How did you go about teaching your kids, especialy girls social skills, my 6 year old dd never had good social skills, now that we know she is adhd it all makes sens, and since she is still young i need to show her good skills so she can behave better with her peers, i have been neglegent in this area, i need to mouve fast!
she is the bossy, always me first, only my choice matters kind of kid!!
any advice?
Diane I think this one is for you. I have a boy 9, so I cannot relate to the special needs of teen girls but I know they have social skills classes specifically for teen girls at our psychologists office.
At six, keep it simple and add as she gets older.
I model the behaviors I want to see. Lots of Please, Thanks, listening to others, etc.
Working with her in a single friend situation is easier than a group situation that adds excitement and stress, as well as muliple interactions.
I listen as she interacts with others and coach her on how to handle things. Inviting a friend over works good for this. If she has an ADHD friend that is unmedicated it is good to show her how that person sometimes does things that does not make a good friend and how to do it better.
Lots of praise for the right behavior and keep the corrections short and sweet.
We discuss the issues in short discussions (per her attention span).
I remind her that it is my job to help her learn to be successful with friends.
I get her into situations I know she will be successful (working with younger kids).
Just remember that ADHD causes them to be about 30% behind thier peers in maturity so the coaching needs to be geared as though the child was younger than they are and the coaching will need to go on a long time.
wow awsome ideas! thanks a lot!LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of one on one play dates. You should be there to help guide her through appropriate behavior. I would have her pick a friend to invite over to do something. Alywas have something planned, like a craft or to play in a sprinkler in summer, or make cookies, something. This way they can say "would you like to ocme over and make t-shirts?". Also you can supervise without seeming to be monitoring the playdate. Another good idea is to go somewhere, the park, the movies, an indoor play area, so the time they have on their own is limited. The more you've structured it, the less bossy and demanding they can be because youve planned it ahead. Keep them short, 1/2 hours is reasonable. Time for the structured play activity, time for a snack and for "free play". It's a LOT of work for you Mom, but really, really worth it.
You can work on social skills even at home, especially at meal times, eye contact, waiting your turn to talk....etc., etc. Playing board games.
Parties are good too. Small groups of kids for Valentines Day or a holiday. Again a reason to come and then lots of fun when they're there.
Diane V39424.6227314815Sorry Vickie I didn't mean to leave you out. You are up there regarding information in my book!As part of my son's IEP he gets Social Skills lessons once a week. Does you school offer that kind of tool?
No problem spamula. My visits are sporadic these days.
My child is getting it at school before in groups now with the school social worker. I also have her in dance and get her out to meet others. My girl is a Barbie girl so I play with her and teach her as we go so to speak and does okay the sad part is she only has 3 friends 2 she see's more. my dd lacks some age appropriate social skills also. she does goes 1/2 hour per week at school for some type of counceling to help. It doesn't hurt. I/we sometimes prefer her to have playtimes with more than one other child. I think it takes the heat off her if a third party is involved and it seems to work out. It also helps with the learning to be flexible issue. We also keep her very active in sports when we can. Great suggestions. I have a DS, just turned 7. Every day he has a different best friend and hasnt asked to have friends over or anything. I get home late from work, when most activities are over and done with. I did get him into swimming lessons this summer, which was great, but I keep thinking I'm doing something wrong by not having him in more things. Also, money is an issue. He's asked to take karate, but it's soo expensive! But, so far I dont see it really affecting him. It's more of me feeling bad!I would love to have my DS in a social skills/play therapy class! His OT has recommended it, but it's not part of his IEP - I didn't even know that was a possibility.
He just had a full psychoeducational evaluation. I asked about play therapy for social skills, but the evaluator didn't see a big need for it - unfortunately, he doesn't see what goes on in playdates sometimes. :(