suggestions for a smoother morning | ADHD Information

sounds like my house.  my 6yo dd takes forever while my just turned 4 yo dd, is ready to go in a flash (i don't even tell her to get dressed!).  we actually wake up earlier (7am instead of 7:30) and let some things go at her pace.  my daughter still likes to ride the bus, so if she is not completely ready to go by 7:45, she will not get to ride the bus at 8:20.  so far it helps to motivate her.  i used to stay and watch her with reminders, but i think this wears on her self esteem, i think when she can do something on her own it helps her feel more capable.  we also switched meds about a month ago, and i actually can give it to her before she wakes up, so that does help limit those blank looks on her face, "mom i am naked what do i do now?", or getting to breakfast with your pants on backwards.  i know that this too shall pass.

fyi, we also do everything else the night before, lunches, back pack, drink, clothes laid out.  All she has to do is get ready, eat and do some homework.  it amazes me that a hyperactive kid can act so painfully slow in the morning.  but it is her pace, always has been, instead of trying to change her pace, i try to help her be more successful playing with the cards that she is dealt.  we have tried pictures and such, but she could never remember to look at them.[QUOTE=Az kristen]

 getting to breakfast with your pants on backwards.  i know that this too shall pass.

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WAY to funny. I completely forgot, my daughter put her clothes on backward until she was about 10 , oh man, I am wiping the tears from laughing, so true!! Yes it DOES pass.

As a little kid, one of my least favorite things in life was changing my clothes.  The thought of a never ending cycle of getting up, taking your pjs off and putting on school clothes, coming home from school and taking your school clothes off and putting on your play clothes, then taking your play clothes off and putting your pjs on before (dreaded) bedtime, only to get up in the morning to start over again. This really rankled me! 

The daily cycle was (is still!) bad enough...but even the term "change your clothes" doesn't do justice to the torture it represents, to wit: all those buttons to button up (right!) or unbutton, all the belt loops you need to thread your belt through, having to remember to tuck things in....oh yeah...shoelaces too!  Little kids have way more important and exciting things to be doing with their precious time than getting dressed or undress all the time!

I remember being feeling really imprisoned by this never ending cycle, and one day making what I thought at the time was a pretty compelling and convincing argument to my Mother that the need to waste all this time changing clothes was absolutely the worst thing and why couldn't the world be more fair and allow us to just keep the same clothes on all the time!  My Mother listened patiently and sympathetically while she coaxed me back into my bedroom to change out of my pajamas and into my school clothes... "When you're ready, I've got your favorite breakfast waiting for you out in the kitchen" she said.  

 

 

I cannot tell you how difficult it was for my poor mother when I was younger....I was a terror in the morning, and caused many, many problems. I would never get out of bed, and when I did, my mom was constantly following me around to ensure I was actually getting ready, and not staring in the mirror or picking at my fingernails...

Finally, she figured it out....

I was allowed to stay up as late as I wanted, and watch whatever I wanted to! Cheers was my favorite show on TV, and even though a show about a bunch of guys drinking in a bar is probably not the best for a 4th grader...I loved it.

The only condition was...if I was allowed to watch whatever I wanted, however late I wanted, I HAD to wake up immediatly, the first time my mother would come to my room and ask me to wake up. She made it very clear that if I did not immediatly jump right out of bed, that would be the end of my special privilages.

She started with just Thursday nights (thats when Cheers and Wings was on!) and she eventually added Sundays for special late night movies on TV and once I proved that I could wake up when she wanted me to, I could stay up whenever I wanted to. I cannot tell you how quickly I would jump out of bed the next morning..I mean, i literally lept from the top bunk and started getting ready. The only other condition was that I was never allowed to complain about being tired.

Now that I'm 25, I realize that with ADD/ADHD my energy levels kick in much later in the day, and my attention and focus is much more evident later at night. It was definitely the same when I was a kid, and I really felt "special" being the only kid I knew who was allowed to stay up as late as I wanted to. Not only did this "special treatment" help me wake up earlier in the morning, it led way to a whole series of trust with my mother. I rarely had any boundries as I got older (no curfew, no arguments about going to concerts, etc) under the condition that as long as I didn't get into trouble or betray the trust that we had....and if all was good, I was allowed to do many many things my friends were not allowed to do.

 

I would NOT suggest waking your child up early to give him/her an adderall or stimulant a little before they wake up...this will only make them dependent on the medication in order to actually become motivated and ready for the day. This is what I started doing when I got to college at the suggestion of my doctor, and after a while it would take me until  almost 1pm to wake up from the "coma" I felt like I was in. It works much better if I take it after I've had my breakfast and showered.

 

Good luck with your child...honestly, as a kid who had ADD/ADHD, I felt like I always wanted to be doing what I wasn't supposed to be doing. Tasks that were required seemed so boring and unexciting. It was hard for me to see the point of having to do things I didn't like....why work when I could play? It was a win-win...my mom napped on the couch while I watched TV rather than struggling to get me to sleep, and I got to stay up. Then in the morning, she came to my room, woke me up and she got ready for work, while I got ready for school.....rather than her going crazy trying to get us both ready and out the door. It at least kept  her sane until my sister got older :)

 

We too have difficulty with our son (8 yrs) who has ADHD and is on Concerta once a day.  I have found that on mornings where he has his medication early, had a good night sleep and is in a good mood things go more smoothly and he can get ready without me standing beside him every step of the way. 

Sometimes if he is motivated by an upcoming activity or event he will get through an entire routine with no prompting.  I remember when he was about 4 he was invited to swim in our neighbors pool for the first time of the season.  He was across the yards, into our house, his bedroom and his bathing suit before I even caught up with him.  This was the same boy I had to practically pin down and dress on regular mornings back before we had him diagnosed. 

I've tried lists of what he needs to do - doesn't work for him.  Reward systems work only in the short term.  I often feel that just as with physical problems that people have to take care of - for example my mother has arthritis and some days it is not to bad and others it is really bad - those with ADHD have days where they can focus more than others. 

On really bad days I stop and remind myself that the chances of me having to lead him step by step into his tux on the day he gets married are very slim....then I sigh and look at my child and remember how much I love him and remind him for the 100th time to put his underwear on and stop swinging from his loft bed. 

My husband and I also both work from home so most often we are both there getting the kids ready for school and can spell each other from the constant close supervision.  My son often seems to do better when someone is there with him having a conversation about whatever pops into his head.  Other times this is too distracting and he just needs to try focusing on the task at hand.  I still set out his clothes - we did try letting him do it regardles of the combination he would pick.  It was motivating at first, but as that got old we would find him sitting staring off in space. 

Part of the equation is also making sure you are within your tollerance level.  It may not be as consistant as we need to be but I have to assess my own mood each morning - some mornings I have the strength to repeat myself over and over and he accomplishes all tasks on his own.  Others I just need to get some steps, like picking out clothes and putting toothpaste on his toothbrush as quickly and easily as possible. 

Good luck.  I will be checking back to see if anyone has any suggestions that I can try to incorporate into our work here.

well, every morning I lay out my sons clothing for him.  All he has to do is change into his clothes, wash his face and brush his teeth.  Every morning my 4 year old does it with NO help.  My 7 yead old adhd either dresses but does not change his underwear, sits and stares into space and does not change clothes and cannot seem to get himself together.  I know this is ADHD related.  I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how to make the morning go smoother.I made a list for DD, it is on the chalk board in her room, and has simple instructions. When she finishes one thing, she goes to another. Kids with adhd really cannot follow directions like" go get dressed", but they CAN follow," put on your shirt", Change your undies", get shoes on". They do SO much better IMO with 1 simple direction at a time. I also have a checklist for my ds and he gets rewarded for every task completed. This had helped somewhat.Sorry it took so long for a reply, I just found your blog.  We use an old fashion egg timer, one that our son can actually hear ticking and he can see the big numbers on it.  He is only five, so making lists doesn't work cause he can't read.  We have a reward chart and have "jobs" listed on it with a certain amount of time for each job, "get dressed 5 min, eat  breakfast 10 min, brush teeth 2 min, etc..."  We announce that we are setting the timer and what number the timer is on and he gets to put a sticker on his chart if he completes the task in time.  After so many stickers for the week, he gets to choose a reward.  For the most part it works, sometimes we have blow outs when he doesn't beat the timer cause he's upset he doesn't get a sticker, but the times that he completes out-weigh the times he doesn't. you can make a list with pictures if you want to go that route. Either cut them out of magazines or you can actually buy flash cards with pcitures of daily tasks on them.

< =text/>_popupControl(); I know it sounds obvious, but making sure that you get up with enough time to get it all done is a big help. We make sure that we get up early enough so that there are ten minutes before the bus comes, after everyone is ready to go. Then we take turns choosing what to put on the TV for those minutes (before everyone is ready, TV stays off).

When I was a daycare teacher, I had a very interesting inservice with an early childhood professor who had an intriguing suggestion: if your children are refusing to get moving in the morning, won't get dressed for school, clean themselves, etc., set a timer and let them know that when the timer goes off, we leave the house whether you are ready or not.  It will probably only take one day of having to leave the house in pajamas and be seen at school like that to make them move a little faster in the morning.

As for the face-washing, I have a perfectly "normal" 17 yo who detests washing his face. He's pretty sure rubbing water, no soap, on it in the shower is good enough. I'm done having that battle. We've tried prepackaged cloths, no-water cleanser, soap-on-a-rope for showering ease, he hates it all. Our nine yo is just a little better. If you discover the magic bullet, let me know!!  

well, we are doing the following:

Husband gets up 10 minutes earlier, stands in room while child changes, govong prompts as needed, follows him into bathroom to make sure he brushes teeth and wipes face at minimum with face cloth. Then child gets to go downstairs and make his own breakfast of a waffle in toaster or cereal and watch tv while hubby gets dressed.  Then, bookbag is by the door with jacket and husband tells son to put on shoes 5 minutes before it is time to leave.  No yelling and everyone leaves on time!!!!  I would like for him to be able to do this by himself but it is obvious he cant yet.

BPQW- I recently got my 9 yr. old to start using soap again.  I told him that I would have to watch him shower if he would not use it on his own.  Fortunately he has also recently developed a sense of modesty (about time!) so it only took a couple days of me sitting in the bathroom for him to start doing it again.  He's subject to random sniff checks, too- always a different part, but he thought it was hysterical when I sniff the back of his knee.  It's only been a few weeks, so we'll see how long it lasts.

We have a set routine at our house. VERY rarely deviate from it. Its get up, go to the bathroom, get dressed(pants, shirt, change underwear) , come into living room. If he has done all these things he can watch tv for 1 half hour. Take meds, eat breakfast, and then i turn the tv off. We then have 15 min before bus comes. He brushes teeth, brushes hair, gets shoes and socks on while I clear away breakfast dishes, etc.

 

I still have to come in the room and remind him to *put on your shirt, change your underpants, etc * but he does it. Once in a while, like yesterday he did it all without prompting.!! Happens sometimes..good days, bad days, worse days!

We do get up 1 hour before bus comes and that seems to be enough time to get thru all this. On the weekends, thing are more leisurely. Had to laugh at the poster who said her child was like a whirlwind getting dressed when somethign FUN was at stake. My DS is the same way!!!

Also still help him in shower/bath. He calls me in to *help* wash his hair, etc I am slowly weaning him off this. He has NO modesty what so ever yet!! BUT i do!!! LOL

 

All i can suggest is do all you can the night before(pack backpack, make lunch, check papers) and then give yourself and your child PLENTY of time to get ready. Yelling , rushing, etc just makes it worse..at least in my house!