the effects of spanking on adhd childern | ADHD Information

Heylo everyone i guess i should kinda introduce meself. i am jarren burns i am 17 and in grade12 and adhd i have been on ridilin since i was around 4 years old. i am now doing a reasearch paper on the "spanking debate". i am looking for as many opinions as i can from as many people as possible. and i thought that it may start a new and possibly intresting conversation.:D

I'm 28 years old, had ADHD since I was born, I was one of those babies that climbed out of the crib at 1 year old. I was just Dx with ADHD about 2 months ago.

I lived my whole life through spanking, and believe me I deserved every one of them. I never get mad at my dad when I think about it, if it wasn't for those spankings, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I'm for it all the way, I don't have any kids, one day hopefully I will, and if my kid did the things I did when younger, I would spank the living crap out of him. It doesn't mess a child's life up, (there are different degrees of spanking, you can spank a child without the child getting hurt) when ever I used to get spanked, it was a routine, I would take the spanking over being grounded anyday. My dad isn't around now, he past away 3 years ago, he always used to say something is wrong with this kid. But now I know what the problem is, but can't tell him since he isn't around.

**T**

I got major spanking as a child,,,, It doesnt' work trust me...i don't know what it done to me....but it didn't work.

The few times I have really spanked my children were when I had LOST control. It wasnt about discipline, it was mostly about me not handling it any more.

I dont agree with spanking, unless the child is in danger of hurting themself or another person and nothing else has worked.

My son was having a major tantrum at the park around small children - throwing his cricket bat around. He wouldnt stop, so I grabbed hold of him and smacked his butt a few times, he then settled down. I dont fool around in these situations.

But the less you smack - makes the point on the the child more clearly that you want them to stop their behaviour - when you do smack them

I got spanked a lot as a kid, of course I didn't like it at the time but looking back it was one of the only forms of punishment that actually worked on me. Grounding, taking away privilages, yelling none of that was effective for some reason.

It wasn't like my parents didn't try other things. I remember having various privilages taken away over the years (I wasn't aloud to watch TV for years, probably why I don't watch it now). It would start off as no TV for a week or month. Then something else would happen and more time would be added to the punishment. After awhile I just figured I wouldn't get to watch TV again so who cared how many more months they stacked on. It was the same with me in school. I had detention every single day after school. It got to the point that I just didn't care about it anymore. It just became another class added at the end of the day that I had to take.

I mention these two examples because I hear many people say that kids don't respond to grounding or other types of punishments because parents give in or don't follow through on it. Not following through was not a problem for my school or my parents.

I think I was just one of those hands on kids. If my parents wanted my attention even just during a conversation they would have to put their hand on my shoulder or make some other physical connection before I would be able to concentrate on what they would have to say.

Another reason I think spanking worked better for me was I was a very hyper impulsive kid. For me every decision I made was made in an instant. The most effective punishments were usually the ones that worked just as quickly. If I did something wrong I'd get told why it was wrong, get a spanking and both my parents and I would move on.

The other instant punishment technique that worked well was removing me from the situation. For example if I misbehaved at a friend's birthday party. My mom would said that's it if you can't behave you don't get to stay and she would immediately packed me in the car and brought me home. It was instant and I was upset but she made her point. Of course I always got warnings before a spanking or she removed me from the fun. My parents knew a lot of times I just wasn't thinking and telling me if I kept it up then we're leaving or your getting a spanking would settle me down.

Even if parents don't want to spank I'd suggest trying fast cause and effect punishments with your ADDers. It seems long term punishments don't really have much effect. If you go the taking away privalages route I'd take away one big event instead of taking away certain items or activities for an extended period of time. When you think about that it makes sense. Not being able to maintain focus is one of our main problems. Our focus/concentration and frustration level get's even worse on things we don't like to do.

I got spanked all the time as a child. Most of the time I deserved it. The times I didn't deserve it, I figured it was for the things my parents didn't find out about. My grandmother use to tell my mother that I needed more love and that she should hug me more; to which my mother responded, "Should I hug him BEFORE or AFTER I spank him."

I don't condon spanking as a form of punishment, unless the childs life is in danger; running into the street without looking, for example. It did, however, work on me, I guess. I still got into trouble, but it worked for the moment and I don't think there were any longterm effects on me.

I have tree daughters and have never hit them. But then again, I don't think it is appropriate for a father (or any guy) to strike a girl.

Schwep

This all goes to show that consequences should be immediate and not delayed for ADHDers. The sooner the better. The later . . . never mind.

It's strange - my thoughts have changed on this a bit.

I regret spanking my 9 year old ADHD son when he was 4 or 5 for his impulsive choices that seemed very defiant and at times. dangerous in my mind. For example, running out of reach through a Wal Mart parking lot scared the hell out of me when my hands were full with a my younger son. I wanted him to be scared too. Not of me, but of what could happen.

Now that I know the inner struggle that he deals with, I try to be so much more proactive and really think ahead to help him make the best choices - if I can. I'm human, he's human and there are rare moments now when I'll have to pull him aside or tap him on the leg, more as a "what are YOU doing?" type of thing. The quieter my voice is these days, the more concerned he is..."uh oh..oh come on..there goes my skateboard, my xbox..my freedom!!! In fact, if he has to go to bed before his brother, well the world just ended. That doesn't happen often and is remembered with loathing far more than a spanking.

I don't condemn others for their choices, I've only found what works now through trial and error - and ultimately knowing that it isn't what works best now.

Well I'm impressed with the amount of people who replied!!:D thank you to all of you who did. Well just a few thing i wanted to mention. i find myself i am very impulsive and make very quick and sumtimes quiker stupid mistakes and spanking is sumtims just as quick and good as tyou can get considering that notihng eles worked on me!!!

I don't know if this thread will help at all, but it's a previous one on spanking. Good luck!

http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=590&KW =physical+punishment

also, I posted this in another site:

They say not to use physical punishment with children, as it isn't as effective as other methods and it puts strain on the relationship with the child. They say to only use "physical punishment" in dangerous cases....such as if a child is about to touch a hot stove. Then, it is said, to hit the hand they were going to touch it with so that they associate the "pain" with that particular action (touching a hot stove.) Try emphasizing his good deeds and try punishing in another way such as taking away something he likes for a short period of time.

I personally feel that spanking is wrong. I feel that it only instills fear in your child. A child with ADHD cannot help and young children can not understand the reason for their behavior. Spanking will only bring about low self-esteem and is counter productive. The child needs affection, extra attention, nurturing and most importantly, constant reminders of how much you love them and believe in them. My daughter recently started meds and my son (15) was hospitalized 2 x last year until we figured out the diagnosis. We have never touched him as a form of punishment. At one point, his anger was so bad that he was hitting me and I never touched him. He once put a knife to his throat, was failing 8th grade (and this is a bright kid), getting into fights, getting suspended. After diagnosing and treating him with AdderallXR and an SSRI, my son is now in high school, played JV soccer this year and last week brought home a report card with all As and 1 B. We received an email from his Government teacher telling us that a student like him only comes along once in a teacher's career and that he felt blessed to have a student like him. Love, love, love and being there and encouraging communication and prayer. I never believed in God until I got down on my hands and knees and begged for the "return of my son."

I am still very impressed on how many replies this hasds been getting. And just a few comments and few on my own experinces. schwep i read ur post and i have often thought about myself in the future if and when i do have childern if i will ever use phisical disiplin but if i had a daughter i think i would feel much trhe same as you. But also right now i am a very soft hEARTED person and am ver y agianst phisicalness until i get mad. but i would never think of laying my hands on a girl no matter what situation. and deang008 i read the string you suggested and it metioned about the person possibly becoming bottled up with emotions and nto showing er beeing able to releave them. i personaly had alot of trouble with that and not showing how i feel and not been able to tell myself, it has made talkingto pplz very hard and it has spoiled many of my previous relationships and the one i'm in now. hmm well i have heard many opinions about spanking on ahdh childern but one rule that sumtims works is "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction" me ADHD taqlking didn't work so usualy a quick and swift swaat or diciplin usualy or sumtimes got the point across.

I agree with RAE- I do not believe that spanking works, isnt funny that we tell our children to have self control and less impulses.but when we get angry and out of controll we on an impulse spank them, I only spank when I need to get their attention fast like for instant my 5 year old ADHDer was having a mood and ran out of the supermarket and straight into the parking lot by the time I got to him i spank him for running away. I spank him to get his attention to the seriousness of him not listening at that moment.

When I was a child my mom used the whole you wait until your dad gets home a few hours later i didnt even remember why i was getting the switch out for.

well if your son runs away from you out of the store and into a parking lot he, that also means that he doesn't really know what dangers there are out there. and when beeing a young child they don't know all the dangers!!! so if they run on to the road or won't strop sitting on the stove. What a spanking after that would teach is that running out on to the raod means there bum will hurt and then when they grow up they will understand that running out into the road is bad they may not make the connection when there older between the spanking and the danger they learned it would be but it would be more of an unconious lession.

Now if anyone would like sum clerification on this they may contact me. Because i do admit i do not always make sense and i'm not the best writer

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