Poor Player | ADHD Information

[QUOTE=Diane V]

a couple of comments. To elaborate on what I was saying. I agree to stop playing when they either cheat or tantrum. They cannot apologize at that moment. When you start the game lay down the law....this is supposed to fun for everyone .

Excellent point.

No, I mean, let him know we are both playing and only one of us can win or go first or be the blue, whatever, all of the above set my kids off. Then let him know if he doesnt want to play fine, if he does great, but if he gets upset over not getting his way, you are putting the game away. Then when he does, say oh guess you dont want to play, and put it away, even if he says no im sorry. LATER ask him if he'd like to try again, or if he comes to you LATER, then give it another try. He should understnad people wont play when he acts like that and just saying it wont work.

I like the idea that YOU come back with the game when you're ready. Reminds me of dog training and setting the dog up to make an error so you can correct it on YOUR time instead of being taken off-guard. Another excellent point.

I also would not avoid games with winners and losers, thise are fine for playdates, but to help him with social skills and accepting losing, play winner/loser games with you and him.

I wouldn't "avoid" them--they just aren't the only game in town. [bad pun alert]

Good luck. It took years for my oldest not to cheat. It's a great social skill to teach though. Board games are big i the older elementary and middle school grades.

[/QUOTE]

I also would not avoid games with winners and losers, thise are fine for playdates, but to help him with social skills and accepting losing, play winner/loser games with you and him.

Good luck. It took years for my oldest not to cheat. It's a great social skill to teach though. Board games are big i the older elementary and middle school grades.

What worked with my son was reminding him of the expectations before hand and letting him know that being a poor sport would result in sitting out the rest of that round (some days this meant playing more than I wanted too, but. . .).

I think maturity has helped a lot too, but the thing that seemed to turn the corner for him was the night my husband was playing cards with the kids while I was at school and taught them to play that drinking game @#%hole. Obviously no actually drinking was involved (or even mentioned) but he did tell them the name of the game- what nine year old could resist!

[QUOTE=jaderock54]

[/QUOTE]

has anyone heard of a game called hullabaloo? ( spelling )

I wonder f it is good for adhd kids

We have it, it's VERY fun. It'll get them moving and use their brains!! We laugh hysterically when we play. Even my 13 year old loves it, and she is the one with ADHD

. I bought it for my 5 year old becasue she loves animals, but we all like it. Cant get Dad to play, he doesnt want to walk, like a monkey to the blue square, not sure why??I heard it is a funny game but as usual, what I am afraid of is that you do not win or lose by the way you play. It is a matter if luck who wins by the game saying suddenly, ok, blue square you win. I can see my ADHD child having a fit, stating that he played better, why didnt he win, etc... I know I am jaded but I have gotten to the point where playing games with him is such a stressful thing that I try to avoid it.well that is how you win so if he cant handle it, maybe it's not a good game.Wow, I'm an adult and now I want it...

I have pretty much given up on playing games with my son. He is seven and the crying and cheating accusations are more than I can stand. I think BPQW is on to something about kids not learning to lose. Its all about getting trophies for just showing up! My husband and I like to play games and there is a bit of trash talking involved with that. I hope that my son will observe that we are both having a good time, even though only one of us can win. I can't remember any of this kind of behaviour growing up with other kids--we simply didn't fight over board games or freak out over competition. Sports[person]ship counted more than winning. How did we lose that along the way?

I only remember one nephew out of 13 that did it ONCE in our family. We stopped the game immediately.

What has changed in all those years that kids can't play anymore?

We played street hockey endlessly and every day the teams were different so we couldn't afford to be sore losers because you might be on the same team tomorrow.

Something's really up with this thing. I wonder what has changed? [this is gonna cause me weeks of ponder time...]
I wont just " let him win" because I think it reinforces the notion that he should or always wins. I think losing sometimes is a healthy thing and I keep reminding him that the onject is to have fun, not win or lose. We will just have to keep trying.

Would you ever play one on one and let him win, just to see. Then do it again for a bit. I don't know if it would change things, but it sure won't make things worse?! maybe????

do you think when you are playing the meds are wearing off and there is rebound or something?

Still just trying to think.

I agree with you, play fairly and address the result no matter who wins, he needs guidance how to react to both winning and losing. That was why I suggested playng just the two of you at first, so he can learn without being self conscious of siblings or friends.I would try to only play one on one with you and him until he gets it a little better. That way if he leaves the table, the game is over.

Just so you know, we all attempted as a family to play "sorry" again last night. My son was well informed ahead of time what was expected of him. We played, he was in the lead, he got dent back to the beginning and he got upset and started to cry and complain about how hard he was trying.

I reminded him of what was expected of him and when he got sent back again, he got upset and left the table. We continued to play without him and after a few moments, he returned to the table. My younger son won the game and older son started to cry that it was unfair, because he missed several turns while gone from the table. I reminded him that he was the one who left having a fit and that the object of the game was to have fun.

He still does not get it.

I think it is just part of the immaturity thing that ADHD kids have. He is socially/emotionally younger than even his brother, so he acts it. I have read that it could be 3 yrs behind in some. I agree with Bethann. My youngest (no ADHD as far as we know) was really abd about this when we first introduced games age 3, now at age 5 she is getting better, so for a 6 y.o. w/ADHD I can very much see them not matrue enough to handle it. My suggestion, play games with him alone just the two of you. Let him win some and then try to win some. So you can help him learn how to "lose" gracefully.My DD is the same way, I hate playing games with her cause she throws such a tantrum if she loses or she thinks everyone else is cheating because she is losing. We have Awanas (which is a church ativity on Wed. Nights) which they have games during it. Well her team came in last place and her brothers team came in second. Well she went on calling her brother a loser. because his team beat hers. (Her brother is 6) Then she went to class and I over heard her tell other kids that they won because they cheated. Well I watched the game and and it was played fair. I pulled hjer out of class and finally told her she will not be allowed to play the games if she dosn't change her attudude. She is 10 almost 11. I would thin she would grow out of that by now but I guess not. So I am with you I am begining to believe that it is part of the ADHD. Glad to know it just isn't me. Melissa

I am trying to determine if this is normal for the age or if the ADHD has something to do with it. My son is a poor sport. We got a new game the other day called " sorry". Well, my other son, myself and my husband all got sent back to the beginning. When my older son did, he had a crying tantrum, left the table, we finished the game without him and I told him that I woud not play anymore board games with him until he stops being a poor sport. Everything is great as long as you are playing by his rules, he is directing or winning. We have spoken to him about this time and time again without any results.

Thoughts anyone?

Hey,

As I read your post I am in awe at how similar a situation I am in! I have a 7 yr old boy with ADHD. I don't think there has been one game of any sorts that he hasn't been a poor sport (unless of course he wins). I think it does have some part to do with ADHD! But some of it I think is age as well! I think I was a poor sport! Good to read that others are experiencing similar situations! I've spoken to my son and same thing. . doesn't seem to sink in. . my son is very impulsive and I don't think that helps either! Hang in there:)Personally I think anyone can be a bad sport or not - the point is that some need extra help being taught how to handle loosing and winning. My 7 year old son with alleged ADHD is a fine sport but my 5 year old daughter w/o dx is a horrible sport - she cheats a lot, gets frustrated and walks away. However, her friends catch her cheating and call her out and she will eventually learn that she can't do that. I have already seen progress since she started Kindergarten. Peers teach kids well b/c if they don't play fair and nice - others won't play with them. Encourage your kids to play nice but let them realize the consequences of their actions.

One - teach kids how to behave - if they won't play fair or nice - they can't play
Two - encourage kids to play a game together in front of parents - and watch.
Three - patience - kids all mature differently.

Also, I remember being a poor sport when I was young but it ended up that I really just didn't like to play games even as an adult. I prefer solitary games - like cards or puzzles. So if you want to play things as a family - try drawing together or building Legos together. See if there is something that may interest him more than a game where someone has to win and someone has to loose.

also if maybe when he came back and asked to play after he calmed down, you could've taken that time to say, ok if you're going to be a good sport and play for fun we can try again. Give him the opportunity to correct his mistakes.

well, we played spiderman yahtzee, just the two of us a few weeks ago. We rolled to see who would go first. I won the roll and we played. I ended up winning the game. At the end of the game, I told my son that he could be first next game since I went first that game.

He told me no, thats ok, you go first again. I went and got a yahtzee. Immediately, he grabbed the dice and screamed that he wanted to go first and had a tantrum. I calmly put everything away and told him that I could not play with him. He came back later and asked if we could play again and I told him no. I did not play with him again until the sorry game.

Your right Diane. I didnt think of it that way. I was aggrevated at that point. While I remained calm and didnt yell, I had no further interest in it and thought if I walked away, it would go away. Your way would have been better. I always have had a 20/20 hind sight problem. I dont think well on my feet.I suspect a couple of things in the "winning and losing" arena--comments to this post are welcome:

ADHD kids are constantly surrounded by negativity. "Losing" relates to being a "loser" and more loss of control over one's life and thus emotions. The words "I lost it" mean more than just losing one's cool.
Some ADHD kids somehow sense that there is something wrong with that system. Somehow they perceive that co-operation is more advantageous than competition. Yet here is the outside world--teaching them to compete.I'm with Dianne here. To just give up on teaching the child a game doesn't teach the child to play fairly. Keep trying.
Co-operation games also teach social skills.Video games are also popular with ADHD kids and adults because of the reward system. You don't play the whole game and then "win" [in fact, I've always found the ending a bit disappointing] you play for the reward system--kill boss monster A go to level 2. Figure out puzzle B, go to level 3. It isn't just about the ending--it's about how to get there. Most board games are not designed like that.RPG games may be better for ADHD'ers. They build co-operation and the people playing are a TEAM vs. all the monsters, bad guys, etc. Invent one that suits your kid's particular interests.
I had one teenage foster son and we played, "Zen words" and would come up with bizarre korans. {eg. When the orange peels leftwards the cat will scratch the goalpost} No winners, no losers.
I'm with you longsally--it's not about "winning"--it's about not being first in something then being courteous to the person who DOES win...

Also, when kids DO win--do we praise them if they win graciously? Or is that a lost art?

I see these arrogant sports fools on TV and it's easy to see why simple courtesy is being ignored.

I know that if they have indoor recess that the kids play board games in school.

How is your son if he plays elsewhere like school or someone else's house?

I agree with the comment about his brother, do you think there is any jealousy or rivalry?

Maybe just give up on the board game stuff for a while and find something that works for the entire family. Just a thought.

[QUOTE=newmom]I honestly don't remember my parents playing games with me until I got a lot older and I could play Gin or Rummy tile with them. But I do remember playing with my brother or other kids and if someone didn't play "fair" or "nice" they couldn't play. I am telling you that peer pressure to behave better in order to be included is a huge motivation factor for kids.

I have to agree with that one. Never won a Monotony game in our neighbourhood EVER and don't remember pitching fits about it either--we played it when it was too hot to play street hockey. We played Scrabble a lot at home.

Could you set up play dates for games for your children? Did you ask his teachers if he plays fair and nice in school? If he is 7 he is either in K or 1st grade and many times in recess or PE they play games and you can find out if his behavior is appropriate or not. If it is - he may be acting out to just get your attention b/c of his younger sibling - just a thought.
[/QUOTE]I honestly don't remember my parents playing games with me until I got a lot older and I could play Gin or Rummy tile with them. But I do remember playing with my brother or other kids and if someone didn't play "fair" or "nice" they couldn't play. I am telling you that peer pressure to behave better in order to be included is a huge motivation factor for kids.

Could you set up play dates for games for your children? Did you ask his teachers if he plays fair and nice in school? If he is 7 he is either in K or 1st grade and many times in recess or PE they play games and you can find out if his behavior is appropriate or not. If it is - he may be acting out to just get your attention b/c of his younger sibling - just a thought.

Well, I'm 41 and when my husband and I play cribbage we use a wild card because I hate to lose! I would hope that I'm not a poor sport, but losing definately irks me. We type A personalities really shouldn't play games!!

Also, I think learning to lose is something that many kids don't have to do. Phy Ed class in school often uses games with no winner or loser. Many classrooms use Points programs as rewards, with rewards given at lots of different levels. We as parents are told to give lots of positive feedback because our children have fragile self-esteem. Kids who can't lose are a natural consequence of all this coddling. My youngest was also a poor loser, just like me! Tough love by my husband turned that tide! "Everybody loses sometimes. Get over it!"was heard many times at our house. I'm way too old for intervention now, but my son has become a much better loser and sport.

BPQW39399.3848726852