My son is also 10. He responds really well to rewards. In school, they have rewards for doing your homework all month. YOu get a homework pass good for one whole night. The kids eat this up. Also , they get tickets for doing their homework all week, turning in projects on time, etc and then they pull a ticket out each week and that student gets a reward/prize. They have a book basket , that they fill with a *theme* for the month. Small prizes and a book,themed together. The parents each volunteer for a month and buy the book and prizes. The kids then earn tickets for the book basket, by finsihing class work on time, homework , projects etc. I am telling you, it works wonders in promoting motivation.
Maybe you could do this at home. But offer him things he doesnt ordinarily get.
My son also has a planner and it is checked by his aide each day before he leaves class. He has an aide for 90 minutes of each day to help him.
Does your school have a website you can check for projects releated to his class or any homework? Ours doesnt post homework but they do post projects.
My son really tries but I still have to *keep* behind him to double check to see what he has to do .
I hope some of these suggestions work for you!
Good Luck!
I really don't know what to do. He has ADHD, but I don't know if his is really an adhd issue. Right now he gets no tv, video games, computer on school nights. He can earn back 1 hour of screentime if his grades improve. But now I just found out that he didn't turn in a big project that was due days ago. I guess he doesn't care about earning back those priveleges. I don't really know what else I can take away from him.
I do let him pick one show on each Sat. & Sun to watch and give him 1/2 hour of video games on Sat & Sun. So that is out for this weekend at least, but I don't think this is motivating him at all. I want him to be internally motivated and I don't know how to encourage that.
Help- I am feeling so sad about this.
KidsInSpace39423.5335069444How old is your son? How did you find out about the project, the teacher?
My kids come home with a newsletter about such things addressed to us and mentions what they are doing and to help with it. Does your school? They are in the classes weekly bulletin.
My son is 10- he has a planner where he is supposed to write his projects and assignments and he didn't write this down- I am not sure if he was intentionally trying to hide it or not. [QUOTE=jacks8897]My son really tries but I still have to *keep* behind him to double check to see what he has to do .
I hope some of these suggestions work for you!
Good Luck!
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Thanks!
wow, this could've been my daughter last year at age 12. It was horrible. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I want to first say....boy looking back I'm glad that year is over, but you know what??? It is over.........
She did nothing, didnt like school didnt try it was terrible. I messed with her meds ALL year. I dont really know how we did it, but we got through. I did find taking everything away made it worse. She didnt start to get better until I gave stuff back. Then we basically just got through the year. This year, shes GREAT. Good teacher, we've found a good med for her and so far, I'LL TAKE IT! Hang in there, I didnt think we'd get through last year...............we did.
My son is also 10 and has a daily planner.
The teaching assistant or teacher will check what he writes and intials it EVERY day.
This way we know what he is bringing home to do is correct!
Have the teacher sign what he writes for homework. I believe this is one of the ways that they are trying to prepare our kids for Middle School.
BETHANN39423.8945601852Dump the punishments and offer 0 for every grade B and up.elizam, how is there year going for your son? I think that is so sad when kids hit rock bottom. They do deep down inside care, they are just trying to handle it the best way they can!You know thats another thing we did. Started paying her this year for good grades. No punishment for bad. Every A (eitehr test or report card) gets .00 and every B gets .00. THATS helping too. We do not punish for bad grades, but she will have a consequence next report card if the 2 classes she got lack of effort in dont change (gym, she hates gym).We have a 504 at school and part of it is the teach or aide check off his homework sheet every nite. My son 9, also fogets to turn things in so he loses credit for them. He has 2 extra days in his 504. We have alot of accommodations and are adding more next month. This has really helped.Mine is like this and he is 14 (9th gr). I don't think it's intentional. He gets upset with himself but will try to hide it. He always has stomachaches, most of which seem related mroe to stress than to meds.
The more we or teachers punish and say he doesn't care, etc. the more he shuts down. I think he reached a real point of hopelessness last year.
[QUOTE=KidsInSpace]I really don't know what to do. He has ADHD, but I don't know if his is really an adhd issue. [/QUOTE] In my opinion this is an ADHD issue. Since kids with ADHD usually have poor organization, planning, and time-management skills, etc, it makes perfect sense that your son would not remember to do or turn in a big project. I don't think it necessarily means that he doesn't care about his grades or earning priviledges. It may just be too big a job for him to manage on his own.
My daughter would get very little done if I didn't go through her backpack and check her agenda and teacher websites and continually remind her of what needs to be done and make sure that she sits down and does it. I try to also have something positive to look forward to when work is done, such as calling her friend, or we'll go to the store, or something! It's usually something small that we would do anyway, but I just position it so that it's something to look forward to when homework is done. Maybe I do too much, but what I hope is that she is learning good work habits, and in the meantime the work is getting done, she is learning, and she is doing well in school.
[QUOTE=KidsInSpace] Right now he gets no tv, video games, computer on school nights. He can earn back 1 hour of screentime if his grades improve. But now I just found out that he didn't turn in a big project that was due days ago. I guess he doesn't care about earning back those priveleges. I don't really know what else I can take away from him. [/QUOTE] I agree with others who have said that rewards may work better than punishment. I imagine that the whole situation looks hopeless to him right now. From his point of view it may seem impossible to do what needs to be done in order to get anything good in his life. I would break it down into much more manageable pieces, with small rewards of some sort for when things get done.
[QUOTE=KidsInSpace]I do let him pick one show on each Sat. & Sun to watch and give him 1/2 hour of video games on Sat & Sun. So that is out for this weekend at least, but I don't think this is motivating him at all. I want him to be internally motivated and I don't know how to encourage that.
Help- I am feeling so sad about this.
[/QUOTE] Hang in there! I think that if you help him organize and manage his schoolwork and frame it with more positive rewards, you will both be feeling much better.What about making "something" he does easy so he can earn one of those things that have been taken away back. He has no reason to put any effort into school because he has lost everything that matters, as far as his toys, electronics, etc. goes.
Just thought that might motivate him to "go for it"!
Just a thought!!
welcome to my world! My son hasn't cared about his grades for three years.
He's now in 8th grade and last quarter Flunked everything - oh got an A+plus in band - he's musically gifted.
Long story short - he is diagnosed with ADHD innatentive - can't organize himself to save his life - Also is defiant , stubborn, thinks he knows everything.
We finally have a good Dr. and he summed it all up - "my son does what he wants when he wants to and the trick is to find something that motivates him"
We have taken away the computer, etc. This doesn't really work with grades - just the disrespectful behaviour.
Anyway - Suddenly, my son cares about his grades. He denies this new Dr. is helping him but he now says "he's trying". He is deathly afraid of staying back and not moving on to highschool with his friends. This is motivating him - losing computer time is annoying to him but not that much of a motivator to do his homework - staying back is.
The Dr. told me that I had to back off and give my son responsibility for his grades. Last year, my son rebelled against the 504. The more I advocated, the less he did.
If your son will listen to you and accept help, all the above suggestions should help. If you have a kid like mine that rebels against any help, there is little you can do.
My son also has anxiety and get's "stomache aches". He gets overwhelmed and denies any ADD and won't consider taking meds. I think this is what is motivating him to work now - the Dr. wants him to try meds. He shuts down too but denies it has anything to do with ADD - he just says he "doesn't care, or is bored" probably true.
[QUOTE=KidsInSpace]I really don't know what to do. He has ADHD, but I don't know if his is really an adhd issue. Right now he gets no tv, video games, computer on school nights. He can earn back 1 hour of screentime if his grades improve. But now I just found out that he didn't turn in a big project that was due days ago. I guess he doesn't care about earning back those priveleges. I don't really know what else I can take away from him.
I do let him pick one show on each Sat. & Sun to watch and give him 1/2 hour of video games on Sat & Sun. So that is out for this weekend at least, but I don't think this is motivating him at all. I want him to be internally motivated and I don't know how to encourage that.
Help- I am feeling so sad about this.
[/QUOTE]Punishment will never help with motivation. It can help stop a negative behavior, but it won't motivate a child to increase a positive behavior.
[/QUOTE]
That is so true. Took me a looong time to figure that out.