First, don't worry about your threatening you legally over the meds. You are using a safe and very effective medication to treat your child's ADHD and no court is going to even consider that kind of case.
Would your ex be willing to learn more about meds so that he can understand how they work and that all the horrible things said about them are not true? I read a book by Daniel Amen a while ago- he does a lot of Spect brain scans on people with ADHD and other disorders/ substance abuse problems. His website has a pictures of the scans that show what a normal brain looks like, an ADHD brain, an ADHD brain when concentrating, and an ADHD when on meds. It's hard to argue when you can physically see the differences.
The decision to medicate is hard, but we all have to do what's best for our kids. It sounds like your son's life must be a lot more pleasant now that he's not always in trouble at school (and home), and can socialize better with his family and friends.
I too am having some trouble with my ex about the whole medication thing. My son is now 7 and has only been on concerta for a few months, but his behaviour has improved. I was in denial for a long time that there was anything wrong with my son other than the fact he was a boy and needed more physical time outside. But after 2 years of bad reports and phone calls from school I finally took him to a psychologist who said he has a mild case of adhd. so on the medication he went, and it has helped. But like you I have an ex who thinks he know better than a mother. Know one knows her child better than the mother. You are a walking encyclopedia for your children. Go with your gut!!! If the medicine works, use it. I would be reluctant to let my son spend 3 weeks away if I knew he would not be taking his medicine. You'll have to start all over again when you get him back. And as for 4 states away, I wouldn't like that either!!
Good luck though, and try not to worry to much. You sound like a loving and caring mother!!
Thanks so much for your encouragement. I am just at my wit's end. I too fought the teachers and administrators for a very long time, but my son is able to focus and have relationships with his peers while he is on medication. My ex constantly threatens me with attorneys and what have you b/c I use the medicine. I have printed many articles that say that you really should leave your child on the medicine and in some cases it could be considered child abuse. My best friend is getting her Phd in education and she has been a wealth of information on the topic.
I just want to not worry and know that I am doing the very best I can for my child. He isn't the same loud personality that he is when he is not on the medicine, but rather I think the loving and caring child he really is comes out.
Again, thanks for your help.
First off, Im sorry for all your pain and struggle. WE have all been there in one form or another with our children. I was divorced from my ex when my son was 3,and my son also got kicked out of his first preschool before we realized something was wrong. I also thought it was the upheaveal of moving, divorce, new school, etc but soon realized it was much more. WE have alot in common!My son is 10 years old, on medication and doing great in school and socially. He is a smart, happy, funny little boy.
You do not have to feel guilty for putting your child on medication. Especially if you are seeing good results. It has to be better for your child and your whole family when things are calm and good. I feel as long as the good is outweighing the side effects, the meds are working. I , too have felt guilt but have long since stopped. If my child was diabetic, I would give him insulin if i had to. While some diabetics can be ok thru diet change, some ADHD kids can also. BUT some need to have medication, just like some diabetics. You did what was right for your son and your family. Good job Mom. YOu dont sound uncaring or like you are neglecting your sweet boy. YOU sound like you are parenting ALL your kids!
I also give meds all the time. Our weekends are our family time, to enjoy each other and my son woudl NOT be happy if he couldnt focus or was getting in trobule or being disciplined all weekend. Plus my md said its better to keep the meds constant in their system. But its a personal choice. My ex and I dont see eye to eye on much but I have finally convinced him that our son NEEDS these meds on a regular basis. My ex also WOULD never make a descion such as summer camp AWAY without my consent and approval. Unfortuntely if your ex doesnt want to medicate during his visitations with your son, not much you can do. BUT whether you medicate him while he is with YOU is yoru choice and you need to let your ex know this...
If you have custody, I dont think he can just send your son away. If you have joint custody, I still think you have a say in it. Can you sit down with him , with your new hubby and discuss this? How does your son feel about going away?
Maybe you son feels the *tension* between you and your ex when he is with his Dad and that is why he gets anxious? Or maybe its because he is not on his meds. Have you talked to his Dad and explained how your son is feeling?
Please dont cry because I dont know of any judge that would take away your child because you are caring for him and doing what is best for him. It is CHOICE to give your child medication and one you made with the pediatrician , school and your family. YOU are not harming your child. YOU are not neglecting your child.
My best advice would be to try to talk calmly with your ex and let him know this is causing you undue stress. You may never change his mind about medication but he should not be bullying you or making you feel bad because your choice is different than his.
((HUGS))) and keep us posted.
I need serious advice on how to deal with my ex and my ds taking medication for his ADHD. We have been separated since my ds was one. I knew at 3 that something was not exactly right with my ds as he was kicked out of his first preschool. I like to put the blame on totally different parenting skills and his shifting back and forth between homes, but now I think he really does have ADHD and looking at him I think I had it as well as a child but was somehow able to work thru it on my own.I married a wonderful man who has practically raised my ds since he was 18 mths old. Anyway in a nutshell we moved away from the ex to a new city after a natural disaster. So we had that drama on top of moving to a new place with new friends. It took my ds's entire prek year for the teacher and the school administrator to sit me down and tell me that they thought my ds had a problem. So I took him to a psychologist and his pediatrician and they both agreed that he definitely had ADHD.
He was in risk of being kicked out of another school and his behavior was causing a serious rift at home with my husband and our other two children. So against my better judgement, I put him on Daytrana. I have terrible guilt over this and am constantly hammered by my ex over the use of medication. He says I don't take the time to change his diet, use behavior modification etc. Quite honestly, I tried all that briefly and it was not working.
I work full time and have two other small children that also need my attention. I cannot solely focus on my ds and his behavior as it is not fair to the other two children who need me as well. So my ds is on Daytrana and I use it on the weekends and the summer b/c quite frankly I cannot handle him without it. He does very well in school and his behavior problems are gone. Yes, he doesn't have the personality he once had, but he isn't fighting and acting act. The school has been a huge help in letting me know if he is under or over medicated.
At the same time, my ex seems to think he would be a better parent b/c he has the "time" to take care of my ds (he doesn't work and has no other children). My ds has always lived with me and gets very anxious when he is away from his sisters for extended periods of time and wants to come home every time he goes for a weekend visit. The ex's latest thing is to send my ds away to summer camp for 3 weeks (he is only 7) 4 states away. I am VERY against this. He also tells me I should not have him on medicine when he isn't in school.....
So please help me? What do I do? I cannot sleep at night worried some lawyer will come along and take away my child b/c I don't have time to treat him without medication? I worry about my son taking the meds. I worry about my daughters and what their lives would be like if he wasn't on meds. The list is endless. I am sitting here crying b/c I can hardly take all the stress.
Anyone out there have any advice, I would appreciate it as I am trying to hold my life together and my heart is aching. Thanks.