Will holidays ever be fun?? | ADHD Information
My four year old boy was a complete and total basket case this..and well, every Christmas since I can remember. His Dx is ADHD and ODD. But I have to say with the hubbub and people and excitement he puts a major emphasis on the Oppositional part. We spent the entire day putting out fires and hauling his screaming, fighting body to a quiet place to regroup. My 18 month old girls is a mess when my son behaves that way. She internalizes the whole ugly scene and can't handle it at her age. Shoot, I barely can at my age.He's on strattera but I have doubts that it's helping much. He's in a special preschool program for behavior modification. I tried to track down a specialist because of the advice I've found on here, but the only program I could find has a six month waiting period. We take parenting classes for kids with aggression and behavior issues. I feel like we are trying to do the right thing, but today was the most miserable Christmas yet. I feel like it's never going to end. It's getting to where nobody wants to hang out with us. I too am starting to feel like it would just be easier to seclude ourselves. My son does much better the less people that are around. I don't know where I'm going with all of this. I'm just frustrated and needed to vent. My husband is drowning his frustration in his new xbox 360 and that leaves me sitting marinading in mine.
Holidays can be very hard on children with all the noise and excitement of day...
all I can say 4 year olds are a handful and easily distracted by things in general.
The more he matures it will get better for you ... in handling the situations.
I also noticed my gdd does a lot better when she is by herself and not with
her cousins.....especially her male cousin who is hyper....they fight and argue
all the time....we keep them separated all the time. They can't be in the same
room without fighting or hitting....
mrsmamy, 4 is such a hard, oppositional age anyway. Add stress and anxiety (there non great than Christmas either) and they go over the top. You may need to have some quieter holidays for a couple of years. We had the best Christmas EVER with my 5 year old this year. She has matured dramatically over the past year. She politely thanked people for gifts (even ones I knew she didnt like) she didnt fight with her sister, she just did everything right. Part of it for her was remebering our "routine". She knew everything that was going to happen, as we pretyy much have the same routine every year and dont leave the house Christmas Day. She spent the whole day in her Christmas pajamas playing with her toys. Mind you she's not diagnosed with ODD, or ADHD, but she is one of those children that at 4 strangers came up to you saying, "boy, you've got your hands full" or "she's a spitfire", you know the drill, wouldnt floor me if she ended up evaluated and diagnosed at some point. Anyway, my point is she was great and so was my 13 year old who DOES have ADHD and anxiety. They will mature and get better, some kids just need us to tone it down a few notches, they are not like typical kids and we have to respect that and make the environment one they can handle.
You're doing all the right things and he will mature, may take him a little longer, but he'll get there.
I have has to sleep in my 9 year olds room Yes I said it because he was so anxious and nervous about the holiday and then I forgot to gove him his Zoloft and his moods went right through the roof. It was an exhausting day to say the least. I understand what you are going through, my husband burys himself in a project and ignores everything while I deal with the tantrums and meltdowns. When do I get to have a meltdown?Well that explains it...at least partially. A peds is managing his meds but is unfamiliar with the med so relies on me to ask for a higher dose. I am switching him to a specialist with adhd and meds but it will take 6 mo. to get in. Thanks for the advice. You guys are a God send.Strat is very weight dependent, and the dose HAS to be between 1.2-1.8 mgs per kilo of body weight. I would find someone who is more experienced with ADHD meds, especially for a 4yo and go from there. You are going to see mood swings and other side effects until he reaches target and has been there for 4-6 weeks.
It is reasonable to ask for the higher dose and ramp him to that while you wait for the psych appointment. I agree especially with a child this young you need a pediatric psychiatrist, it's owrht the wait.Yes, the aggression/moodiness are likely related to mismanagement of the Strattera. A child psychiatrist is what you need for the meds.
NoTellin39449.399212963I can handle a little craziness, but he is full on fighting, kicking, hitting, spitting, He gets this crazed look in his eye and I have to physically restrain him from hurting others. By the time I get him separated he's dripping wet with sweat from fighting and I'm ready to find the nearest safe haven box and shove him in it. He weighs 70 lbs and I'm very certain a few more and I won't be able to contain him. I hope it does get better or I'm gonna have to be spending some serious time at the gym!you can handle a little craziness, but he can't, sends him right over the edge!
I feel for all of you, all I can suggest is keeping things as low key as possible...............
[QUOTE=Nrsmamy]My four year old boy was a complete and total basket case this..and well, every Christmas since I can remember. His Dx is ADHD and ODD. But I have to say with the hubbub and people and excitement he puts a major emphasis on the Oppositional part. We spent the entire day putting out fires and hauling his screaming, fighting body to a quiet place to regroup. 
My 18 month old girls is a mess when my son behaves that way. She internalizes the whole ugly scene and can't handle it at her age. Shoot, I barely can at my age.
He's on strattera but I have doubts that it's helping much. He's in a special preschool program for behavior modification. I tried to track down a specialist because of the advice I've found on here, but the only program I could find has a six month waiting period. We take parenting classes for kids with aggression and behavior issues. I feel like we are trying to do the right thing, but today was the most miserable Christmas yet. I feel like it's never going to end. It's getting to where nobody wants to hang out with us. I too am starting to feel like it would just be easier to seclude ourselves. My son does much better the less people that are around. I don't know where I'm going with all of this. I'm just frustrated and needed to vent. My husband is drowning his frustration in his new xbox 360 and that leaves me sitting marinading in mine.
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What is his dosage of Strat, and what is his weight? How long has he been on it?
It does work well for alot of people, but is usuaully prescribed at the wrong dose. Is he seeing a Psychiatrist?
Nrsmamy: Please know that you are not alone, I too felt like I could've just skipped Christmas this year. 5 yr old ADHD son. I was so wiped out yesterday I could've went to bed before the kids did! We haven't had the physical fighting lately (have in the past) but lots of arguing--with EVERYTHING! We argued to get a bath of Christmas Eve, we argued going to church, then we argued about which chair he was to sit in for dinner, argued about going to bed. Christmas Day, argued about getting dressed, argued about when it was time to open presents w/grandparents, argued about which plate he wanted at dinner, I could go on & on! It wears on a person. For us the arguing is becoming more & more but the extra family around to celebrate just adds to the stress, can't we just have a good day?? I know it's horrible to say, but I spend my Christmas Day crabby most of the day, I could've skipped it!
Well, his target for weight is 40-55 mgs, so of course you are seeing mood issues,and will as long as he is too low.
Is he seeing a ped or a Psych for meds?
nrsmamy this is little low...................my daughter also takes Strattera. She is bigger, but not a lot 82 pounds and she is on 54 mg, and could go up a little on that, it makes a huge difference, it's all based on weight with Strattera.
Diane V39442.3929513889we take our son with adhd to butlins bognor regis all the time on holiday it gives my husband my 2 girls and me a break as our son loves it as there is so much to do there a big play center in the skyline where you can just let them play while you have a cup of tea i have two nephews with adhd too and my brouther and sister in law take their 7 children and they love it too so i would tell anyone to try it
Ya, the holiday season from Halloween to new years has always been a disaster for us also. I personally never remembered feeling becalmed during that timeframe as a youth. the best thing we got our dd this year was one of those nintendo ds game things. we had 27 people for a sit down dinner x-mas day. things were hectic but she just got out the game and played by herself when she needed to(she could tell when she needed a brak!). after 5-10 minutes she was right back into playing and interacting with her cousins who for the most part are several years older than she.This holiday season was better- she is getting older (9yr.) and learning better coping skills and self management.
I know Will loves Christmas but he just gets into overdrive and there's nothing I can do to stop it anymore. I just sent him to bed because I cannot deal with him another minute. I hate myself as a mother for feeling this way and I am so sad.
I too know they won't be chasing me down to present me with "Mother of the Year" plaques. I've resolved myself to that. Mother's guilt..aw, what an intense and indiscriminate thing it is. I often have to tell myself that Tucker was given to me because God thought SO highly of me and my husband. He trusted that we would not abuse or neglect him and would stand strong to make sure he'd get the life he deserves...despite all the reasons why a person might want to abuse and neglect him. It might be a bit of a narcasistic theory...hehehe But whatever ever gets us through the day, right? 
I, too, feel your pain. My son is 8.5 and this was the worst Christmas ever..
I guess my expectations are too high but every year, I have in my mind that this will be the best Christmas ever. I suppose I just want it too bad. But no matter what, it's never good enough. The defiant behavior is always there, the meltdown are never far away.
Actually, I've had to walk away from this message 3 times, in order to get Will under control.. ARGH!
[QUOTE=Willsmama]I, too, feel your pain. My son is 8.5 and this was the worst Christmas ever..
I guess my expectations are too high but every year, I have in my mind that this will be the best Christmas ever. I suppose I just want it too bad. But no matter what, it's never good enough. The defiant behavior is always there, the meltdown are never far away.
Actually, I've had to walk away from this message 3 times, in order to get Will under control.. ARGH!
[/QUOTE]I hear ya sista...It's also hard to manage the situation because I believe my son...as I'm sure yours does...loves Christmas and wants to celebrate and do fun things. As a Mom we want to make holidays memorable and "special" Otherwise it's just another day. I think every kid craves that, but our boy's brains betray them. It's hard to reconcile the two for them. I sometimes think that it's a losing battle...but then I'll get a little glimmer of hope. My boy is only 4 1/2 so I have had no opportunity to watch a child like him grow into a productive member of society. Without that insight I worry a whole lot about his future...and ours as a family. I always say..He's going to grow up to be something very special...if we can only keep him on the right side of the law...either that or he would make a very good dictator of a small country.
My girl did fine Christmas eve but day we had a few meltdowns and I pretty much did not make a big deal out of it and gave her hugs instead. It is hard to be the best parent so I hear you. They say the Lord will not give you more than you can handle. Therefore we are all blessed as good people and fallible for our mistakes.
I have teenagers who are ADD/ADHD. We had just a few minor breakdowns this Christmas but nothing like in the past! Here's what we dealt with:
1) ADHD son didn't want to have his picture taken by father.
2) ADHD and ADD son didn't want to help grandma every time she asked.
3) ADHD and ADD son had a fit that we were late because dad had to stop at Walgreens.
4) ADD son got mad because we wouldn't order 0 ring for his girlfriend online. (They are 14).
Other than that, it wasn't too bad!
twirly1
[QUOTE=Nrsmamy]I too know they won't be chasing me down to present me with "Mother of the Year" plaques. I've resolved myself to that. Mother's guilt..aw, what an intense and indiscriminate thing it is. I often have to tell myself that Tucker was given to me because God thought SO highly of me and my husband. He trusted that we would not abuse or neglect him and would stand strong to make sure he'd get the life he deserves...despite all the reasons why a person might want to abuse and neglect him. It might be a bit of a narcasistic theory...hehehe But whatever ever gets us through the day, right?
[/QUOTE]It'll get better, especially because you have the right attitude and medical support. I agree, though, that it could very well be the medication and/or dosage that is affecting him so greatly.
If it helps you any, my son was an absolute terror until he was 5. I was at the end of my rope and had become depressed. He matured, went to school, and we got useful medical help at about the same time. After 5 years of hell we had good days and now we realize what a wonderful 8-year-old we have. It's amazing the changes they go through between ages 4 and 8.
What i have learned is not to repeat the mistakes of christmas past. Every year we either have 15 people at our house, christmas eve, and 15 people on christmas day, or we drive for miles on either or both of those days. Not to mention the pre christmas dinner with dear father in law, because he can not be in the same room with dear mother in law. then you have Dear mother in law complaining how kids play with their toys too much and don't listen to her or help her set the table. (Hello!! they are kids and it is CHRISTMAS, we have been counting down to this day for a whole YEAR!!!)There is lots of stress. who says christmas has to have a 18 lb turkey, a 10 lb ham and a 12 lb standing rib roast (plus 8lb standing rib roast for dear father in law(hello can you say dishes?))
i now have a new rule for my family and my inlaws, my kids stay in their pjs all day, they will actually get to play with their toys that day, we eat pizza on paper plates, and no more then four people extra in my house, (works out well because father in law won't come in my house with mother in law) We can do turkey on the 26th.
do we still have meltdowns? you better believe it, but they are few and far between. I really want my kids to remember this time of year was for them, i don't put up a big tree, fake deer and a santa hat wearing sponge bob inflatable for me!