Grandparent raising a ADD child | ADHD Information

Hi to everyone,

I am new to this wonderful board and just wanted to introduce myself.  I am a 58

year old living in Pa. raising a beautiful granddaughter....who is 8.6 years old and

in 3 grade in  public school.

It had been quite a journey for us with our granddaughter....after raising 3  Adult

non ADD children we thought we done but it wasn't in the cards for us to have a

empty nest. She is unique ....I like to say...one of a kind.....LOL

 

This has been the hardest thing I have ever did in my life.  My question to all

of you is .......Are there any older people on this board with a child with ADD...

I am asuming most of the parents are in mid and late 30's on this board.

I would love to know that there are older people out there who can relate to me

on the care and welfare on my child.....you know older generation or  being over

the hill so speak....who have first hand knowledge of living day to day with a

special child.Do you have a special way to deal with stress after a long day of

 handling your child...something you do just to relieve the pressure...I sometimes get to be

a bundle of nerves...from the worry of careing for my gdd....with school and

most important ....getting her to do homework which she refuses to do....crying and the fighting is the worst part for me.....

What should take 15 or 20 minutes  takes hours....I finally got her in a IEP

that I have bee working on since September....the wheels work slow here....

She starts the first week in January when they go back to school.  Hopefully

this will take some of the stress off of home life at my house.....getting the

homework done....any advise will be appreciated...

 

Thank you for listening to me.

 

 

Hi,

 I ,too , am a grandmother raising an adhder[along with asperger's syndrome]  Raising grands is an entirely different experience from raising our own.  The gals here are great.  For more contact with other grandparents raising grands may I suggest the grands raising grands board. ? A wonderful bunch of women who hav helped me a lot over the years.

Raising Grandchildren

Congratulations on being such a good mom and grandmother.  You are special, indeed.  Welcome to the board!

I'm middle-aged with my youngest child being 16 (ADHD).  Over time, I've been trying to fight the big battles and encouraging my husband to do so, too.  I have also gained somewhat of a better sense of humor when we hit the rough spots! 

The IEP sounds like a good step.  Once that is in place, your granddaugher may have a little breathing room at school and homework time may be less stressful.  Homework has always been a huge challenge here.  With practice and (I guess) maturity, my son is more successful with getting done on time and seems less frustrated than in years past.

I find walking and going to the gym are good stress busters for me.  These message boards are helpful, too.  I can talk to my mom about my son, as she has raised a son with ADHD.  Also, I don't think it hurts to pamper youself once in awhile or just make time for yourself.  I know that is not always easy to do!  LOL.   Best of luck to both of you.

The 1 2 3 Magic book is good for discipline. So is ogram's marble system.

Thirty minutes of aerobic exercise daily is good for stress also.

I think the age range is wide here.

NoTellin39449.3978703704

Thank you all for you replies.....They mean a lot when you are dealing with a

 special child who has ADD. It is great that there are older and knowledgeable

 people on this board.    I need a lot of advice being new to this.....I am just so

glad I finally got a dx of

 what was the matter with my granddaughter..

 

I think hers is a combination of both kinds of ADD.

My grandaughter just started with concerta, 18

 mg. on Friday.    So we haven't done any homework or sit down because of the

holidays.   I thought she would out grow a lot of these problems but it just never

 happened.   Her behavior is improving the older she gets....she is now 8 will be

 9 in March.    But the not focusing on work or wondering around (getting up

 when she is doing the work ) or just plain refusing to do the work  I will not

know until we start back on a schedule.

 I think the meds. are working so far and she has no side effects....something

I was very concerned about it.....She is a calmer person now.

 

So I am hoping for a more peaceful atmosphere

at my house.......will know on Jan 3 when they go back to school......LOL

 

I give you a lot of credit all of you raising grandchildren.  I actually see it a lot grandparents raising grandchildren.  What I do to relax since I have a stressful job and when my girl is having a hard time is I know when to walk away and take myself to another part of the house and veg awhile.  I tell my child "mommy needs a time out and explain to her I love her but not her behavior".  Do you have any other family to help give you a break time to self is helpful too.

  Homework here is a hard one too since you have an IEP request reduced homework and let her know to earn TV time or computer time she has to do her homework otherwise nothing until it gets done. 

I am over 50 myself. We just started the kid thing much later than our peers.

You might take a look at ogram's marble system (top thread of this forum) for a positive reinforcement behavior plan. We used it for school and still use it for home. Since meds and an IEP, school has become managable for our youngest. She now gets most of her homework done at school and what little she brings home is done quickly most days. She even gets to go over to friend's houses some afternoons to do homework. This is very different than prior to treatment and the 4 hour homework battles that would end in a temper tantrum and a very stressful house. It will get better with time.

I agree with Vickie, that things will get better with time. The IEP will hopefully allow some homework modifications for her. A GOOD behavior plan. Does she take medication?

My biggest advice is consistency and routine. My children have always done best when they know exactly what's going to happen. We've had to have battles of wills occasionally to get things started, but once they KNOW this is how it is, they get done what needs to get done. For my oldest (ADHD) it has taken YEARS, but we now have a routine for school and homework that seems to work well. She is finally able to vary off it once in a while and still get things done. Not perfect by ANY means. I still redirect and check everything (and if I'm not ome something doesnt get done ), but we're better, and no more fights.

My saving grace for myself has been a STRICT evening/bedtime routine. Even at 13, my oldest is lights out on school nights at 8:00, in her room by 7:30 (she can watch tv in there until 8:00). I NEED my couple of hours with them ASLEEP before I go to bed. I go to bed early as I start work VERY early, so they have to go to bed and I will get my 1-2 hours per evening "child free".

 

Your not alone. I too am a grandparent (55) raising a granddaughter. Mine will be 8 in Jan and has ADHD and anxiety. What helps us most is I homeschool. Yes it takes more time but I don't have to deal with the school system and ADHD, homework and etc. plus we are free to travel if we want. being retired I don't want to be tieed to the school calendar. We have just started her on concerta after years on strattera and wow what a differents. We are very happy with what we are seeeing so far. You didn't say if you have her on meds

    I have raised 4 children and dealing with a ADHD child is so different then anything I have dealt with in the pass. I do find being older the little things don't worry be as much. Read all you can to help you understand the ends and outs. Example they really can't just go clean their room, it just don't work you have to set there and help them focus on each task. The reward system we use us a dollar a day if all her chores get checked off and no yelling or fighting with me. A happy face sticker is place on the calendar. It is added up the end of the month for her to go shopping with. I print out a weekly chore list with list listen to the teacher (me) you could add doing homework to the list. Every night after supper she checks her list to see if everything is do. Of course a dollar a day can be less but what seems to make it work is at the end of the month she gets enough to buy something nice not just a few dollars. She loves buying a outfit or a new video game. Over the holidays she had to save it to buy Christmas gifts. Which she didn't really like much but was very proud of herself yesterday as she handed out her gifts knowing she bought them herself..

 Just know you are not alone and hang in there..

I admire you greatly for stepping up and doing the right thing. I agree, fight hard for that IEP and don't back down or sign anything you aren't happy with. Manke sure you request the reduced homework as if did wonders in our house.