We have a 5 yr old son w/ADHD and a 19 mo old son also. Our ADHD child was not diagnosed when we had our 2nd child, however we had some speculation as he was a very busy child, but it did not detour us from having another child. It is difficult do deal w/the our oldest & also keep up w/our youngest, trying to keep him from learning bad behaviors that our oldest presents. It certainly is a personal decision and one that sounds like it's a difficult one. As far as the age difference, maybe it could be a good thing, he could be a helper? Never know. I will say that I've always wanted 3 kids and now as busy as our ADHD child keeps us, I am deciding more & more each day that 2 may be enough. He demands so much of our attention (at least until we get his meds right for now) that I can't imagine chasing a 3rd child around and being able to juggle attention equally. Good luck in your decision, children are a precious gift and if it's what you really want, it will be the right decision and will work out.
Just to throw my opinion in again......I very much disagree with then statement that more than 5 years apart means two only children. ADHD kids or not. I know A LOT of people with only one child, some have very spoiled only children, most do not, but the whole family dynamic is different with more children.
Family vacations equal what is good for the WHOLE family, not doing the thing your one child REALLY wants to do, dinner is about always having something at least one kid doesnt like, homework time is split, never full focus on one. Sharing the computer, the tv......I could go on and on! Yes it's different than a close age gap, but not the same as only children, not even close..............it's not just about sharing, there's so much more to it. I noticed the change just in our own home............
[QUOTE=jendajen]Hello;
A brief intro, My husband and I have one child with ADHD and some secondary behaviors consistent with autism spectrum disorder though his therapist does not think he is autistic (and neither does anyone who knows him or has cared for him). He is VERY high energy and high needs. He is six; about to turn seven and is very sheltered, slightly spoiled by our very large extended family and is quite used to having his parents, grandparents, our friends and his many aunts and uncles to himself.
We've been tossing around the idea of having another child. Would this be a huge mistake? We're both going back and forth on the issue and have been for months. If it doesn't happen soon we've agreed not to do it at all. Does anyone else have an older ADHD child and a much younger child?
My big worries here are:
1. there is too large of an age gap and he will have increased difficulty adapting
2. he will be so angry and we will be so busy that we are no longer so consistent, vigilant and involved; decreasing his chances of success academically and socially; resulting in a possible downward spiral of doom and gloom and juvenile delinguency and self-medicating/substance abuse (yes, this is my deepest fear)
3. We become so tired and overworked that we throw up our hands and give in and medicate him (though we have had very little pressure to do so; mostly right after we got his diagnosis).
Thoughts?
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My girls are 9 1/2 years apart, and frankly it was easier to have a large gap than kids close togehter.
I think that you should evaluate the homework, although you did not mention it. If you do not want to medicate, teaching could very well fall on your shoulders, and the demands increase each year. Talk to some parents of older children and find out how much time they spend doing homework and then double it. This burden could be decreased if you have an IEP.
NoTellin39449.4009143518I personally would not let ADHD stop ME from having another child if that is what I chose to do. I had a second child before my son was even diagnosed and dealt with the baby and my 20 month old in Early Intervention. Moms can do it and do everyday!
I skimmed your post, but you seem to be afraid of medicating and mention that it may be done as something of a last resort to allow you to have a second child. I think that is just you worrying. You will not toss aside the first for the second child and medicate your son so you don't have to deal with him, at least I wouldn't think so. YOu will only medicate him if you think it will help him, not you. Any mom who has these concerns is a good mom! Keep researching and asking questions!!
My son was medicated at the end of first grade. You may need to do the same in order of his grades and social life at school. I found as my son got older, it didn't go away or necessarily get better. He is now 10 and doing awesome! And the possiblity of becoming a substance abuser, doesn't even enter my mind , well maybe if he has to SELF MEDICATE because he is not on his adhd meds and is impulsive, like other people who aren't adhd. That whole drug abuse rumour is not true. The adhd meds don't make adhd'ers more apt to get involved with drugs, the opposite is actually the truth/fact.
I am actually reminded of why we medicate him evey morning. Until his meds kick in, he shows his impulsiveness, hyperness, goofy/immature side that is why we medicated him to begin with. It all goes away once they kick in and he is happy, fun, social, EATS food, studys, plays, etc. lives his life.
I also HONESTLY feel that without meds, he would NOT be as successful as he is in school. He has wonderful grades, which we study for. Social isn't as great as I would like it BUT I know that it would be far worse without meds. I also very STRONGLY feel that it is the town we live in and NOT my son's ADHD in regards to social.
This is a personal decision, so my post is just my opinion.
my oldest has ADHD. I was widowed while pregnant with her. I remarried when she was 6 and became pregnant very quickly. So my children are 7 + years apart. The age difference has not mattered even a little. My oldest who does have ADHD and a few other "issues" is pretty immature and this actually works well for her getting along with her sister. There was definitley some adjustment for her being with just Mom and quite doted on (as you can imagine) by my family and his, to a new stepdad moving and a new sister all in a few years. I am very happy we had another child. Obviously I love my youngest, but it has been really GOOD for my oldest. Each family needs to make these choices on their own, this is just our experience.Hello;