Bullying | ADHD Information
Our ds has entered first grade at the age of 6. He's smaller because he's one of the younger. It's a WAR zone!! He's strong as a bull but has a heart of gold. SO, there are three kids in his class, in particular, who have decided to pick on him. I went to his teacher because Tristen is coming home with scratches on his face and wet pants (one of them pushed him in a puddle to the point he had to change into extra clothes!), bruises,hurt feelings and sore self esteem. I'm sick of it! The teacher has said "I'm keeping an eye on it because I am having several parents complain of these boys..." 
Tristen is ADHD and can sometime have his overly hyperactive and impulsiveness perceived as overwhelming but the kid is sweet as can be. That's one thing we never worry about. He's just not MEAN and he hates fighting. So, while DH and I are discussing 'what to do'...I receive this email from Tristen's best friends mother this morning
Guess what happened to Matthew at school yesterday - but don't tell just in case he didn't tell Tristen or anybody else. I know he told Mrs. Jones, and she sent him to tell Ms. Krieger. He was in the bathroom, and as best as I can tell, a boy in the other class asked him some stupid question. Matthew didn't answer, so the kid hauls off and kicks him right in the privates! Ouch! I fear we are at that age when a lot of bullying and meanness is going to come out.
At this point, I'm at a loss. I'm to the point where my temper hits the fan each time he comes home with more bruises (whether physical or emotional!). I'm trying to be patient because I know it's a touchy situation for his teacher, too, but to sit on my hands is not working! And now that I see it's happening all around the classroom, I'm wondering when there is going to be some ACTION/CONSEQUENCES for these bullies? (One of the main bullies is a very overweight child who was held back, which makes him much larger and stronger than the kids in the class. He's in the other first grade class, but he seems to find his way to our kids! Don't you wonder where the teachers ARE???)
Who would you go to? What would you say?
ilovemyboys39420.353287037That is awful!! I would be furious!If your son is coming home with physical marks (bruises and scratches), it seems to me that this situation is way beyond "keeping on eye on it"
I think I would contact the teacher and the principal and say that it is unacceptable for this type of bullying to be taking place at the school, and ask what steps are being taken to make sure that children are not being physically assaulted during school.
It seems to me that, under these circumstances, there should be supervision at all times, including in the restroom.
Your son has the right to receive his education without being physically assaulted or verbally harassed.
If you don't get satisfactory answers from the teacher and principal, I would then contact the school board.
Good luck! I feel for you, your son, and the other kids in this situation.
OMG!! I agree with Inspired! This is WAY past the point of *keeping an eye on it!* Your child is being hurt PHYSICALLY as well as emotionally and he is only 6!! As well as other boys. These bully children need to be spoken to and consequences dealt out. What kind of *keeping * an eye out is this if your child is still being hurt? DO they supervise them in gym, at recess, lunch etc? Obviously NOT!
In our school district there is ZERO TOLERANCE for bullying. They have assemblies dealing with bullying and signs all around the school. Now I know boys will be boys but this is not acceptable!
GO to the principal or higher if need be. Take other parents with you and go as a group. Does your school have a social worker? We have one and she is wonderful with the kids.
My 10 year old has had two incidents of *meanness* in 2 years on the bus and I went IMMEDIATELY to the principal who took all three boys in to his office and worked things out. WHile no one has to be friends with everyone. EVERYONE has to respect each other and that means HANDS OFF and no degrading comments!
Schools are learning that bullying is not just *childs play* anymore and can lead to more and worse actions later down the road by the bullier and the child bullyed!
Please keep us updated and I wish you the best of luck. Give that little guy of yours a hug for me. He reminds me very much of my son. My son, too can be a little overwhelming to his friends but is sweet as anything and doesnt even UNDERSTAND how people can be mean or tease!
Jackie
It's so frustrating. I'm waiting until I get enough responses on here to know exactly who to go to and what EXACTLY I'm going to say to them. My husband said when he picked Tristen up yesterday and he said he got pushed in the mud and LATER got scratched...Daddy mode kicked in and he slammed on the breaks and turned around. The teacher had already left for the day...
I'm going to his teacher first, I presume and then I'll see what she has to say. I will go to his principal if ONE more incident occurs or if I feel I get nowhere by chatting with his teacher. It's so hard to see them struggle through this. We have told him to fight back but he just can't bring himself to do it. (I wish he'd show them the rage he can have with me during a 'bad' day!
) I am just flat not going to tolerate one more day of it.
Tristen struggles with self esteem so much as it is, this just infuriates me and frankly, I'm just pissed right now! I'm letting it marinate ... then, I'll approach this with a cool and collected manner and something good will get accomplished. I have to teach myself to 'HOLD BACK', at first. I tend to have a little of that 'impulsiveness' when it comes to this kind of thing.
Thank you for your support, by the way! It helps so much.I know you want a good rapport with the teacher, but this seems to be too much for her to handle. You already gave her a chance. I would go to the principal now. What about the other boy's parents? What are they doing? My son is a lot like yours and I would be concerned about his lack of impulse control kicking in and your son ending up in trouble.A lot of schools have anti-bullying programs. It sounds like something yours could use.
It doesn't seem like this is going to get better on its own.
As far as the self esteem goes, try your best to make your son aware that this is the bully's problem and not his. One thing I've noticed about my son is that he is unaware when other kids are having the same problem. Like when he got a bad grade on a test and the whole grade got a bad grade (which happened once this year) he didn't make the connection that the test was too hard (the teacher apologized). He just thought he got a bad grade. Your son may not make the connection that if these boys are picking on other kids too, that these boys are just trouble. Maybe he can try grouping up with his friends.
Also, it might be worth finding a book or video (whichever he would learn from better) about bullies and how to deal with them. Even when this is taken care of, it's a good thing to be aware of.
I agree with enbmom, the teacher has been made aware of the problem, and it appears to be too much for her to handle. I would talk with the principal, or, if necessary, contact the superintendent's office. Children who have ADHD can have enough self-esteem related problems without being the victim's of bullying, or in this case, violence. These children are also only 6 years old. It makes me wonder-what is going on in their lives outside of school that is making them behave this way? This needs to be brought to the attention of a school social worker for the situation to be assessed further, and, possibly, other needed referrals made. It makes me wonder, if these children are allowed to behave like this at the age of 6 or 7 years, what will they be like when they are in middle school? Our school has an anti-bullying program, and it has been quite effective. It teaches the children how to handle situations in which they are being bullied. Our daughter has really benefitted from this.
Unacceptable behavior on the parts of the bullies and teacher. She has done nothing to protect these kids.
I agree, call for a meeting with the principal and teacher. It needs to stop right now. These bullies are getting the best of your son and his friend. And their parents need to be made aware of what is going on, if they aren't already.
Well, I couldn't wait. I wrote the teacher an email. It's quite lengthy and it took some time for me to write it but I wanted to get my point across with no gray areas. With this letter, if she can't help out the situation and we have one reoccurence, it's straight to the head hancho I go.
I really hope we get something resolved with this. It gives a mother a heavy heart...
Good for you.
Please let us know how things get handled.
I also agree with the statement about a Mothers heavy heart. I think that is why so many of us feel your pain!
WEll, it went terrible.
I sent her a two page email letting her know all of our concerns with the fighting and with the self esteem problems.
All she says back to me basically is that she hasn't noticed the negativity.
I feel angry and upset at the same time. And all DH says now is that we are going to have to teach DS to keep away from them. He doesn't want to go to the prinicpal with our concerns. With it being such a small town and small school he's afraid we're going to be the "dreaded parents".
I literally just stared at her email for about three minutes. I just can't fathom it even now. What do you mean you don't know where his negativity is coming from???? She didn't even acknowledge the fight???
what about the mother of your son's best friend who told you about the bathroom incident, has she notified the school?
Remember, there is power in numbers!
Why don't the two of you form your alliance and call and complain together?
It sounds like they aren't taking the situations seriously, nor your concerns.
Our ds has entered first grade at the age of 6. He's smaller because he's one of the younger. It's a WAR zone!! He's strong as a bull but has a heart of gold. SO, there are three kids in his class, in particular, who have decided to pick on him. I went to his teacher because Tristen is coming home with scratches on his face and wet pants (one of them pushed him in a puddle to the point he had to change into extra clothes!), bruises,hurt feelings and sore self esteem. I'm sick of it! The teacher has said "I'm keeping an eye on it because I am having several parents complain of these boys..." Tristen is ADHD and can sometime have his overly hyperactive and impulsiveness perceived as overwhelming but the kid is sweet as can be. That's one thing we never worry about. He's just not MEAN and he hates fighting. So, while DH and I are discussing 'what to do'...I receive this email from Tristen's best friends mother this morning
Guess what happened to Matthew at school yesterday - but don't tell just in case he didn't tell Tristen or anybody else. I know he told Mrs. Jones, and she sent him to tell Ms. Krieger. He was in the bathroom, and as best as I can tell, a boy in the other class asked him some stupid question. Matthew didn't answer, so the kid hauls off and kicks him right in the privates! Ouch! I fear we are at that age when a lot of bullying and meanness is going to come out.
At this point, I'm at a loss. I'm to the point where my temper hits the fan each time he comes home with more bruises (whether physical or emotional!). I'm trying to be patient because I know it's a touchy situation for his teacher, too, but to sit on my hands is not working! And now that I see it's happening all around the classroom, I'm wondering when there is going to be some ACTION/CONSEQUENCES for these bullies? (One of the main bullies is a very overweight child who was held back, which makes him much larger and stronger than the kids in the class. He's in the other first grade class, but he seems to find his way to our kids! Don't you wonder where the teachers ARE???)
Who would you go to? What would you say?
[/QUOTE] Go straight to the -principal, with personal visit, phone call or email!!! This is similar to what my daughter went through, with a boy named Daniel. they called him an emergency situation, he was out of control and causing the whole class to be in an uproar. Your son is like my daughter, very sweet, not mean on purpose, wants to be nice and feels bad when they do something unexceptable. Feels remorse basicall...I know where your coming from. Do not let this exculate much further, this other boy needs to be removed and pu on IEP or whatever you call it. Your son is like my daughter, they are nice kids but they are NOT going to put up with being pushed, shoved, etc.....and I don't blame them. My daughter's class is pretty much a mixed group of kids. I mean by that hyper, impulsive, etc. My daughter threw a book in anger last week, because a classmate got very ugly with her because my daughter wouldn't use her markers. Now how minor is that. But I told my ds you cannot react that way, you have to go to your "cool off" area. We also had therapy today and I think it is kicking in, today was her 4th visit. I say you need to have the Principal involved for change to occur. I was upset reading your post bullying must stop and I think school districts are taking it more seriously now. If the Principal does not do anything climb the latter to the superintendent. To protect my kid I would not care what anyone thinks. THANK YOU!!! I needed that point in the right direction! That's exactly what I'll do. We got his report card in October, but it wasn't letter grades (just U, N, S...) This next one, though, will be. So, that will be very helpful, too! It'll be good to get it all take care of at once, or to at least get a start on it all at once! 
Thanks for everyone's support.It provides special accommodations to teach them. Some are removed and taught one on one. Some are not timed on SAT/ACT, MCAS, testing, he can takes breaks, can eat lunch, can have them read the question to him and discuss it before he answers on state testing, etc.
Mine gets speech therapy and Occupational therapy, is not timed, can sit up front so he hears and is paying attention, etc.
Others may chime in with their accommodations.
Put in writing the reqest for an evaluation for an IEP. They can NOT deny an evaluation. They may deny the IEP. Let's find out!!
Write the note, call your special education department in your town and ask all your questions. They know the laws. There are a certain number of school days that the school has to complete the evaluation in. MArk your calendar!! WAtch them, you need to , it just is this way unfortunately.
Lots here know more about these details than I remember. We were able to get an IEP while ds was in preschool, which was 6 years ago!
Writing that down too! Thanks
Let's say he needs an IEP, which I'm not even sure if he does. He's pretty smart, but I don't know what it is specifically. I know it's an individual education plan, but what does it do for the child/student?
I'm sorry, I learned this in college but it slipped the mind...wouldn't it figure? And now I NEED the information.
Oh I know how you feel.
Well if it were me, I'd have the meeting. I'd want to know exactly where he is at. They've come to you with his reading concerns, so you want to know why. If he's struggling in math and reading, and struggling at home, then you want to work together with them to get him the right help. Start with a meeting, you need to discuss the bullying anyway. Let them know in your meeting request (do it in writing) and save copies of all communication. Do you have a progress report or report card yet? Have copies of that too. Dont let them push him along this year. If they can show you his is progressing and not struggling then fine, but if they cant document that, let them know you want him assesed.
I wouldnt wait for another incident. I would call the school and request a meeting. You can request a meeting any time you want. He must have an IEP if he's pulled out for reading, call a TEAM meeting and address both issues with EVERYONE at the table. Invite the guidance counselor. You can invite whoever you like. Find out what they are doing about both issues.
Although I do think practice at home is important, they need to teach him, not you. If he is shutting down, stop, dont push him, it will get you nowhere, but frustration between the two of you. Find out how they're teaching him and how they're measuring him. If they introduce so many sight words per week, just reinforce those at home. My daughter is 5 and in K, they get so many sight words and we work on those. To make it a little fun, once she sort of knows them, we make them into silly three or four word sentences, I make one, she reads it me, then she does one and I read it to her. At first her were just words thrown together, not a real sentence but so what, as we've done this over the past few weeks, they now are starting to make sense......I always throw in an easily decobale word she would like (like candy).
I guess this is a prime example of this all being so new to us. I know he's pulled out for reading, but I didn't know that meant he had an IEP. So when you say 'team' who does that consist of?
Some times I don't know if I'll ever get all our ducks in a row on this 'stuff'.
I would go to the principal with copies of your email to teacher and her response. If the other parent would be willing to go with you that would be good. Or ask if them if they mind you telling the principal of the incident with their son. I would stress that your son is being assaulted by these kids and if need be you will contact a lawyer and police if it doesn't stop. Bullying isn't and shouldn't be tolerated anymore. It is no longer a kids will be kids thing since all the school shootings are done by kids that have been teased and bullied. I would demand that the parents of these boys that are doing this be notified and if they do not stop their behavior be suspended from school.Well, I'm waiting for my husband to get home and take a look over the emails I printed out. She has not mentioned anything about the fighting that occured. She asked 'who is picking on him'? Um, the kid who left scratches on his face would be a good start! I named him. Anyway, she emailed me this morning and said that she does have trouble keeping him focused during reading. She says he doodles (He's artsy) or pulls out a magazine (Hot Rod, he loves bringing magazines on the bus. He's been told they stay in his book bag until he's on the bus...). She metioned that she spoke with his reading teacher (he gets Radical Readers time, one on one with special teacher) and that she also mentioned this problem. I don't know, I haven't been this disappointed in a while. I tried talking to my mom yesterday and she's too busy defending ds to hear me. She hates this 'label'. so, I'm at a loss. My husband says we'll just deal with it one day at a time.
So, what do I do about him not paying attention during reading??? She gave me no ideas.
I guess if there is one more day of my son getting abused, I will march into that school and right into the principal's office. I think it's my only choice at this point.
I don't know what I would do without you all.
You're right, Diane V. There are two separate issues, I wasn't much concerned with the reading...the bullying was my main focus. I think it's why I was so overwhelmed. but I've sat on it for the most part of today and feel like I still have no answers yet I feel a little less stressed.
He is six, so he's a beginner reader that struggles. He goes for a half hour with his special teacher every day. He and a few others from his class. We work with him at home but he just shuts down so it takes a lot of time for such small books and when we're done, even I feel empty. I recently bought flash cards for him, and I think we'll start there (sight words). He knows them but tends to 'forget', due to the fact he has no interest in it! He hates it and he hates writing.
It's really still fairly new to us as far as dealing with the school. I'm not used to feeling empty after having a conversation like the one his teacher and I had (via email).
We're going to do our best by way of the reading and all other homework. The bullying, well...if there is another incident, as I mentioned before, I'm just going to have to meet personally with the principal or anyone else until we get heard.