report card as expected | ADHD Information

[QUOTE=rswf]

Metisrebel - your past posts helped me get through the weekend ordeal.

I'm SO glad...

No suprise - A+ in Band - F in English, Math and Science. D in Spanish and B in social studies He's musically gifted, has an amazing memory so he can remember enough in social studies to pass. He still doesn't do his homework in that class.

He was actually in a good mood about the card and gave me lip service that he'd do better. He blamed the bad grades on his teachers when his dad spoke to him.

Of course *rolls eyes*

Report card says in danger of failing the year.

Sat. P.m. I have a small accident - I stupidly hit my head on a wall (not out of frustration) I was tying the dog to a chair so he could be in the same room with me while I worked out and when I got up I banged my head on the wall.

The bump was like in the cartoons and it was horrible. Now I go upstairs ,husband gets the ice pack and I'm on the couch trying to reduce the swelling on this bump that looks like an alien planted an egg on my head. Guess who decides to have an anxiety attack?

Sorry but I am busting a gut here...it sounds like "a day in the life of a mom with an adhd teen and puppy"

My son started in with the "I hate my life routine" Believe me, it took all I had to not loose it. I did tell him that "this wasn't a good time for an attack and could he please have his attack in his room." I told him if he continues to talk like that I will have to take him to the hospital.

I love that reply, "This isn't a good time for an attack and please have it in your room"--whether you know it or not, I think that shows that you are on the road to GREAT mental health, whether or not the kid accepts it

Ofcourse he stays where he is and the calmer I was the more he tried to get me going and then I just said" I'm not in the mood for games tonight, just tell me what is wrong."

perfect response

Naturally he goes into a fetal position on the floor - and when I try to calmly tell him his problems are all solvable but he has to take responsibility and that I can't fix them for him unless he takes responsility and that he should talk to the Dr. on Monday about why he hates his life." He then blames the DR on his feelings.

Try walking away from the drooping with no comment. He's friggin' 'Camille' here

BUT - as soon as supper was ready the "drama" stopped.

Nothing like hunger pangs to break up an academy award winning moment...

I personally think my son was worried about me - I did look pretty bad - still look bad but nothing a baseball hat and sunglasses won't hide) and that this is his way of dealing with anxiety. He is so focused on himself 24/7 that he needed the attention. Frankly, this is the only rational explanation I can come up with.

I suggest something just a little different. I suspect he was, in his drama king way, checking to see if you would put your needs above his wants when necessary. And I'm glad you DID

No martyrs allowed.

We see the psychiatrist today and I guess I have to tell him about it.

My husband feels my son likes the drama he causes. I agree. He gets attention and as the Dr. told me, when he is fighting and arguing he doesn't have to deal with his problems.

I think he's a born musician and actor. David Bowie has nothing on this kid. I really like this kid. He is just so creative. If that can just get channelled this kid could really soar.

Oy - so now I have to deal with a bump on my head, a black eye and a 14 year old failing 8th grade because he is ODD and afraid of help.

Keep trying not to let him dramatize the situations. Ya did great.

If I was his auntie I'd have a heckuva time trying NOT to say, "And how did your day at school go, Bette Midler?"

You're not trying to minimize his distress. If he doesn't TELL you what he's distressed about at his age then you can't assist.

Got to keep myself injury free and healthy for B-day when DH and I get away fora night.

Seriously. I am beginning to think my son's anxiety is worse than the ADD. Even the psychiatrist at the beginning said he had anxiety but he didn't know if it had to be treated yet.

Of course he's got anxiety. He's making everyone else anxious

My poor husband was so frustrated this weekend. He just can't stand to see problems not being fixed.

I'm sure he was frustrated. This is going to take time. After all you can't install a new motherboard in one minute can you? And don't forget the new software configurations...

Just venting.

[/QUOTE]

Ya made my day, actually. You oughta write that one to adhd magazine. The tears were rolling down my face. It read like a scene in a comedy.

Metisrebel - I answered your PM.

I'm glad I made your day - My husband told me to call my Dr. because I now have this huge black eye. My Dr. said "that was a stupid thing to do." Yeah - I know.

I wrote down my son's little drama eposode and handed it to his psychiatrist to see but the Dr. didn't mention it but I felt it was important for him to see.

Yes, my son is a creative little genius - if we could only channel it for good.

Seriously - meds are in the future - Dr. is giving him two weeks on his own.

Oh - here is excuse of the month - this should give everyone a good chuckle -

On the way home from the Dr. and enroute to the the stationery store because he has managed to lose all his pens, pencils and notebooks since September, he tells me: "he planned on failing as an experiment". He wanted to see what it felt like to be like his friend from last year who failed everything.

His friend has emotional problems and, unlike my son, comes from a bad home, but I digress. His friend told my son that he failed on purpose but he was very smart. Now this kid is doing well. HMMM interesting.

So I ask my son, "what have you learned from the experiment." ? Then I kind of got fed up and said" Come on, experiment, do you think I'm stupid."?

My son says, "You don't believe me but it was an experiment and now I'm going to try." He did admit he had "Symptoms of ADD but he didn't have ADD." That is a breakthrough for us.

So I said, "Well look what your experiment got you - you have to see a psychiatrist and you have failed 3 major classes and could possible stay back"

Wasn't it Art Linkletter that said "Kids say the darndest things,"

My son has made friends with a classmate that has ADHD but It's not a good thing because this boy must have different ADD because my son says his symptoms are not like his at all and the boy confirms it. I am trying to explain the different ADD types and will be introducing the book "BIRDS EYE VIEW" which is the book written by ADD teens for teens.

I've written about this in the past - I will have to read passages to him because he won't read it on his own and if I "Plant" it in the bathroom or a place for him to "Stumble upon." he'll know it was me and be defiant and not look at it.

The Dr. liked the idea of me giving the books if my son wanted to read them - and you can imagine what he said.

Two weeks and then the Dr. wants to try medication - should be interesting - Now I have to get my husband on board because he is still very leary of medication, even though he knows my son needs it.

This can't be the first P.I.A. (Pain in the A--) ADD innatentive with ODD and anxiety and goodness knows what else, kid this Dr. has treated so I still feel confident.

Now if this black eye would heal - looks like I lost a fight.

[QUOTE=rswf]

Metisrebel - I answered your PM.

I'm glad I made your day - My husband told me to call my Dr. because I now have this huge black eye. My Dr. said "that was a stupid thing to do." Yeah - I know.

Well that doc won't win my "intelligent-improv-comment-of-the-year-award"

I wrote down my son's little drama eposode and handed it to his psychiatrist to see but the Dr. didn't mention it but I felt it was important for him to see.

Yes, my son is a creative little genius - if we could only channel it for good.

Seriously - meds are in the future - Dr. is giving him two weeks on his own.

Then what is the dr planning to do? You can't force medicate...but then he might have something going with the kid in the private sessions and believes he might take them...

Oh - here is excuse of the month - this should give everyone a good chuckle -

Strangely enough I had a friend who actually DID that. Deliberately failed her best subject at 16 [math] although she had all "a"'s. She did it to NOT get the honour roll and see what life felt like for non-geniuses. Somehow this doesn't qualify.

So I ask my son, "what have you learned from the experiment." ?

That's a GREAT question. What did he say?

Then I kind of got fed up and said" Come on, experiment, do you think I'm stupid."?

My son says, "You don't believe me but it was an experiment and now I'm going to try."

He just might be defiant enough to do it just to prove you wrong. Let's hope it works in your favour

He did admit he had "Symptoms of ADD but he didn't have ADD." That is a breakthrough for us.

So I said, "Well look what your experiment got you - you have to see a psychiatrist and you have failed 3 major classes and could possible stay back"

Wasn't it Art Linkletter that said "Kids say the darndest things,"

He knows, already I'm sure of it. This kid is BRIGHT. I bet he's researched it already. It's your responsibility as a parent to turn out a reasonable adult if you can--not to improve his literary skills

The Dr. liked the idea of me giving the books if my son wanted to read them - and you can imagine what he said.

The operative words here are "if my son WANTED to read them" but the kid's not asking. Stand back a bit. You have bigger fish to fry...

Two weeks and then the Dr. wants to try medication - should be interesting - Now I have to get my husband on board because he is still very leary of medication, even though he knows my son needs it.

This can't be the first P.I.A. (Pain in the A--) ADD innatentive with ODD and anxiety and goodness knows what else, kid this Dr. has treated so I still feel confident

Look around--there's a bazillion parents on here with PIA kids and some kids with PIA parents. Somehow reflects larger than real life dontcha think?

Now if this black eye would heal - looks like I lost a fight.

[/QUOTE]

Metisrebel - Okay - I'll lay of the explaining. I may just leave the book on the coffee table with a few post its and let him read it on his own if his chooses. No more explaining unless he asks.

I'll let the doc do his job. I truly do not believe my son experimented on his own. I can pretty much read him and he is a master of excuses.

I still have to get his room cleaned and the chapter on messy rooms in the book is funny yet helpful. I really think if he just read that chapter he'd get a chucke and maybe stop fighting to clean it up. They give cool suggestions like taping off sections like police do at a crime scene and just working section by section.

If I could just get in his brain for one day - I don't have ADD and it's so hard for me understand how he feels - intellecutually yes I can but emotionally I can't. Why would you want to fail if you could be helped?

[QUOTE=rswf]

Metisrebel - Okay - I'll lay of the explaining. I may just leave the book on the coffee table with a few post its and let him read it on his own if his chooses. No more explaining unless he asks.

See if that works

I'll let the doc do his job. I truly do not believe my son experimented on his own. I can pretty much read him and he is a master of excuses.

Amen to that. That's how mom's grow eyes in the backs of their heads

Hey! I should try that!

It's not about wanting to fail. It's about knowing more about failure than how to succeed and losing the motivation while being frustrated all the time because other people around you seem to have no difficulty finishing tasks. It's about no inner understanding of routine, proceedures etc. that other people seem to know instinctively. It's a lot of stuff.

Your son is caught between knowing something's wrong because he can't manage and being afraid of accepting a label. He doesn't understand [and may be too young to be this philosophical] that he doesn't have to accept the label--he only has to do what will improve his life, whatever that takes. And that if someone else needs a label to help him get what he needs to improve his life--they can call it "hoopla disorder" and it's still only an educated opinion.

If you want to "feel the burn" this is my suggestion:
Get a kitchen timer. Set it for five minutes at a time.
Start task 1. As soon as it rings get up and set it for 5 more minutes--get up and do task 2. [the tasks don't matter, vid game, tv show, dusting etc]
When it rings, set it again and walk around until it rings AGAIN. Set the timer again. Go back to task 1. Feel how much harder it is to do now?Do this over and over.
Do that for a whole day, or even a few hours and if you aren't so frustrated you want to scream--I'll be surprised. That timer is what our brains are doing to us all the time.

Let me know if you try it out--what did it feel like to you?

It's not that we can't do anything--it's that the world isn't geared for our attention spans and it's a world that we have to live in. I have a max 22 minute attention span and add stress or anything else and it burns down to less that 12 minutes. I haven't sat through a movie without walking around half a dozen times since my Ex got free tickets to Tim Burton's Batman.

Eg: When I come on this site I open ALL the new posts in different tabs and bounce between them. If I try to sit for more than 10 minutes with just one--I lose my train of thought.

[/QUOTE] RSWF:

I just "taped off my dining room" with masking tape. I wrote "cleaning area" on it

I am dying to get some of that bright yellow cop tape

It'll feel so CSI...

I'm adding some of ommas stuff about the boxes for stuff, too.

I'll let ya know how it works...got any more suggestions from that book? It might not help your kid but it might be working for me

MetisRebel39406.5130439815rswf, he doesn't WANT to fail, this is HARD for him. School is hard, the work is hard, pleasing everyone is hard. It seems SO simple doesnt it? For him it's just not. I break everythign down for my daughter, but she is alos starting to resent it. I'm trying to find a balance of breaking ti down and letting her fail certain things, so we dont get to the point where she gives up....it's hard.......this is so difficult for themReport card says in danger of failing the year.

That is a big concern. How did he react to that? Did you ask him how he'd like hanging out with the kids who are now in 7th grade or graduating with the class beneath him?

Wow, from an A+ to an F -- that's a spread you don't hear about too often.

How appropriate for you to get a shiner on the same day.

Joy2

rswf, my daughter SO causes trouble just to stir things up too. She also needs every second if every minute of every day to be about and focused on her. She's just different about it than your son. If my husband and I are trying to havea converstaion she'll get the dogs worked up, or pick a fight with her sister. If her sister is doing something, same thing, she wants her to come do whatever shes doing, even if it's to sit and watch her on the computer (yeah right, who wants to do that! ). Her sister is in Kindergarten and i sometimes wonder who acts more ike they are 5! Her psych did say this is probably worse when her ADHD and/or anxitey are worse becasue she is feeling out of control and scattered/disorganized, she is trying to do something controlling and thats all she knows how to do it.

Boy I feel for you, it is so rough right now.

Diane V39405.451412037

Metisrebel - your past posts helped me get through the weekend ordeal.

He was actually in a good mood about the card and gave me lip service that he'd do better. He blamed the bad grades on his teachers when his dad spoke to him.

Report card says in danger of failing the year.

Ofcourse he stays where he is and the calmer I was the more he tried to get me going and then I just said" I'm not in the mood for games tonight, just tell me what is wrong."

BUT - as soon as supper was ready the "drama" stopped.

We see the psychiatrist today and I guess I have to tell him about it.

My husband feels my son likes the drama he causes. I agree. He gets attention and as the Dr. told me, when he is fighting and arguing he doesn't have to deal with his problems.

Oy - so now I have to deal with a bump on my head, a black eye and a 14 year old failing 8th grade because he is ODD and afraid of help.

Got to keep myself injury free and healthy for B-day when DH and I get away fora night.

Seriously. I am beginning to think my son's anxiety is worse than the ADD. Even the psychiatrist at the beginning said he had anxiety but he didn't know if it had to be treated yet.

My poor husband was so frustrated this weekend. He just can't stand to see problems not being fixed.

Just venting.