Son still in denial | ADHD Information
I haven't posted in a bit. My son is still in denial that he has ADD innatentive. I'm so frustrated.
I don't know what the psychiatrist said to him but the last two progress reports were fantastic. However, he had a project due and refused any help on it. He completed it but it was really sloppy and bad.
What kills me is that he actually worked on it and it's the type of project he can't do on his own - research, organizing.
Anyway - yest. we were listening to the radio and a prominent talk show host, who I normally respect, came out and said Autism was made up dissorder!! AGGG
I said to my son who was listening, "that is not true" My son then tells me "Add is made up too" Do you think I have it because I don't"
I went into my usual "that is for the Dr. to decide." Son then goes into, the Dr. doesn't even think I have it, haven't you noticed how short my sessions, are - he is running out of ideas"
I am so frustrated because I know I have to be patient and let the psychiatrist do his job. I fear my son will never admit he needs help, will always be stubborn and defiant and just fail through life. I know meds will help him but at the very least, he won't even follow simple help with organization.
I fear he will stay back in 8th grade or the very least, go to summer school.
His next apt. is January. I may have to call the Dr. to see if I can meet with him to get a status on what is going on.
Just venting.
I really feel for you and your son. Have you thought of sitting and reading the book "you mean I'm not lazy stupid or crazy?". You can leave it laying around and maybe he will pick it up due to the interesting title. Do not tell him it is for him, but for you because it looked like an interesting book. Do not tell him what is in it, and you may even tell him he would not be interested.I have a similar book - it's actually written by teens with ADHD and ADD. It's wonderful. I mentioned I had it and he made it clear he wasn't interested.
However, I will leave it on the coffee table with certain pages flagged - his defiance will make him not look at it but I am hoping his curiosity gets the better of him.
rswf, no advice, just "listening"........................ Diane V39435.3738657407Maybe you will get better luck with a Psychologist? I know we did , and now only see the psychiatrist for meds monthly
No - we had psychologists and this psychiatrist is fantastic. Actually, this is the first Dr. that my son likes and talks to. He has been able to actually motivate my son to try in school.
I'm just frustrated because my son is oppositional and it just makes it harder for him to accept any help.
Also, my son is a 14 year old very conscious of labels and status. He looks at ADHD as Special Ed and is so afraid that he is different.
I'm just cranky today
Heating system went out and it's 19 degrees out. Seriously, heating system fixed now, but son still needs work.
It's just sometimes I just want to look him in the eye and say" accept it - you have ADD - no biggie - it's fine - get over it and start treating yourself.! AGGG
Oh I feel for you. My son is 9 and refusing meds or treatment foe his ADHD . The tantrums and meltdowns are the worst. and I have middle school to look forward to. OMG I do not know what to do or how to handle it. We are working on behavior modification and he goes to thepay once a week right now but not forever. He has high anxiety and that makes EVERYTHING worse. I feel bad you have to deal with this situation and know it is coming my way! Well God Bless and have a Happy Holiday!elizam - when I called the psychiatrist and told him what happened, he asked if they had truant officers still. I don't want to get to that point.
I'm glad its vacation too. It's the meltdowns that get me - I can't handle them. I know my son will come around eventually and I can deal with the bad grades and possibly his staying back - it's those meltdowns that get me.
In the meantime - we are trying to get the room cleaned this week.
[QUOTE=musicfanatic]Thats the way it works with teenagers. They just have to realise stuff for
themselves. He'll come around when he matures a little more, I did. When I
was in 8th grade I failed half my classes and when I was a freshman I got
straight C's. Last semester I got straight A's. I also would never ask for help
if I needed it. Now I have no problem asking the teacher for help or
reminding them of 504 plan accomodations. It just takes time. [/QUOTE]
Thanks for sharing all of this! I can think of a few teens I've known who seem worlds different when they get older. 
musicfan - thank you for that post. You are so right. I'm dropping the ADD thing completely.
I don't know if you can explain this or not but yest. he had a meltdown before school and my husband had to phsycially throw him out the door. But - his progress reports have been better.
I thought maybe he was going to be getting a bad weekly report but that was not the case and he is continuing to improve.
I had to call his Dr. and his Dr. thought maybe he was slipping and got scared.
We as parents just want to help you kids so much that I think our helping gets in the way.
Your post made my day.
[/QUOTE]
I'm with you! I feel better today. I am glad it is now Christmas break, for one thing! Time to just drop the issue and try to have fun as a family and one on one with my ds and other dc.
We have those meltdown days sometimes here, too. My dh got so mad at my ds once he calle dthe cops and told them to look for our ds, who was in the street refusing to go to school. 
"I'm just cranky today
Heating system went out and it's 19 degrees out. Seriously, heating system fixed now, but son still needs work.
"
Do you think we could find one in the yellow pages - ADD Repairman - On Call 24 Hours 
No - we had psychologists and this psychiatrist is fantastic. Actually, this is the first Dr. that my son likes and talks to. He has been able to actually motivate my son to try in school.
I'm just frustrated because my son is oppositional and it just makes it harder for him to accept any help.
Also, my son is a 14 year old very conscious of labels and status. He looks at ADHD as Special Ed and is so afraid that he is different.
I'm just cranky today Heating system went out and it's 19 degrees out. Seriously, heating system fixed now, but son still needs work.
It's just sometimes I just want to look him in the eye and say" accept it - you have ADD - no biggie - it's fine - get over it and start treating yourself.! AGGG
[/QUOTE]
I was just about to ask how old your ds was. That's how old mine is, too. He has decided taht he does not have ADD; he just has symptoms of inattention and sometimes annoying behaviors. Lately he has been acting worse and worse, but denying there is anything wrong. After a long summer of getting the help he needed, etc. he finally apeared to accept the situation, tried meds, etc. Now he refuses the meds and is doing worse in school and saying he knows he won't be able to do much other than manual labor. 
about your son.
First, you can't push it because with most teenagers, the more you push
for something, the more they oppose it.
Second, whatever you do don't suggest medicine first. I have always hated
taking medicine and I only like to take it on school days because I know it
does help. It all depends on the person, but considering he does not think
add is real, he probally won't want to take it.
When you're a teenager you don't want your parents telling you that what
to do(obviously). I'm the one who decides if I want to take medicine and
other things like that. Your son probally feels like it is his life and he's the
one who knows himself best and decides if he has add. If he does not
think add is real, you have to respect his opinion, otherwise, he won't
respect yours.
Also, in high school, a lot of kids just want to blend in. If you are looking
into an iep or a 504 plan, he might feel like it will make him stand out at
school. I have a 504 plan and I think it is more helpful than medicine. If
you want to get him help at school, I would go for a 504 plan because it
is not special education. An iep is special education, but a 504 plan is just
accomodations. I don't have any extra help classes and knowone but the
people I've told know I have a 504 plan. I have accomodations on mine
like extended time on homework and tests. It's also nice because then the
teachers know and can help you and will be understanding if you're
having trouble in their class.
If I was in your situation, I would say, "since you don't have ADD, there is
no reason your grades and school performance should be like this". Then
I would punish him for his grades. Maybe then he would see that he really
does have add. That's just an idea. I'm not a parent, so I don't really know
if that would work. Though, that's the kind of thing the mom from
Malcolm in the Middle would do.
Also, I volunteer at my old elementry school mostly with kids who
have add and learning disabilities. If you had him work with autistic kids
or kids with add he might change his mind on wether they exist or not.musicfanatic39436.6025694444Thats the way it works with teenagers. They just have to realise stuff for
themselves. He'll come around when he matures a little more, I did. When I
was in 8th grade I failed half my classes and when I was a freshman I got
straight C's. Last semester I got straight A's. I also would never ask for help
if I needed it. Now I have no problem asking the teacher for help or
reminding them of 504 plan accomodations. It just takes time. musicfanatic39436.7865509259My son has been involved with autistic kids, on monthly playdates and weekly basketball for years. It did help him while we were doing it. He forgets and probably needs to do it again. We have always been invoved with a all inclusive organization with monthly playdates "Shanes Place" and he gets alot out of mentoring younger children(they have a program at school he participates in). So you are correct again and thanks for the advice!
musicfan - thank you for that post. You are so right. I'm dropping the ADD thing completely.
I don't know if you can explain this or not but yest. he had a meltdown before school and my husband had to phsycially throw him out the door. But - his progress reports have been better.
I thought maybe he was going to be getting a bad weekly report but that was not the case and he is continuing to improve.
I had to call his Dr. and his Dr. thought maybe he was slipping and got scared.
We as parents just want to help you kids so much that I think our helping gets in the way.
Your post made my day.