Son obsessed with video game | ADHD Information

I am using the games as leverage, I just wish they worked for the meds. We tried that and he nearly had a nervous breakdown. The therapist said use them for behaivior issues not for meds. So far it works pretty good. He just got worked up over that game. Last night he slept better and the 3 days I took it away he did too. All this over a video game. I don't get it. Bowling is the only thing I can do. I am a spaz.

Who has heard this line:

Just one more minute...I have to save.

Advice: don't belive them, if you walk away thinking they are actually going to turn the game off in 'one more minute', I got news for ya- it ain't gonna happen.

Seriously, though- our 4 year old loves his brother's old nintendo SP and we were thinking of upgrading him to a DS thinking that the stylus might help improve his fine motor- is this a bad idea. He is Rx Pdd-nos and I am pretty sure will be Rx ADHD eventually.

< =text/>_popupControl(); My son also gets obsessed by games, to the point that even playing Legos involves levels and life points! One game in particular moved very fast and had lots of quick moving graphics, which ended up disrupting his sleep and giving him nightmares. I think it was actually a neurological reaction to the graphics, so we returned that to Family Video asap and let him get a substitute that we were familiar with. At supper time, we let him have five minutes to talk about all the video game stuff he wants, and then we change the subject. If he brings them up again at the table, he has to clean off the table by himself, with other consequences to follow if he doesn't stop. I've even told him to go to his room and tell his stuffed animals all about it!

I agree that taking them away all together is not a good idea. Just make sure that he has time to tell you about them, then make sure that he has face time with an actual person who will play other stuff with him.

O.K. this might be kinda stupid but, My son bought a video game(I refuse to name) with his own money over the internet, He is 9, Since he got the game 3 days ago, he has not slept, not brought his homework home, I'm sure not focusing in school, IT IS ALL HE THINKS ABOUT! How do I deascalate this anxiety without taking away the game(which I said I would do if it got worse).I have been trying to give him after homework time to play(which I usually don't during the week)But not to late so he isn't so worked up before bed.Around 3:30-4:30-5 pm. He is obsessed with it He is not OCD but has some tendancies. He just LOVES it! He is even on OCD Meds(for anxiety and depression). I have never seen him like this. I just want him to mellow out about it and not be so obssesed that he can't sleep. I do not want to take it away from him! HELP!Throwing the game away is not an option. Today he was caught lying and lost it for 1 day. So he does have consequences for bad behavior, even if it is after a game. The games are his life and the only thing that motivates him. He earns points like the marble system to use for video game time on the weekends. He usually does not play during the week but he was so excited he couldn't stand it. He got the WII system for his Bday and it was a game for that(we have few). Well hopefully you are right Jaderock and he will get over it quicker than longer. spamula39415.3506944444

I think you just have to wait it out. My son gets like this with new games too. Sometimes he talks about them as if they were actually happening in real life. He told me last night that he'd won France and was now on his way to Africa and explained his strategy. It wasn't till I asked what on earth he was talking about that he thought to mention it was about Medal of Honor (video game where you fight WWII, I beleive).

Vidoe games just seem to induce this sort of obsessiveness. If it were my son I'd tell him no more games until the homework comes home. I'm always more flexible about the amount of time that he gets to play if it's a new game because I understand the excitement over something new, but we have a very strict no electronics unless school work is complete/up to par rule.

It should be fun come Christmas as my DH decided to buy DS a Nintendo Wii. I think he really wants one for himself but buying for DS for Christmas made it a justifable purchase.

TAKE THE GAME AWAY IMMEDIATELY.

I Have the same problem with my son - now 14. Ofcourse, when he was younger, and we didn't realize he had problems, we gave him a gameboy - Oh, I think he may have been 9 or 10. He became obsessed - played all the time - personality changed - nasty - like an addict. We actually threw the darn thing away in the garbage.

He can't play any games that "never end" you know, the quest games - they go on and on.

Oddly - he can play arcade type games with no problems - pacman - shooting alien games - you know - a game that has a definate beginning and end.

Now, to make you feel better, my Brother in Law - PHD - in computer security - brilliant - gets addicted to these type of games too. My sister says he gets, nasty, annoyed, stays for hours. Difference is, he doesn't have ADD and as an adult, when she points out these behaviours, he stops.

My son, on the other hand, denies these games change his behaviour.

He currently is involved in an on-line game that we monitor - 30 min max and only if all work is done - currently he has lost computer time for defiance but that is another story. We use this as an incentive.

We have noticed that when he is on this game he loses all track of time and when we remind him of it, he gets nasty and defiant. When we point out that this is exactly what we are talking about, he denies it.

Now, he has no problem going on the net looking up things of interest, how ever, he does lose track of time but the big key is, the personality does not change.

Boy do I feel for you. My son has the same tendency. A long time ago (he's 12) I put my foot down on the TV based games. Didn't buy one, never will. I've been able to hold fast on this because I just know he will "disappear" into the world of playstation and never return. But he does have the gameboy and pc based games, and we have a timer which I use if he starts getting too obsessed. It's hard to be strong on this issue since every kid seems to have these things. But ADHD kids are not every kid and I do believe it is just not good for them. Good luck and be strong! I am a game junkie too. Absolutely love 'em. What I did was two parts:
Whenever there's a "rest" or "save" part of the game--I get up and do whatever I have to do because it's a natural stop and it gives me breather time AND gets things doneI have a free prog called REMIND ME that jumps up on the screen and rings an alarm with things I have to do. It has a "sleeper" switch on it so I can finish my game bit but it keeps ringing until I shut it down and I've trained myself NOT to shut it down until I complete the task I set. Essentially I can't play in peace until I do whatever I have to do.I also suggest that if you have leverage with games USE IT.

And most gamers are absolutely addicted for a few days or a week when they get a new game.

Part of the reason I believe ADHD'ers get so involved is because of the sytemic rewards that are part of the gaming process such as solve puzzle A get item B and shoot monster C get to level 3. ADHD adds to a sense of the world's unfairness because no matter how hard we DID try--rewards aren't very frequent or consistent.

Keep in mind that most well-made games are psychologically designed to keep you playing [to the end or not]--just like a good movie/book is designed to keep you watching/reading.

I'm sure some creative parent can come up with some ideas based around those strategies...
MetisRebel39415.4340625

If it's not an option to toss the game it is absolutely necessary to monitor the time on it.

I'm sorry if I sound so bossy but I live through this and of this I feel I can offer some sound advice.

Computer games are my son's incentives too. Ofcourse, he is at the point that if I take them away he doesn't care and can occupy himself with other things.

Now, when he is not on these games he persues his other hobbies - magic is the current hobby. Maybe you can encourange another hobby - one that if he gets obssessed with it won't be so detrimental.

He also goes on-line and plays with Pivot but that's not really a game - it is this site that allows you to make stick figure animated cartoons. Hubby thought it was better than that insipid Runescape because he was learning computer graphic skills. Still, he obsesses and will stay on it for hours. However, and here is the key - because it is not a game - it doesn't make him anymore irritible or nasty than normal.

My kid plays Runescape. He plays for free but you can pay for it and upgrade. I refuse to pay for on-line games but somehow he borrows his friends' accounts.

My son's friends, who are not ADD and happen to all be on the honor roll in school also are addicted to this game. One mother banned her son from the game because he acted like an Addict and his grades went down from A's to B's.

One mom was glad for the summer because her kid went to camp and the game was not available.

Now I also heard from a mom that she doesn't even allow her son to play the game during school year (He's A+ student but not ADD). The key difference is they somehow can handle the obsession and function in school.

Metisrebel - thanks, as always, for the insight on the minds of the ADHDr. Ofcourse, you, being an adult, and obviously functioning and at peace with yourself can monitor yourself. I think kids need external reminders.

Another thing that I was thinking that may be why kids, but especially the ADHD'rs get obsessed is that the attention is all on the game. No distractions and they can hyperfocus and not be confused. Just a theory based on observation. I know when my son is into that game - the house could be on fire and he would be pissed if you asked him to log off.

Also, and parents must be aware of this....there is a social aspect. If a particular child is awkwad socially, this give an opportunity make friends in a nonstressful way.

My kid plays Runescape and he talks to his real friends on-line through the game. However, he also talks with strangers. This game seems to be monitored quite well and if certain banned things are asked, the poster is banned

Now my son, being naive, thinks that only kids play and that he can tell if it's a kid or not by the questions. We have gone over and over how preditors are sneaky and pretend to be kids and even the police can't figure it out. Now we have instructed my son to never ever ever give personal information to any poster.

I'm sorry to be so wordy but I ABSOLUTELY HATE THESE ON-LINE GAMES and think they are dangerous, unless ofcourse, you are an adult and can make judgement calls.

Our kids have problems with jugegments.

I'm off my soapbox now.

[QUOTE=spamula]O.K. this might be kinda stupid but, My son bought a video game(I refuse to name) with his own money over the internet, He is 9, Since he got the game 3 days ago, he has not slept, not brought his homework home, I'm sure not focusing in school, IT IS ALL HE THINKS ABOUT! How do I deascalate this anxiety without taking away the game(which I said I would do if it got worse).I have been trying to give him after homework time to play(which I usually don't during the week)But not to late so he isn't so worked up before bed.Around 3:30-4:30-5 pm. He is obsessed with it He is not OCD but has some tendancies. He just LOVES it! He is even on OCD Meds(for anxiety and depression). I have never seen him like this. I just want him to mellow out about it and not be so obssesed that he can't sleep. I do not want to take it away from him! HELP![/QUOTE]

Welcome to the club! There must be something with ADHD and gaming. I talked to a psych about it and he said it was because of the instant rewards. I think that in my son's case it's also because it is a visual/spatial thing, which is the one area that he excels at. He likes it because he's good!! It's natural. He also gets obsessed with a new game, but that ends after a couple of days. He acts like an addict, too, and freaks out sometimes when he has to turn it off. He's over it in a few minutes, though, so I'm not too worried about it yet. I have also "offered" to throw it in the garbage

.

My personal belief is that too much game playing isn't good, but it's such a great motivator. When the going gets rough, all you have to say is "you just lost your gameboy for a day" and the behavior stops right there. We do the marbles for rewards, but he just doesn't feel the pain when he loses his marbles (no pun intended). The punishment is INSTANT when the gameboy is gone. Since we started the marble system, he uses his marbles to buy a game. It takes 100 marbles x 3 or 4 to buy a game, so he really saves for it. It's the only thing that he would be motivated to save for.

Also, when the Ritalin is in his system, he is much, much less likely to play. He can focus on other things and will draw or do legos or something productive. He turns the game off on his own. I think that it is the only thing some of the ADHD kids can focus on in their natural states. I know it's true for my son.

I also told him something a couple of weeks ago that probably sounds mean, but it worked. I asked him what he would think when he was 95 and looked back on his life and thought that all he did as a kid was play video games. He's only 8, but he really, really got that. It disturbed him, and he hasn't played as much since.

My guess is, the obsession will pass. He'll get bored with it eventually.
I agree with taking it away, and setting rules for it's play. After homework, ONLY if he is in bed and asleep the night before at a certain time, ONLY if he took his meds etc. YOU are the parent, YOU set the rule, not him. I would make that clear and go with it. [QUOTE=rswf]

If it's not an option to toss the game it is absolutely necessary to monitor the time on it.

I'm sorry if I sound so bossy but I live through this and of this I feel I can offer some sound advice.

Computer games are my son's incentives too. Ofcourse, he is at the point that if I take them away he doesn't care and can occupy himself with other things.

Now, when he is not on these games he persues his other hobbies - magic is the current hobby. Maybe you can encourange another hobby - one that if he gets obssessed with it won't be so detrimental.

My kid plays Runescape. He plays for free but you can pay for it and upgrade. I refuse to pay for on-line games but somehow he borrows his friends' accounts.

One mom was glad for the summer because her kid went to camp and the game was not available.

Actually my point was that even as an adult with ADHD I am using an "outside reminder" [software called, Remind me] to get out of gaming. It's like a self-nagger without a mom to yell back at

Also, going back to incentives. I sometimes self-reward with it to--that's why I'm saying that creative parents can sometimes use this to their advantage.

I strongly encourage computer art/graphics/music interests because it motivates a kid to learn computer skills. And you can't survive the job market without them...

Also, and parents must be aware of this....there is a social aspect. If a particular child is awkwad socially, this give an opportunity make friends in a nonstressful way.

I think the online games are even more tempting for that reason. I've got some here but I'm actually scared to open an account. Socializing + gaming? Heckuva strong combo in my book.

Smart move. Everyone should teach kids to be net-savvy because no matter how hard you try--you simply can't be with them 24/7.

I'm sorry to be so wordy but I ABSOLUTELY HATE THESE ON-LINE GAMES and think they are dangerous, unless ofcourse, you are an adult and can make judgement calls.

Our kids have problems with jugegments.

I'm off my soapbox now.

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My instinct tells me to take the game away - especially if it is effecting his sleep, school and family life. That's not good. If he is going to play, I would only allow it on the weekends and even then for a limited amount of time.

"Screens" - tv, computers, gameboy's etc - are very additive for ADHD folks and very over stimulating. The LCSW we work with suggests limiting all screen time to 30 minutes during the school week and maybe a couple of hours on the weekend. He also recommends no screen an hour before bed time and absolutely none in the bedroom. If they become an issue, he suggests taking them away altogether.

Good luck with your decision.

My son's psychologist said that ADHD kids have an unbelievable capacity for video games (and that's the one place where they have a great attention span

).

We've gone through some periods like this and I think he genuinely loses track of time when he's playing. So we set blocks of time to accomplish certain things and then we both sign a contract with the schedule. I am not at all organized or structured myself but even I can do this.

Can you learn something about the game so that you can jump in when there are breaks or save points? I only know about this because my 12 year old knows the DS game that he plays.

I am going to say this again, I WILL NOT TAKE THE GAMES AWAY. It was also recommended by his therapist to leave them but use them as leveage. He is tightly monitored as far as time goes and very restricted. I am not stupid. This is also one of his BIGGEST socialialization avenues and it isn't going anywhere. I guess I just need to keep monotoring it closly. By the way, he lost it for the rest of the week for trying to steal a book from the book fair ar school.

Wow...until these posts, I had almost forgotten about my son's PlayStation obsession days! Fortunately, it was a passing phase albeit a long one. Keeping the obsession under control was a challenge, for sure. He was online a lot looking for "cheats" (just the lingo for strategies to reach new levels, I gather) where he would write pages and pages of details about specific games. A number of times when he failed to accomplish homework or went over the time limit, we took the whole system away until things settled down again.

Now, with no more PlayStation, it's girls, girls, girls and My Space (look out for that one ... a whole 'nother topic).

[QUOTE=rswf]

In this world it is probably unrealistic to take the games away completely.� It's better to teach them how to control them.

�

[/QUOTE]

AMEN TO THAT!

Spamala - Use the game as leverage and incentive. We have not taken my son's games away completely also for many of the same reasons you have posted.

It is a good social link as long as you know who he is socializing with.

I won't buy a play station but he plays at his friends' house. That Wii looks fun but if I got that, he'd play all day. I like that you actually particpate and move but my son is Add inattentive and it takes a lot to get him outside to exercise so he'd rationalize that he was exercising with the game.

We monitor him very closely. Since we have taken the games away for defiance he has been much better. We have noticed since he is not on the recreational computer he happened to have the best weekly progress report he has had in 3 years - naturally he denies any correlation.

We told him if his good behaviour at home stays on track he can have the games back on the weekends only - not during the school week - he did earn it back but momentarily lost it again. I have to admit - I like him better when he is not playing the games.

In this world it is probably unrealistic to take the games away completely. It's better to teach them how to control them.

No longer than he got his game taken away he got caught(he's not too swift) playing his DS and got that taken away also, but he can earn it back. He spent the weekend without the games and payed well with his friends.

I would wait for the right time, probably Sat morning when you've got a whole weekend to deal with the response, and take the game away. If the game is not violent, I would make it a 30 minute reward after finishing homework. If the game is violent, this is probably the attraction, and I would give him his money back, give the game away and use parental control software to prevent him from making any further purchases on the computer.

It's not fun, but sometimes you just have to put your foot down and deal with the storm that follows.

ONE MORE LEVEL
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My son has that t-shirt ("just one more level"). We got it at the Nintendo store. And let me just add he woke me up at 5:00 this AM to play games.Thank You Dad in Akron! You have just described my son to a tee! He is hyper-focused when it comes to certain things, he is highly gifted,and definatly a perfectionist. He is not medicated for the ADHS at this time and until now, we have had a strained relationship(he recently went on Zoloft). The games are closely monitered and used primarily for social reasons being he plays on the weekend when his friends are over. And thank you Ommas as you always have something right on to say.

gbfe

ommas39765.5309259259Our boy struggles not only with video games, but ANY game that fails to have a "quick" ending. Take for instance... Legos, puzzles, and many video games go on for hours. Most people can stop a game like that and go back the next day to finsish it, but our boys struggle with that. Games my boy does well with are checkers, chess, and other games that last about 10-15 minutes. This is all because he has a type of AD/HD that causes him to over-focus, or what some people consider...hyper-focusing.

Not all AD/HD kids have this type of AD/HD, but it sounds like your son might have it. If so, you would understand this statement... "It's not that my son can't pay attention, it's that he can't stop paying attention!" These kids have a tendency to be perfectionistic, gifted, demand that other play according to the rules, and get extremely anxious when their plans fail or someone prevents them from achieving their goals.

I understand that getting rid of video games is not an option for you. My wife and I understand that. We also have permitted our boy to keep his GameCube. However, we limit most of his game playing to the weekends. And, he has to earn it most of the time. However, when he is doing well (exercising self-control; being polite and respectful), we give him more freedom to play when he wants.

My wife and I also think his video games give him an opportunity to show us that he can control himself. There are times when he lets his game playing get out of control, and he knows it. During those times he has confessed to us that he let it get out of control and will try to do better. Sometimes he has even taken the game discs away himself, knowing that it will help him learn to control his complusions.

Most of all, our son LOVES his GameCube dearly, so to take it away permanantly would be very cruel.

It also helps socially. His GameCube gives him an opportunity to invite his friends over. And, while his friends visit and play, we monitor his social behavior and help him deal with anxiety (and fights) that occur.

If your want advise, I would suggest that you continue doing what you are doing...using video games to reward better behavior. Also, limit the amount of time he plays. Do this by telling him (in advance) that he has, for example, two hours of play time that he can use either all at once, or divide it throughout his day. Our boy does well when we tell him that he has a stopping time and if he refuses to stop, then he gets it taken away for one day.

And as usual, I REALLY like the advise MetisRebel gave about this.Hey I've accidently stumbled onto how to get your kid off video games.

Change your OS to Linux--the games are not that exciting

Maj Jong anyone?
Just wanted to clarify that in my previous post about my son's PlayStation - when he was still using it/playing games, we restricted him when he broke the rules, then resumed privileges when everything was under control again. We did not take his games away; in fact, he still has all his stuff, but is now interested in other things.

We do not allow video games during the week. On Friday morning my son is so excited because he knows that he will get to come home and play. It has really helped our evenings in that we don't have to yell at him to turn it off. And because he is forced to engage in other activites the desire to play has reduced dramatically.

Thank you Nancy! This was a 1 time thing during the week. It was obviously a bad idea so it won't be happening in the future. We will stick to weekends after other activites are done.