informal survey about blame/guilt | ADHD Information

sorry, i entered this by mistakeDad in Akron39419.3215162037When our son was 3-4 years old, before he was dx and treated, some of our family members thought we were not doing what we needed to do to be better parents. Our son was hyperactive, which came across as disobedient and defiant. They gave advise, such as...

1. We're allowing him to have too much sugary food.
2. We needed to spank him when he acted out of control.
3. Too many violent cartoons, such as TMNT (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles).
4. Needed more Sunday School and Bible lessons.

At that time (when our son was 3-4) we thought maybe we WERE bad parents because we didn't know what was wrong with our son. We didn't know anything about AD/HD. My wife and I got angry at his behavior (mostly me), and wanted him to gain control over himself. It was finally in Kindergarten that our son's teacher convinced us that he needed checked for AD/HD.

Since then, our family members have come around to our way of thinking. Everyone now knows that Jacob was not able to get control of himself when he was little. We have taught our family members what AD/HD is all about, and that we need to handle our son differently than other kids.

Our family members have seen the benefits of Jacob's treatment (meds and counseling), and are less prone to give advise on how to raise our son.

However, now that he's getting proper treatment, we expect him to control himself when required. He's doing great now. He's no longer climbing on people's furniture, breaking toys, having non-stop tantrums, and hurting others. He still has a few issues (like not wanting to sit at the dinner table for more than 5 minutes) but we think that's normal for any kid his age!

Good luck with the speech!

Yes, and what gets me is that the ones who criticise can't even make up their minds.

My most vocal critic is my own mother and my dh.

Dh gets mad at me for "handholding" ds. It is especially a problem as he gets older (14 now).

My mom agrees with this. She thinks he just needs to fall on his face.

Both dh and my mom have blamed homeschooling ds (2nd thru 6th grade). Never mind that homeschooling allowed me to know what ds actually knew, how he learned best, etc. Plus he had the time and the initiative to do/read things that interested him, and now his time is all used up taking forever on mindless homework.

I have both been implied and out right blamed for mr parenting skills. My family even blames me. Although I think this is genetic and I passed it down I am not at fault for bad parenting skills.

Oh, BTW good luck on your speech. I am sure that there are plenty of us that will help you out.

And, we even have family members who question our ability to parent our children effectively and our choice to medicate or not medicate.

"Our Children our Precious in His Sight"

None of my family has ever blamed my parenting skills as the problem with my kids. Only an EX boyfriend who was childless and not good with kids in the first placed questioned whether adhd was really what caused their behavior. He only did this once and I am sure he never changed his mind, but knew better to say it again. I do refrain from trying to explain to strangers when they are acting up that they have adhd. I do not feel it is any of their business.

I have been blamed both outright and implied!!!

I have been told by "well meaning" people that we just need to buckle down. We have had folks to tell us that he just "needs a good butt-whoopin'".

The social stigmas, unfortunately, are still out there.We are not bad parents, and we (I am speaking for all of us on here) are all tired of our parenting skills being questioned by those who are uneducated about ADHD and those who have never dealt with it. We question our parenting skills enough for all of you, thank you very much! The choice of medicating our children does come into play very often. People do not understand. We do not wish to medicate our children. But, we choose to do it for our children. So that they may have a more normal life if you will.

Even though ADHD is now a recognized illness, we still must deal with these issues constantly.

Hi all,

I'm doing a speech about adhd for a college course I'm taking. My focus is on how social stigmas about adhd and misperceptions about medication cause adhd children to be under-treated.

What I wanted to ask is how many of you have been blamed in one manner or another for your child's ADHD symptoms? Was it said outright, or was it more implied?

I've had people tell me that its because DD is "over stimulated" (yeah right kid doesn't sit long enough to watch 5 minutes of tv let alone being over stimulated by it!!) My own brother tried to tell me that ADHD didn't exsist and it was something that people made up in the 90's to shove Ritalin down their throats!! I simply told him he could live with my ADHD daughter for 7 whole days and then tell me it didn't really exsist. This year I even get to battle DD's 1st grade teacher who thinks its "maturity" not ADHD. My choice to medicate my DD didn't come easily, as I would suspect is true for most parents. But I was at the end of my rope, and she was clearly failing in school. I felt if I didn't medicate her I would be cannibalizing her education, which I didn't think was fair to her. I wanted to give her a fair shot!! Bless you for trying to educate people. I think that ADHD is THE most stigmatized mental-health issue now. So many otherwise educated people blame the parents first and ask questions later. In fact, the most judgmental people I've dealt with are often the best educated -- especially if they live in their own, theoretical world.

For many years, my husband and I thought that we were bad parents -- actually I did more than my husband. He thought it was ADHD much earlier than I did (smart guy). My parents completely reinforced those thoughts, blaming me for being "too patient" and giving in "too easily." My son's ADHD almost ruined my relationship with my mother completely because of her judgmental attitude and horrible advice (not to mention the times she spanked him for having a tantrum and slapped his hands for getting into her clutter). And my parents were teachers!! You'd think they would know better, but they were unable to shift their thinking from the moralistic days of the "bad apple". I have found that a lot of older people grew up in very authoritarian households and think that a child with ADHD just needs a more authoritarian upbringing (i.e. spanking, yelling, slapping, even abusing). My mom's whole family has made comments, ranging from "you have to show him who's boss" to "I know what I would do with him." And these are all well-educated people.

In the community, we endured our fair share of nasty looks when our son acted out. People made comments all the time. I found it interesting that once I became a mother, I was fair game for any stranger's completely off-the-wall commentary. People like neighbors and acquaintances tend to just be disapproving and make back-handed comments. Good friends see the pain you are in as you deal with the difficult behaviors every day, and they try to understand.

The idea that kids are over-medicated is so pervasive that it will take years to change this idea in society. Ask people what they think when they hear the word "Ritalin" and listen to the responses you get. On one hand, it might be true -- there are probably kids on Ritalin who have other problems. On the other hand, children who really have ADHD need these medications to get through life. My son would not be able to get through school without Ritalin, and we would have an absolutely miserable family life. Anyone who hasn't dealt with a child with ADHD cannot even imagine what it's like for a family, so it's easy for them to think that it's a societal problem or a family problem.

The good news is, these kids make you learn to deal with people in a different way. I have not only acquired thick skin, I am much more assertive -- friendly, but assertive -- and don't even let people get to the point of making comments any more. I am armed with so much information that they don't have a chance, rhetorically speaking.

I have been blamed by teachers (From pre-first all the way trhough 3rd grade), relatives, strangers, neighbors and even some well-meaning friends. Comments like "why don't you try time outs" (like I never tried that before - what a revelation!) or "try taking away one of her toys" (I took every toy out of my daughter's room whn she was 4 before she was diagnosed with ADHD) and there is always "you really should spank her when she acts up" or my favorite "if that were my daughter, I would never let her get away with acting up like that" - (that's because your daughter doesn't have adhd!!)

Some people don't understand what ADHD is and they don't get informed - they just form opinions. After trying to explain to people over and over, I don't care any more what they think - there are more important things to worry about - like my kids!

Joy- your right on about the stigmas. One of the research studies I'm citing shows that approx. 50% of the population either knows very little or nothing at all about adhd and that 2/3 of the population view medicating children for ADHD and/or depression negetively. Funny how everyone has an opinion, though.

I was blamed as not disciplining him enough and this was while he was TWO!! He was ADHD as soon as he left the womb, I'm not being dramatic. He was always different...In the church nursery, there would be three or four volunteers and ONE had to be assigned to DS. There would be two teachers left for four other babies and mine had to have his own!!

When we got him into daycare it was all fingerpointing. Oh, the nights I cried myself to sleep...feeling like I was THE worst mother ever. I questionned myself and my ability more than my fair share...And what was so horrible is that it seemed others were doing it to. My family is very supportive and so they kept saying their grandson was fine and just 'all boy'. As he grew, he was asked to leave two daycares, no one could 'control' him. The thing about that was that he was never agressive or bad, just hyper. Just active so much that no one could handle him. This was by the age of three. I quit work and stayed home with him. He started preschool at 4 and sure enough, we got the notes home of 'not listening during story time, moving around during 'class' time, loud outbursts ...etc. So, I met with his teacher often and we got through preschool. Then kindergarten came. We stared him at barely 5. He struggled at first just with paying attention and staying calm. (Let me mention, too, that DS NEVER EVER took naps at daycares/school. Period. Only at home.) So, finally, I took DS to his doctor, I was exhausted and sad and desperate for my poor boy. Finaly, we came up with the diagnosis. The only part I was shocked about was the fact that not ONCE did someone look at me and say "We feel like *DS* needs to be taken in for a brief evaluation, something just isn't clicking" I know there are legal rights that keep them from making even a suggestion of a diagnosis but they could have at least led me in some sort of general direction. They felt better about telling me to 'give that boy some discipline and consistency" (which I was already applying) instead of saying "you're doing your best, so I think you may want to take another step forward and see your doctor and explain some of the tribulations you and he have been experiencing." The road to get where we are is heartbreaking. The blame and guilt and shame and embarassment and all of the horrid feelings you have and the ones we'll never know that DS went through, could've been stopped short if there had've been some awareness. we continue to fight but I've become a fairly educated advocate. We've learned that if we don't do it, no one else will!

I'll give a short answer in that our experience is very similar to others expressed here. Blamed by some family members and teachers for poor parenting, etc, etc. I think it goes with the territory unfortunately. You just have to grit your teeth and educate them as to why traditional discipline and parenting does not necessarily work. That is once you know it�s not your fault. Believe me, there are still days that we digress into that mindset wondering what we are doing (or not doing) correctly.

While never blamed by my parents or close friends, I have heard comments from STRANGERS when my son acted in appropriatley for his age. Or when he threw tantrums in a store. Once , while out to dinner, he was fidgeting and talking loud and just generally being *HIM*. Because he was 6 or 7 , this women LOUDLY started making comments on how bratty he was being! WELL, I was about to get up and confront her when my MOTHER, who is 80 years old did! She put her in her place for me. My mom is my hero!. This was before meds. I had a hard time coming to terms with meds and finally after a year of trying all the alternative treatments, finally tried meds. It was the best descion for my son. For him to grow and learn and for his own self esteem. It might not be best for all but it is best for us.

Medication is another thing. People will tell you right to your face, that you are *Drugging* Your child!!! HOW DARE THEY????? Or this was my favorite, told to my sister by HER BEST FRIEND. *Well if parents didnt drug there kids and paid attention to them, they wouldnt have these issues*..It makes me so sad that people really believe this!

School and educators have been nothing but wonderful for my son. SUpportive to our family and kind and caring and helpful to Ryan. Thank God.

I have often blamed myself though. I guess just a mothers guilt. While I know that i didnt *Give* my son ADHD I wonder if maybe I did something while Iwas pregnant that caused this. Or where we live..or what ever..In the beginning I use to cry and think that God gave my little man the wrong mother because i had such a hard time controlling him andmy own emotions. My mom told me God does NOT make mistakes in whom he gives his chidren too. I now know, I am the best Mom for Ryan and that he is my special sunshine, my blessing and the one person who can always make me smile. Both my boys have my heart.

My son's 2nd grade teacher implied that the symptoms were a result of my parenting. That was the moment that I clearly understood the level of her ignorance.

Our kids were in private schooling when we found out they were ADHD.

They were very supportive in helping us obtain a diagnosis for them.

We were not blamed for their behavior.

My mother would accuse us of

poor parenting for our

kids behavior.

I wonder

who

blamed

for my behaivor?

Noone has ever blamed me or dh for DD;s ADHD. She was NOT born with ADHD, she developed it as a result of PANDAS, an auto immune disorder, so I guess Strep is to blame?

I have however had teachers tell me she is "spoiled", well YEAH she is, she is the youngest, the baby,the one we tried to have for 7 1/2 years, and our kids are 9 years apart( 10 and 19)........duh!

[QUOTE=jacks8897]

My mom told me God does NOT make mistakes in whom he gives�his children too. I�now know, I'm the best Mom for Ryan...

[/QUOTE]
Amen to that![QUOTE=Joy2] [QUOTE=jacks8897]

Bless your mom!! She sounds just wonderful.

I also have retraced every step of my pregnancy and my son's birth. I've thought about everything I ate, everything I did, the environmental hazards of the place we lived at the time. The list is endless. I finally got some peace this year after we had him tested and found that he had a high IQ, in spite of all of his difficulties with attention and school work. I decided that if he's that intelligent, it really can't be brain damage from something I did wrong or lead in our pipes.

So, yeah, even we moms believe the stigmas

[/QUOTE]

Yes that is sad fact! We second guess ourselves to death and if the people we love are not supportive, it makes it that much worse!..My son is also very intelligent. He got all Bs and 1 A on his report card this year. His problems lie in the "U S AND N * catogory of grades. He gets Us and Ns in works independently, finishes class work, etc..hopefully with this new med he will bring those up.

I dont think intelligence is an issue in an ADHD child. Its just that if they cant focus and sit still , they cant excel and show what they are capable of achieving..

[QUOTE=jacks8897]

Thanks guys!

The insight is really great. It's helpful to be able to tell people exactly the types of things that people encounter.

I just wish I had more than 7 minutes to talk. There's so much I want to say but won't have time for.

[QUOTE=Davidornado]

Our kids were in private schooling when we found out they were ADHD.

They were very supportive in helping us obtain a diagnosis for them.

We were not blamed for their behavior.

My mother would accuse us of

poor parenting for our

kids behavior.

I wonder

who

blamed

for my behaivor?

[/QUOTE]

Beautiful.

[QUOTE=jaderock54]Joy- your right on about the stigmas. One of the research studies I'm citing shows that approx. 50% of the population either knows very little or nothing at all about adhd and that 2/3 of the population view medicating children for ADHD and/or depression negetively. Funny how everyone has an opinion, though.[/QUOTE]

Way to go Jaderock, educating people on this important topic! I was one of those totally in the dark just a few years ago...as were many of us before we or our loved one was diagnosed. Of course, when the "kid" grows up, the blame simply shifts from parent to... the grown up kid who should know better!! Boy oh boy, we need you to go on the road Jaderock!!

[QUOTE=John D]

[/QUOTE]

No kidding -- Can you imagine having walks or benefits to cure ADHD? People would laugh!! And yet, some of our kids struggle as much as children on the higher end of the autism scale.

[QUOTE=cali1234]

I hope I'm not hijacking this thread, but could you elaborate? I wish I had some type of information to have my back. I feel like I'm informed, but I lack confidence because I'm not always a quick thinker, and I fear someone will outsmart me on the subject. Do you have any good information I could use!?

[/QUOTE]

Hi Cali,

Some of that confidence just comes with age

. Once I realized that everyone else puts their pants on one leg at a time, it got much easier to deal with difficult people

.

I don't think that you need to worry about someone outsmarting you. The people who can outsmart you about ADHD aren't going to debate you (I'm talking about psychiatrists, neurologists, psychologists). You have to start from the standpoint that anyone who thinks that your child is the way that he is because you are a bad parent or that you shouldn't medicate is simply wrong, according to years and years of research. If you are knowledgeable, you are always in the driver's seat against an ignoramus.

I think that a good tactic for an introvert who sees a disagreement heading their way is to ask questions. If your voice can remain absolutely neutral and friendly, you will not be attacked. Extra points for smiling. For example, if someone says, "I can't believe you drug your kid," you will feel your head starting to spin out of anger. Don't react right away, and then react with a question only -- "What do you mean, exactly?" The key is to stay neutral, even if you are PISSED OFF. This takes practice, but it is such a great skill to have in life. Anyway, the ball is back in their court, and you will often find people retreating immediately.

So, if the person decides to continue and says, "Well, you give him Ritalin, which is basically the same as cocaine," you can say, "Where did you get that information?" Just keep going until you wear them down. They will soon run out of information, at which point you can say (if you want to), "Medical studies actually show that children with ADHD who take Ritalin are far less likely to self-medicate later with a street drug like cocaine."

The key is -- no sarcasm, no anger in your voice. The beauty of questions is that they let YOU think while the other person wallows in their ill-decided choice of words. A little silence here and there on your part will also make them listen to themselves, and you are completely off the hook. Not only that, the person may actually LIKE you when the discussion is done, and possibly even AGREE with you, just because you led them on a little tour through their own faulty thinking in your own, sweet, smiling way.

I used to have a co-worker who was so good at this that I always said that she was telling people to go to hell and they were enjoying the ride the whole time. It was amazing to watch her gentle verbal skills in action, and I pretty much learned this from her, with a lot of life experience thrown in. Also, look up a couple of key studies (like NIMH's Multimodal Treatment Study) to throw them in if you need to.

Gotta go -- ask if you have other questions!

My worst experience was a trained medical specialist. We were sent to a`pyschologist when my son was 4 for an evaluation. He told me there was nothing wrong with my son, he was just difficult child. This is the same counselor that never read notes and ask us the same questions week after week. 4 visits and I ran from his office never to return. But, the damage was done and I carried the guilt for 2 years before his pedatrician diagnosed him during an office visit as my son bunced off the walls in his office.

I never let anyone throw the drugging your child argument at me. I just ask them if they would deny their child insulin if they were diabetic? Most of the time it is a resounding NO. I then ask them, how is this different? This med helps my child to function in this world.

The other guilt you have is on the days when this precious child drives you crazy and you really don't like them at all. That is some of the hardest guilt to deal with.

And because I am ADHD, there is the guilt your child carries because they don't understand why they can't be like kids and why they do the things they do.

< =text/>_popupControl(); We were always told that it was not our fault, that no amount of "good" parenting would change what is not just a behavioral issue. Now, since then we have been given lots of advice about how to parent an adhd child, lots of it conflicting, but then even parents of "normal" children get that.[QUOTE=Joy2] [QUOTE=cali1234]

[/QUOTE]

Hi Cali,

Some of that confidence just comes with age . Once I realized that everyone else puts their pants on one leg at a time, it got much easier to deal with difficult people .

I don't think that you need to worry about someone outsmarting you. The people who can outsmart you about ADHD aren't going to debate you (I'm talking about psychiatrists, neurologists, psychologists). You have to start from the standpoint that anyone who thinks that your child is the way that he is because you are a bad parent or that you shouldn't medicate is simply wrong, according to years and years of research. If you are knowledgeable, you are always in the driver's seat against an ignoramus.

I think that a good tactic for an introvert who sees a disagreement heading their way is to ask questions. If your voice can remain absolutely neutral and friendly, you will not be attacked. Extra points for smiling. For example, if someone says, "I can't believe you drug your kid," you will feel your head starting to spin out of anger. Don't react right away, and then react with a question only -- "What do you mean, exactly?" The key is to stay neutral, even if you are PISSED OFF. This takes practice, but it is such a great skill to have in life. Anyway, the ball is back in their court, and you will often find people retreating immediately.

So, if the person decides to continue and says, "Well, you give him Ritalin, which is basically the same as cocaine," you can say, "Where did you get that information?" Just keep going until you wear them down. They will soon run out of information, at which point you can say (if you want to), "Medical studies actually show that children with ADHD who take Ritalin are far less likely to self-medicate later with a street drug like cocaine."

The key is -- no sarcasm, no anger in your voice. The beauty of questions is that they let YOU think while the other person wallows in their ill-decided choice of words. A little silence here and there on your part will also make them listen to themselves, and you are completely off the hook. Not only that, the person may actually LIKE you when the discussion is done, and possibly even AGREE with you, just because you led them on a little tour through their own faulty thinking in your own, sweet, smiling way.

I used to have a co-worker who was so good at this that I always said that she was telling people to go to hell and they were enjoying the ride the whole time. It was amazing to watch her gentle verbal skills in action, and I pretty much learned this from her, with a lot of life experience thrown in. Also, look up a couple of key studies (like NIMH's Multimodal Treatment Study) to throw them in if you need to.

Gotta go -- ask if you have other questions!

[/QUOTE]

Wow, my reaction does usually consist of head-spinning, evil eyes etc..

But usually I say nothing, then toss and turn that night thinking about what I wish I could have said! I really like your approach, and I have never looked at it that way! I'm going to C&P this and save to a file, so I can have it for future referance! Thanks so much, that is exactly what I've been looking for!

[QUOTE=cali1234]

Wow, my reaction does usually consist of head-spinning, evil eyes etc..

[/QUOTE]

Thanks

.

I can't remember if you said you were a nurse?? If you work anywhere and learn to deal with people who are putting you in a difficult situation, you will do far better in your career than you otherwise would have. You will also have an easier time at those IEP meetings that may be coming your way

. Imagine that each difficult person you deal with is just someone who is going to help you practice your gentle but effective verbal "sparring" skills. It helps take the emotion out of the situation!
I'm not a nurse. I'm a hairstylist, so I see many various personalities, sometimes difficult

[QUOTE=cynthiad]I just stumbled upon this website. It has been so helpful to read the experiences of other people here which are so much like my own.

This place is great, cheap therapy

.

We have never had a formal diagnosis, but it is so obvious that our oldest son is ADHD. The guilt has been overwhelming for me at times because I travel in circles where ADHD is considered an excuse for bad parenting. My son attends a youth group in a very conservative church where there is not a lot of grace offered to the ADHD teen, (and even less to the parents of one - we obviously spared the rod in his formative years from the leader's point of view).

That breaks my heart. Jesus's message was "Do not judge."

The worst part is that the people whose teaching I sit under and the authors of the Christian parenting books that I own are in such agreement on the subject that I often question myself ... was it me? Did I make him this way?

Aiyaiyai. No, it's not you. He is wired that way. God made him this way, if that helps you. Just because they wrote books, doesn't mean they're ... right. In fact, people who sell themselves as having all of the answers rarely do. Your son may even be gifted but is unable to blossom to his fullest potential because of negative behavior that is covering his true abilities.

I console myself with the fact that Jesus seemed to like ADHD people. Wasn't Peter one of His closest friends?

Jesus was very precocious -- do you think he was an easy kid to raise?

If these are leaders who advocate hitting to shape the behavior of young, innocent children, the next logical question would be ... are you in the right place for you and your family? Is your son being encouraged and helped as the precious person he is? At some point, as a parent, you will need to go beyond consolation and get real help for the child God has given you to tend. You may find a wonderful, wonderful kid in there who is just dying to behave correctly and focus on his schoolwork and do the right thing.

Please keep writing!

Joy2
[/QUOTE]

cynthiad-

I love that about Jesus liking ADHD people- the trouble is when people who claim to be his followers do not actually follow his example when it comes to dealing with less than perfect people. I'm sorry that you're not finding the support you need in your church. I've been there.

Oh, and welcome!

I just stumbled upon this website. It has been so helpful to read the experiences of other people here which are so much like my own.

We have never had a formal diagnosis, but it is so obvious that our oldest son is ADHD. The guilt has been overwhelming for me at times because I travel in circles where ADHD is considered an excuse for bad parenting. My son attends a youth group in a very conservative church where there is not a lot of grace offered to the ADHD teen, (and even less to the parents of one - we obviously spared the rod in his formative years from the leader's point of view).

The worst part is that the people whose teaching I sit under and the authors of the Christian parenting books that I own are in such agreement on the subject that I often question myself ... was it me? Did I make him this way?

I console myself with the fact that Jesus seemed to like ADHD people. Wasn't Peter one of His closest friends?

[QUOTE=Joy2]The good news is, these kids make you learn to deal with people in a different way. I have not only acquired thick skin, I am much more assertive -- friendly, but assertive -- and don't even let people get to the point of making comments any more. I am armed with so much information that they don't have a chance, rhetorically speaking.
[/QUOTE

i too thought ADHD was really just the extremely hyper-active child or the listless, daydreamer. I had NO idea what it truly was or that my own son was exhibiting symptoms until it was suggested to me and i rushed to the web to look it up. I, also, am guilty of thinking that children were being "drugged". Wasn't there a media blitz in the mid-90's or so that started harping on the Ritalin generation? It was before my parenting days and that view always stuck with me... If I mothered an ADHD child myself and didn't know, how will others know?

I think it's time for a new campaign in support of medicines which studies show are so important in the treatment and well-being of children/adults with ADHD.

Jaderock54 and Joy2,

Thank you for your kind replies. I don't know if you'll ever see this but just want to tell you I appreciate your encouragement. Things got crazy here right after I posted my remarks...my husband and I decided it was in our family's best interest to leave our church. It was to me a very difficult decision. We believe so strongly in keeping commitments we've made, and I hated to leave a church we'd been serving in for so many years, but the situation was obviously hurting our son. We prayed a lot before we actually left, asking for wisdom, and then moved to another church where we were familiar with some of the people, and where we believed we might find a little more mercy.

God has been so good! After watching the pastor at the new church for a few weeks I can only describe him as what we would all recognize as...can you believe this...ADHD! He's a fun-loving, extremely high energy, outspoken man and a deeply committed Christian. Our son has already commented on how much he has in common with him. What a blessing for us to have this kind of affirmation in the church!

There is still room for healing in our son's life, but I am more hopeful than I have been for a while.

I am grateful for yours and others' comments here. There were so helpful to me during a particularly difficult time.

Cynthia
Cynthia - wow here I was thinking - boy go away for a few days and look at
how long the threads get... :) Luckily I finally caught on to the dates.

I wanted to say yea! that you found a new church that supports you and
brings you such obvious joy!

And jaderock - how did your presentation go? Thank you for getting out
there and speaking for all of our kids.

I like the idea someone mentioned of a walk for ADHD awareness! Maybe a
run though? Or an obstacle course?Congratulations, Cynthia, on making that tough move. I'm sure that you had many obstacles to taking such a great leap, literally, of faith.

Since you like reading books to guide you, you might want to try Driven to Distraction. It's often recommended around here, and it's so entertaining that you'll get through it in a short time. It helped me understand the adult my son is destined to become if he doesn't get help now and reinforced that the "old" ways of dealing with ADHD kids are truly damaging.

Crunchy Frog, The speech was great, if I do say so myself. It's a subject I can really feel strongly about, so i didn't have any trouble remembering what I was going to say. I had several people tell me after class that they hadn't know anything about adhd and hearing the info helped them to understand a bit. One girl told me she was dx'ed with adhd in her junior year of high school and was happy that there are people out there educating people with the facts about the disorder. Her parents hadn't really known what it was until her diagnosis and she said that they wished they had been aware that you can have it without the hyperactivity because if they had they would have gotten her help a lot sooner. Everyone thought she just needed to work harder until things got really bed.

Cynthiad- I'm glad you found a church that's accepting of everyone's differences. That's how it should be.