all the time etc... In my first couple of weeks after been diagnosed I was saying similar things, but now I look back and reflect, we fought in exactly the same way prior to me finding out... Just about a whole host of other unresolved issues... I think finding out about the ADHD just gave my wife something to focus the disputes on, i.e. 'I suppose thats because of your ADHD now too HUH' and on my side of things me making comments about 'ohhh i wonder if I do this because I have ADD' - Which potentially it is because of that but to my wife I think it appears as a scapegoat, or way out of taking responsibility for whatever we're talking about.

I dunno.. Which I understood relationships and life a bit better :)

I am going through possibly the same situation. I have recently been diagnosed with having ADD about 2 weeks ago! And have been prescribed Adderal. I do believe she is burnt out from hearing about it, as well as my husband. I am worried about what the Adderal does to my heart (beating fast and pounding) so every time I try to tell him about it, he doesn't listen AT ALL. He is sick of it.

I think this is probably because most people are Skeptical about ADD, they think it's the new fad, or it's just an excuse for being lazy, or another reason to get recreational drugs, and so on. So thinking that, I kept telling him, everyday, the reasons why I think I have ADD and every time I was unable to focus, because sub-consciously I wanted to make sure he believed me (and believed in ADD). Because with out his back I KNEW I would be all alone.

We have come to the point where we fight all the time, and now even telling him about this message board I have been reading/involved in, he says "how much are we paying for that internet anyway?"

I feel your pain and if this is similar to you, I think we need to TRY to focus on the positive things about our significant others and the relationship, and make sure you don't vent to her. Save it for your doctor. But she should also tell you that she feels like you dump on her more than romance her.

Also, another way to think about it is-- Say you just started reading that article, and she interrupted you to ask you to get up and get a diaper for the baby, because she couldn’t. Would you have been irritated?

My husband and I have been talking about a councelor also. Us having ADD, we just have to DO IT. LIke click off of this webpage and go to www.yellowpages.com , find someone, send an email, and there, the responsibility is off of your hands and onto theirs to get back to you.

the funny thing is that i took the time to type this instead of doing that myself :)

I also found reading "Driven to Distraction" a good book. Maybe you should try it. In there it says, people who have ADD are most likely to marry someone who's like "a bad 5th Grade school teacher". Which for me seems to be true.

So I'm actually looking in my health providers directory right now to see if I can get something moving, your right, i've been putting it off too long.

I read Driven to Distraction, its an awesome book, It was very helpful so far. The Ironic thing about your last statement is that my wife IS a 5th Grade school teacher lol