Reality slap in the face..Help | ADHD Information
Steffnblake, your first post here reminds me of what my wife and I went through with Jacob. I agree with the others to slow down. I would also like to add that many kids with AD/HD do VERY well in school, once they get the right kind of treatment. So, I strongly feel that life will get much better for you and your family. There is MUCH hope!I too agree with the others.
All hell broke lose for our son in first grade, even though he had been diagnosed just before he turned 5. We opted to ride it out and not go the med route.
Well the kindergarten teacher was great and put up with more than she ever told us. He was on an IEP for speech and sensory so she dealt with it.
First grade became a nightmare. He was labeled, bullied, teased, etc.
I started meds in the spring with the help of the teacher. Every day she would meet me and tell me how his day was personally. So I knew if we had the right med and needed to adjust the mgs or if the med was wrong.
His life is so much better since meds, social is still rough, but that seems to be common with ADHD'ers. I also blame the town we live in. I think that has more to do with it than anything, along with his labeling that he still is trying to live down.
He is now in 5th grade. An A student, NO behavior problems. A parents joy!
Best wishes!!
BETHANN39397.9049537037
Hi..I'm new at this so....I am a 25 year old registered nurse and have a wonderful 6 year old boy who is in 1st grade. He is very "active". His kindergarden teacher was constantly having meetings with me and his fater. We delt with them as they came. Now he's in 1st grade and all hell has broken loose. We had the big "sit down" and she really let us know how bad it is. I was in tears the whole meeting...Here she was telling me all these quailties that I love about my son are "a problem"...hard to hear! I am not an oblivious parent, I know he's a handful, but I didn't realize how not "normal" he is. His teacher was sctually really great about the whole thing, but she made it very clear that, for his benefit, somehting needs to happen. She handed us this paper that we need to fill out from the school shrink. It gages them on a number scale and depending on how high the number is, that can lead them to diagnose ADHD. My son is not a number..and a shrink? What is all this?
Here's the problem, what now? Meds, behavior therapy, pull him out of school, home school, diet change, "special school"? I am soooo clueless! please, one parent to another, please help! I swore to myself that I would never be one of those mom's who give's their kid meds, but now i'm considering it. I just don't want my baby to become someone different. Please any advice on the topic can really help
Hi and welcome!
First off, what you are feeling right now is exactly how everyone feels when some one sasy their child acts different than the other kids and something should be done about it.
Second, SLOW DOWN. You dont even know he has ADHD yet. Take this one step at a time. The forms are probably Conners forms that are very helpful to the physician in their evaluation. They dont need to go to the school psych, btw.
Third call your pediatrician for an appointment. Bring the Conners forms with you and she/he thinks ADHD, ask for a referral to a child psychiatrist. Then go from there.
All the while, research, research, research 
. Their are all kinds of behavior modification you can start, whether ADHD or not, they help. See Ograms marble system, a lot of people have great success with this.
Read the threads on here and get a feel for medications and alternatives. School must educate him, so dont start panicking about that. Hoemschooling, special schools all have thier place, but you are getting WAY ahead of yourself.
Welcome to this difficult journey. There is support and help here.
Read up on ADHD (diagnosis, co-morbids, potential treatments, etc):
The "number" that come back from parent and teacher evaluations is only an inidcator that an evaluation should be persued. A pediatrician can check for disorders that can mimic ADHD symptoms and refer you to appropriate professionals for further evaluation if warranted. Full evaluation can be performed by psychologist (educational, children's or developmental) or a psychiatrist or a neruopsychologist/psychiatrist or a pediatric development team at a children's hospital or university. A full evaluation can take time and money, but give lots of information and confidence to form a comprehensive treatment plan the fits the family's needs. It also helps you develope a relationship and choose a doc for long term help should that be needed.
Request in writing, and EIP evaluation while you persue private evaluation. The school evaluation should focus on areas where he needs accomodations and extra help to get a good education. They should not even mention meds, only urge you to get further evaluation with a medical provider. Meds as part of treatment is an individual decision for the family and doc to make, and good school personnel will not interfer in this.
If the dx is ADHD and you decide to try meds, they should not affect your son's personallity, just calm him and allow him to focus when needed. They can also help with social interactions in kids that have issues there. If a med were to change your son's personallity, then the dose or the med is wrong for him. Never accept this. My kids are thier same quirkey, funny selves on meds, but school is not frustrating for them and peer interactions are much better. This is how meds are supposed to work-not like the scare stories you may hear.
You can read the marble stystem by ogram (top thread) for a behavior modification plan that is helpful and cruise over to the alt board to see what the latest research is in alts. There is evedence for use of omega fatty acids and magnesium and trials on other things that are tracked as well.
vickie39397.2674189815What Diane and Vickie said ....I would also go outside the school system for a diagnosis (if there even is one), take your time, breathe deeply, and then go back to them with YOUR doctor's recommendations. Tell the school, in the meantime, that you are having him evaluated by your physician. Use a child psychiatrist or developmental neurologist that your ped suggests. Peds are often great but just don't have the background for all of the possible issues surrounding ADHD. If your doctor says he's normal, well, the school will need to back off and deal with him as is. If your doc says he has ADHD, you will probably be able to trust the diagnosis much more than if it comes from the school (where they obviously have an agenda).
If a specialist does diagnose him with ADHD, you will have the professional background to learn everything there is to know about it and the medications. This will quickly make you very knowledgeable and pretty secure in your judgement calls. That's a huge advantage already.
Right now, start with Omega 3's, which definitely can't hurt him and are actually very healthy for everyone. Read the thread about the optimal dose. We use the marble system, too, and it's great. He's just in first grade -- you have years to learn what works for him and what doesn't, especially if he's been functioning pretty well up until now (some of us have kids who haven't functioned well from day 1)!
I think Vickie and Diane have some good advice. Slow down, get youself a good evaluation not by a pediatrician but someone more qualified if possible. You don't even know what is going on yet. Research everything.
Wow, thanks you all sooo much for the quick reply. I know I need to slow down and take a breath. I just feel this incredible weight on my shoulders. I know he hasn't been diagnosed yet, but I know he has it. I've known for a while but just never wanted to admit it/see it. I've done reasearch into diagnosing it, I had to study it in nursing school etc. but studying it and living it are two different things. My poor boy was destined to have it from the start. His dad had it bad as a child (and still battles it), my whole side of the family has it... Just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart and will look into those links you all sent me....thanks, Stephanie 
gbfe
ommas39765.5428240741Ommas, I think you are highly qualified and your advice is always on the spot. Give yourself some credit. You know alot.thank you
i know it
but my point is that i have cronic poor self esteem
i believe its from doing poorly in school and being awkward in many ways .
so my point is that adhd can have cons but its can also be guided and nurtured from this young age in question.
im saying dont rush so hard that you panic and only focus on on the negative over and over.
a well seeded plan can offset many frustrations
ommas39397.4162962963Hello,
Our son was diagnosed at four with ADHD. We asked for advice from our ped., and then went to a pediatric psychiatrist for an eval. It was the best thing that we ever did!! We did decide to medicate which has been a wonderful thing. He loves school and is doing well. The people at church that used to hate to see us coming now complement him on how well he is doing. He can concentrate and has learned so much at school. He learned absolutely nothing at preschool. He is still behind other children his age, but he is catching up quickly. An ADHD diagnosis doesn't mean that he is flawed or that you are a bad parent. Our children are often very intelligent, but with the clutter in their little minds, they can't focus. Your pediatrician can refer you to someone that can do an accurate assessment and help you and your son. I will pray for you because I know how hard it is. You take this personally, or I did anyway, but you can do it.
Our childen our precious in His sight.
You sound just like me 1 year and 4 months ago. I had the same teacher conferance. I did NOT sign their papers and went outside the school, and just like you, I knew from the age of 3 that there was something different about my little boy. And after MANY doctors and all telling me that he was ADHD. I cried LOTS of tears and fought very hard to keep him off meds. Our family doctor finally said to me .......... "This is NOT about you this is about him and his ablity to function" so I caved in and he has been on Strattera for 1 year this month. What a change in his life. He is now a straight A student and has been put in the gifted class. He still has problems at school and with his social skills but that has been cut down about 80%. He now plays with other kids at recess, where before he sat by himself. He can now tell me the names of kids in his class, last year he could not even tell me one name of a kid in his class. Kids now say hi to him when we are out shopping and they see him. I can still see that he is different around other children but we are working on his social skills. It breaks my heart at times, but the meds changed his life for the better. Hang in there and get all the info you can, and talk talk talk ................. questions, questions, questions to your doctors.Being called to a conference where a teacher or group of teachers unloads about your child can be a lot like an airbag deploying: one minute you're going along fine and then you get slammed in the chest and knocked back in your seat. It can also be just as frightening.
I agree with the "slow down" advice. The school may try to rush the process and act like they are in control, but really this is your ballgame. The laws and regs are all on your side. You do not have to supply anything to the school psych; in fact, I would discourage it and go outside to get a proper eval by an independant source. As a nurse, you probably have access to resources most of us don't: other co-workers in the medical field, former professors who may have info, perhaps even a doctor on staff where you work might have experience with ADHD. Schools certainly know that the process of diagnosing adhd takes longer than the time needed to fill out a few forms. Use your time to your benefit, refuse to be rushed, and educate yourself about your and your child's rights. ADHD has no quick fix and its treatment is a process which really has no endpoint. < =text/>_popupControl();
I agree with everything th eother posters have said so far...and I want to add I went thru this years ago and now wish I had done something sooner, because I have a very confused and angry 14yo who just got dxed over the summer, but probably could have been dxed at your ds' age; I just chose to homeschool him instead and ignore the signs. We had some miserable times homeschooling, although it probably did benefit him in many ways being able to avoid the traditional classroom setting. I have not heard many good things about schools/teachers. That's so sad. They have so much to deal with these days, from bad kids and uninvolved parents, to high stakes testing. And a lot of teachers seem very uninformed about kids, especially kids who learn differently.
It might help to read some books like those by Michael Gurian's, who acknowledges that boys learn differently and are treated differently in school.
Also read Dr. Ed Hallowell's books, especially Delievered From Distraction. It helped me to understand what is going on in someone's mind who has ADHD (and the author himself has it).
HUGS to you also............
Hi!
Just wanted to let you know that you are where we were in March of this year. We have a 6 year old in first grade and it all went down in March! We got him diagnosed and I did put him on the second lowest dose of Adderall. It is really working for him. I wish his teacher was more communicative, but she basically handles him herself and it seems to be working...if it ain't broke kind of thing. He has friends and he does struggle a bit in math and he goes to a special reading class, but our boy is so smart and so creative! He has good days and bad days but something you must remeber, is he's still a 6 year old kid, too~ ADHD won't define him, it's just something to add to his qualities.
And while going through this process, don't let those wonderful attributes get taken away. Still love all of those qualities, but help him to maintain them at a certain level when he needs to.
Let it all sink in...You're a nurse, you're qualified in many ways to deal with this. You know steps to take and maybe some different resources that others wouldn't have access to. You love him and it'll all work out. Let it marinate and then start making your plans. Just stay connected to this website, it's wonderful.
Amber
I suggest taking the private route first. Get a referral from your pediatrician to a specialist. Then you can mull over your options, including whether you want to get involved with the school. If you (and your doctor) think that your son does not need accommodations (504 plan) or special education services (IEP) to access the core curriculum effectively and obey the rules, you probably don't want to get into it with the school. You may be able to help him with meds only. If that won't work you can consider asking the school for a 504 plan so he can have accommodations like preferential seating, teacher checking if assignments are noted, extra set of books -- stuff that's NOT services. If he needs more than a 504, you use your private evaluation to get services from the school (you probably need an extensive evaluation with testing [neuro-psyche] to increase your odds). They usually don't hand services over on a silver platter, and to get spec ed services you must allow them to conduct a psycho-educational assessment by the school psychologist. If he is found eligible for services, then you will give up a significant amount of control to the IEP team, and you will have to deal with them (can be very political) on a regular basis. Everything becomes a group decision.
I'd sit back, get a private eval, and chew my cud for awhile if I were you.
BTW, just filing out the Conner's Form is NOT a legitimate way to dx ADHD since many other conditions could cause ADHD-like symptoms. Not to mention, this approach makes no attempt to flush out co-morbid conditions.
NoTellin39400.6982407407Wow, our experience must have been different than everyone else's because I was just completely relieved to get a psychiatrist's diagnosis and finally have some reassurance that we weren't doing something wrong. It was then that the weight was lifted off our shoulders. I think that my son must have been pretty severe because I was basically distraught the first 4 years of his life.Anyway, enough about me. The "marinade" comment was great! That's exactly what it feels like to get a ton of advice and information and just let it simmer and stew for a few days or weeks.
My only other advice would be to deal with the school professionals like you deal with your patients -- stay friendly but keep them at arm's length. We have had good public school teachers but we stayed on a friendly, professional level with them and no one has ever tried to bully us. Smile, thank them, and then do what you have to do.