Unsure if I have ADHD | ADHD Information

[QUOTE=justarandomgirl]So I saw my GP and counsellor today. I have an appointment on Friday with a psychologist to get an assessment, I'm going to ask him to do general testing rather than telling him what I THINK is wrong.

I did some little questionairres today that said I was "severely depressed" and had "severe anxiety," and both would be correct AT THE MOMENT.

GP gave me prozac to start...I'll start tonight and see how I go I guess.

I'm freaking out the last few days...the anxiety is almost unbearable..so much for not having physiological symptoms, they are in full gear!!!! I'm shaking a lot, keep catching myself either rocking back and forth or pacing, picking at my skin, biting my nails WAY more than usual, drumming my fingers really fast...and I can't stop doing any of it, any attempt to stop makes it increase!! I also keep getting phobic of all sorts of things, or nothing at all...like when I'm walking down the road, or I just almost didn't go into a shop because I saw someone I knew...things that normally wouldn't bother me at all, I can feel my heart go mad and my stomach knot up and suddenly I'm breathing really big breaths...

I feel like I'm going MAD!!!! arghhhh[/QUOTE]

You're not going mad--at least not in my opinion. You're showing signs of anxiety for sure.

You've had a couple of spills with the medical profession and now you're freaking. I'm not sure that's all that strange. I'm not particularly trusting at this point around them, myself.

I DO want to add--don't assume that the first med they give you will work. I have a weird body and LOTS of stuff either doesn't do a thing, does the opposite of what its' supposed to [valium makes me hyper] or just goes freaky. My chemistry is a bit "off".

What you DO want to do when you are feeling better is to doctor shop for someone who LISTENS when you tell them that certain meds make you feel worse. And you also have to remember that most meds [other than stims] don't properly work for 3-6 weeks. And those weeks can have horrendous side-effects in some cases for the first while. You have to be prepared to be patient if you go the medication route.

A good idea since some doctors/therapists either get bent or suspicious when a patient TELLS them that they think they have ADHD. However, take the time to make out a list of your concerns/symptoms so you are prepared to give good answers. For whatever reason, my mind goes blank and I become unable to communicate my point effectively when I go see a doc....not anxiety....just brain disconnect. Having a list helps me.

I did some little questionairres today that said I was "severely depressed" and had "severe anxiety," and both would be correct AT THE MOMENT.

Yeah, I would agree. The question is whether the chicken or the egg came first....

GP gave me prozac to start...I'll start tonight and see how I go I guess.

In my PERSONAL experience, Prozac is a great antidepressant for anxiety and OCD. I love it and still take it. When I first started it I was kinda out of it - disassociated - from myself for about a week. I felt kind of mentally cut off from the rest of the world. Any side effects you have typically go away after a week or so. You won't know whether it is helping for 3-4 weeks or so and other people may notice before you do. If the side effects make you feel more anxious or you continue to feel so badly during this time, ask your doc if he/she can give you something to help with it (like Xanax, Valium, etc.) Don't just suffer through it.

I'm freaking out the last few days...the anxiety is almost unbearable..so much for not having physiological symptoms, they are in full gear!!!! I'm shaking a lot, keep catching myself either rocking back and forth or pacing, picking at my skin, biting my nails WAY more than usual, drumming my fingers really fast...and I can't stop doing any of it, any attempt to stop makes it increase!! I also keep getting phobic of all sorts of things, or nothing at all...like when I'm walking down the road, or I just almost didn't go into a shop because I saw someone I knew...things that normally wouldn't bother me at all, I can feel my heart go mad and my stomach knot up and suddenly I'm breathing really big breaths...

I feel like I'm going MAD!!!! arghhhh

No, you aren't going mad. I know exactly how you feel. Every single thing you listed above happened to me as I developed panic disorder. Eventually I started having panic attacks (which are unpleasant if you have ever experienced one) and became agoraphobic. Basically, I wouldn't leave my house without my mom because my anxiety would overwhelm me.

In fact, your description of the stomach knots, breathing and increased heart rate could be a panic attack. I usually get dizzy and numb hands along with that. This biological response is scary and frustrating, but not harmful. It can make you think you are having a heart attack or are about to freak out or pass out. When you feel the anxiety starting, do whatever you can to distract yourself - watch TV, work out, call someone, WHATEVER - just try to keep yourself from focusing on the anxiety because that will make it worse for you. I got very adept at "riding out" attacks over time. I knew what was happening when it happened and I would acknowledge it and then focus on something else. They go away much more quickly.

Try to do some things for yourself that you enjoy and can help relax. Bubble baths, cookies, watching movies, wearing pajamas all day - it doesn't matter. It will just help bring you back from the edge enough so you are not so miserable.

Hang in there. You are on the right path now. PM me anytime if you need encouragement or help or a place to vent. Metis is correct that it can take some time to find the right medication. However, the hardest part is taking that first step. If you have a support system (family, friends, even the message board) to lean on, do it. My parents made a huge difference for me when I was in the worst of it. What you are going through is awful, and I have been there. I know exactly what you are going through.

Take care.

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[QUOTE=justarandomgirl]Yep, I can totally relate. And the self-regulation too...I used to do freelance graphic design until I burnt out severly. I would work for 16 hours a day ...and probably didn't even have to, it was just that I was so OBSESSED with doing it, and then it had to be PERFECT, of course. Another problem I will be facing as I want to be a freelance writer/journalist...bah.[/QUOTE]

I have the same issues. Hyperfocus allows me to get some things done, but perfectionism makes it take forever....

[QUOTE=justarandomgirl]I don't think ADHD-like symptoms would come from being depressed in my case because what I am seeing as ADHD symptoms are constant parts of what I consider my personality, or life, and always have been...depression or no depression. I guess the main thing is that I think there is something more going on than depression, I just don't think depression accounts for everything happening in my head..I was trying to tell the doc maybe it was anxiety or something, but he didn't seem to think so...and after looking into it more I am dubious as well. I don't have panic attacks (usually, although I have) or any physiological symptoms of anxiety and the qualities I was attributing to anxiety are things like biting my nails, fidgeting, constant self doubt, always feeling like I'm not living up to some sort of internal or external pressure (usually imagined), and worrying. I also don't operate on any sort of definite scale, I'm very indecisive and flighty (probably why I was diagnosed bipolar before), and my mood fluctuates greatly with these "ideas" ...I'll come up with a great plan and feel wonderful, talking talking talking excitedly like I'm on top of the world, and then when I realize it's not realistic at some point later, or even if I simply forget about it or just don't keep it up (which is more likely) that's when I'll show signs of depression... [/QUOTE]

Yes, our ADHD "symptoms" are vitally important parts of who we are. I would never want to change this about myself although learning some coping mechanisms to help smooth out the rough spots would be nice....

I can easily see why you (and I) might be considered as bipolar. Our "moods" can change dramatically. I am like you in that something interesting or new can get me going a million miles an hour, but once I get bored I turn into a slug. It can look like significant moods swings. The difference is that our mood swings are not cyclical and are completely dependant on what is happening in our lives. Besides, I have only been clinically depressed twice in my life. The rest can be attribuuted to my low dopamine level. Unmedicated, I could sleep 10-12 hours a night, take a 4 hour nap in the afternoon and STILL get to sleep the next night. I have always been this way.

[QUOTE=justarandomgirl]I know EXACTLY what you mean. I really love what I am studying. I'm doing a bachelor of arts and I've changed my majors a lot, but the one I've kept is sociology, and I really love it...but the further I get into it the worse it gets because I feel like I should know more than I do and I feel like some kind of sham, I'm always promising myself I will catch up, but then when I try I just can't do it. It doesn't make sense to me...if I am happy with what I am doing why can I not actually do it? But the pressure and guilt just mounts and it becomes harder and harder as time goes on. Gah...this is a cycle for me in so many things, not just this. [/QUOTE]

Yes, it gets to be a vicious circle. I am the same way and it is across the board (affects all aspects of my life). I always start to self-destruct. I used to worry that I was subconsciously trying to sabotage myself, but I don't think that is true. I love my career too much and truly do want to deal with this.

[QUOTE=justarandomgirl]The more I read the more I am convinced that what's going on in my head at least has something to do with ADHD. On the one hand I want to jump for joy because I feel like maybe I have finally figured something out, maybe finally I am on the road to at least having a name for what's wrong with me. And on the other hand I start to read about medication (which I am likely starting next week, no matter what the diagnosis is) and I just feel more discouraged and scared. [/QUOTE]

It certainly sounds like it is a very good possibility. Everything you are feeling is normal. My struggle centers around the internal belief that I should not need medication to function. It makes me feel abnormal, which is ridiculous, honestly. I am getting better, but it is hard to let go of this.

Don't be afraid of medication. It is SO easy to get spooked when you start researching med options. ADHD meds are such a controversial subject that there are many different opinions on what works and is safe. BTW, it is easy to get spooked just researching antibiotics...

The truth is that any psychiatric medication can be yucky to adjust to. It messes with your brain chemistry, for God's sake. I take Prozac, Wellbutrin and Focalin XR. None of them made me suffer. I took Prozac for panic disorder years ago and it made me feel cruddy for the first couple of weeks, so this time around I started with a very low dose and weaned up. No problems. Prozac helps with my anxiety and borderline OCD.

Wellbutrin scared the heck out of me because I read all sorts of terrible things about it. The most well-publicized side effect is seizures, which scared me to death. Granted, this is more of an issue if you are taking a high dose or have a personal/family history of grand mal seizures, but I drive 1000 miles/week and I was worried for a while about what might happen if I had a seizure while driving. In reality, the vast majority of people don't have seizures on Wellbutrin. It just seems like an issue because every single person who has had a negative side effect shares their experiences whereas most people who had a GOOD experience do not. Keep that in mind.

My doctor really wanted me to start taking Wellbutrin because based on my history he suspected I really needed a dopamine boost. Besides, it can benefit ADHD and is used as a second-line choice for ADHD treatment. So I tried it. I had very minimal side effects and it has turned out to be my wonder drug. I now feel like a normal person who can stay awake during the day and feel rested on 7 hours of sleep. It also seriously curbed my impulses and allowed me to stick to a diet and lose 40lbs (so far). I can't imagine not taking it.

Wellbutrin was not enough to help my ADHD symptoms, so we added Focalin XR, which is a methylphenidate stimulant. Take what you read about stimulants with a grain of salt. They have been used for many, many years and are very safe. I thought for sure that taking a stimulant was the worst possible idea for a person with an anxiety disorder, but it helped SO much. I am much calmer and have more control over my thoughts now.

Different meds work for different people. I was extremely lucky in that my doc nailed which meds worked from me from square one. I did not have a tough time with any of these, and each addition brough vast improvement. I wish I didn't have to take 3 meds, but if it works, why would I want to stop? I do wish that I could get off medication at some point, but it is very unlikely since ADHD doesn't go away. That is my major frustration since I can't ever "recover". It reinforces the part of me that feels abnormal.

[QUOTE=justarandomgirl]Thanks a lot for the reply, all week I've had this massive feeling that I've been grasping at straws, and no one really gets where I'm coming from, so any advice at all is really, really helpful.[/QUOTE]

You are very, very welcome. We ALL know exactly where you are coming from and felt the same way when we were in your spot. These guys feel like family in so many ways because they understand exactly what goes on in my head and the struggles I have. It is a wonderful place to find information and support.

So I saw my GP and counsellor today. I have an appointment on Friday with a psychologist to get an assessment, I'm going to ask him to do general testing rather than telling him what I THINK is wrong.

I did some little questionairres today that said I was "severely depressed" and had "severe anxiety," and both would be correct AT THE MOMENT.

GP gave me prozac to start...I'll start tonight and see how I go I guess.

I'm freaking out the last few days...the anxiety is almost unbearable..so much for not having physiological symptoms, they are in full gear!!!! I'm shaking a lot, keep catching myself either rocking back and forth or pacing, picking at my skin, biting my nails WAY more than usual, drumming my fingers really fast...and I can't stop doing any of it, any attempt to stop makes it increase!! I also keep getting phobic of all sorts of things, or nothing at all...like when I'm walking down the road, or I just almost didn't go into a shop because I saw someone I knew...things that normally wouldn't bother me at all, I can feel my heart go mad and my stomach knot up and suddenly I'm breathing really big breaths...

I feel like I'm going MAD!!!! arghhhh[QUOTE=katastrophee]

After I stopped my medication I actually improved a lot. I recovered from the panic disorder, but the feeling that there was just something "wrong" with me never went away. Many years later (late 2006) I started floundering again. I had just started a new job and was working based from home. This job required a great deal of self-regulation and that has always been a weak point for me. My impulses usually get the best of me. Anyway, I started to get depressed again. I knew I needed to go back to see a psychiatrist, but my previous experience had left a bad taste in my mouth. Eventually I managed to make an appointment.[/QUOTE]

Yep, I can totally relate. And the self-regulation too...I used to do freelance graphic design until I burnt out severly. I would work for 16 hours a day ...and probably didn't even have to, it was just that I was so OBSESSED with doing it, and then it had to be PERFECT, of course. Another problem I will be facing as I want to be a freelance writer/journalist...bah.

[QUOTE=katastrophee]Depression is not always a "constant state". The diagnostic requirement is actually just two weeks of depressed mood. I know that in my case, the recurrent depression was associated from the anxiety (panic) that was really coming from having unmanaged ADHD. If you are depressed (which, to be suicidal, you pretty much have to be) it is important to handle that first because it can cause ADHD-like symptoms or make ADHD worse.[/QUOTE]

I don't think ADHD-like symptoms would come from being depressed in my case because what I am seeing as ADHD symptoms are constant parts of what I consider my personality, or life, and always have been...depression or no depression. I guess the main thing is that I think there is something more going on than depression, I just don't think depression accounts for everything happening in my head..I was trying to tell the doc maybe it was anxiety or something, but he didn't seem to think so...and after looking into it more I am dubious as well. I don't have panic attacks (usually, although I have) or any physiological symptoms of anxiety and the qualities I was attributing to anxiety are things like biting my nails, fidgeting, constant self doubt, always feeling like I'm not living up to some sort of internal or external pressure (usually imagined), and worrying. I also don't operate on any sort of definite scale, I'm very indecisive and flighty (probably why I was diagnosed bipolar before), and my mood fluctuates greatly with these "ideas" ...I'll come up with a great plan and feel wonderful, talking talking talking excitedly like I'm on top of the world, and then when I realize it's not realistic at some point later, or even if I simply forget about it or just don't keep it up (which is more likely) that's when I'll show signs of depression...

[QUOTE=katastrophee] In my case I was a talented musician who could not STAND to practice. I had gotten by on pure talent since I was a kid, but as I got closer to graduating the fear of eventual failure due to my apparent lack of discipline ate away at me. Then the panic attacks started (I am a naturally anxious and excitable person already) and eventually, after having a panic attack on stage during a concert (it did not cause a horrific scene, but I was miserable the whole time) I got depressed.[/QUOTE]

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I really love what I am studying. I'm doing a bachelor of arts and I've changed my majors a lot, but the one I've kept is sociology, and I really love it...but the further I get into it the worse it gets because I feel like I should know more than I do and I feel like some kind of sham, I'm always promising myself I will catch up, but then when I try I just can't do it. It doesn't make sense to me...if I am happy with what I am doing why can I not actually do it? But the pressure and guilt just mounts and it becomes harder and harder as time goes on. Gah...this is a cycle for me in so many things, not just this.

The more I read the more I am convinced that what's going on in my head at least has something to do with ADHD. On the one hand I want to jump for joy because I feel like maybe I have finally figured something out, maybe finally I am on the road to at least having a name for what's wrong with me. And on the other hand I start to read about medication (which I am likely starting next week, no matter what the diagnosis is) and I just feel more discouraged and scared.

Thanks a lot for the reply, all week I've had this massive feeling that I've been grasping at straws, and no one really gets where I'm coming from, so any advice at all is really, really helpful.

[QUOTE=justarandomgirl]

Sorry if this post ends up a bit fragmented and all over the place, that's how my brain is working at the moment!!

Join the club.

I am a 24 year old university student. I started studying last year and did really well my first semester, getting top marks, but have been struggling to complete my work in the three semesters since.

I can totally relate to that.

About a week ago I OD'd on prescription medication in a suicide attempt. Before that point in time I had not thought of killing myself at all for years, it was very sudden and brought on initially by a fight with my boyfriend (which was fairly insignificant).

This week I have been to see a counsellor at my university that I have seen twice before earlier in the year when I was dealing with a traumatic experience, and also my doctor. At this point the plan is to see the counsellor once a week indefinitely and consider additional counseling and medication.

That sounds like a good start to me.

When I was 16 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after a suicide attempt, and took zoloft for 2 months. I hated it as it made me feel tired and more depressed so I stopped taking it and didn't see my psychiatrist again. Again I saw a psychologist when I was 18 because I couldn't cope and didn't know what was wrong, they diagnosed bipolar disorder again and I took Celexa, which induced psychosis, so I stopped taking it immediately and stopped seeing the psycologist, giving up on getting help through doctors or medications.

I understand completely. I have never attempted or even seriously considered suicide - mostly because I was too afraid of dying....and pain.....

In college (12 years ago) I developed panic disorder. I won't go into the whole story, but I eventually dropped out of college. I had a great psychiatrist but couldn't see him anymore when I left (he was at the University Student Health Center). So I asked my doctor for a recommendation.

I have ALWAYS known that there was something more to this whole thing than just panic disorder. I was also depressed (due to having panic attacks). My new psych thought I might be bipolar for various reasons including the fact that my grandmother has it. He put me on lithium which made things much, much worse. He wouldn't listen to me when I would call and say how awful I felt. He just told me to take more of it. Finally I'd had enough and I walked into a psych impatient center and insisted on talking to SOMEONE. I ended up stopping all the meds I was taking (litium, prozac, perphenazine, klonopin).

I tried to turn my life around on my own and made a lot of progress. But on and off I would flounder and see another doctor, but by the time I would see them I thought everything was ok...I felt like I was too sane to be there, or whatever, and so I would never go back. But now I know, obviously something has been wrong. People don't just randomly decide to kill themselves over nothing when their brains are functioning properly!!

So now I've come to this point where I don't think I can do it on my own anymore, and I need help...which is what I'm getting. So my doctor was asking all these questions and to him it seems like depression, not bipolar disorder at all, because I don't have periods of mania...only this made no sense to me. I know what depression is, I've felt it on and off so many times in my life...and I don't live in a constant state of it. I feel like there is something else that brings it on.

Depression is not always a "constant state". The diagnostic requirement is actually just two weeks of depressed mood. I know that in my case, the recurrent depression was associated from the anxiety (panic) that was really coming from having unmanaged ADHD. If you are depressed (which, to be suicidal, you pretty much have to be) it is important to handle that first because it can cause ADHD-like symptoms or make ADHD worse.

I started reading things online and found an ADHD checklist and I almost screamed...it describes me to a "T".

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm

Yup. I had the same epiphany while reading a book by Ned Hallowell (I HIGHLY recommend reading "Driven to Distraction" and "Delivered from Distraction"). There are a multitude of online ADHD screening tests. Take some and print out the results to take with you to the doc.

When I'm doing an essay or assignment for university I stress so much about starting it that I don't think I have turned any in on time yet...usually making up really elaborate stories, and sometimes they end up being even 3 weeks late, finally when I do start working on them I take breaks so often between reading, or re-read everything...or skip from one part to another. And the skipping from one thing to another...omg, I have so many projects and IDEAS all the time...my head is always buzzing with them, I am always starting: a raw food diet, a garden, a trip, a new job, a new hobbie, a this a that...but never sustaining it at all, usually I forget about it by the time that someone asks me how it's going. And TALKING! My friends and family often get angry at me because I cut them off when they are talking...or think I don't listen to anything they say...I do though, and I can start talking about something in the middle of their sentence and finish mine off with the last word they said...which I am sure is very annoying...as much as people ask me to stop doing that though, I can't. I could write a novel really...almost everything on this checklist defines my existence....

Yup. Can relate. You definitely fit the profile.

But I guess...now I am getting confused about it. For one thing, I've always been very skeptical about ADHD, believing it is overdiagnosed? And I'm also scared that I'm getting carried away with the idea..and I mean, I've always seen it as this problem revolving around activity...not something that would lead me to want to jump off a cliff or take a lot of pills. Maybe I'm just misinformed. Sorry I wrote a novel...and thanks for anyone who reads it and has advice

I understand. I always thought ADHD was about hyperactive little boys. It does seem like it is overdiagnosed since it is ALWAYS in the news. It is easy easy to see ADHD "traits" in everyone. However, the difference between living in an instant gratification society and having actual ADHD is how impaired you are by the symptoms.

The other problem is that researchers do not know nearly enough about ADHD yet. They get closer, but there are still many differing opinions on what causes it and what the diagnostic criteria should be. Some believe that there are actually more like 6 distinct types of ADHD. Some believe that the Inattentive form of ADHD is another disorder altogether. Some think it is a leftover gene from back in the days of primitive man.

One large reason that it seems like so many more people are being diagnosed is that girls/women do not typically manifest with the overly obnoxious hyperactive form of ADHD. Because they are not obvious behavior problems, they get missed. I am one of these. When I was a kid it was not widely accepted that girls had it at ALL, and when I was in college suffering from panic disorder, doctors still believed that all kids outgrew ADHD by 16. No one ever considered it. I did well enough in school because I am gifted. There were not ever any real red flags, just some odd quirks that doctors dismissed as being typical of highly gifted children.

Right now there are a lot of people being diagnosed under this somewhat large umbrella. Hopefully in the future doctors will know more about the disorder and now to treat all the specific forms more effectively.

When I first discovered ADHD, I was terribly relieved that I wasn't just lazy and undisciplined. Then I went through a period of time where I was angry about having lived this way for so long (I am 34). Then I fought to try and accept the fact that I have a mental disability. I am still not there, but I get closer each day.

The problem with ADHD is that it co-exists with other mental disorders frequently. Bipolar is one of these. It also can be difficult to figure out whether the real diagnosis is bipolar or ADHD since they can appear similar - especially if the person has hypomania vs full blown mania. Chronic lack of self-esteem can lead to depression and anxiety. In my case I was a talented musician who could not STAND to practice. I had gotten by on pure talent since I was a kid, but as I got closer to graduating the fear of eventual failure due to my apparent lack of discipline ate away at me. Then the panic attacks started (I am a naturally anxious and excitable person already) and eventually, after having a panic attack on stage during a concert (it did not cause a horrific scene, but I was miserable the whole time) I got depressed.

This sort of thing can be typical. Like I said, I really recommend reading Dr. Hallowell's books. There are many others as well that can help you understand the true nature of this disorder.

It is good that you have decided to find help. Accepting help is very hard for me and so I understand how tough that can be. Definitely talk to your doctor. There are a combination of things going on in your case and the quicker you can get to the core of it, the earlier you can begin to heal.

Take care!

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Sorry if this post ends up a bit fragmented and all over the place, that's how my brain is working at the moment!!

I started reading things online and found an ADHD checklist and I almost screamed...it describes me to a "T".

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm