Raising an ADHD child with no meds | ADHD Information

My son tried the meds for two weeks then declared he wanted to do it by himself. So he is now refusing the meds and is going without, and suffering the consequences.

Spamula - I am pretty much in the same boat as you. In fact, I also dropped out of High School. And dare I say, if my mother had chosen not to ignore my problems until it was too late I probably wouldn't have dropped out. Okay, I probably would have. I really hated school, but to get to my point. I dropped out because I had failed my Freshman year twice before being diagnosed with ADHD. I entered my thrid year of high school as a Freshman and I ended up dropping out. I've never stopped learning. I enjoy learning, I just don't agree that people must get an education from complusory schooling. But, that isn't what I came here to say.

My mother was the same way. She was too concerned with herself to worry about me. And education has always been valued in my family. (My mother graduated from college twice I couldn't muster a high school diploma.) I believe it's very typical for undiagnosed children to be looked upon as lazy, my mother thought that was my problem. So I spent a great deal of my school career being grounded, and preached to, and berated, etc. So it shouldn't have come as a surprise that I would rebel as a teen.

That is why I have always wanted to make sure that I do everything in my power to help my son and if that means medication then that means medication and I don't care who has a problem.As of now, my son is on a medication break because his medication wasn't working. But, I really feel if medication is the answer then why feel guilty? I certainly could have benefited from it.

[QUOTE=spamula]My son tried the meds for two weeks then declared he wanted to do it by himself. So he is now refusing the meds and is going without, and suffering the consequences.[/QUOTE]

Ok now i understand. That is a very hard place to be. He is only 9 correct? Does he give you reasons why he wont take the meds? Do they make him feel funny, sick, etc? Is he afraid of the stigma of taking medicine or feeling different?

Have you tried to have his MD talk with him and the benefits of medication? My son is 10 and has been on them since he was 5 and its just a part of his life now. I dont think he would even think he COULD refuse to take them.

I know it must be very hard to watch him fail, when you know with the proper medication his life could be so much easier..

Feel free to vent anytime.>Thats what we are here for!

Okay, I think I ignored that fact that he is refusing the meds. I know how ADHD children are, but you could make him take them, maybe? Or maybe reward him or something. I really don't know what to tell you. I have not been in this situation with my son, but I would probably not accept his refusal of medication very well. I don't think it would be something I would argue with him. He would take them if it meant dire circumstances were in order. But, my situation is severe. I'm having a hell of a time with his medication break...I'm only hanging on because I know that there is an end in sight, we will try another med. But, if I thought he was never going back on medication there would have to be some major changes...I'm not even sure I could live with him. But, I'm guessing that your son is fairly manageable without medication he is just having some schooling issues? Maybe now is the time to consider alternative ideas.

Edited for typos.

LonerGirl39427.5123032407

I have a 14yo hardheaded ds that just decided about two weeks ago that he isn't going to take meds anymore. I have no idea what changed his mind. He was very happy that he'd finally gotten some help. Then, a couple of times he said they didn't really help but was convinced to keep trying. Finally he just said no more.

his ped says he will just have to be told the consequences if his grades/behavior get bad again. I am not in the experimental frame of mind right now. Sigh...

Can I say "been there, done that." When my boys entered puberty the meds went out the window. Kids don't like feeling different from their peers. Even if they are on a controlled release form and doesn't require meds to be administered during school hours they still have residual feelings of being the odd one out because they are on meds. Most kids can't get thru school without their friends finding out their ADD/ADHD and taking meds and they sometimes suffer ridicule. One of the other reasons especially with my boys, is the desire to eat like the rest of the boys their age - they see the difference in appetite when on and off meds. As much as we try to shield them they become aware that meds reduce appetite and temporarily slow growth.

All the kids want is to be like everyone else! Even if it means failing classes. I think boys andmen have a difficult time accepting inferiority in themselves. Women being typically raised as nurturers see the problem, accept it and try to fix it.

It would be great if what scientists have discovered about ADD/ADHD children's brains and the neurotransmitters being developmentally delayed by 3 years and that they will eventually "catch up" was true. If that is the case the continual signs of these disorders could be owed to habits developed during the early years and the brain could be re-trained. I'm 49 yrs old, my sons are 29 and 22, we still show marked signs of our disorders but have learned amazing coping skills.

We'll bake, and he loves it. So when medication was started I wanted him to uderstand, but the kid was only 5. I asked him what he thought a cupcake would would taste like w/out sugar in the batter. He said 'ICKY". So I told him that he has all the ingredients to have great listening, good behavior and lots of friends, he's just missing a little one ingredient and the medication helps him with that. I think he understood it.

I think that is the cutest, smartest way of explaining ADHD i have ever heard!! You truly made me smile today! My son is 10 and last year was saying he was *Crazy* cuz he took meds!!! Him, I and the MD talked to him and got tht idea out of his head. We used the *if you were diabetic* analogy but I love this one so much I may share it with him tonite! He is doing really well on the vyvanse and the teacher told him yesterday he was *AWESOME*. WHen he told me he just glowed! I told him * You have always been AWESOME in my eyes, the meds just help other people see it too*..

I ALSO would love to see or find that book !!

Thanks for making me smile today!

jacks889739428.6088310185

If you have the resources and the cooperation of your school to choose not medicating I applaud you. Some children cannot funtion without meds at all. Everyone is different every situation is different.

Yes there are trade offs when you medicate your children but there are alot of choices available to minimize the side effects and get the best results. It's not only an appetite and weight issue it's an acceptance issue. Not only do other children ostracize your child for being ADD/ADHD because they are on meds, they will treat them differently when they recognize that a child is treated differently or special by teachers and staff by way of special considerations of IEPs and 504s. When I refer to children treating other children, I also mean adults have a tendency to do this.

We teach our children coping skills even while on meds because they have probably habits that continue even when medicated. Meds give the child and parent/teacher a clear channel in which to communicate proper academic and social skills necessary to function in the everyday world , meds or no meds.

My son actually did better socially off meds, which surprised me. I think in my case the other kids sensed that he was withdrawn. Once we stopped the meds, he was more happy-go-lucky and goofy I guess, and the other kids actually told the teacher that he had changed for the better. As for adults treating him differently, they did that on or off meds. My son has been threw the ringer with "adults" (teachers mainly) who think ADHD is just bad parenting and that he wasn't "punished" enough. Believe me, I WANTED meds to work.

Unfortunately we tried about 8 different meds to try to alleviate the side effects. In my case nothing worked - so I was forced to make the school help my son. It definitely wasn't easy and I was blessed to have incredible 4th and 5th grade teachers who worked tirelessly to help my son. I came very close to hiring an attorney and/or advocate last year, so I definitely know the struggles.

I do know there are many parents & children who go through this effect on meds after a few years. I'm just saying to those parents that it can be done if needed.

We have been THROUGH THE RINGER with meds! I hear you both. For sure you trade one set of issues for another if you have a child who cannot toelrate meds. I have one. She isnt better academically or socially off meds. I have fought tooth and nail with the school for years to get her the support she needs, but she STILL needs meds. We hired an advocate which was a saving grace, and now we can breathe a little on our search for that good med or med combo. She is getting what she needs academically, and we're slowly figuring out her med needs without the pressure of HAVING to HAVE her focus NOW to to get through school. It's quite a relief. My guess is we'll settle for somewhat better on meds with significant school support. If we could be med free, I would do it in a blink, but she would have NO friends and we would be in constant stress at home. She doesnt even like how feels unmedicated.

Diane V39428.5483680556

I can understand your frustratoin. If my parents could have pulled out of their pwn misery for 2 seconds I hate to think what I COULD have accomplished. I am in school now (changing careers AND on Concerta and it has changed everything.) My ADHD kid is only 5 going on 6, so this may not be advice from experience.

Can you try to talk to him and explain that taking meds DOES help him fit in. That's the whole point, and I don't just mean socially. I kinda explained it to my son like this (don't laugh...ok you can if you want):

When he got a bit older I took out some great books from my library that help kids understand their adhd.

One that was a tad too old for him (but still very useful) was <"I drive my mother crazy but she loves me anyway" or something like that.

Maybe some books would help your son too

2doodles, that's a great explanation! We're always looking for help making our children understand in an age appropriate way.

One question as an ADD sfult I would have liked to know where the book is,titled "My mother drives me crazy, but I still love her"? LOL

My son is 12 1/2 and has been off meds for a little over 2 years. He had a bad reaction when we raised his metadate and I had to remove them for a while. Once I did, he gained weight, looked healthier, stopped having aggressive fits, was funnier and happier overall. Yes, he was hyper! Yes, his teachers had a hard time in the beginning. But we instituted an IEP, a BIP, and I worked with his teachers to provide him support to get through the day. He was annoying, I believe, in class, but at least he no longer started fights and was at risk of suspension.

His grades fell from A's & Bs to B's and C's. He still struggles to keep up in school, but mostly from motivation. He is a very bright kid who learns quickly. He also bores quickly. I've tried to get him to take meds again but he's refusing.

So I just keep telling him that I'm here for him, to help him with what he needs. He definitely has the "I have to be just like my friends" thing going, but we discuss it daily how important his future is. I keep telling him that if he changes his mind, or needs any other assistance, I'll be there for him.

My psychologist told me my most important task is to get him through high school with his sense of self in tact. If he can still like himself and generally be a happy kid, then I've done my job. A's don't guarantee success in life, but a decent self esteem and self respect does. I just keep reminding myself of that daily as we go through the daily struggles of ADHD.

Also - one final note - he's 100% better on the days he plays hockey. It gets the energy out of him, he's calmer, more relaxed, and his symptoms are minimal. Try to get your son in an active sport (running, soccer, etc.). It truly helps.

My daughter who is nearly 8 and has ADHD has been on meds since she was 5. Have changed meds 3 times and her school are still struggling with her on meds, yet at home ive managed to get it under control, as i dont give her meds on weekends or school holidays. Finding something we could work on together helped loads, I try to buy her things now that takes 2 players, or where i can get involved also. As for learning she is great on a computer and i bought alot of software for all subjects that support the schools curriculum, that she will happily do an hr a day, so she doesnt get too far behind. some days i cant get her off it. ADHD children are visual learners, finds it easier to learn seeing it in front of them, rather than being told about it, given a blank piece of paper and asked to write about it.

Come january she will be off meds altogether and that has been my choice, going to have a months trial and see how she goes at school, cant be any worse than it is now as they keep excluding her anyway.

I could never get her to do her homework, with or without meds, until 1 day i scanned her worksheet into the computer, she did it straight away then printed it off. i couldnt believe how much seeing it on a screen actually helped. As from that day, after over a yr of no homework, school agreed she could do it that way, and now does it everytime without fail, i keep trying to use the paper but she's not interested.

People go down the meds route cos its the quickest and easiest option, im guilty of that, was tearing my hair out 3 yrs ago, but now im going to try it the hard way and see if between the 2 of us can get it under control. Teaching them while they r young to cope with it, however hard it is, is got to be better than waiting for them to refuse to take meds at 16, aint got a clue how to control it, and get into lots of trouble. If i dont succeed and she has to go back on meds, atleast i tried. But so far weekends and school holidays are great without meds, which makes me think the school either hasnt got time for her, or just dont know how to deal with adhd kids, will keep you posted.

Have a great xmas all

I don't know what to say except I understand. We have the toughest kids - defiant. It has to be a control thing. My son is also very oppositional in everything he does - the day is sunny but he says it's lousy - it's raining but he says it's nice - etc. etc.

I still don't understand why your son suddenly stoppped taking the meds if he was doing better? Could you make a deal - he takes the meds during the school year but can give them a rest during the summer and school vacations? Is there some kind of tangible reward? I'm not really a big one for bribes but the medication was working so the goal is to get him to take them again.

Funny thing about my son, he has had a complete turn around in school with his weekly progress reports. I don't know what he talks about with the psychiatrist, but I think he is trying to prove that he doesn't need meds.

Well, he told me he will probably get a D in math this term - that is an improvement over the F. Deep in my heart I know this can not last - he is trying and that is good but at some point, the ADHD will get him.

I can't stand to watch my son fail either.

It hurts me more than you will ever know. I have finally learned to accept that I can do only what I can do and he has to do the rest. I am sending him to a fantastic psychiatrist and that is all I can do. I am in contact with the teachers but not as much as last year. All the teachers this year seem to be more helpful than last year. They seem to really want to help him. My husband says it's because they don't want him to stay back and have to deal with him again next year.

If the Dr. wants him to try meds, I'll support it but if my son won't take them, I can't walk around depressed. That helps no one. I have slowly come to accept that if my son decides to not try meds and he fails in school, that is his decision. I will always be there, I will never give up but I can't walk around crying anymore. I've had my share, believe me.

My husband teaches private music lessons. He had a student yest. that was telling him about a recent hospital visit and that she is also on meds for her ADD. My husband then told me that he did notice that her attention and behaviour had improved recently.

He also noticed similarities in her attitude and my son - defiance, frustration, know it all, etc. This was a good experience for him because my husband saw first hand how medication can help these kids.

Didn't mean to hijack your thread.

In my case my son still had issues on meds. They were different issues, but medication was not the cure-all for him. Yes, he was more organized, more compliant, and got better grades. But for my son, he was also withdrawn, had huge anxiety issues, ate next to nothing, had dark circles under his eyes, was agressive (particularly during rebound) and our lives revolved around when he took his meds and when they wore off.

Therefore, I guess for us trying without meds was just exchanging one set of issues for another. That is why I'm ok with it if he refuses meds.

If a child can take meds without any effects that is great! But mine definitely couldn't!

I just wanted to thank everyone who responded obviously I am not the only one with this issue. This makes me feel better. I think I now need to take more of the effort of trying to get him to take the meds and put it into providing him with Life and social skills. This is not going to be easy coming from an anxiety ridden social outcast(me). I think I am going to need the therapist for this. Anyway Thanks to all.I have found that despite the fact that I was raised with no meds and ADHD, I am finding it no more easier to raise my son, 9, without the medication. It is so hard to watch him fail over and over and then feel bad about himself it is killin me. My mom could have cared less. She is truly heartless.I feel so desperate sometimes, I just want the best for him and he is sooo smart, he is just getting cheated in life and I don't want that. He is too young to understand alternate ways of dealing with things and his impulsivity is getting worse at school. I believe both my parents were ADHD as well but have the idea that one should function without any meds so I was never given any and dropped out of school eventually. I do not want this for my son. I wish there was a magic "I want to take meds" pill out there. It benefits him so much and he knows it he is just stubborn as can be like his ADD dad. Anyway thanks for the vent, all.

I feel your pain and heartbreak over your son. WE , as mothers all feel this as our ADHD kids struggle to achive and show their true personalities. We know who they are and just want the world to know. WE know they are smart,funny, personable and just want the rest of the world to see this.

Im not sure if i understand your post though. DOES your son take meds and you find it just as hard to manage him? Or does he not take meds and if not, why? It is his decsion or yours? Just trying to understand your situation.

My son has taken meds since he was 6. I tried the other way from 4 to 6 and it was so hard to live with him and myself and my other son. Everyone was getting shortchanged. His days at school were not productive, and his social life was not good. My frustration level was off the wall and I became depressed and had to start taking meds myself. Once I made the decison to at least TRY meds, things improved significantlly for us all. It took some trial and error over the years to find the right med and the right med now may not be the right med next month but we take one day at a time. Unfortunatly there is no magic pill..dont we all wish there was!

We have been thru all the side effects, not sleeping, not eating, frustration, attitude, nastiness, tantrums.. and we are still here!! LOL

Right now at age 10, he is on 30 mg of Vyvanse a day, no sleeping meds. He is doing great in school. Report card showed 6 Bs and 1 A. That was before the Vyvanse. SInce Vyvanse, he is completeing all his day work on time, and not needing as much redirection. He does his homework, ALL OF IT at after school care instead of coming home with it all. He seems to be more *organized* and defenetily is more focused. SO for now, things are good, But ..things can change and we all know that!

But with love, support and direction from family, friends, our doctor, teachers and this board..I Know we will make it! You will too my friend!

((((HUGS))))

yep me too.. my son everyone says is so smart.. but getting c and d on his report card cuz of concentration issues and distuptive behaviour and this is ON meds.. i stopped ritalin a week ago and already 2 notes from the teacher have been sent home.. he doesnt want to take it but i know he can do so much better if he could concentrate and focus... i am trying alternative meds as soon as they get in.. put him on efalex for now too.... he asks so many questions and needs to know stuff in detail.. he is so fun to be around when he isnt actiing up... i feel guilty having in on meds and now off meds too.. its so hard but we havent given the alternative meds a chance yet so too soon to tell i guess.....