I wonder this myself ALOT. I will ask you this though this was brought to my attention not only by a friend of mine. I am asking this because even though the school has zero tolerance policy if you son has a medical diagnosis of ADHD show that to school and bus garage and ect. If they have that and he does this type of behavior althought it shouldnt bo tolerated at all they cant just suspend him. Read up on WrightsLaw.com. A friend gave me that link has all kinds of useful stuff that you might need to know later on.
As for if they understand, well if you ever figure out a way to get them to please let me know. I think they understand for a few minutes but then they just forget. I really do. I know the excuse I dont know , heard it plenty of times. However there are times when I dont let that excuse be available. Although alot of times their actions are on impulse I think its important for them to understand that they need to "think" first. I believe they need to be taught that first tho which is VERY hard to do. My son is very aggressive and acts out but if I can catch him I "try" to get him to concentrate and THINK. Sometimes I can but alot of times I cant. I dont know if any of this helps but my oldest son does some of the same things so I dont know I have tried some of this with my oldest but he is also 13 now and he thinks he knows NOW.
Yesterday when the kids got home from school my daughter (7) and my one of daycare kids (a 6 yr. old girl) told me that while on the way home on the bus my son had called the daycare kid a b*#@& and then told her he would slam her into the wall if she told on him.
The girls finally admitted that it was because she was teasing him about liking a girl, so it wasn't unprovoked, and this particular child does have trouble stopping once she gets wound up, and I made them apologize for teasing.
My son was grounded (in his room) for the afternoon/evening, and was upset about not being able to play with his friends, but he didn't really seem to understand how serious that could have been.
Unfortunately our school system is big on that "zero tolerance" crap, so if the bus driver had heard he would have been suspended, no questions asked. I agree that they have to take threatening people very seriously as they are responsible if anything happens, and if he had said that to any other child on the bus. . . But this girl is more like a sibling, as she's been in my daycare for nearly 4 years, and he treats he like a sister.
I talked to him about how he could get kicked off the bus, and since I can't drive him to school, he have to walk- it's only a half mile, but the road doesn't have sidewalks, so he'd have to walk an indirect route that's almost a mile. I showed him the student handbook (that he had to sign) where it stated the consequences for obscene language (level one offense- suspension) and threatening others (level two offense- suspension, alternative placement, or expulsion). He didn't really seem fazed by it though.
How do we know if they really understand? If the word have even sunk into their little heads? He's been having a really good year, and he's never been in trouble for behavior at school or on the bus and I don't want him to start now! I just don't know how to tell if he really "got it." I'm just thankful that the bus driver didn't hear him and the other parent and I handled it.
Hi
Dont think i can help much because i dont think they really listen. For example my 9 year old adhd daughter was throwing a ball for the dog (in the living room) when my other 2 year old daughter came in the room. I explained she had to stop throwing the ball because the dog would knock her wee sister over and hurt her. She nodded as if she understood and as soon as i turned my back she threw the ball (her wee sister got knocked over) When i asked why she did it she said " I dont know" I have not worked out whether she didnt listen or whether she wanted her wee sister to get hurt. I wish i could work out how to get through to her. I guess we have to just keep trying different ways until something works.